It's me again! I had fun writing this, even if I had to spend a few hours of my time fussing if I'd left any grammar mistakes somewhere, so if you see any I apologise. Thank-you to Ndoki (Vida Loca) for helping me with this idea! Without you I would still be stuck on page one.

Hitting Sirius over the head is a wonderful past time. It helps me get through hard and troubled times; causing someone else physical pain while in a personal dilemma is good for lifting the spirit. It is more wonderful though, when you get to do it because he has just been a stupid and selfish prat or said some silly remark about a subject that shouldn't have been spoken of in the first place, Lily Evans for example.

Right now, for instance, was one of those wonderful – but what should have been unnecessary – moments. So while Sirius massaged the back of his head, I was unhappily brought back to thinking about one inescapable fact that Sirius had so thoughtfully brought up: Lily Evans, her detesting of me and my unfailing love for her.

Sad really.

Here I was one of the most wanted bachelors of Hogwarts and I can't get a date with a girl I actually wanted. Many girls wish that they were Lily Evans, yet somehow she had come to a point where she couldn't stand me.

Pathetic.

Peter however tried to compensate for Sirius' stupid moment.

"How about Jones in the Quidditch game the other day?" It seemed he'd thought of the first question that came to mind, which, in my opinion wasn't the best question to be asking me when we, in actual fact, had lost the game by ten points, "Bloody horrible wasn't he?"

I didn't get to answer and tell him that I wasn't watching Jones because I was too busy trying not to lose, it was Sirius' turn to ask me a question…

"Do you know what they do with people like you James? Lock them up that's what they do. In Azkaban! How would you like to be in there for the rest of your life for beating up your best friend? Abusive people never get anywhere in life James. Never!"

"Or what about McColt? He's –"

"What would your mother do? Her –"

"– bloody bonkers don't you –"

"– little baby an abusive teenage boy – "

This was the moment when I had started to bash my head repeatedly on the desk.

"– think? Although he does –"

"– locked up in Azkaban for the –"

"– play well doesn't he? – "

"– rest of his life! – "

Someone kill me now. Where's Remus when I need him? I hate full moons! Why did it have to be tonight? But then the more I thought about it I figured Remus would have been unlikely to lift a finger to help me anyway. He'd probably have found it rather amusing. The prick.

So after giving myself a wonderful bump on my forehead, now every time I look in the mirror I will be able to see the horrible burden my so called friends are to me. Even so they tried to fix their current mistake of 'distracting' me from my moping by going out of their way to ensure that all our spare time was filled with enough pranks to keep my mind from Lily. This proved somewhat successful until one particular escapade during which Peter returned to us shouting about how he overheard a conversation between said person and her best friend Marlene. He said Lily had called me, and he 'quotes', "a stupid, selfish, conceited little toerag who, because of his arrogance, I would never consider going out with!"

After a moment of silence Sirius patted me on the back and said, in a voice that was anything but sympathetic; "You're screwed mate, totally, completely and utterly screwed."

It's nice to know that my friends have so much faith in me.

What I found out later though, was that the stupid wanker Peter had buggered off before he could eavesdrop on the rest of the conversation during whichMarlene had grabbed Lily by the shoulders and said in a soft and comforting voice – it's nice to know that Lily has better friends that are more sympathetic and supportive then the idiots that hang around me – and asked her straight out; "You've fallen for him haven't you?" after which Lily then pressed her face to her hands and whispered a soft "yes."

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

"Gee thanks for the confidence boost Padfoot," I said dryly.

He patted me on the back again, "I'm here for you mate."

Ha! Yeah sure you are, until some hot chick comes along with big boobs and long thin legs and then you'll be gone; Chasing after her like the pathetic flea ridden dog you are.

Okay, sorry Padfoot, that was harsh of me, but you have to understand I'm in the middle of a teenage crisis here; the girl I'm in love with will not acknowledge my anything good about me and by the way things are going, she's never going to.

Beat THAT!

This isn't a competition James.

Right yeah, sorry Peter. How could you compete when you have no girls to have problems with?

No, wait, sorry I take that back!

So you should.

Shut up.

No! I didn't mean that either! And why the hell am I writing this on my potions homework? Arg! What is she doing to me?

Two whole hours! Two! What happened to the distracting-James-plan? I couldn't believe this! I was even writing down my thoughts on random pieces of parchment that I was supposed to be using for my Potions essay. I know Slughorn likes me and all but I'm not particularly keen on the idea of letting him read my rather private and personal thoughts that suddenly appear halfway through the effects after drinking Snarp weed water.

So now we were supposed to sit here until after hours, so we wouldn't run into some unexpected students. With the cloak now being too small for us we couldn't all fit underneath it. It made sneaking around the castle without any of the portraits and teachers seeing us almost impossible.

I have to say though; sitting here worrying about two things at once is not good for my health. Remus looked, to say the least, absolutely horrible. The day before the full moon was always the worst, and it was hard to sit in class and listen to the teachers raving on and on about NEWT's when one of your friends was going to turn into large scary wolf in less than five hours.

And then there was also Lily. After Peter had come back from his little snooping around time I haven't been able to get the line of 'stupid, selfish, conceited little toerag' out of my head. So my brain was having trouble with choosing which side it should be more worried about.

So when the time came for us to leave I guess we were just more concerned about getting Remus out than anything else. That's why the voice nearly made us shite ourselves.

"What are you doing?" all four of us turned, although spun around very quickly was more like it for Peter, who almost toppled over onto the floor. I snaked a hand out and grabbed him. It was safer for Remus if he and one of us were under the cloak. They could sneak away even if the others got caught. Preferably it would be me or Sirius with Remus, since admittedly a rat wouldn't stand much of a chance against a large werewolf.

All of us seemed to just freeze up. We just stared at her, with her hands on her hips and her lips pursed in a way that says don't-you-dare-try-lying-to-get-out-of-punishment. I have to say I'm quite proud of her to be able to follow us so far.

Me and Peter exchanged glances, "Errr…"

"What are you doing?" she repeated.

"Umm…" come on James! Why is it that you can think of an excuse when McGonagall is staring down at you, but when Lily starts giving you that look you get a brain freeze?

I tried not to react when Sirius pulled on my sleeve, "We have to get moving James! He's not doing too good." He whispered in my ear.

"Err, well…nothing really," I smile at her, "me and Pete here were just going on a little stroll." I gave Sirius a poke as I sign to get moving, while Peter nodded his head a little too enthusiastically.

She didn't really buy it of course, "At night?"

"Yup."

"After hours?"

"Duh," I gave her I look, one that said name-someone-else-in-this-castle-that-hasn't-done-this-except-you-and-some-of-the-first-years. She frowned at me, "Why don't you go without me Peter?"

He scuttled off without argument, leaving me to deal with the wrath of the fiery haired temptress.

"Hey!" She went to follow him but I stood in her way. She tried to side step me; I followed. She did it a few more times. I could see her get more and more frustrated. In a way I could understand why she didn't like me sometimes.

"What's your hurry flower?"

"Move Potter."

"Ah, you see, we come to a little hitch here 'cause I can't do that." She glared at me again. Not that I'm stupid or anything but I always found this kind of fun, she looked cute when she was angry and at least she wasn't yelling yet.

"What?"

"It's for your own safety."

"My safety? James Potter," I did say 'yet' didn't I? "Move your arse now or I will personally move it for you." her voice was dangerously low, the calm before the storm as sailors say.

"No can do; strict orders, can't break them for Sirius can be scarily frightful sometimes."

"Ah! I can't take it anymore! What is wrong with you Potter?" She tried to dodge around me again and almost made it but I grabbed her arm and gripped it firmly, no letting go.

"Please don't." She is cute when she's all riled up but it's not too fun to experience when you get her past breaking point.

"No! Why should I listen to you? Why do I ever listen to you?" She hit me.

Oh great; the yelling. Even though, as fun as I sometimes might find it, when Lily yells it gets me right where it hurts. I could handle the hitting, but just not the yelling.

"Can't you just be nice for once? Just once? Why do you always have to do things for yourself and only for yourself? Can't you just try once in a while to do something for someone else? All you do is pull pranks, make jokes and pull more pranks! Is that all you care about in you stupid life?"

I was so surprised about how she looked close to tears that I almost forgot to answer her. "I care about you," I said it softly, truthfully, hoping that just for once she would take me seriously.

"Oh don't give me that! Don't you dare! Did you ever think that I would fall for that?"

Huh?

"Did you really think that I would fall for your stupid game? Really? I'm not that socially inept Potter!"

Game?

"I just want peace and quiet Potter, so I can finish school with good grades. Why can't you leave me be? Is that too hard to ask for?" Ow, okay; that one's gonna bruise.

"Yes," I whispered; "because I love you." I said it so quietly that I wasn't sure she'd even hear me, let alone take me seriously. My hold of her arm had loosened but she'd stopped her struggling and looked me in the eye. I met her gaze challenging her not to see the truth in my words. After a moment she looked away, arms going limp to her sides she floundered, her rage quickly dissipating.

"…you – no – I…"

She seemed a little shocked, well I couldn't blame her; it wasn't something that usually came up in any ordinary conversation. But she needed to listen this time; I needed her to listen.

"You make me so agitated, all the time, do you know that? I – " I run my hands through my hair; I can't believe I'm actually going to say this, "I'm always thinking of you, Lily and how you're either angry with me, or that you just said you hated my guts, that I'm taking it out on my friends. I'm saying sorry after almost every single sentence that comes out of my mouth and my friends are starting to get used to it! And it's because of you! You and your voice, your laugh, your smile, your eyes and other things that would be too inappropriate to mention!

"Gods Lily, I …I just – I don't know what else to do! I'm so confused and, and I just have to tell you everything I've been thinking; the truth, so maybe you'll see that I'm not some stupid, selfish, conceited little toerag that you think I am," blush, "I want you to see how I really am, Lily; what my friends see, what I don't let anyone else see. You have no idea how much it hurts every time you say you hate me."

Lily still hadn't looked me in the eye; she just stared at her feet. God, she couldn't even face me, I felt the anger building inside me slowly creeping towards boiling point. Then she said it, whispered it softly to her feet; "I don't hate you James"

I laugh, I try to make it sound real, try to hide exactly what I feel with the mask, that mould that I use for myself, "last time I checked 'arrogant toerag' wasn't a term of affection"

"Well I don't mean it!" she cried looking up at me. I could see the tears glassy in her eyes, but I refused to back down.

"Then why do you say it?" I challenged, catching her gaze and holding it.

Silence, then she looks down at her hands.

I sigh, running my hands through my hair, "Lily…"

"I think I love you too."

I give her a stare, one that says 'are you kidding me?'

She sees the look, and just as she's about to say something I cut her off. Everything bad she ever said to me was enough that I could handle it. But telling me that? I didn't know whether it was a mean joke or what.

"Really Lily? That's how you feel? After at least six years of you telling me that I'm arrogant and conceited you decide that? And what you're going to tell me tomorrow? That you don't mean it? Do you always say things you don't mean?"

She looked confused, "no, James I – "

"Just go away Lily, you've had your fun now just leave me alone."

"No! No I won't, god James, you think it didn't hurt me too? Seeing you and knowing how much I loved you and then seeing you treat people like that. And then I finally tell you what you want to hear and you just...just...you just tell me to go away?"

"What else did you expect me to think? That I would jump for joy on the spot and not think anything of it?"

We were silent. I looked away; out into the night where I was supposed to be, with my brothers.

"You should go Lily," I still didn't look at her, "It's not safe tonight."

It was at this moment that Remus decided to howl, echoing across the snow from the Shrieking Shack.

"I have to be off anyway; important stuff." I start to take steps backwards.

She looked completely mortified, "James!"

I turned and began to walk away, "Just go Lily," I said tiredly and left.

Sirius confronted me by the time I reached the shack, I could hear Remus in the next room, 'What the hell was that?" Sirius demanded.

"Nothing important."

"Oh, right and because it took you twenty minutes to get here but that's not important either is it?"

"I'm sorry, I just had to fix something, and it's fixed; no more getting distracted, no more daydreaming. Just us."

I pushed past him, putting an end to the conversation. I heard Sirius make an annoyed remark to Peter but I ignored it. Flopping down on the old dusty couch I ran my fingers through my hair again. Sirius sat down next to me and was silent. He could sense my mood. I was too busy being confused that I didn't really care that he could read me like an open book.

He sighed, seeming to come to a conclusion, "You told her didn't you?"

I gave him a glare. He grinned back. Twat.

"What did she say?"

"That she loved me."

Silence.

"No, really, what did she say?"

I turned to him, "yes, really, so I told her to bugger off."

Frown, "What in the world's arse did you say that for?"

"Just because, ok?" if the idiot could read my feelings so well why the hell couldn't he tell that I just wanted to be left alone?

Sirius stretched lazily, "You don't think she meant it," he stated, then taking my seething silence as his answer he continued, "I think she meant it," In that moment I truly hated him, him and his-knowing-me-so-well that he could practically read my mind. And I hated him even more for the casual way in which he went practically reading my mind.

"Do you seriously expect me to believe that?"

"I am Sirius," he grinned, saw my face, and then cleared his throat, "aren't you reading a little too far into it mate?"

I just shook my head, getting up, "I'll take first watch." With that; the conversation was over.

After yesterday night I thought that most of my troubles were gone. Lily was no longer a problem; letting her know how I felt was enough for me to be able to try and get over her. Moony's secret was still, well, a secret, and I no longer felt the itching need every ten minutes or so to hit Sirius over the head, although occasionally I did; just for fun.

I knew that it couldn't last though. So climbing through the portrait hole on my way to dinner it wasn't a complete shock when a hand snaked out, grabbed me by the arm, and dragged me over to one of the armchairs.

"Sit." When I didn't she pushed me.

"You're both very violent aren't you?" she knew who else I was talking about.

So now, here I am sitting childishly on the couch, defiantly not meeting the eyes of the person who stood over me, arms crossed. I don't know how many minutes we stayed like that for. When her patience seemed to be worn thin, Marlene hit me.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"What is wrong with you?"

I stared at her incredulously, "What's wrong with me? I think you should be asking her that question!"

She hit me again, "She finally gets the guts to tell you what she's wanted to tell you for…" and again, "however long it was and you tell her to shove off! You're the one with the problem bucko!"

"Me? She's been telling me ever since we first met that she hated me! What do you expect me to think? Just because she says that to me one time you think I'm going to believe her?"

"Go and apologise."

I cross my arms, "No, she's not the only one who spilt her guts out there."

She hit me again. "Then why the hell did you tell her to bugger off when, deep down, that's what you've wanted her to tell you ever since you were eleven!"

"Because I didn't expect her to say it alright!" she stopped hitting me, "because I was so used to her telling me to bugger off like every single other time, I never thought that this time was going to be any different, but I said it anyway because I just wanted her to know. I'm so sick of pretending that it doesn't hurt and it doesn't really matter since I'm going to ask her again tomorrow anyway. So you can go and tell her that she should remember the pain she's feeling at the moment – if she is feeling any at all, because frankly, I still don't believe her – since that's what I felt every single time she ever told me 'no' and to bugger off, so if it hurts now imagine how much it would hurt after another ten or twenty times!"

"No! Go and tell her yourself you big oaf, both of you still have things that you want to say to each other." You know what I said about Marlene being sympathetic and supportive? Yeah, well; I take it back.

"I'm not going," I twist my butt further into the cushion – if that was even possible, to try and emphasis my point, "I'm done talking Marlene; I'm always the first to do things. If she really wants to get it out of her system she can come find me."

She glared. I stared back, keeping my face impassive. Apparently it worked; she hit me again.

"Stop being stupid! Now! Go up there and talk to her!" I get up, and I can tell by her face she thinks I'm doing what she asks. I walk up to her and looking up towards that girls dormitories I say thoughtfully, "You know, I would never have thought there would have been a day that Lily Evans sent one of her friends to do her dirty work for her."

I sent her one of my grins that Lily always hated, and then walked away, leaving Marlene standing with her mouth open, searching for words. I felt a little let down that no one else could see the stupid look on her face, and then suddenly wished that I wasn't here anyway, but stuffing my face with pudding instead.

She snapped out of it when I started climbing the boy's stairway, "Hey! What –! James!" A cushion bounced off the wall next to my head. I could tell she finally realised she'd lost.

"Violence doesn't solve problems!" I shouted back, which was then answered by a frustrated growl. If it had happened under any other circumstance, I would have been amused.

"What's he doing this time?" Crowding around the door all four of us pressed our ears to the cracks.

"It sounds like he throwing things." Marlene whispered. More smashing.

"Ouch, that one sounded like my thirty gallon cologne." I whimpered.

"Oh, stop being such a baby Sirius."

"A baby?" I whispered at her outraged, "my best friend is smashing up very expensive things in that bathroom and you're telling me I'm being a baby!"

"Shut your traps you two I can't hear a bloody thing!" that was Remus; always the spoil sport. he'd always made it his job to jump in when I was going to make a fool out of someone, although he had always told me that he was 'saving me from myself' and that it was I who would get made a fool in the end, no matter how incredibly clever I thought my plan was.

I've always thought there was something wrong with him, other than his furry little problem of course.

A muffled voiced drifted its way through the keyhole into my ear.

"You're so stupid James! Stupid, idiotic –"

"What's he saying?"

"He's saying Peter, some very nasty words that I probably shouldn't mention." Even I was surprised at James' abuse on himself.

"No surprise there; you boys have the best, or should I say worst, record for fowl language in the school."

I grinned at her, "I never knew you thought of us so highly Marlene."

"It wasn't a complement idiot!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! Does anyone hear anything?" Good old Remus again.

"…no" the rest of us said together.

"Shit!"

Got that right, and you can probably guess what happened next; the door opened. And of course we four eavesdroppers were found sprawling on top of and under each other at James' feet. In unison we all looked up. Yeah, what else can I say other than we pelted away from him as fast as we could crawl.

The door shut again…loudly.

"Well," Marlene had made it behind Peter's bed, the one farthest away from the bathroom and was now peeking around the wooden legs, "that is a sight I will never forget, remind me next time not to join in on one of your stupid ideas okay?"

I collapsed on my bed, not bothering to answer. Remus made a half hearted grunt and Peter was content with watching the door and flinching at any small movement it made.

"He can't just throw things around all day!" Remus raised his eyebrows at me as another object was shattered on the bathroom wall, "He won't have anything left to throw soon!" I reasoned.

Marlene stood up, "Sirius is right, for once. I've never seen James chuck a tantrum, and from your reaction, you haven't either. We need to get him and Lily together, and because James is…a little busy right now," as if in answer something that sounded suspiciously like a deodorant bottle was pitched against the bathroom wall, "we only have one option; Lily."

I grinned, "Talk to her?"

"Well obviously."

"I'll do it!" Everyone looked completely horrified.

"Er…Sirius I think Remus should go. Lily does know him a little better."

I hold up my hands, "Do not worry your pretty arse about it Marlene – "

"Hey!"

"– I know when I am wanted, and you might be surprised at how persuasive I can be." I move to the door.

"Sirius I don't think that's –" The rest of Remus' words were muffled by the door and I couldn't make out what he said. Although I suspected it was something along the line of; "such a good idea…"

I sighed. Okay Sirius you can do this, just think like Remus…right.

You better thank me big time for this James.

The door shut a little too loud behind me. She screamed.

"Whoa! Hey calm down Flower, no need to draw attention."

"What are you doing?"

"Er…? Talking?" Geez Lily, ask a stupid question.

"Obviously, but why?" I grinned at this, and walked over to sit next to her on the bed. She didn't seem too comfortable with that and pulled her legs up to her chest.

"You, little miss, are the reason James is now sulking in my dormitory ever since he had that little talk with that friend of yours," I held up a hand just as she was about to speak, "and if you say that James has no reason to be sulking then you would be wrong." I didn't mention what the 'sulking' included in case she got too scared and would never talk to him again. I don't think I would survive.

She raised her eyebrows. I smiled back. She cleared her throat. Oh! Right; elaborate.

"He's now mad at himself because he didn't kiss you senseless right then and there and told you to bugger off instead, but he's too stupid and stubborn to be the one to say sorry." I sighed, "But then he also has the other reason that you've hated him for six years."

She blushed at this.

"Look Lily," I said, using her real name for once; I could be serious if I wanted too, no pun intended, "I'm not Marlene, but frankly, her talk with James didn't turn out the way she wanted, so I've turned to you because you seem to be the most logical one. He really likes you Lily, he just needs to know that you're not pulling some cold hearted joke on him and that you're telling the truth. Got it?"

She nodded slowly.

"So can you please go talk to him?"

Oh, great so now I made her completely and utterly scared. I decided to use the line that Remus always uses on me.

"If you don't go now, you're going to regret it for the rest of your life…and you'll most likely get bad grades in the exams because all you're gonna think about is what would have happened if you went and talked to him." I added the last bit for good measure, and was quite shocked to see Lily's face become even more horrified, if that was even possible.

"err…" I didn't know whether I should pat her on the back or something, "Think about it." Deciding against it, – I'll leave the comforting to James, when he got around to it – I got up to leave.

"Sirius?"

"Yes flower?"

"How'd you get up the stairs?"

I laughed, "That's only for me to know sweetheart," wink, "and you to find out."

Right, so I'm being stupid; extremely and utterly stupid. And throwing things against the bathroom wall wasn't a very bright thing to do either; I can't help it if being stubborn is in my genes! And I'm so not ready to have a proper conversation with her now. I could tell Sirius and Re – hey! Wait! Where is Sirius?

I turn to Moony who's sitting on his bed watching me with mild amusement. He always seems to find the predicaments I end up in quite funny, and I can tell by the small almost invisible smile that's pulling at the corners of his mouth this is one of those times. He should be supporting me like real friends do; sticking with my decision and backing me up. I was also sure that he didn't approve of my behaviour and probably wanted to whack me over the back of the head like I do with Sirius.

Sirius!

Where has that prick snuck off to now? Wait…was he even here when I came out of the bathroom?

To Moony; "Where's Padfoot?"

"Er, gone to the kitchens I think."

"The kitchens?"

"That is what I said." he didn't look even remotely fazed. I was never good at interrogating him. But I knew he was lying. I turned to Peter, who was concentrating too hard on his homework. If you ever saw Peter doing homework with that much determination you knew something was up.

"Peter," every part of him seemed to freeze but his hand, which kept on moving at lightning speed. I could imagine he was writing something along the lines of 'don't give Sirius away' again and again. Something was defiantly up. "Where's Sirius?"

He swallowed, shook his head.

"I'll give you two sugar quills," Silence, "three?"

"I told you James, he's down in the kitchens."

"I wasn't talking to you Moony." This is bad, knowing Sirius he's gone to do something completely and utterly stupid.

I got off the bed, walked over to Peter. Standing with my arms crossed over my chest, looking down at him. I knew he found me intimidating. "Five?"

"He went to talk to lily." I knew it; completely and utterly stupid. He probably doesn't realise that I'm going to kill him, very, and I mean very, slowly. Well, you know, if Lily didn't get there first.

"Oh for the love of – "

"Moony, shut it. Why Peter?" I think I already knew the answer.

"To get her to talk to you."

"When did he leave?" I was getting almost desperate now. Did I say very slowly? Because now I mean excruciatingly.

"About fifteen minutes ago."

Oh for the love of –

Knock, knock.

Oh! Crap shitting bugger wanking hole!

Oh please no, please, please no.

"James?"

Oh shi –

"Err…we'll just be going." Remus and Peter got up, they looked a little too happy with themselves about the fact that I couldn't really do anything to stop Lily coming through that door other than hexing myself into oblivion, which they knew I wouldn't, or hexing her into oblivion, which they knew I wouldn't do also.

Tell me again why I hang out with these people?

She stood to the side to let the two pricks out. She looked about as scared as I was. I grimaced. Hopefully Sirius hadn't told her about my little breakdown; that would be embarrassing.

"Can we talk?"

"I guess so. Better now than never ay?"

"Yeah, I guess." She shut the door. "You know I never meant to tell you, before, I – it just sort of… slipped out."

I suspected that there would be four ears pressed against that door, but I didn't want to ruin what might be my last chance by pointing that out, "That doesn't really make it any better Lily, knowing you; you'd probably never have told me."

"I would have gotten around to it sometime, maybe when we were on better terms." She was twisting her necklace, something that she did when she was feeling guilty or nervous. Guilty was my best guess.

"Do you want to know how many times I've wished that I wasn't in love with you? Too many, and it's not because I don't like one small thing about, it's that you hated me, and because of that I wanted to be in love with someone else, someone who liked me would have been preferable. But it just happens, you can't control it and it hurts. I know you've had those thoughts too, although I know that you don't like some of the things I do."

"That's not it at all –"

"Yes it is! I bet you want someone like Prince Charming, who's good at everything, someone who makes you laugh, smile, someone you'll never get angry with. After this we only have one year left! You would never have told me, you probably just wanted to get away so you can get over it."

"Well fine I'll admit that I didn't want this –"

"Then that's all you had to say."

"Can you just let me finish? Please? Just here me out."

I sighed, and ran my hand through my hair. I didn't know if I wanted to hear her out. I didn't know what I wanted anymore full stop.

"Yeah, fine go ahead." I sat down on my bed, leaning my elbows on my knees. She looked a bit hesitant to start, either trying to find the words to say or a bit put off by my mood. I suspect the latter, knowing her she's probably rehearsed a speech in her head a million times.

"I did want to forget about you; that is true. I wanted to concentrate on my studies, and I want to prove that even though I'm muggleborn I could be the best and you were the exact distraction that I didn't want! – "

"A distraction?"

"I didn't mean it like that, I meant that I wouldn't be able to study when you were around; I always get nervous about being near you."

"So you told me you hated me? Just for me to stay away? You could have just told me, I would have waited." She was almost crying, and I had to stop myself from reaching out and grabbing her hand.

"I didn't mean to hurt you James, not once, but it was because of that fact that I was falling in love with you that I had to stay away. And then you started to ask me out, you called me beautiful and smart; everything that anybody would want to hear. Yet there was always something in the back of my mind nagging me that this was probably some joke. Everyone thought it was, and I didn't want to get hurt, so I said no every time, not thinking that I was hurting you instead because you really did mean it."

"You thought it was a prank?" she nodded. Well that explained the night before, "You really thought I was playing a game with you? Do you really think so badly of me?" she had started to shake her head even before I'd finished that sentence.

"I never thought badly of you James. Never, but I couldn't help thinking. I don't even know you very well, what you favourite colour is, stuff like that. That's why I was so shocked when you actually said it out loud. I knew then that you weren't playing games, because you're not that cruel to tell a girl you love them and then just forget about it. It was what I wanted to hear, and it never occurred to me then that you would think it was me playing games with you. I was so confused."

"What would you think, though Lily? What would you think if someone who's been telling you the whole time you've known them that they hated you, and then, after you've finally plucked up the courage to tell them that – even though they hated you, you were in fact in love with them; would you expect them to say it back? Would you?" I never knew that I could ask so many questions in one night.

She looked at her hands, slowly shaking her head a look of disappointment and embarrassment crossing her features.

"So what in the world made you say it?" I pressed.

"Because I hate that I've loved you so long and never said a thing about it because half the time I couldn't think because I was angry at myself for falling for you when you could be such a prick. And then I would start to see that you weren't terribly bad and then you'd go and do something stupid again and I'd tell you I hated you because I realised that even though you weren't the nicest person in the world I still loved you, and all the stupid parts with it, and all it ever did was confuse me even more! This then comes to the fact that you always said you liked me so much but you never followed up on it. In the end I did think that it was some big bet that you were playing with your friends, because by then I actually thought that it's what something James Potter would do for a laugh. That's what everyone thought."

"I always meant it Lily. Every single time"

She rolled her eyes, "Oh yeah, it sure looked like it when you were snogging that girl from Ravenclaw at the Quidditch party."

"Ah…you saw that?"

"You were in the middle of the common room James." Really? Oh yeah, now that I think about it I do remember there being lots of people.

"Yeah, well…I've walked in on you kissing Amos." and God what were you thinking woman! He's the biggest toad out there! And not to mention the captain of the Ravenclaw team!

"Oh…right." she looked a little embarrassed. I don't think I've ever told her how cute it is when she blushes.

"That wasn't anywhere inconspicuous either."

"We were in fact in an empty corridor."

"Yeah until classes finished and lunch started."

"Right…" she sat down carefully next to me. We both stared at the door.

"Uh huh…"

'Call it even?"

I snuck a look at her face. "Too complicated for someone like me, how 'bout starting over?"

"Er…sure?"

"Hey pretty lady. James Potter." I held out my hand. Lily took it, her lips pursed to stop herself from laughing.

"Is that the best pick up line you can come up with?"

"Hey! It's worked on millions of girls!"

"I have a feeling that they weren't looking for a person who was good at talking James."

"What?"

"They only wanted someone who was hot and who would snog them."

"You think I'm hot?" I was flattered.

Glare.

I cleared my throat, "I didn't get your name."

"Lily Evans."

"Nice to meet you Flower."

"How's your day treating you Potter?" Ouch, back to the last name formality. Watch your mouth James or you're gonna blow it a second time.

"Bloody horrible."

"And why's that?" Considering how smart at everything she is she's not very good at the whole small talk thing.

"Do you always council guy's you've just met?"

"Uh huh, it makes them feel more comfortable with me. And if you can get someone to talk you can usually get them to do other things." she winked, "if you know what I mean."

I raise my eyebrows; I was defiantly not expecting her to say that, "Well then, you see I rather blew it with I girl I fancied, and I mean really fancied."

"You? The king of pick up lines blew it with a girl?"

"Well, she always said she'd hated me and then suddenly she pops out with the words 'I love you' and, well, I kind of told her to shove off."

"That was stupid,"

"Completely, I just didn't understand, I mean she had been telling me how much she hated me ever since I'd first met her, basically."

"Really? I've had that problem too,"

"What? A girl who says she's hated you for around six has suddenly told you she's in love with you?" I looked her up and down.

She hit me; I tell you girls are so violent!

"No you idiot, I was the one who was telling this guy that I hated him when I really fancied his pants off."

I almost died, "Fancied his pants off?"

She looked cutely irritated and embarrassed that she'd said that, "It's a figure of speech."

I gave her a grin, "Fancied my pants off!"

"Shut it!

"Right sorry," I couldn't stop grinning, and it was getting contagious; Lily was trying so hard not to smile herself, "that's a striking coincidence don't you think?"

"Yes," she looked thoughtful for a moment, and then she gave into the grin, "indeed."

"I know we've just met and all Lily Evans," my grin widened, "but you know what you were saying about distractions and getting comfortable?"

"I know what you're thinking Potter, don't you think that girl of yours would get a little jealous?"

"Nah, she's supposed to hate me anyway."

"James?"

"Mmm?" We were sitting under the tree near the lake. She had her head on my lap while I was trying to catch up on much needed sleep. Never, ever again was I going to take exams. At least the scores only were thirty percent of our grade, but I was dreading next year. Fail an exam; you fail the subject.

"Have you chosen what you're going to do yet?"

"You mean a career?" I still had my eyes closed.

"Well, yeah."

"Not a clue, although I'm seriously considering an auror."

"Yes…that's what I was thinking."

"I thought you wanted to be a healer?"

"I don't think I'd like being stuck inside when there were bad people running around outside. And I'm muggle born; I think I'd like it to be the one chasing them instead of the other way round."

We were silent, and I was left to contemplate on the truth of her words. It bloody scared me, yet that's what would happen. She would be targeted, she would be chased and it wasn't something that I wanted to think about just yet. We still had one year before we're living by ourselves out in the real world.

"I was also thinking about being a famous Quidditch player. How would you like that? Lily Evans; girlfriend of the best seeker in the world!"

She hit me, and I finally opened my eyes to see her smiling up at me.

"You can't be too sure about that."

"What? – hey!" she just laughed.

"Speaking of Quidditch, you know how you saw me kissing Amos?"

"What's that got to do with Quidditch?"

She ignored me, "I only kissed him because it was the day after the party when you were snogging that other Ravenclaw girl."

"So you went and snogged someone else?"

"I was trying to make you jealous!"

I frowned, "you weren't even going to tell me you liked me anyway. How does that work?"

"It did work though didn't it?"

I decided to change the subject; "And where does Quidditch come into this?"

"Well let's just say that Amos wouldn't have clued on that by trying to impress girls into snogging him by telling them the 'amazing' strategy that he thought up himself is the reason Ravenclaw lost every game this season."

It was extremely funny, and slightly comforting to know that Amos was not, in fact, a lady's man but was, to a certain extent being scammed by girls in spite of a Quidditch match.

Sad really.