No?

Disclaimer: I own nothing, but Hatter better be under my tree, Santa… We've talked about this.

Just a little one shot for the holidays.

The mall was incredibly crowded for this time of day. Didn't these children have lessons during the day? Why the hell were they everywhere, like a plague of some sort? It was testing Hatter's nerves. His right hand clenched into a fist as yet another small person nearly knocked him over on its way to a man in a red coat surrounded by people. He wasn't sure what kind of tradition it was to sit on the lap of a fat, old man in a funny hat but maybe it meant that he'd have a job when he became as old as Charlie.

Alice had a goofy smile plastered on her face as she slipped her hand around his arm. Her touch calmed him a bit and he gratefully placed his right hand over hers.

"It's a little crazy, I know," she said close to his ear so he could hear her over the roar of the crowd. "But it's Christmas. It's kind of, magical."

"Magical is not quite the word I would use," Hatter seemed considerably less enthusiastic than her, and it made Alice pause.

"Hey," she pulled him to a stop beside her. "You ok?" He looked down at her face and sighed.

"Yeah," he raised one shoulder a bit to shrug off the question's deeper meaning. "I'm fine. Just a little overwhelmed."

"Well," Alice sighed, looking around. "Let's find the gift for my mother and get out of here. Then we can go home and have a cup of tea. What do you say?"

Hatter always perked up a bit at the mention of tea. He smiled down at Alice and leaned towards her, pressing a kiss to her temple.

"Sounds brilliant."

He let Alice pull him into a sweet smelling shop filled with colorful candles and pillows. Curtains and lanterns lined the walls and couches and bed frames were scattered about. He cleared his throat at the intensity of the perfume in the room as she pulled him along by the hand towards the back of the store. Suddenly she stopped. She stopped right smack dab in the middle of the place and Hatter, who had been far too busy looking at a rack of teacups, bumped right into her, nearly knocking her over. She glared up at him with that look and he grinned, biting back a laugh.

"Sorry," he said in a way that reminded her of when they first met. She shook off her anger and smiled back.

"It's fine. Now help me find something for mom. She loves this store, but I never know what to get her." He watched as frustration sunk into her face, making her eyebrows appear heavy. He then took an effort to ease her discontent and began searching. Now, what to buy Carol? He hadn't known the woman very long, or very well for that matter. She was rather skeptical of him when they first met. And who could really blame her? He tells her he's a random construction worker that happened upon her daughter one night, thereby saving her life; and then, upon supposedly meeting her for the first time, kisses her like he'd wanted to from the moment he really met her. Yeah, that had been an interesting conversation afterward.

Hatter picked up a small chicken made out of a stone of some kind and held it up before Alice.

"What about this? She likes these things, doesn't she?" Alice didn't even look at it before saying…

"No."

They had been walking around the first store for an hour, before they moved on to the next store. This one filled with clothes and loud music. Hatter thought for a moment the speakers were singing about home, but then he realized that they were singing about a "Winter Wonderland" here in this world and it sounded nothing like winter back home. He sighed as he followed Alice around yet another rack of shirts that looked like his closet back in his shop drank too much Excitement Tea and made sick on the grass. He plucked one that looked less disgusting and held it up for Alice to see.

"What about this one, love? She likes blue things, right?" he looked at her hopefully. She looked at his face, before the sweater. Her mouth scrunched and the dreaded Word left her pretty lips.

"No."

"No?" he asked.

"No." she confirmed.

Yet another store, yet another hour. He honestly felt like he was going insane. He found himself seriously considering why a raven is really like a writing desk while Alice picked up various candles and sniffed each one. Hatter's head felt light and the room seemed to tilt slightly whenever he moved. He really hoped it was just from the overwhelming smell. He reached out to pick up an interesting candleholder of some kind that was made of glass and had a nice purple color to it. He was almost afraid to hold it up to Alice, but he did it anyway.

"This would look nice in her, uh… room." His words were fuzzy as they spilled out of his mouth. Once again, he saw Alice's mouth scrunch in a once cute way.

"No." she simply stated and began to leave.

"No." he repeated in a childish mocking tone that earned him another glare.

The next store was filled with books. Hatter had found himself looking at a curious little book with a picture of Alice of Legend on it. This must be the kid's book his Alice mentioned. He flipped through the pages as Alice roamed the bookcases.

"What about this?" he held up his book as she flew past.

"No," she said, barely even glancing his direction. As she wandered around in the cooking section.

"No? I think it a fine gift for your holiday." He said, having found a picture of a strange man in a wondrous top hat sitting down to a fine looking spread of a tea party. Alice had stopped, hands on her hips, glaring at him as he sat on the floor of the kid's section of the bookstore.

"Hatter," she said to get his attention. He looked up at her hopefully. Maybe he's done something right? The look on her face confirmed that, no. He had done something wrong. Oyster women were confusing.

"No?" he asked.

"No." she confirmed.

Hatter had had enough. He had been promised tea, damn it and he was still in the horrible hell that she called a mall. He was tired and angry and he wanted to go home and take off all of her clothes and lay her out upon their bed. He did not want to go looking through another store and he decided it was time to speak up.

"Alice," he spoke somewhat quietly to get her attention. She hated when he "made a scene". She wasn't stopping so he said her name louder. Nothing. That did it.

"Alice! Stop!" she whirled around and he knew he was in trouble, but he didn't care. "Your mother is a wonderful person. I love her to death and you know that because I tell you on a regular basis." Everyone in the entire store was now looking at them. Alice's face turned a delightful shade of pink.

"And I would love nothing more than to give her a gift that would express how much of a wonderful woman she is, but we have been in this place for five hours now, and all I want to do is go home, have a cup of tea, and shag you until morning."

That line earned him quite a few chuckles from fellow male shoppers. Alice, who had been looking around nervously at all of the strangers staring at her insane companion now looked at him. Cheeks the color of his very bright red shirt and a mischievous smile appearing on her lips.

"And so, Alice, my love," he took her hands in his and dramatically got down on both knees in the middle of the crowded store. "Can we please, please, go home?"

The entire store seemed to be frozen. All the bustling shoppers and clerks had all stopped to watch the spectacle. And now, they all awaited Alice's answer, holding their breath along with the crazy man in the weird straw hat. Alice looked down at her mad Hatter and considered him a moment. Then a very large smile burst onto her face and she nodded.

"Yes, Hatter," she said, loud enough for the world to hear. "We can go home." He jumped up, scooping her into his arms and twirling her around as the shop burst into laughter and applause. Hatter set her down and grabbed her hand pulling her out of the store and off towards their bed.

There you are. Hope you enjoyed it!