Author's Notes

Okay, so I'm really sorry about the change in location, but bear with me. I understand that it's cheesy, and contrived, but I do not feel that I can do the current location justice. I have never even been to England, much less Bristol, and the only things I know are what I see on my television. With my insufficient knowledge, I do not believe that I can continue this story in its present location. I understand that my two main protagonists are still very English, but two is easier to deal with than the entire cast, which is also why I introduced the original characters that I did in this story. So again, I'm very sorry, but I hope you'll understand my reasons.

Warnings: very short

Abnormally Attracted to Sin

Epilogue

By Persephone's Nautical Nun

Nothing is real. Nothing is right. The world continues to turn, and the sun continues to rise, but every time it sets, I feel like it's the last time. Or that it should be, at least. The continuation of the general population's daily lives sickens me, and it takes all the self-control I have to keep from shouting in public, and at random strangers that they should be mourning, and that something beautiful has been lost.

Cook and Effy keep trying to make time rewind for me, back to a time before Emily, even if they're doing it separately. It's just that that time doesn't exist to go back to, because she was literally always there.

The simple fact is that I can't go back to who I was. Who I was is dead. I killed that person in order to become someone else, and now that that has been taken away, I don't know what's left.

I don't know who to be. Not that it matters, because I wouldn't know how to do it, anyway.

I hear it gets better, that every day I'll make a little more progress, get a little better, until one day I'll wake up, and everything will be fine, and I will have adjusted to a life without Emily. I'm not sure when this recovery process is supposed to start, but I know it hasn't yet, and I'm starting to think that everyone is full of shit.

Besides, I'm not entirely sure I want to adjust to a life without Emily.

I moved back in with my mother, and I don't regret it. I think that if I had stayed in that apartment, I would have died there. It offered me a sense of finality. I remember a time when I lived there without her. I guess I knew she would be coming back that time, and the this time was the end.

I try not to think about the last time I saw Emily. I try not to think about the night that I lost everything about myself. I remember that I stood very still for a very long time, that light was starting to come through the windows before I finally collapsed, and the tears that came wracked my body.

I'm staring at myself in the mirror, trying to recognize the person staring back at me, but she's a complete and utter stranger. I watch her as she brings a spliff to her mouth and inhales deeply. This is what I need, to numb myself. It makes the feeling of being stranded in the middle of the ocean a little easier to bear.

The door opens and Katie walks in. I note that she's darkened her hair in the past month, but I don't know why it's relevant. She staggers upon entering, clearly not prepared for the box of smoke my room is, and waves an arm in front of her face in a futile attempt to clear it away.

I smile. So much for the perfect entrance.

She composes herself and walks towards me, tossing an envelope in my general direction. "You're going on vacation," she says as I lean down to pick it up off the floor.

I recognize Emily's handwriting addressing the letter to Katie, and the tremor that goes through me is sickening. I look up at Katie, because I can't look at it anymore. "She could be anywhere," I say, offering the letter back to her.

"Look at the post mark, you idiot."

I glance down. "San Francisco," I say, and shrug. There's no return address. "So?"

Katie looks shocked. "So that's where she is. So go bring my sister back."

I am suddenly very tired. Being told what to do by Katie generally has that affect on me. "Why don't you go?" I ask, slumping back in my chair. It's a lost cause. Emily's gone, and she's not coming back.

Besides, if she wanted to talk to me, she would have written to me.

Katie crosses her arms over her chest and points her toe. "Do you really think that if I thought I had a remote possibility of bringing her back that I would even be standing here?" she asks, and I guess it makes sense.

"What about school?" I ask. It's weak, and I know it is, but grasping at straws is better than grasping at nothing.

"Well, I guess you're taking a term off, aren't you?" she sys hotly before scoffing and shaking her head. "Why are we even debating this?" she asks, mostly to herself.

"I don't know," I say softly, and I think I sound so pathetic that it extinguishes some of her fire.

"I'm buying your plane ticket tomorrow," she says with finality and I know there's no point in saying anything else. Without another word, she crosses the room and leaves me alone to get used to the idea. I know that I never will, even when I get there. For all intents and purposes, my life is about to stop.

Though, I guess it actually did that a month ago, so what does it really matter where I pass the time?

Looks like I'm going to California.