Emotional Reaction

Spock knew it had been a foolish idea to begin an emotional relationship. Uhura was clearly devoted to him and although he did feel something for the younger officer it was more like a deep respect for her academic achievements than attraction. Spock had been interested in exploring his human side. Why should he adhere to Vulcan rules when even his elders regarded him as a mistake? Was it wrong to let his human side take over occasionally? No. The issue was accessing the emotions. Spock had hoped that a romantic relationship would accomplish this but all that Uhura had provided was a prop in an all too transparent show of forced emotion. When he kissed her he could feel her heartbeat quicken, could feel her body temperature rise.

But as for himself? He felt nothing.

His conclusion had been that his human side was buried to deep to access.

He'd been wrong.

Spock thought back to the bridge, Kirks taunts ringing in his ears. The pure rage, the electrifying hate. Pulse pounding in his head. Knuckles turning white. Fists clenched, nails digging into his palm. The bridge faded away. He could feel his muscles jumping under his skin. Blood rushed in his ears. His normally finely tuned brain submitting to bursts of adrenaline. His whole body shaking. Hairs standing on end. Hands around Kirks neck, his body pushed under his own. Range and hate and fear and total overwhelming loss. An all consuming illogical desire to hurt, to control.

That was emotion.

That was human.

Kirk did that to him. It was the Captain who knew which buttons to push, who knew how to break the surface of the Vucans cool exterior, who knew how to make him human. And that was a more exhilarating and more addictive than his relationship with Uhura could ever be.