So here I am. Sitting in a chair, my hands tied behind my back, my feet securely fastened to the chair legs. But Brian isn't here with me. He didn't tie me up. In fact, if my kidnappers have their way, I'll never see him again. I suppose this is a bad place to start. So I'll back up. As the day of our collaring ceremony drew near, the shitstorm I call my life just got worse and worse.

It all started with Lindsay and Mel deciding that Gus should not be a part of our ceremony.

"You know I love you both, and I'm happy for you, I really am, I mean, the fact that you're choosing monogamy and a lifelong commitment is truly wonderful, but Mel and I agree that a collaring ceremony is not something Gus should even witness, let alone something in which he should participate. He's an impressionable child, and we feel that dominance/submission relationships just reproduce (and therefore reinforce) the unequal power relationships currently found in our patriarchal society and in others around the world. We want to instill in him the idea that that's wrong. For him to see such a relationship in action, being chosen, well, we feel that that would blur the issue. He can't learn that this is sometimes okay."

Brian tried to interrupt, but Lindsay cut him off. "I know…you two are engaging in this relationship willingly, but these kinds of power dynamics are thrust upon women and people of color all over the world, and we don't believe that they should ever be celebrated. It's like role playing rape scenes. It should never, ever be done. It's not okay to take pleasure in such things, Brian. It's just not. Not under any circumstances."

Brian sighed, and I turned red, partly, mostly, in anger, but partly in shame. The fact that Lindsay was causing me to feel ashamed of what I had with Brian and of myself just made me angrier. Who was she to say what kinds of relationships were and were not 'appropriate?'

Then came the cherry on the shit sundae. Lindsay paused, cleared her throat, and added, a blush creeping up her cheek, "Moreover…we think that Gus should never be exposed to this, this lifestyle. You're welcome to visit with him separately, or together if Mel and I are present, but we don't want Gus to ever see you acting as master and slave. That would be…confusing, running counter to what we're trying to teach him, the man we want him to become."

I gaped. I couldn't believe how far she was taking this. Brian didn't argue. But his eyes grew cold. He stared at her for a moment, so darkly that she shivered, and then took me by the hand and led me outside.

I didn't know what to say, so I said nothing. Neither did he. Not right away. But once we were in the jeep driving, he stated softly, "We're going to fight this. She doesn't get to make all the rules."

I couldn't help but smile a little at his natural use of "we." But my chest was tight, and I felt a little faint, almost as though something cold were gripping my heart. This fight was going to get ugly. I just knew it.

Then there was my mother. I explained as best that I could, but she just stared at me in horror. Then I showed her the ring Brian had given me, informed her that we were monogamous, and asserted that a collaring ceremony was like a wedding, but none of that seemed to have any effect. She just continued to stare and gape. Then she slapped Brian and declared hotly, "I will not take part in your filthy lifestyle." Before she stormed out, she added, in a hiss, "You're both sick!"

Debbie's reaction was no better. She assumed that Brian had forced me into this relationship. She snapped at Brian, "Is this what poor Sunshine has to do to hold your interest? You should be ashamed of yourself! Using the (in a hushed tone, like saying the word would cause the bogeyman to appear) rape and the bashing to manipulate him!"

Then to me, she said, in a softer voice, "You know you're worth more than this, don't you? You deserve to be treated nice, to be cherished and loved. He's not worth letting yourself be caught up in these twisted games. Just because horrible things have happened to you doesn't mean that you can't have a normal relationship with someone else…"

Brian cut her off with a bark, "Enough! Enough."

He took me by the hand, turned abruptly, and walked out, with me in tow.

That would have been bad enough…Lindsay, Mel, my mom, and Debbie thinking that we were sick and refusing to attend the ceremony; Lindsay and Mel refusing to let Gus attend; and a custody battle looming on the horizon. But that wasn't the worst. Two nights before the ceremony was to be held, as I was walking back to the loft from the library, a black van sped in front of me and stopped. Then three burly men grabbed me. Before I could scream, one of them covered my mouth with a cloth. It smelled acrid. Then, the world started to fade. The last thing I remember is their tossing my cell phone onto the road and shoving me into the back of the van.