Chapter 20 – Gifted

BPOV

Questions flew at me from every direction, when all I really wanted was to know where Edward was.

Before I could articulate my thought aloud the kitchen door flew open and he rushed into the room. It was like someone had released a stranglehold about my neck. Suddenly air rushed into my lungs and I felt like I could breathe, although truthfully there was no need.

"Bella," he whispered, bringing me from my thoughts back to the present.

"Hi." I released the word on a sigh, relieved to see him, but unsure what to say.

"You're here," he stated, seeming to doubt his observation. The panic that painted his handsome face only seconds before began melting away and tension appeared to slowly relax from his shoulders.

He approached me, cautiously reaching out to touch my hand, as if I might vanish into thin air. I gave his a light squeeze in return.

"You're really here? You're alive… I… oh God, baby, I thought… I'd lost you," he nearly sobbed as he released my hand, slid his palm around to cup my cheek, and forced me to look into his sad eyes. "I don't ever want to feel like that again! It would be better for the sun and moon to fall from the sky, and the world to end, than to not have you in my life. I'm so sorry, Bella. I never meant to hurt you. I just meant to push you out of harm's way. Please tell me you can forgive me, because as selfish as it is I… I can't live without you. Life has no purpose for me… without you. I see that now. I was so stupid before. I never should have let it get that far."

I reached up and put my finger to his lips to shush him. I couldn't get a word in edgewise with all his grief pouring forth.

"I'm okay, Edward. I know you didn't mean for that to happen. There's nothing to forgive. I love you, and I don't want to live without you either. You've been my whole world from the moment I first laid eyes on you. It would serve no purpose for me to have suffered through everything that I have only to leave you now. But, I will say I told you so, because I did… so many times."

He leaned forward and kissed me softly on the cheek, before nodding and looking toward his feet, shame still evident on his furrowed brow. "I'll never fully deserve you, but I'll never stop attempting to," he stated.

~….~

"Well… now that all that mushy shit is out of the way… Bella, do you mind telling us how you are still human? We all saw you going through the change," Emmett stated.

"What are you talking about?" I asked. "I'm just like you all…" I replied, confused.

"Bella, your eyes are brown, you look the same as you did before everything that's happened," he said.

"That's impossible. I felt the change; I burned… my heart stopped! I can't be human. I'm not…"

As I began to stress out about what had or had not happened to my body, I felt like I was suddenly floating loosely in my skin. It was like I was inside a 'Bella suit' that was loose and falling off of me. The next thing I knew everyone was gasping and Edward's eyes were wide in shock as he looked upon me.

I reached up and touched my face; cool marble. I knew that would be normal after the change. Everything seemed okay despite the awkward feeling that had just crept over me.

"How the hell did you do that?" Emmett belted. "That was fucking awesome! Can you do it again?"

I panicked and ran out of the kitchen to the family room so that I could look in the mirror that hung along the back wall. What I saw astonished me. I was a vampire. I mean I knew I was, but I didn't expect see myself look this way. My hair was fuller, my body more shapely, and my eyes were a blazing scarlet. Why were they telling me I looked the same as before? Could they not see these changes in me?

Of course everyone had followed me. So as I gazed at my reflection I couldn't help but feel confused at their prior observations. What was Emmett talking about? Other than the red eyes, I look like them. Don't I finally fit in?

"Bella, are you… what's wrong?" Edward asked, meeting my eyes in the mirror.

"She's confused. She doesn't understand what happened to her before… in the kitchen," Jasper replied to Edward, then spoke to me.

"You didn't look like that when you came in, Bella. You looked like the old you. Your eyes were brown just a minute ago," Jasper voiced.

Their voices all merged in agreement with him. What's happening to me?

"I did feel weird there for a minute, like my skin was slipping away from me," I stated, and turned to face Edward, though I'm not sure what for. Comfort I guess.

Meeting his worry filled eyes, I suddenly felt overwhelmed and just wished that I really was human again, if only for a moment - to relish in a brief sense of normalcy.

As I thought this, I felt warmth envelop me like a heavy blanket on a cold night. Again everyone's stunned voices collided in questions.

"Holy Shit!" Emmett belted. "You did it… again."

"Oh my God!" Ana said.

"Bella, turn around, look!" Alice commanded with a smile.

Before I turned to look in the mirror again I glanced to Edward, who was still apparently stunned into silence.

Edward composed himself and quickly answered my wandering thoughts. "You're okay Bella, we'll find out what this is. Maybe it's some sort of gift…"

As I faced my reflection again, I appeared as my human self, brown eyes staring back at me. I reached up and touched my face again, but was met with pliable warmth, rather than cool marble. I knew that I wasn't warm any longer. I couldn't be; I had no heart beat. For the first time since I'd made my decision to become like Edward, I finally feared what I'd become. Was this normal? Had this ever happened to anyone else… and if not, why me?

"I think Edward may be right," Carlisle said. "I'd like to call Eleazar and see if he's ever heard of this type of gift. If anyone would know it would be him. That is… if it's okay with you, Bella?"

Two days later we received word that Eleazar was coming to visit. Carlisle assured me that Eleazar was a close friend and that there was nothing to fear from him.

After hunting together, Edward and I had holed up in his room and talked about everything - my new appetite, family, forgiveness, love… and fear.

I couldn't deny that I was afraid. Although I'd wanted to be like him so badly, nothing could have prepared me to actually get what I'd asked for… and more. I didn't care to be gifted, if that's what this was. I just wanted to be less fragile, so that we could be together forever.

Since my first "shifting" as Emmett called it, I'd experienced it a few more times. It seemed to operate from my thought processes about how I saw myself, or how I wished to be, especially in moments of weakness when I wasn't sure I could go on without seeing my dad again, or when I would immerse myself in the joy that I finally was just like Edward. It seemed I had some level of control, but didn't know when I was actually in control to cause the manipulation.

Everyone in the house remained on alert. We all knew that Victoria was still out there somewhere, and that her determination to kill me was infallible. So while we knew that we'd have to keep an eye open so to speak, everyone's lives pretty much continued as usual, except for me.

Edward wouldn't let me out of his sight. It seemed he feared that I'd get snatched away right out from under his nose if he even considered going anywhere I wouldn't be. Now even though he was constantly at my side, and we shared small affectionate exchanges, nothing more had happened and I began to worry.

Although we'd made love already before my change, Edward seemed hesitant to engage in anything more than making out in his room. I couldn't understand why he didn't desire me. I was more beautiful now than I'd ever been as a plain old human girl. I found myself wondering if he loved me the same, or if the lack of the scent of my blood now made me a bore to his senses.

While curled up on his bed, just relaxing in the comfort of each other's arms, it seemed he could sense my wandering thoughts. Edward pushed a strand of hair back from my face, causing me to look up at him. "What are you thinking about beautiful girl? You're awfully quiet," he said.

"I'm just… I don't know… you know that I'm thrilled to be with you, and I finally have everything I've wanted, but it feels like something is missing. I'm worried about what's happening to me… us. What if you don't want me the same as you did before? What if I'm not enough for you now that I'm not human? What if you don't desire me the same as before? My scent…. My blood…. I can't 'sing' to you anymore," I stated, laying it all out in the open.

"What? Bella, you can't be serious," he replied, sliding down some so that we were eye to eye. "You are everything to me, never doubt that. I don't need the scent of your blood to desire you. You're all I've ever wanted, and we're together. You're mine to love and hold forever… nothing is more perfect."

He kissed me deeply, and thus began a wave of bliss as we grappled with each other for control of the kiss. I pushed my hand under his shirt and drug my nails down his muscular stomach. Just as I reached the button of his jeans his hand caught mine and he pulled his lips away. Disappointment washed over me when I saw that I'd been shut down. I shifted back minutely before he scooted to refill the gap.

"What's wrong?" he asked. As if he shouldn't know…

"Why haven't you… why haven't we… God, this is so humiliating," I replied, embarrassed that I couldn't bring myself to ask him to just make love to me. I tried to shift away again, accepting defeat, but he held me steady.

"What is it, Bella?" he asked. His eyes boring into mine giving me a brief impulse of courage.

"Why haven't you wanted to have sex with me anymore?" There… I've said it!

A flash of remorse seemed to strike him before he answered me.

"Oh, Bella… I want you with everything that I am, but there is no privacy here. With our senses we may as well be putting on a show for the family. We can't truly be alone until Victoria is dealt with. She's looking for an opportunity to put her claws into you and rip you away from me again. I can't… I won't lose you again! I promise you that once she's destroyed and our lives are peaceful again, we will escape somewhere that no one will find us… where we can be truly alone and I'll make up for every time that I've denied you."

I paced back and forth across the floor of Edward's… uh… our room. Elezar would be arriving soon, and the anxiety of finding out about my "gift" was unnerving.

"Everything will be fine, love, you'll see," Edward said, attempting to reassure me.

A knock at the door finally brought me to a halt as Carlisle answered it, greeting his old friend and welcoming him in.

"So then Carlisle, where is this brilliant young lady you've been speaking of?" an unfamiliar voice spoke.

"On her way down now," Alice replied.

"Here goes nothing," I said, taking Edward's hand and heading toward the stair case. It was time to find out just what I had become.

As we all came together in the living room another knock at the door rang out.

"Ah, Irina and Carmine have arrived," Elezar explained. "Irina wished to seek out her friend Laurent. While passing through, she recognized his scent having been fresh in the area."

Esme having graced the door, she and the two beautiful women joined us in the living room.

"Did you enjoy your visit with Laurent?" Elezar asked politely to the blonde girl, I took to be Irina.

The grimace on Edward's face should have been some type of indication that something was wrong.

"NO! Someone has killed him!" she screeched, and Edward seemed to be glaring daggers at Irina.

"He deserved everything he got!" Edward yelled back. "He tried to kill my Bella, and that was just not acceptable, so I took care of it."

"You! Why I ought to…" Irina began heading toward Edward before Elezar stepped up and put an end to the madness. "Enough!" he roared. "We are here to help our friend Carlisle with the newest member of their coven. We will deal with this later."

Irina reluctantly nodded her assent and stepped back, quietly glaring at Edward and I.

"I apologize for Irina's outburst. I am here to offer any assistance I can. You have my undivided attention, please show me your ability, and we'll get to work," Eleazar spoke, drawing my attention away from the angry blonde.