Author's Note: Okay.... so this was honestly my first time writing smut outside an RP. Don't kill me if it sucks even though I already know it does.

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It wasn't just a bad habit anymore.
It was ritual. It had become part of his traditional practice.
Every day started and ended the same way.
And that was exactly how Arthur Kirkland liked it.

Each morning, Arthur would wake up and fix himself breakfast. (Which was delicious, by the way. The others were merely lacking in taste.) He would shower, dress, and make his way to Alfred's house. For the next 6 hours, he would listen to the seemingly endless palavering of his fellow nations. Once free from that nightmare, he would come home and serve himself a nice dinner.

Finally, he would drag himself up the stairs to the seclusion of his bedroom.

And that's where Arthur Kirkland's day truly started.

"Grotty Frenchman…" Arthur grunted to himself, untying his shoelaces before kicking his loafers off as he sat down on the edge of the bed. "I swear, one day I'm just gonna lunge for that Frog's throat."

Groaning, he slumped back against the mound of pillows that had been arranged neatly against the headboard. Almost too eagerly, he finished disrobing, exhaling deeply as the cool air hit his evening erection, which was present as always. Something about listening to Alfred's latest "heroic" tactics went straight to his cock. But hell, he would never tell anyone that

Stretching across the bed, Arthur fished a small bottle out of his drawer. He spilled the cool substance onto his hand, coating his arousal before stroking, slowly and gently. He let a fluttery sigh escape from within him, closing his eyes as he enjoyed the relieving sensation. "Oh… Oh Alfred…" He moaned, his lips curling up into a smile. And suddenly, it wasn't his soft hand caressing him. This hand was much larger and rougher.

As he began to reach lower, however, his phone began to ring rather obnoxiously. Out of the corner of his eye, Arthur could just make out the glowing letters: "Alfred F. Jones."

Well fuck it. Arthur decided, trying to ignore the ringing and continuing his favorite routine. Finally, the agitation came to a stop, only to start again a few moments later. That's when it hit him: that guy was going to keep calling until he answered! Hissing with frustration, Arthur picked up the phone with one hand, and continued to rub himself with the other.

"What the hell do you want? I'm kind of in the middle of something," He growled, trying to sound like he was not masturbating and he definitely was not thinking of Alfred while doing so.

"Hey Iggy! Just calling to check on you, find out what you've been up to… Why? Because it's my job! I mean, after all… I am the hero!" Alfred's voice chirped from the phone.

Shit. Oh Shit. Not the fucking hero card. That always got him. Every time. That one word sent practically every drop of blood in his body down lower… lower… until ding! Instant hard on: Arthur Kirkland style. He couldn't stop a whimper from passing by his lips as his strokes picked up their speed.

"Dude… Arty… are you okay?" Alfred asked, his voice dripping with concern. "You don't sound well… Should I get a doctor? Do you need me to come over?"

"N- no!" Arthur cried. "I'm absolutely... f- fine…" He stuttered, unable to keep a drawn out moan from trailing from his lips as his thumb brushed over the head.

"Holy shit… Arthur… Are you fucking masturbating?" Alfred asked, realization hitting him like a ton of Big Macs. The noises, the stuttering… Arthur was touching himself! He had to be! Either that or he was ill with some unheard-of disease that makes you moan.

Arthur went deathly quiet, jaw hanging open. He was in deep shit now.

"Hey, Arthur. Put me on speaker and listen carefully. Alright?" Alfred demanded. When he received no response, which he assumed was a nod, he continued. "I want you to… I want you to finger yourself. Can you do that for me? But picture me. Above you. And don't hold back any sounds. I want you to moan for me," He purred.

Arthur's eyes widened, but he did what he was told. Pressing a finger to his entrance, he held his breath before penetrating himself with the shaking digit. He inhaled sharply, tossing his head from side to side. "…nnh… Alfred…" He mewled, his body giving a shudder. Was this really happening? Was he really having phone sex with Alfred?!

"Good boy. Now add another one, and scissor yourself. And tell me, does that feel good?" Alfred asked, one of his own hands making its way lower to grip himself shamelessly.

"Y- yeah. I can't believe I'm saying this, but it feels great… amazing, really…" Arthur replied, eyes clenching shut as he stretched himself more and more. Alfred blinked, and couldn't help the horny smile that gripped his face.

"God… Arthur… You're so hot," Alfred cooed, massaging himself through the fabric of his pants. "Now take your fingers out. Tell me Iggy, are you hard? Are you hard for me?" He asked, his voice dark and lusty. Arthur moaned in response. "Now now. Arthur. Let's use our words. We are both English speaking countries, yes?" Alfred teased.

"Fuck Alfred! Yes! I'm fucking hard for you!" Arthur panted, and soon that was all Alfred could hear through the phone: rough panting and heavy breathing.

"Good boy. Now, how about I give you a good hand job? Touch yourself. I want you to come for me." Alfred commanded, his grin never leaving his face.

Without hesitation, Arthur curled his fingers around his throbbing cock, pumping himself to the point of release. "A- Alfred!" He moaned, back arching off the bed as he spilled himself onto the sheets. "G- great… now I've got a huge mess to clean up. So what now?" He gasped, breathing slowing back down to a normal rate.

It was silent for a few moments before Alfred replied.

"Make some room! In your ass, I mean! I can't take this anymore!" he roared, bursting through the door right into Arthur's bedroom.

"FUCK! Alfred! You wanker! What the hell were you doing outside my damn bedroom?" Arthur cried, trying to cover himself up with anything he could get his hands on.

"Well. I forgot to tell you at the meeting today that my boss said I had to stop by your house and discuss some new ideas with you. So I thought I'd call you and surprise you by bursting through the door. But you were jacking off so I thought I'd have me some fun. And don't tell me you didn't enjoy it. The evidence is all over your sheets!" Alfred giggled in reply.

"S- shit… were you here… the whole time…?" When Alfred nodded, Arthur buried his face in his hands, throwing himself into the mess of pillows. "Don't look at me…. This is humiliating…" Arthur wailed, tugging at his hair. Suddenly though, he felt a hand on his shoulder. Burning red, he turned to look at the American hovering above him.

"Whoa whoa whoa… Why are you so embarrassed?" Alfred asked, climbing on top of the Brit. "Hell, I think I might've been more turned on than you were!" He chuckled, ruffling the older man's hair. "But in all seriousness. I'm going to fuck you so hard you can't walk for days…"

Arthur was about to protest, but was silenced by a finger to his lips. Alfred was undoing his zipper and removing his pants. "A- Alfred… what are you doing? You were just joking right?" He asked weakly, watching the younger crawl up the bed toward him and flipping Arthur onto his hands and knees. "Alfred… stop… what… FUCK!" Arthur screamed.

Alfred had entered him completely. "Fufufu… all in one shot, too! Good thing you prepped yourself!" Alfred laughed, shaking the Brit, who was currently whimpering with pain beneath him. "So how do you want it? Slow and gentle?" He pulled out agonizingly slow before gently nudging his way back in. "Or rough and kinky?" He slid out again, but this time thrust himself back in so hard, Arthur slid forward and whacked his head on the board.

"Just fuck me, you wanker! MOVE!" Arthur moaned, limbs shaking as he tried to support himself.

Alfred complied without another word, resuming his harsh thrusting into the smaller male, eventually finding the little bundle of nerves he had been aiming for. Adjusting the angle so he repeatedly hammered into that spot, he soon had Arthur writhing with pure ecstasy. "Nnh… ah… Alfred!" He cried out, chest heaving.

Laying kisses along the crook of Arthur's neck, Alfred pulled him up into his lap so he could penetrate his trembling lover deeper.

"A- Alfred… I'm… so close…" Arthur choked, quaking fingers clawing at the bed sheets beneath him.

"M-me too… hey… can I come inside you?" The American asked, nuzzling his face between his shoulder blades. After receiving a curt nod in reply, Alfred tossed his head back, crying out Arthur's name as he emptied himself into the Brit. The feeling was enough to drive Arthur over the edge, reaching his own climax and releasing his hot seed all over the bed spread.

Alfred collapsed on top of him, both closing their eyes as they let their heart rates slow.

"Hey… Alfred… aren't you going to pull out? Alfred? ALFRED?!" Arthur exclaimed, grunting when he realized his former colony had fallen asleep… inside of him. "Get off of me you great lump! Alfred!"

Sighing to himself, Arthur reviewed the day's events, smiling up at Alfred's dozing figure.

Maybe there was room for a new ritual in his life.

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Gaaah told you it sucked ;3;

Don't eat me! Sorry for the dissapointment D8