I do not own Bleach. If I did it would have a much more adult rating. Reviews are appreciated!!!

This can take place more or less anytime the characters are in Soul Society. It's written from Kira's perspective.

What kind of girl goes out with you, and isn't interested in anything you have to say? Oh, the shame of it all. When the others find out about this, I'll be laughed out of the Gotei 13.

My life is a shambles. My parents died when I was young, so goodbye helpful advice on that front. My friends at the academy seemed to be naturally skilled with girls, asking them for advice would have been mortifying. I had hoped to work up the courage to ask my Captain for advice, but then he went and betrayed everyone. So that's why I'm back in my room, ALONE, again.

Slumping down onto my futon; I see the latest issue of Seretei Communication lying on the floor. I had tossed it there earlier after seeing Captain Kurotsuchi on the cover; honestly why would anyone want to read about his mad experiments. And then I saw it, the magic words emblazoned across his picture, "A Scientific Guide to Understanding Females."

"This is exactly what I need." I was saved.

"What is?" came my sempai's disembodied voice from the door. "I thought you were going out tonight, what happened?"

"Things didn't go all that well. It turns out she was only interested in whether I could set her up with Renji." My hands are shaking as I try to hide the magazine – proof of how far I've fallen – behind my back.

"That sucks, so what did you say?" He's sitting next to me now, his hand mere inches from the magazine. Thoughts are flying through my mind each making less sense than the last. That's when I realize my lips are moving. Good God I'm talking, what about, what am I saying, why can't I stop?

"… Renji's seeing someone, it's probably not true but he's definitely hiding something. He says he's working late, but that doesn't seem like him. And now I feel bad that I lied to her, but they see me as a friend, I'm the guy they come to when they need someone safe. That's why I'm a hundred years old and still a virgin."

Did I really just say that out loud, kill me now. "Uhhh…" I can feel a blush rising, it's a good thing this hairstyle covers half of my face.

"Relax, Kira; you just need a few pointers. Just not from this." He picks up the magazine "It's nothing more than an anatomy lesson." and tosses it across the room. "What you need is Girls 101 with Professor Shuuhei Hisagi."

As expected, he's mocking me. My head turns toward him; I try not to look hurt, but just can't seem to smile. "If you're going to be a jerk about this, get out."

He laughs, "I'm serious. Think about it. You weren't born knowing how to fight were you? Well, the same applies to women. Someone's got to show you the ropes."

I'm not sure what to think now, but he could have a point. "Okay. But if anyone finds out about this, I'll kill you and say it was a Hollow."

"Deal." There was a strange glint in his eyes as he stood up and closed the door. "Okay, lesson one: How to know if she's interested." He sat down next to me again and rested his arm across my shoulders. Although he'd been doing the same thing since the Academy, something felt different this time, there was a tiny bit if pressure coming from his fingertips, as though he wanted to pull me towards him.

"Now, if a girl is interested, she'll lean into you."

"Like this?" My body seemed to be acting of its own accord, shifting to the side until my head was resting comfortably against Hisagi's shoulder. His skin felt cool, it had never occurred to me how much difference a sleeve could make.

"Yeah, now it's safe to kiss her." He used his free hand to lift my chin and gently placed his lips against mine. After a few seconds they started to move; I had to admit it was an interesting sensation, different than anything I had experienced in the past.

His hand slid down from my shoulder to my back as he turned his body toward mine. I could feel his chest pressed against me and then his tongue sliding against my lips. My own mouth opened at his request and the sensation of him probing and exploring my mouth was amazing. A low sound echoed at the back of my throat, I don't really know what it was supposed to be. All I know is that I just wanted him to keep kissing me.

Hisagi drew my lower lip into his mouth and then pulled away. "That kind of sound is exactly what you're looking for. Now you can move on to other things." He pushed me back onto the futon and positioned himself over me. I couldn't see his hands, but I knew they were untying my sash. He leaned in and kissed me again and I felt hands running over my chest as he opened my shirt.

"If she doesn't ask you to stop, feel free to explore more of her body. Remember to use your mouth so your hands are free." I was about to ask free for what, when I felt his lips travel down my collarbone, his lips sucking at my skin followed by teeth grazing my nipple; my back arched. Hisagi seemed to take that as a good sign, his fingers started to run down my abdomen and into my hakama.

The moment he touched me, the feel of his calloused fingers sliding back and forth over my shaft, my eyes closed and my reiatsu surged. Hisagi pulled himself off of me and I panicked. Had I offended him in some way? When I finally got up the courage to open my eyes, I realized he wasn't leaving; he was stripping off his own robes, revealing the sort of muscle definition I could only hope for. The black lines of his choker and arm bands an incredible contrast to his skin. I should have opened my eyes sooner.

I barely had time to admire the view when he pulled off my hakama, exposing my rather painfully aroused state. Never in all these years had the thought of being with another man even entered my mind, but now watching him kneel in front of me I had no intention of stopping. Even the overly cautious part of my mind couldn't come up with an argument.

""Hisagi, umm we…you…don't have to...uhhh" I couldn't get the words out clearly. Yet somehow Hisagi seemed to understand what I was trying to say. "I offered this class, remember? You don't need to worry about me." The way he smiled was all the reassurance I needed. Smiling back, I nodded and Hisagi settled himself between my legs.

As much as I wanted to look down and watch, I couldn't. The heat from Hisagi's mouth as he sucked, his tongue caressing me was beyond anything I had ever experienced before. Then his fingers started trailing downwards and suddenly I could feel them inside me. It was uncomfortable but not painful, until they started to move. My breath caught in my throat and I bit down on my lip. All of a sudden his fingers moved and there was this incredible feeling, like an electric shock. My back arched and I could feel my body shudder as I prayed he wouldn't stop. When he pulled away with one last flick of his tongue, I instinctively wanted to pull him back down.

"Now this is probably the last chance a girl's going to get to stop before you get serious." He was licking his lips as he sat up and at that moment I couldn't have cared less what he was saying. Apparently though, I was meant to say something, because he just raised an eyebrow and smirked. "Heh, I'm guessing you don't want me to stop, do you?"

This time the words got through, I turned my head slightly so my hair would provide some cover for the embarrassment I felt at not having heard him. "No, don't stop."

"Kira, there's no reason to be uncomfortable, just relax. But you will have to let me know if I'm hurting you." I nodded my understanding and he smiled, "Relax."

Hisagi grasped my hips and I could feel him pressed against me, a moment later he was inside me. The pain was intense; I had been injured countless times before, but nothing like this. I honestly thought my body would rip apart at any minute. When the pain began to subside, I opened my eyes to see Hisagi looking down at me; he looked frozen, nervous for the first time tonight. I did my best to assure him that I would be alright. "I'll be fine…just need a second, that's all. "

He kept looking at my face, watching my reaction and when he thought I was comfortable, he pushed in again, this time with a little more force. I felt my body adjust to the pain, and then everything changed. My legs circled Hisagi's waist pulling him toward me. My hands wrapped around his back, running over the firm muscles underneath.

Soon, I started thrusting my hips and to my amazement that incredible feeling from earlier was back. "Ahh…Hisagi."

"Yeah…mmm, I know." Was all he managed to say. I knew this was the end for me now, and the look on his face showed he was almost there too.

A few final thrusts; somehow always hitting that spot, and I felt my body explode. I gripped at the sheets and the wall behind me as my whole body was overcome by what I was sure was the most intense orgasm anyone had ever felt. Hisagi seemed to finish at the same time, I could hear his scream and the mutterings that followed, but they seemed too far away to understand.

Once he'd relaxed, I felt him pull out and lie down next to me. I was far beyond the ability to use coherent words, but somehow he managed it. "Now…you know how…to please a woman…lesson complete."

"Idiot." Was what I tried to say but it came out more of a sigh. So I just rested my head against his shoulder and felt his arm wrap around me before I fell asleep.