beta-ed by the lovely anrlivejournal, written for the sg_rareparings 2007 ficathon

Or: How The Hero Saves The Day, Defying The Odds.

****

Thursday, June 24th, 2004, 2 am, pro: 25 %, contra: 75% (ten hours before departure)
First widely reported UFO sighting near Mount Rainier, Washington (1947).
Birthday of Wayne Cashman, Bernie Nicholls, Bill Huard, Jarret Stroll; original Midsummer's Eve.

Rodney McKay takes this as a good omen: it is Bernie Nicholls' birthday. In fact, four professional Canadian hockey players celebrate their birthdays on that day. A slow glow of satisfaction spreads through him when he realizes this, and he forgets the insult that is poised on the tip of his tongue, wings spread and slow-match burning, waiting to be fired at the cowering scientist who erased the calculations from the board. Instead he smiles, which is more effective anyway because it disturbs his minions.

Radek has slowly given up on following the news since he came to Antarctica, and now he is hastening through preparations for the Big Day, the Historic Event and The Trip. The last time he's topside for more than two consecutive hours is on Monday, and he watches the news in a crowded gyros bistro while he is waiting for the rest of his equipment to be shipped to the mountain. He sees Space Ship One leave the earth's atmosphere, sees the ground crew celebrate, sees the patrons purse their lips and mutter half-awed, half-skeptical comments, sees the brightness in the news anchor's eyes and has to fight a smile.

When he had been asked whether he wanted to join the expedition, he had made a list of pro and contra arguments that eventually boiled down to:
- high risk of death/injury, no Iron Chef in another galaxy, working under Rodney McKay
+ working under Rodney McKay

**

He is standing beside Carson Beckett as the gate kawooshes, nervous and excited and scared and impressed, all at once, rigid with emotion. From behind Doctor Weir, Rodney approaches.
"Look, you-" McKay points at him.
"Radek Zelenka," he says.
"Whatever," says McKay. "Just make sure none of the soldiers touch the equipment."

**

Radek's room is empty except for a small bed and a shower unit in the bathroom. He does not give it much thought: there are more important things to do right now. The room he will spend most of his time in will be filled with the best equipment a dozen nations could buy. It is like being back at university.

Of course, Earth calendars do not work in Atlantis, something everyone knew but though of as unimportant. There is no official calendar until four months into the expedition. The days are longer, the seasons are longer, their rhythm is erratic. They have a calendar that says it is September, but while June felt like June, September feels like mid-July. These first four months see one hundred and twenty-one alleged birthdays (in an expedition of two hundred), and a minor rebellion when three French scientists – two mathematicians, one linguist – can't agree on the day of the fête nationale and have to be threatened with desalination tank duty to settle on deciding the matter with rock, paper, scissors. It all ends when Elizabeth, sensing a week-long Halloween celebration declares the official date to be October eighteenth. It is too hot to wear a jacket, even at night.

****

Atlantis, November 17th, 2004 (36 hours since the team left to destroy a Wraith hive ship with the Genii)
Highest odds: seven to three (42%), lowest odds: twelve to one (6%)
International Student's day in response to the execution of nine Czech students by Nazis (1939). The Velvet Revolution begins in Czechoslovakia (1989).

There is an eight percent chance of none of them making it out alive. Twenty-three percent that one survives, forty-two that two of them make it, twenty-one that three of them comes back. The odds are a little better if he includes the fact that they have allies into his calculations.

Six percent that they all return alive from their first mission with the Genii,, including the weakest member of the group.

Radek hates statistics, but he loves doing the math.

**

When they return, Radek is still trying to find anything on the Genii in the database. Sometimes he thinks the Ancients had cared about no one else except in terms of statistics. Population of fifty thousand, main exports are tuttle-root and iron ore, trading partners with Fellans, Letain and Athosians, last culled twenty-six years ago. How are they supposed to learn anything from that? He is startled when the lab doors swish open.

"Doctor Zeleka," calls Rodney.

"Zelenka," sighs Radek. "Really, when will you learn my name?" He takes off his glasses to rub his eyes. Shortsightedness and nine hours of looking at ancient text on a screen leave him half-blind at the end of each day. McKay is a dark outline against the brightly-lit corridors, a bit fuzzy around the edges.

"When you stop reacting to whatever I call you. Radek." Rodney steps closer and presses something in Radek's hand. "Don't break it. It's a Wraith data storage device, with an interface to access it. I'll be back once I've had a shower."

From this close, Radek can see the exhaustion on his colleague's face; the lines at the corners of his eyes are a little deeper, the mouth a little slacker. He wants to say something, some sympathetic comment that will turn the tired frown into a tired smile, but Rodney beats him to it.

"Make us some coffee, would you?" he says and turns away.

**

"They're laughing at us. From wherever they are, they're laughing their squiddy asses off."

It was not a good day to work in the same room as Rodney McKay.

The DIY-ZPM essay they found in the Ancient database produced something that looked like a ZPM and lightened up like a ZPM but did in fact consume energy. Who knew the Ancients liked their lamps to look like their main power storage devices?

He had initially given them a fifty percent chance of finding a ZPM. This number decreased every second day by five percent because they were nearly killed by their beloved city, nearly killed by primitive natives, or politely asked to leave by advanced natives. It increased by five percent whenever they thought they found another clue in their quest – which was usually on Tuesday, Thursdays, Fridays, and alternate Sundays. Sometimes it would be Monday night when Rodney started yelling triumphantly and Wednesday morning when the teams returned with empty hands and arrows following them through the gate.

Parrish jokingly filled a requisition form for AA+ batteries.

****

Friday, June 24th 2005, lowest odds: 6 percent (fourteen hours since Rodney last had another consciousness in his brain)
A sudden outbreak of St. John's Dance causes people in the streets of Aachen, Germany, to experience hallucinations and begin to jump and twitch uncontrollably until they collapse from exhaustion (1374).

Just why Sheppard decided McKay should show Ronon to his room – now that he is allowed a room, that is – Rodney doesn't know. Probably something to do with teamwork, and the fear of the unknown and how he should overcome it.

"And here's the bathroom. Originally you could only operate the shower controls with your mind, but we managed to install a manual override. That's the temperature control for the room, don't turn it over ninety or we won't have enough power to keep the city afloat."

"You have something for teeth?"

Rodney squints at him. Wild hair, mud on his face (and who knew where he got that from, they lived in the middle of the ocean for heaven's sake), bruise on his cheek from fighting four marines at a time – yes, same guy. He saw the mouth form the question.

"What, you mean toothpaste? Sure, it's in the cabinet." He is almost out of the door when Ronon reappears.

"Can't read that." Ronon holds three see-through tubes, the standard kit for every visitor.

Rodney remembers that the Ancient translation service they got by going through the gate – and hadn't that been nice to find out, that the more they went through the gate, the easier it became to understand the native languages? – doesn't work for things that are actually written down, like, say, the whole database.

"The green stuff," he calls, and leaves.

On his way back to the main lab he passes Teyla, but she doesn't acknowledge his greeting. Without even looking at him she carries on, down the corridor; Rodney shrugs. The next person he passes is Radek, carrying a print-out of the effects of their attempts at interfacing with the magic eight-ball hologram they found a few days ago. They argue while walking, and Rodney slips back into the habitual coordinated stream of thought that goes with his job.

**

There is oatmeal for breakfast; squishy, sweet oatmeal. So far, nobody is throwing it.

"Maybe some of them want to learn English?"

Radek raises both eyebrows and looks up from his bowl. "Why would they? The gate automatically enables everyone who travels through it to understand the language spoken on the other side."

"Yes, yes, but this babelfish only works for the spoken word. They can't read or write, and it might one day be vital that they are able to read instructions."

"What brought this on?" asks Radek.

Rodney shrugs in that just-an-idea way that indicates he is going to tell the truth but that Radek is not to question it. "Ronon is big on dental hygiene." He brightens and points his spoon at Radek. "Well, good dental care is one of the signs of an advanced civilization."

Behind him, a tall figure is making its way toward them. A couple of marine biologists shuffle their chairs to make more room.

Rodney lowers his hand. "Of course, he's putting the cart before the horse."

"A horse?" And that's Ronon, all right. McKay dreads the day they have to go through the gate together and he fails at something in front of this guy.

"Uh – I wasn't talking about you. I mean, I wasn't calling you a horse or anything, though you are pretty w– uh, no offense. Er. Horse. It's a big animal that we domesticate. We ride it or use it to pull carts. Putting the cart before the horse means: if B is an effect of A, you have done B to achieve A."

Ronon grabs a chair that has been mysteriously vacated. "So you're saying I'm not advanced?"

"Oh, no, no. You're very – the energy weapon you use, for example, is far more advanced than any of our conventional guns. Of course, you didn't build it… well, you held a military position on your homeworld, and an organized military force is a sign of an advanced civilization. Plus you've been evading the Wraith for seven years, so you have to be very – advanced…" He trails off.

Ronon grins. "Relax, McKay."

It's pretty improbable that this guy will stay, speculates Radek. About as much of a chance as Kavanagh returning.

**

This is the universe snickering as it hands him yet another Ancient Jack-in-the-box:

"You think she's forgiven me yet?"

If there's one more question about Katie, Radek will go. He will put his coffee down, close his laptop, and quietly leave the room. Around them the lab is bustling with activity, the Wraith dart being turned inside-out. Two physicists are on their knees, their heads stuck in the back of the dart. It looks as if it is attempting to eat them. Technicians run to and fro, labeling and testing parts they already extracted from the ship. And in the middle of the lab stands Rodney, data pad carelessly dangling from his fingers and dreamily gazing into space.

"I do not know. But you will not forgive yourself if you don't cut the power to the matter transformer now." He turns to his own calculations. This is the trick to dealing with Rodney McKay: Science is his first love.

Ty seš takovou vùl, thinks Radek. You are an idiot if you think this will turn out well.

**

Things are strained for a while, but Rodney does not notice. And then they're back to the usual apocalyptic status-quo and Radek forgets to go back to being angry. He looks up and it's as if Rodney has never been gone.

****

Saturday, July 9th, 2005, Probability: 0,001 (solar systems blown up by Dr McKay: 5/6)
The Russell-Einstein Manifesto is released in London (1955). "Remember your humanity, and forget the rest."

The chance of Rodney fucking up once is low – low but real: once in a thousand means that by nine hundred you better stock up on horseshoes and face that ugly truth that nothing is impossible.

Except, of course, Rodney making the same mistake twice.

**

The number of things that Rodney would apologize for if he were anyone else just keeps rising and, honestly, Radek does not really need an apology. He vividly remembers the last one – an email, of all things, over three thousand words, in which Rodney detailed where he went wrong, what he should have done instead of blindly charging forward, and four alternative ways to access vacuum energy from subspace. At the end, there was a line that was more or less a P.S., as if Rodney had almost forgotten to write it down. An additional thought.

I'm sorry.

And it's not like he doesn't know that Rodney is sorry. It's just that when ordinary people make a mistake, they admit it, apologize, and then proceed to fix it. Rodney, always quicker than everyone else, simply omits the first two steps.

**

One and a half years into the expedition, Radek realizes how impressed he is by Rodney's ability to go on missions again and again, even though he returns from every one a little more disappointed, and far too often hurt.

Only now, when he lets the years of missions pass before his eyes he realizes that the chance of Rodney surviving the first year mostly unharmed had been below two percent. The chance of him not surviving at all had been higher than ninety percent.

His calculations reveal, though, that from now on that chance is decreasing exponentially.

Rodney would never notice this. He's too busy surviving to calculate the odds of survival.

**

Rodney is slumped over the cushions he insisted they install in the reverse-engineered stasis pod – he'd be the one to test it, Rodney had told the others, so it had better be comfortable – trying to connect the power distributor to a small naquadah generator.

From the corner of his eye Radek sees Colonel Sheppard walk past the entrance to the lab, then stop and turn around.

"You'd think this would be easier than connecting the generator to the actual Ancient podon the Aurora, but it's unbelievable how stupid these new technicians are. Radek!"

"Hm?" says Radek absentmindedly. Sheppard is waving his hands in the air, pointing at things Radek can't see from where he crouches. As far as Radek knows, there's nothing in the corridor anyway.

"Are you listening to me? Radek?" A hand appears, fingers snapping. "Hey!"

"Yes, what is it?" He turns to Rodney, who huffs. Pay attention to me, his whole body says. The light from the neon lamps is so bright that Radek can't see anything but Rodney's eyes, wide and blue and the pupils are tiny specks of darkness. He has to shake his head to make himself look away.

"We need to build this whole thing again from the start," says Rodney irritably. "And since you don't have any experience with constructing computer chips-"

As an answer, Radek holds out his arm.

"What? What?"

"What time is it?" asks Radek. Rodney gapes.

"What do you mean, what time – it's," he grabs Radek's hand and tugs it closer. If Radek extended his fingers and turned his hand, he could touch Rodney's chin. "Thirteen pm. Oh." A beat as he calculates how long a day on Atlantis is, then Rodney says, brightly, "Hey, can you make one for me, too?"

****

Wednesday, February 8th, 2006, E = ∞ (number of days since the Trust planted a bomb: 10; number of days until the Daedalus returns to Earth: 16)
After 84 days in space, the crew of the first American space station Skylab return to Earth (1974). Birthday of Daniel Bernoulli (*1700): The determination of the value of an item must not be based on the price, but rather on the utility it yields.

The whole science team comes to the gate room to see Calvin Kavanagh walk through the gate with Ronon, Teyla, Sheppard and McKay. He's not leaving or being escorted to a deserted planet though: the Beraii asked for help making the technology they salvaged from a stranded Wraith dart functional again. And despite Rodney's protests that Kavanagh had no recent experience with Wraith technology, Doctor Weir supported Kavanagh's request to join the team for this mission – a discussion that still makes everyone who was present chuckle.

"You have absolutely no experience with field missions, this is not even your area of expertise!" says Rodney, defending his place – in the city, on the expedition, on the team.

"Was, McKay." Calvin is smug, something that should have cause Radek to defend his friend, but today it is far too entertaining to interfere. "I have spent the last months working on every bit of Wraith technology that was sent through the gate to Earth, and-"

"No experience! Can't fire a gun! Besides, I'm the expert on Wraith technology, I'm the one who-"

"You are the one who regularly goes on missions, and because of this, you did not have the time to devote yourself to studying the technology as I did."

Radek thinks he can detect a smile on Elizabeth's face, but she tries to hide it behind her hand. And with McKay speechless, she has the opportunity to close the matter by ordering them both to get along – which in turn makes everyone else smile secretly. Later, Radek hears Laura Cadman ask Teyla to pay attention so she could relate everything that happened once they returned.

When Kavanagh first saw Ronon after his 'interrogation' about the bomb planted by the Trust, he blanched and nearly ran over two marines in his desire to get as far away as possible. Today, he is trying to hide behind Rodney, which amuses Radek to no end .

"For god's sake, Kavanagh, he doesn't bite," says Rodney.

The grin Ronon gives Kavanagh indicates that he does make good use of the toothpaste.

**

On Monday the team sends a call through the gate: They've got Wraith technology and threaten to kill Ronon if Kavanagh doesn't fix their weapons systems. We need backup.

In the end Radek never really learns how they escaped. Teyla and Colonel Sheppard don't understand the technical details. Kavanagh mumbles something about being forced to work without being given food or water, and the Beraii being too stupid to distinguish an organic interface to the main databank of the ship from a stun gun. Ronon doesn't say anything, but he keeps close to Kavanagh and bares his teeth at everyone else. And Rodney absolutely refuses to tell Radek.

"He did something totally stupid – he could have killed us all if it had blown up, but no, now he's suddenly a hero."

Radek sighs. "It is fortunate that the Daedalus had not left yet. Doctor Kavanagh would not have been able to help you from Earth."

"Help! Ha!" scoffs Rodney.

Radek shrugs. "You all returned unharmed," he points out. "and if Kavanagh had not been there, they would-."

"Yes, yes, I know." Rodney grimaces. "But don't expect me to be grateful."

No, thinks Radek, the odds for that are really abysmal.

****

Sunday, February 19th, 2006, undetermined state – too many variables
The phonograph is patented by Thomas Edison (1878). Paul Simon writes "The Sounds of Silence" (1964). Birthday of Nicolaus Copernicus (1473).

It's fish day in Atlantis. The first months after their arrival fish day was every two weeks, with decreasing frequency because of their dwindling reserves and doubts about alien fish. Then it was once a month, or whenever one of their trading partners thought they found a fish the people from Earth could stomach. In the spring of 2005 they met the Letain. Since then it has been fish day twice a week. Entirely too often, in Radek's opinion.

Rodney is playing with his food, picking up a piece of bluish fish and dragging it through the sauce, then placing it on a growing heap of more squashed fish. It's beginning to resemble the mountain in Close Encounters. Since his forced trip to the ocean ground, he is paler than Radek would like, and quieter than he has ever seen him be. Only Rodney McKay can express silence through body language.

"It is spreading," says Radek, "yesterday one of the marines almost fell off a balcony because he could not see that the top level did not extend any further. He says it went on another five feet into the control room."

And that is new, too. Before, it was people that suddenly appeared like hallucinations or holograms, but they didn't interact with anyone. Doctor Beckett had been seen by a chemist only a few hours ago on the north pier where the beta-team tested a new desalinization method. According to Doctor Leonard, he'd been waving his hands, patting and checking an invisible patient. His mouth had formed words, but they were inaudible. No one else had seen him.

Radek tries not to think too hard about someone – it might happen that that person unexpectedly appears. Last night he had tried to relax in the shower and started a slow jerk-off when Rodney had suddenly stepped into the stall beside him and waved a radiation sensor over the walls. He had been unable to end the illusion, and too disturbed to integrate it into his fantasy. Later, in bed, he had tried to recapture it, hoping that it would show what was currently happening, but all he got was a mild headache and a feeling of irritation at the unpredictability of Ancient technology. He blushes at the memory and continues.

"It's as if the city can remember what happened in it, or to it, and it is showing us flashes of what it recalls," continues Radek. "It's interesting, actually, how often -"

"Yes, they were big on that," interrupts Rodney. "Genetic engineering and psychic forces. They loved that stuff."

They both stare into the distance, morose. Psychic forces are an anathema to scientists. Every effect has its cause, but it's a bitch when the cause lies in someone's mind – that's why Rodney calls Biology voodoo. It's imprecise, based on guesswork, a science of things that think for themselves and that can't be taken apart and put back together. Except the Ancients probably tried.

"So it is a form of artificial conversion disorder?" asks Radek. "We must have activated something that projects images into our minds."

Rodney knits his brows. "Sheppard probably touched something."

They share a wry grin.

Rodney taps the side of his fish-and-sauce-pile with his fork. "Holograms. They must have tried to imitate the Wraith's ability to communicate telepathically. But it's not connected to the Ancient gene." He points the fork at Radek. "What did Carson say about the test he's done on the people who were affected?"

"There is nothing unusual. No abnormal brain activity." Radek neglects to tell him that everyone is affected. That is, everyone apart from Rodney, who claims he has never seen anything that was not there.

Someone taps Radek's shoulder. Ronon is standing behind him, tray overflowing with fish and almost-potatoes and sauce. There's a tiny green leaf of what must be salad. Ronon has an aversion to sitting with his back to the room, so Radek shuffles around the table and closer to Rodney. He can feel the heat of Rodney's body though the thin fabric of his trousers. Their thighs almost touch.

"What's he doing here?" asks Rodney, momentarily distracted. Radek follows his line of sight to see Kavanagh walk in.

The Daedalus, Radek recalls, left two days ago, and Kavanagh had announced several times that he'd be returning to Earth – making it the third time he'd leave Atlantis.

"I thought he wanted to leave because he doesn't have any friends?" And there's a subliminal satisfaction in Rodney's voice that says, unlike me.

Ronon stops chewing to glare at McKay. "He does now."

"Oh, okay. That's great." Rodney hastily returns to his food and misses Radek and Ronon exchange a smile.

"Well, it must be somewhere in the city," says Rodney. "The signal can't be strong enough to reach us through space. Besides, the Athosians are not affected."

"It may be tied to another inactive part of our DNA," argues Radek. "The Athosians' genetic make-up is different from ours. There could-"

"Yes, yes, of course." Rodney straightens up. Radek recognizes the signs: he has got an idea, and if Radek is not careful, Rodney will run too far ahead. "But you said that Carson was seen on the north pier. And Kate saw Major Lorne in the hologram room, and you saw Sheppard back in the lab where we have the dart." A weight leans against Radek's side, Rodney's knee presses into his as Rodney turns to wave at the exit of the mess hall. "Most of the… the apparitions, they appeared just north of the control room. The area isn't even that big. We can modify the palm sensors and do a sweep." He grins, the delight in his eyes doing strange things to Radek's insides. Almost involuntarily, he grins back.

Ronon points at Rodney's plate. "You eat that?"

"No, help yourself," says Rodney and pushes it across the table.

Radek turns towards the runner. "You should try this with mayonnaise." He stands up to follow McKay back to the labs.

"Mayonnaise?"

Over his shoulder, Rodney replies, "The yellow stuff."

**

Colonel Sheppard, thinks Radek, is very annoyed.

"What do you mean you don't know where it is?"

Rodney flails his arms. "Just what I said: that we have no idea where this device is, much less how to deactivate it."

"But you said you knew where to look for it," protests Sheppard. "You said it was somewhere on the north pier."

"Near the north pier. Yes. But we don't have any hard evidence here – we have to deal with probabilities." Radek can tell that Rodney is fed up. His spine is rigid, his knuckles white from clenching the data tablet. He is about to go off alone again, frustrated because no one can follow his lines of thought, because he is forced to explain what is wrong instead of fixing it.

"Should have built that Improbability Drive, then?" Sheppard smirks.

"Oh, don't get me started," Rodney begins, but Radek decides it is time to intervene.

"Colonel, we can narrow the area down. But we need more people to help with the manual search. And we need everyone who has seen or, uh, not seen something, to report it. It is understandable that people want to keep it private, but without this data, we can not predict the origin of the signal."

Sheppard nods. "So I tell my men to report what they've seen to you. Do you need a few soldiers to help with the search?"

At this, Rodney laughs, a short, upset sound. "Who knows what they might do to our equipment. No, we'll wake a few of those scientists who cut their work short today."

Compared to Rodney, everyone cuts their work short. Compared to Rodney, everyone has a life. And more often than not, their lives depend on him.

"Listen, this messing around with probabilities and chances is totally useless," he continues. "We might as well read the horoscope. What we need is a way to modify the city-wide sensors to pick up the signal this device emits."

Rodney delegates that part to Radek. He himself will do the wake-up calls: "They're faster if it's me telling them to hurry."

It's 12.30 pm, midnight in half an hour according to Rodney's new digital watch. He still can't get used to thinking of 25:30 as a valid time of day. He waggles his fingers, already retreating from the conversation into the world of the definite and measurable.

****

Monday, February 20th, 2005, a safe bet for a confident person
Scorpio: The weeks ahead feature romance, pleasure, creative and speculative urges. You'll ride more than one winning streak! Romance will be uniquely entwined with a domestic and sexual component. If you get involved, you might get very involved.

It's silent in the control tower; everyone listens to the argument at the control station. Chuck and Rodney are in a deep dispute.

"The project was never officially finished, and never connected to the main system, so it can't be-"

"I know, I know," exclaims Rodney. "But whoever worked on it might have mentioned it somewhere, at a meeting or – whatever. Just check the database."

Six floors below and just a few feet from Radek, Sheppard is alternately touching the wall and running his scanner over it. Radek wants to tell him he won't be able to feel the device with his fingers, but that would mean that he has to talk out loud, and he is listening in on Rodney through the radio – Rodney always forgets to turn it off, and sometimes he forgets to keep Radek in the loop. Radek looks down on his scanner.

"What's the progress?" It takes him a second to realize that Rodney is talking to him.

"We have narrowed it down to two corridors at the base of the operations tower. But there is-"

"Ow!"

Sheppard's cry interrupts his report. He is cowering at the wall, one arm flung over his eyes. With his other hand, he is touching a panel on the wall.

"Rodney. I think we found it."

**

It's a masterpiece of engineering insofar as it is highly effective – by now everyone is constantly experiencing apparitions, the soldier who patrolled the south pier and fell over a railing has died, with three more in a serious condition – apparently indestructible, and not connected to the main power circuits. Their work is not made any easier by the fact that they can't directly touch the device itself, and by the constant hallucinations the exposure to the 'instant-communication-unit' produces. They were right about the fact that the closer they are to the device itself, the higher the frequency of apparitions. Most of the time it is manageable – people walking through the room who are actually several floors above or on the other side of the city last Tuesday. Other times the floor would vanish from beneath their feet, the walls zooming away until they are standing on the surface of the ocean, their tools bobbing gently on the waves. Or the ceiling would disappear, the whole room materializing only half-built, the circuits gleaming under a clear night sky.

Two hours into their work Rodney appears, wearing only a towel around his waist, and sits down beside Rodney.

"What?" says Rodney, noticing Radek's shocked look, and this, this would be the perfect time to find the solution fast. Rodney twists his head to see what Radek is looking at, but it's useless. This is like a fantasy straight out of Radek's mind, and the holograph-communicator is forgotten.

"Who do you see?" asks Rodney, and if he sounds more attentive than he's ever been, Radek does not notice.

"You are… ahem." Try as he might, he can't take his eyes off Rodney.

"Oh, you mean it's me? You're seeing me?"

"What? No, no, it is not you."

"You're a terrible liar, you know," Rodney touches his hand. The damn bastard has the nerve to look sympathetic. "Maybe not at performance evaluations, but right now, you're really terrible."

"Yes, yes," sighs Radek glumly.

Rodney looks directly at himself, tugging at the towel.

"So – what am I doing?" Saving the city. Repairing the faulty Ancient systems. Being the Batman to your Robin. "I'm not doing anything – you know?"

"Ah, no. No, you are just-"

"Because you're still not looking at me. I mean, you are looking at me. And I could. I mean, we could, once this is over. If you want." He licks his lips. "You are interested, aren't you?"

Above Radek, a meteor shower has begun, tiny golden stars rushing toward the horizon.

Slowly, a blush spreads on Radek's face.

"I am not-"

"You are! Oh, you are, you want me, that's good, that's really good. You should have said something, you know, it's not like I'm seeing someone…"

Sometimes, he wishes he could finish just one sentence without Rodney interrupting him. But this time, Rodney is interrupted, too.

"Rodney, Doctor Zelenka, report?" Never has Radek been so glad to hear Elizabeth's voice.

Rodney points a finger at him. "That's – we'll discuss that. We will definitely discuss that later, when we've turned this thing off."

Radek huffs. "There is nothing to discuss."

**

"So far we've got nothing," states Rodney. "There's no interface, no way to disconnect the power. We don't even know how it is powered." He coughs, obviously flustered, and shoots a glance at Radek. "How is everyone?"

"Not good. Teyla was affected." The tiredness is palpable in Elizabeth's voice.

"Teyla? I thought she and Ronon were immune?" They share a concerned look.

"That's what we all thought. But she's in the infirmary now with a severe concussion. Seems she was trying to get to her room and didn't see the stairs leading down."

"It could be getting stronger. And if it is -" begins Radek.

"They might have forgotten to install a safety and it could blow up in our faces," finishes Rodney. He taps the radio. "Teyla. That's – wait a second."

"What? Have you found something?" asks Elizabeth.

"I'm not sure. When was the first time someone saw an apparition?" he asks, addressing both of them.

"That would be Dr Beckett last August," she replies. "He saw-"

"Ronon. He saw Ronon doing his stick-fighting in the mess hall." And there is the look Radek has come to anticipate, the one that announces a stroke of genius. Rodney is motionless, staring at a point above Radek's head.

"Yes. Why?" Elizabeth sounds hopeful again, recognizing Rodney's change of mood.

"And I saw Teyla when I left Ronon on the day he settled into his room," says Rodney triumphantly.

"What?" shouts Radek. "You never told us."

"I forgot." Rodney shrugs, then adds, to Elizabeth, "We were trying to activate Sybil – that prophetic hologram – and Radek had an idea how to power her up without depleting our ZPM. But I saw Teyla on the corridor. She was just walking by, she didn't notice me, even when I tried to talk to her."

"But that was in June! The device could have been active for months-"

"Probably when we were under attack from the Wraith." Rodney nods, agreeing with himself. "That's why the corridor seemed so familiar, this is where I was ambushed when I tried to bring the ZPM from the Daedalus to the ZPM outlet room. The blasts from the Wraith might have activated it."

"Well, you know what this means," says Radek. He looks forward to this, a bit.

"What?"

"We will need Doctor Kavanagh."

And just as he anticipated, the glare Rodney gives him is priceless.

**

Twenty minutes and three near-screaming matches later, the towel-clad Rodney has disappeared, Rodney and Calvin have composed themselves and Radek is quietly taking to Doctor Weir on the radio.

"You're saying the Ancients used Wraith technology?"

"Well, not all of them. This one scientist must have been thinking outside the box. And it was probably designed near the end of the war, when they were desperate for solutions.
The project was abandoned before it could be finished, that is why it is not connected to the main frame, and why it reacted to Wraith technology. It is doubtful that it was supposed to be as vulnerable as this when it was finished."

"And what does Doctor Kavanagh say?"

"He-" begins Radek, but Calvin cuts in.

"We won't be able to access it or interface it with our own technology. Wraith technology has an organic component, as does the Ancient tech, and it needs someone with the correct genetic make-up or body chemistry to operate it."

"And Teyla won't be able to do it," murmurs Elizabeth. "How did the Ancients use it?"

Rodney grimaces. "They might have had an interface that was constructed especially for this purpose, and it got destroyed, or they took it with them. We have no idea, but however they did it, we can't do it the same way." Then he pauses, blinks, and adds, "The enzyme."

Radek thinks he should have seen this coming: Rodney's most reckless ideas always include something that puts the chief scientist himself at risk.

"Oh, no. No, no, no, Rodney, that is a terrible idea." But he can see that Rodney is determined, his mind analyzing the possible outcomes. There's no way Radek can talk him out of it if he's already ten steps ahead of him.

"It's our only option! Elizabeth, tell Carson to bring some of the Enzyme and anything else he needs."

Elizabeth is a little more difficult to convince. "Last time you were under the influence of the enzyme you could barely use the DHD and it took you three days to come down. And now you want to operate technology we have never seen before?"

"Look, last time I took a whole bottle of the stuff. I only need a little, enough to alter my body chemistry."

"In that case, I better get Ronon," says Kavanagh. "He leaves his headpiece off when he trains."

"Ronon? What, you want your boyfriend to hold your hand?" chortles Rodney. A few weeks ago this would have provoked another fight. Now Calvin grins.

"Actually, he's going to hold your hand. In case you get a little… out of control." And with a smug smile, he leaves.

Rodney stares after him, half-angry, half-puzzled. Then he snaps his fingers and sidles closer to Radek. Radek silently wills Rodney to concentrate on the communicator, to forget the other matter, but oh, when did that ever work?

"So, I mean, if you're still interested," begins Rodney, tilting his head.

**

It would be tremendously stupid to say yes. Because they're colleagues, and Rodney is Rodney who didn't even know Katie's birthday, not to mention completely forgot about it, and in about five minutes Carson is going to be here and in twenty minutes they could all be dead, blown up by this device that's now emitting a constant hum in the background. So Radek just reaches out and presses his mouth to Rodney's, cups his friend's face in his hands, locks a foot behind Rodney's. No escape.

Rodney opens under him, kneads his shoulders. He kisses messily, warm and wet and both comfortable and exciting at once. His fingers find their way into Radek's hair, and then Rodney gasps and clutches at Radek's arm.

"Seriously, why didn't you say something, oh, two years ago? Just think of all the sex we could have had by now…" He trails off when Radek subtly reminds him the sex they are about to have right now by pressing his palm against Rodney's groin. "Oh – god, yes – more – do that again."

Suddenly, he puts his hands on Radek's chest and pushes, eliciting a groan from the smaller man.

"That's not a good idea – I mean, generally, yes, it's fucking fantastic, but Carson's gonna be here any minute and I'm not going to do the post-apocalyptic medical exam with a wet spot on my pants."

He kisses Radek deeply, tongue rubbing against Radek's, then he steps back again, and Radek could. Just. Kill him.

"Wait, let me," pants Rodney and scrambles down, hands flying over the zipper of Radek's trousers. He pushes Radek's thighs apart to settle more comfortably, dragging his trousers over his hips and down, down.

Radek visualizes how they must look to anyone accidentally seeing this through the hologram: him leaning against the wall, half-naked, Rodney on his knees in front of him, nuzzling him through his underwear.

He has barely closed his zipper when Carson comes into view, waving the medical bag.

**

"I'm not sure this is such a good idea," says Carson. If the look on his face is any indication, he wouldn't trust Rodney with an ibuprofen right now.

"It's my risk, Carson, so get working." Rodney is sitting on the floor, his arm extended, the sleeve rolled up.

"But we don't know what effects it could have! To be exposed to this a second time-"

"There are people dying in your infirmary right now," says Rodney pointedly. Sneaky, thinks Radek. Carson cannot argue against that.

"So, come on, stick it in. Hook me up. Now."

**

The whole thing is so anticlimactic it's almost embarrassing. Considering that the device had been running for over half a year, it's amazing how easy it is to shot it off. Easy, that is, for Rodney – Radek suffers through every second, seeing Rodney slip further and further away into a drug-induced haze. His movements become erratic, one moment the hands holding delicate tools dance over the panel too fast for Radek's eyes to follow them, then he pauses, still, and Radek has to restrain himself from touching him.

He does not speak, though his mouth moves. Carson watches Rodney, and Radek watches Rodney, but as Radek steals a glance to the side, he sees Ronon watching him. And that's – really more than he can deal with. Rodney is flushed, tracing patterns on the panel, and now his mutterings become audible: here, here, and this, now.

There is no flash, no sound, only the light becoming a little dimmer, the purr of the city becoming a little lighter, and Rodney slumps down.

"Rodney?" inquires Carson.

"'m fine, fine, I'm fucking perfect, I'm fantabulous, fantastic…" says Rodney, and, seriously, Radek has never been so happy to hear him talk.

"He'll be fine," says Carson, looking directly at Radek. "Let's get him to the infirmary."

****

Wednesday, February 22nd, 2006, Your Fortune: Your love light shines on another.
Elvis Presley enters the music charts for the first time, with "Heartbreak Hotel" (1956).

"Don't be ridiculous. It was only one dose." Rodney hops from the gurney.

He is still a little wobbly on his feet, but with Ronon and Radek on either side it's unlikely he will fall down.

Carson is unimpressed. "Still, you're in a very good mood today. That's almost enough of a reason to keep you one more night for observation."

"Believe me, Carson, if you make me stay here any longer you'll find me cured of my good mood very fast." He turns around and, ignoring the coughs from the Scot, randomly pokes through the items on Carson's desk.

"Ha!" This is Rodney McKay, back to being himself. Radek rolls his eyes. Rodney is holding a white tube in each hand. "My God Carson, you have lube here?"

"Lube?" asks Ronon. Radek avoids his questioning gaze.

"The clear stuff," says Rodney, delighted. "For, you know, sex."

On Rodney's left, Radek blushes. Rodney takes one look at him and crows, "Oh, and suddenly you're shy?"

If it weren't for Ronon and Carson, Radek would be happy to show him how bold he can be. He tries to convey the idea with a heated look, and it must have worked, because this time Rodney blushes.

"Can I have some?" asks Ronon.

"What do you – who," sputters Rodney, "no, wait, don't answer that. I think I know, and I really don't want to think about it. Oh god, now you've made me imagine it. Please, go away and hit something. Far away."

On the way out, he grabs two more tubes and puts them in Radek's pockets.

*fins*