The Worst Stories Ever Told Ever
~*~*~*~*~*~
Turtle Tot fiction! Master Splinter isn't feeling too well tonight….which, tragically means no bedtime story. But that not being able to read isn't
going to get the tots down-they'll just tell each OTHER stories! That should be easy enough, right?
……right?
Hallo, everyone! I have Finals all next week, so I'm basically going to spend every spare moment that doesn't have my nose trapped in a
book (And those moments will be scanty, I assure you) typing fanfiction. I really don't have too much time for it over the holidays….too much
shopping and worrying over the results of my finals to do too much. Gomen nasai. You may recognize the Jack and the Beanstalk poem-Roald Dahl
wrote it, actually.
Quote:
"They'll be the death of you. You'll see yet. Wild, rambunctious, uncontrolled, untamed, unstoppable forces of nature that will leave your house in
shambles-if there's another left to create a fiery ruin."
I lowered my teacup with a slight chink, a gasp falling from my lips.
"Bauhinia! You can't possibly mean the little wretched demons can be present in broad daylight, do you?"
Bauhinia gave me a strange look.
"Whatever are you talking about, dear?"
I felt puzzled.
"Weren't you talking about the vampires? Surely, they cannot invade your home by day; they'll simply disintegrate in the sunli-"
Bauhinia shook her head impatiently.
"No, no, dear," she answered moodily, daintily buttering herself up a biscuit. "I was talking about children. Children in general, dearest."
~*~
The fire crackled merrily in the grate, sending yellow sparks fluttering here and there as a well aimed log was thrown directly into the flames from
time to time, the flames greedily swallowing at the new piece of fuel as the occupant of the nearby futon exhaled slightly, and drew deeper into
the warmth of his old quilts, withdrawing his head in, and closed his eyes.
He who believes himself to be ill, WILL become ill.
A wise saying from his Master Yoshi.
Still…..
Splinter drew his somewhat swollen nose to his handkerchief once again with a sigh.
HE felt ill….and now, more then ever, knew himself to be. His denial for the past few days had meant nothing.
The rat pulled his handkerchief from his pocket, and sighed once again as he wiped his now dried out nose.
Oh, dear. Probably just an early Spring fever, but it still felt rather unpleasant, to say the least.
The sewers were never exactly hygienic living quarters for he and his young charges. He had come to accept that long ago-for wherever else was
there to go?
Well.....the answer to that was fairly obvious: Nowhere at all.
Still, it was certainly rare that HE should fall ill. Splinter HAD been feeling slightly lightheaded for the past few days, but he'd shrugged it off.
The rat had a small fever. Thankfully, it was little more then that-a lifetime of crouching in the sewers helped him maintain a fairly powerful
immunity that could be depended on....most of the time.
The turtles had no such protection…and little at all, other then their own still developing immune systems. Luckily, they WERE getting colds at much
less frequent intervals as they grew a little older.
That was quite satisfying to the rat. Mainly because once ONE turtle managed to get ill, the "quarantine" was broken into numerous times by three
curious turtles....
....which, undoubtfully, lead to their own quarantine. Silly little things.
Splinter pricked his ears slightly as the tatami door uncertainly slid open, and light from the hallway flooded itself into the room.
A little face uncertainly peeked in by the frame.
"Masta' Splinter?"
Speaking of 'silly little things.....'
The three year old turtle blinked, looking puzzled. His voice, was, at the very least, drawn to a slight whisper.
With a weary sigh, Splinter uneasily turned to the rather uncertain turtle peering curiously at him.
The rat loved Michelangelo dearly, but right now, at a rising temperature, he really wasn't in the mood for the child's antics, at this point.
"You feelin' okay? Is Sei-Sei sick?"
Splinter managed a faint, crooked smile, and Mikey inched closer, actually managing worry to cross his normally goofy demeanor. Splinter held up a
grey hand, and slowly shook his head.
"Stay away, Michelangelo. I have no desire for you to catch it, too."
Mikey cocked his head, looking more confused then ever.
"I dun' wanna catch anythin'," he pouted. "So, if I not wanna catch anythin', how do I still catch stuff?"
Ah. Splinter knew Michelangelo was thinking of jars and butterfly nets. He managed a small smile.
Children. Children and the concept of germs.
"My son-it does not work that way. Get too close to me, and the germs will catch you."
Mikey meeped, and hurriedly drew away.
"Dun' wanna! I dun' wanna!"
Splinter nodded his head, smile not quite fading.
"Very wise, my son. Is there and particular reason you came in.....?" He questioned, vaguely wondering if the turtle had just wandered in out of
blank curiousity.
Again.
Mikey blinked, then, his eyes brightened as memory overtook him.
"Oh. Oh. Y'say we have beddy-bye time now?"
Ah. That was right-the rat had nearly forgotten. He usually tucked the turtles in at night-with the occasional bedtime tale.
The rat shook his head.
"Yes, my son-it is time for you to retire. However-I'd rather not get too close to you or your brothers for the same reason I just told you. You'll
have to be....big boys, tonight, and tuck yourselves in."
The exuberant smile on Michelangelo's face was impossible to miss.
"I a big boy. I can do it."
Splinter took a small sip from a cup of tea he'd brewed minutes earlier, exhaling.
"Very well. But if I hear one sound-one slightest hint of a ruckus instead of you four getting much needed sleep, I'll be forced to look in on you,
fever or no fever? Understa-"
The rat broke off.
Michelangelo had already run off to tell his brothers of the good news.
"What did the mouse say when the cat bit his tail?"
Raph ignored Mikey, still glaring at the ceiling.
The four were in their beds, but, contrary to expectation, this was really proving rather dull. Splinter had passed the warning along of silence....and
so, there was really little nothing to do but sleep.
And heaven knew they could not, in good conscience, do such a deplorable thing like THAT. Mikey had been reduced to telling joke after obnoxious
joke, no one really taking much amusement as he answered them himself, exploding into a fit of giggles each and every time.
"He said, 'That's the end of me! Ahahahahhhaahahaaa!'"
Donatello whimpered, and drew his head into the pillows.
"I'm boooorrrrreeeeedddd."
Raph scoffed from the nearby bed.
"Don't haveta tell ME. I already know."
Leo blinked blearily from his bed, feeling somewhat crabby himself.
"I wanna go ta' bed."
"You're IN bed." Raph argued.
Leo frowned.
"Nuh....I wanna seep. Now. But I can't."
"Ya could if Mikey would stop blathering."
"I not blathering! You are!"
"You are!"
"YOU ARE!"
While the argument commenced, Donny uncertainly drew an old picture book from under his pillow, and squinted at the cover.
Too bad none of them could read.
"Uh....guys? Guys?
I gots an idea......"
~*~*~
"Why do we haveta tell each other stories?"
"Splinta always tells us one."
"So, who goes first?"
Don thought for a moment, then, withdrew four straws from his bedding, and clutched them tightly in his little fist.
"Whoever gets the longest goes first. Shortest is last."
Leo blinked, then grasped the second straw, and cautiously tugged it out.
Mikey and Raph glancing at each other, they too, took straws.
"Noooo faiiiiirrrr!"
Mikey ecstatically waved the long straw, cheering merrily as Raph glared daggers at the orange clad turtle.
Raph had been left with the second longest, while Don had grasped the third. And, much to Leo's disappointment, he found he had grabbed the
shortest straw.
Don put his fingertip to his mouth.
"Shhhhhh!" he shushed a bewildered Raphael.
"It's Mikey's turn to tell a story!"
The young turtle's fast ghosted over with pride as he eagerly plunked down to his own seat, face glowing with anticipation.
"And...I...I have a great story! Uh....er...."
~*~
Mikey thought for a moment.
"Ah...I.....uhhh...."
Raph impatiently tapped his foot on the bedding.
"Hurry UP, Mikey! It's MY turn soon-and I wanna GO SOON! If you're not gonna take your turn-!"
Mikey frantically waved his palms.
"N-No! I'm thinkin', I'm thinkin'!"
He closed his eyes, and appeared to be frantically remembering. A moment later, his eyes snapped open, quite bright.
"A-ha! Gots one now!"
He cleared his throat somewhat primly before continuing.
"Once upon a time, there lived a mouse named...Fred."
Raph snorted.
"A mouse?! What, NOW you're ripping off Da-"
Mikey gave him a reproving glance.
"Once upon a time, there lived a mouse named Fred who lived in Miami and drove a Pontiac."
Raph blinked, but said nothing. Don however, gave Mikey a strange look.
"Uh...why the HECK is he driving a car?"
Mikey stuck his tongue out at his brother.
"Cause he doesn't have a license for a motorcycle yet. Now, let me go on....."
~*~*~*~
"Fred lived in a condo minimum in Miami, Floweria."
"Florida, Mikey-"
"Sssshhhhhhh! No interruptions!"
Mikey glared at his brothers for a minute or two before resuming his tale, satisfied he had their attention at last.
"Like I was saying, Fred lived in a condo minimum in Miami. But he felt bored with his life, and felt that his career lost momentum."
Did Mikey learn these words from the soaps Splinter sometimes watched....?
"So, he bought himself a shiny new motorcycle, after going through a midlife crisis. But that didn't make him feel much better, so he decided he
needed something else.
He bought himself a yacht-"
Who pays for this mouse's expenses? thought Donatello, looking puzzled.
He'd always wanted to try building something as complex as a vehical code, but that would have to be done with second hand materials. How
could this mouse afford so much-particularly in such a expensive place as Miami?
Mikey went on with his story.
"But that didn't help, either. He had the boat returned, remembering that he got seasick real easy."
Leo turned his head to the side.
So, WHY was Fred living so close to the beach....?
"Fred returned everything he bought, except the captain's hat. It looked good on him. He DID decide, however-that what he needed was a
companion. He needed a friend, so
he decided upon finding a pet for himself."
"What d'you get a mouse that's five inches tall?" muttered Raph, looking disdainful. "A flea?"
"Shhhh, Raph!"
"Soon enough, he took his car for a spin around town, looking for a pet shop. He saw dogs, but they were kinda over six times his size. He saw
birds-but he thought them loud and noisy. He saw hamsters, but he wanted a pet, not a cousin."
Raph's mouth dropped once again.
"How come a mouse can walk around Miami, drive a car, and TALK when a hamster's a hamster and lives in a cage?"
Mikey ignored him.
"He finally stopped at a place called Rick's, and found himself staring in the window. For there, he found the biggest, fattest, most wonderful
animal he had ever laid eyes on.
It was a cat."
Silence. He'd finally captured their attention. Mikey smirked.
"Fred walked in and inquired about the cat-who's name was....Chuck. He then told the shopkeeper that he wanted to purchase Chuck. Rick told
him it was a bad idea, but Fred felt that he had no idea what he was talking about, so he bought Chuck, a kitty bed, and some cat chow.
So saying, he had Chuck ride in the front seat of his car while they sped on home.
But, happy though he was, he decided that he still wanted to learn more about the orange cat, so he asked him a basic question-
"What is your favorite food?"
"Do you REALLY wanna know?" asked Chuck.
Fred nodded.
"Let's wait till we're alone, okay?"
Fred nodded, and decided that it might be nice to speed past his house. As they were on the highway, Fred asked Chuck again.
"What's your favorite thing to eat?"
"Do you really want to know?" asked Chuck.
"Oh, certainly," responded Fred.
"Well...."
Chuck gestured to the nearby traffic. Fred understood, and drove on.
They drove and drove to the beach-where surfers were already hurrying to the waters. Fred asked again.
"D'you REALLY want to know?"
Of course Fred did. But they were surrounded by a multitude of people. So the two made their way up the sandy dunes, finally finding an isolated
cliff that overlooked the ocean....
....but no one could see THEM.
So, watching the sun set, Fred turned to Chuck, bright eyed.
"So.....what's your favorite food? Please, tell me-quick!"
Chuck managed a wide smile full of glinting teeth.
"Well....you DID want to know....very well...."
Raph leaned forwards, breathless as Mikey mimicked Chuck's voice.
"My favorite food is....is...."
~*~*~
"CHEESE!" exclaimed Chuck. "My favorite food is cheese. I was just afraid to say it-case any dogs were nearby."
Fred's eyes filled with happiness.
"Well, mercy me-it's mine, too!"
So, the two unpacked the picnic lunch of cheese and crackers that Fred had made, and the two shortly afterward left on a cruise for the
Caribbean, where they lived happily ever after."
Face twinkling, Mikey looked expectantly at his brothers.
"So-whatcha think? Was it good? Was it?"
Leo finally found his voice, a small smile on his face.
"Um....how did Chuck and Fred afford a trip to the Caribbean?
Mikey rolled his eyes.
"Fred just happens to have a good Credit report. Sheesh. You can at least acknowledge THAT."
Donny managed a small smile and a giggle. But Raph blinked.
"That was the dumbest thing I've ever heard! You even got rid of the good part!"
Mikey stuck out his tongue.
"Chuck's a vegetarian. Don't hate him because he's a nice guy."
"I liked it," commented Leo. "Not what Sensei usually tells us, but...."
Raph just rolled his eyes.
"MY turn," he announced grandly, a grin beginning to unfold on his face.
~*~*~
"Once upon there was a girl named Brunettelocks."
Mikey started.
"Uh.....isn't it....Goldilocks?"
"Not in MY story, it ain't. Now, let me go on....."
~*~*~*~*~
"There WAS, once upon a time, a girl named Brunettelocks, but we're not there yet.
In the woods, made some long time ago by this really, really old guy who's dead now-there was a cottage, where three bears lived. They stole it
from the woodcutter and his wife, forcing them to relocate in St. Louis.
There was Mama Bear, Papa Bear, and Spoiled Brat."
Leo's mouth dropped.
"Uh....isn't it...'Baby Bear?'"
Raph shook his head.
"Nope.....now, as I was saying....."
Whew!
Okay....next chapter, this tale concludes. I really, really hope you'll like Raph's tale, Don's tale, and Leo's tale. ^^ Would have put them here...but
this one shot will have to be a two shot. Gomen Nasai....
See you soon!