Time of Dying
"We have/Not one/In common/No two/Are shaped alike/The third/Because of that eyes we lack/In the fourth/Direction there is no hope/The fifth/Is at the heart" Cover poem in Bleach Volume 27
A/N: My favorite song at the moment so, yeah, I wrote another oneshot, this time from Ichigo's POV and I hope I did well with this^^~
A/N2: Of course I'm Three Days Grace! Yeah, sure, other wishs?
Did I… win?
Did I… lose?
I'm lying… on the ground… so… I did lose… right?
Blood… comes from my wounds… it feels… cold… bleeding to death feels like… all warmth in your body… flows out of it…
It hurts so much… it's burning… that's odd… since I'm so cold… or… am I not even awake? If I'm not awake… then that's a nightmare… wait… a dream doesn't hurt… so I'm really dying…
Rukia…
///
On the ground I lay
Motionless in pain
I can see my life flashing before my eyes
Did I fall asleep?
Is this all a dream?
Wake me up; I'm living a nightmare
///
That's right… she's somewhere near here… what if she's hurt, too?
I'm not allowed to die… not yet…
I have to find her… I have to help her… and if I can't help her… then I can give her my presence… at least that… one shouldn't die alone… it's too lonely to die alone…
I have to… survive… for her…
///
I will not die (I will not die)
I will survive
///
Rukia… trust me… I won't die… I'll find you… save you… bring you back home…
That's strange… that thought alone gives me… back some strength… or am I hallucinating? Am I already imagining regaining my strength?
Everything is black…
Everything is quiet…
The only thing I can sense is the smell of blood… so disgusting…
Rukia… if only you were here… it would make dying so much more… acceptable…
The last thing I see before the oblivion engulfs me would be your… face…
The last thing I hear would be your voice…
Yeah… dying would seem so much more gentle if I saw your face one last time… and your beautiful eyes…
I feel so stupid… for always… lying about what and how I feel… felt… to me and others, too…
But I won't die…
I'm not allowing myself to die…
I will wait… until I see you one last time…
Because in this moment… you will be by my side… and taking away the pain of a lonely death…
Now… while I'm dying… I can at least admit it to myself…
I… love you, Rukia…
And that's why I'll wait…
If I need to… for all eternity… I won't die without you by my side…
///
I will not die; I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die; I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying
///
… I can hear voices… so faintly…
They are upset… or just nervous? I… dunno…
The ground suddenly feels so… soft…
It still smells like blood… but now there is… painkiller in the air…
Ah… it seems I'm in the… 4th Division…
… What… are they… saying… I can't… understand them… my ears… fail me…
…
… im… possible…
Rukia… died…
Now I lost… everything… I kept myself alive for…
…
It's true what they say… in your final moment of death… you see your life in front of your eyes… but everything I see… are moments with…
… her…
I'm curious… why it ended this way…
Were they too strong, too much for us?
Or were we too weak, were our powers not enough?
Maybe… a bit of both…
But it doesn't matter… to a dying person…
At least death will reunite me with her… then we can have that reunion she said we should keep for later…
And I can tell her everything I died to say… oh, god, my choice of words is… just… stupid… but it fits just fine, I guess…
It's a nightmare… I always feared to die alone… and now I'm doing just that… great…
///
On this bed I lay
Losing everything
I can see my life passing me by
Was it all too much?
Or just not enough
Wake me up; I'm living a nightmare
///
Well… if she's dead… then why trying?
Sure… Yuzu and Karin will… cry a lot… but they… will get over it… I'm sure… no… I just hope it, I guess…
I bet Dad will be angry with me… for making them cry… and that he has to wait for grandchildren a little bit longer…
Ishida and Renji will be angry because they… lost a good rival… just as Kenpachi… not that I really care…
Inoue will cry like a waterfall… but… I don't care…
I bet Chad won't really show any emotion… but he will be crestfallen… I feel bad for him… but at least he will understand…
///
I will not die (I will not die)
I will survive
///
Oh… this sound… so… my heart stopped beating…
Sayonara, I guess…
///
I will not die; I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die; I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying
///
It just wasn't possible. They said she was dead. Sure… they had revived me… but it needed Unohana-san and Kotetsu-san at the same time to bring me back – probably because I struggled so much.
When I had woken up I was scolded for being so stubborn and trying to die.
I ignored her… because I felt her pulsating Reiatsu, weak but it was there… her presence. Like it used to. Always present in the back of my mind whether I wished to sense it or not. And I could clearly feel that she was awake just as I was. And I could feel a happiness in my chest that wasn't entirely my own but also hers.
In the hall I passed Inoue… so she revived her, I could've guessed that much if I hadn't been focused on that aura I clearly sensed inside my head. She was right there, in my reach, alive. And she could sense me. And she was truly happy about it.
I wondered briefly whether she somehow heard I had been dead but hadn't been notified that I managed it back… more or less.
Unohana-san told me. Because my soul was dead – for exactly 5 minutes – my physical body had died also. I wasn't able to return to the world of the living. But I didn't care at all. It was the exactly opposite. I couldn't have been happier. Now I could live with her as long as I wished to… if she returned my feelings, that is.
I have made up my mind. I will tell her. Right now.
When I opened the shoji doors and saw her lying on the hospital bed, sitting up and wide eyed, I couldn't help myself. I rushed to her side, wrapped my arms around her neck-
-and crushed my lips against hers like my life depended on it. And in that exact moment… it did. If I hadn't kissed her in that very moment, hadn't pressed her against me as tightly as humanly and inhumanly possible, hadn't assured myself she was alive and wouldn't leave me again… I had lost it, lost it and died again, this time for real and without a chance of revival.
And she returned the kiss just as needy and hungry as I. My hands came to the sides of her head and buried themselves in her silky, raven tresses. Her hands grabbed onto my Shihakusho as if they were afraid I was an image her mind had made up to compensate her pain…
I could understand her just fine.
I was faintly aware that her brother, Renji and Ukitake-san were there and looked at me like I had grown three heads. I didn't care.
The only thing that mattered was the fact that she laid under me, was pressed into the mattress through the weight of my body and that we kissed us like crazy, like it was the only thing we needed to live. Like we only needed to feel the other so we could survive.
And I couldn't imagine anything better.
Finally feeling able to speak but not wanting to miss the feeling of kissing her I mumbled against her lips: "Rukia… damn it, you did well in not dying… I already thought about committing suicide because I thought you didn't make it…"
"That's… my line… I'm so glad you are still alive…"
"Rukia… I'm dead. They had to revive me; my soul belonged to the deceased for around 5 minutes… I can't return to the living, Rukia."
She stopped dead in her tracks and looked at me in shock: "What?!"
I smiled at her – truly smiled – and stroke her left cheek with my thumb: "Yeah… seems like I'm a real Shinigami now…"
She didn't move she just looked at me with wide eyes. That woman nearly gave me a heart attack when she suddenly started crying and I hurried in kissing away all her tears, every single one giving me a stab to the heart.
Through her sobs I nearly didn't catch her words: "I'm… so sorry… Ichigo… if it wasn't for… for me, you wouldn't… wouldn't have died…"
Continuing with my task in kissing away her salty tears – which just didn't want to stop – I said loud enough so probably the (unwanted) audience heard as well: "Quit it, Rukia! I couldn't be happier! Now… there is nothing left that keeps me away from you! Rukia," I felt tears of my own falling from my eyes. "Since the moment I first saw you… I wished nothing more than to die! So I… could be with you for all eternity! Damn it, Rukia, stop crying, please, it rips my heart apart to see you in pain…"
Again I was only faintly aware of Renji, Ukitake-san and Byakuya leaving us alone – I was truly appreciating it, really.
Only slowly her tears began to cease falling and my hungry lips traveled down to the side of her neck, nibbling at her soft, flawless skin surely going to leave a mark.
"Rukia, damn it, I love you. Please… never scare me like this again!"
"I… I won't as long as you don't scare me like this again… I lo-"
"Don't say it… I don't want you to say it now, please. It just doesn't feel right…"
"O… okay…"
"But… let me do this… so I can assure myself that you will always stay by my side," I pleaded as I moved my hands to the tied sash around her waist. I felt her nod and as I undid the white fabric holding together her robes only one thought was in my mind.
///
I will not die; I'll wait here for you
I feel alive, when you're beside me
I will not die; I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying
I will not die; I'll wait here for you
I will not die, when you're beside me
I will not die; I'll wait here for you
In my time of dying
///
Rukia… as long as dying means being with you… I'll greet the Grim Reaper with open arms…
Well, that's the end, I guess^^~
R&R, please, I want to have your feedback^^~
And listen to that song! It's great -^.^-
I'll also extend this to a drabble collection of songfics to Three Days Grace's awesome music! So – yeah – if you know any good songs by them then tell me and I'll try to write an IchiRuki Oneshot to that song XD