Parody. Say it with me. Parody.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nothing at all.

One day Jessica was sitting in her room watching her favorite show Death Note. She was thinking about how totally awesome Death Note was, and how awesome L and Light were, and other generally awesome thoughts.

Then she heaved a mighty sigh of soul-crushing depression. Her life was so totally not awesome. She lived in the most non awesome place in the world: America/Britain/Australia/random other place that wasn't Japan. Actually she wasn't quite sure where she was. She didn't want to seem uncultured so she kept it kind of vague.

She went to a completely non awesome school where the teachers expected her to do something besides draw yaoi fanart of L and Light. It was almost like they didn't care about Death Note! (Which of course, was impossible, since it's such an awesome show.) And she lived in a non awesome house with her completely non awesome parents, who did horrible things like make her clean her room and not buy her the latest Death Note merchandise the moment it was on the market.

But of course, just because she had a non awesome life didn't mean she wasn't awesome. No! She was totally and completely awesome! And hot. She was definitely the hottest thing ever to walk the earth. She had long straight raven-colored hair and big expressive, impossibly colored eyes. And she dressed in a completely awesome style. Today she was wearing [insert impossibly complicated Gothic Lolita type outfit here]. Like I said, she was hawt. But still…

She sighed again as she thought more about how non awesome her life was. Another non-

Oh wait, Death Note was on the TV! She grabbed her favorite L plushie and sat her skinny Gothic Lolita butt in front of the giant TV her awful parents bought her. If only she could somehow magically transport herself into the Death Note world! She clutched her L plushie and clenched her beautiful eyes shut as she whispered, "I wish I were in Death Note. Cause it's awesome."

Suddenly there was a bright flash of light accompanied by a loud whooshing sound. Cold air blew her long hair wildly around her pretty face. Being the amazingly awesome person she was she didn't freak out. Things like this surely happened every day.

After the sound and the lights and the air stopped, she slowly opened her eyes. She was standing on an unfamiliar street in front of huge building.

"How did I get here?" she said. "This seems highly illogical! But strangely, I think I'm okay with it."

You might think that at this point, Jessica would be freaking out just a little. But you'd be wrong. After all, who could be scared when they were holding their favorite L plush-EEEEKKKKK! Her plushie was gone! Ignore the fact that she was sitting in her bedroom not moments ago and was now by herself in an unfamiliar place! Her doll was gone!

Just as she was starting to hyperventilate, she caught sight of a young man. Oh and what a young man he was. Beautiful caramel-colored hair, and impeccably dressed. He was possibly the most beautiful thing she had ever laid eyes on. Then she realized…

"Oh my god! Light-kun! Light-kun! Light-kun!" It was Light from Death Note! Oh, of all the crazy impossible things to happen to her! Once again, even though she was real girl from the real world, the fact that she was suddenly in an anime show didn't really seem to faze her.

She launched herself at Light and grabbed him around the waist, screaming "Light-kun" the whole time.

"What the hell? Get off of me!" he cried. "What's your problem?"

"Light-kun!" she screamed again. "You're so kawaii! Where's L-kun? Why aren't you handcuffed together? I want to see some yaoi!"

"Seriously, what's your problem?" Light looked disgusted at the young girl wrapping herself around his waist. "And stop trying to use my language. Your shallow understanding of the Japanese culture is hurting my ears."

"What?" Jessica let go of Light. That was weird. She couldn't understand a word he was saying. Why wasn't he speaking English? So what if Death Note took place in Japan? She was here now, so shouldn't the entire series be changing to fit her needs?

Now that the girl was no longer attempting to cut off blood flow to his lower body, Light took a good look at her. She had long black hair, and normal eyes. In general she was pretty normal looking. She was wearing an outfit that could only be described as something that was even too outlandish for Misa to wear. The look of confusion on her face was definitely not helping the general averageness of her appearance.

Light sighed. He recognized that clothing, and that look of confusion. Another Mary-Sue/author insert. Crap. And just when he thought today was going to be a good day. Time for the official Mary-Sue/author insert protocol.

He opened his mouth and gave a rushed speech. From the worn out tone in his voice, it was obvious he had given this speech countless times before. He and L had written it out after the third Mary-Sue/author insert girl to burst in on their lives. Through trial-and-error, they had figured out that the best way to get rid of a Mary-Sue/author insert was to humor them at first, and then ignore them. Eventually they got bored and stopped writing themselves into the series.

"Oh wow." he said with no emotion whatsoever. "What an incredibly attractive and witty girl you seem to be. Why don't you follow me inside this building to the super secret Kira Task Force Headquarters. It's obvious just from looking at your unique Gothic Lolita style that you will fit right in. Good thing you showed up. We were being way too serious and trying to actually catch Kira. Now that you're here, we can get to the things that really matter, like jokes and apparently amusing romps. And for good measure, we'll probably all fall in love with you while we're at it."

Jessica gave her fangirliest squeal and hugged Light with all her strength. While poor Light sputtered and started turning blue from lack of oxygen, Jessica squealed again and said, "This is gonna be so KAWAII!"

Light disentangled himself from her chokehold and started walking towards the building entrance. This was going to be a long couple of days.

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