Just borrowing from JE.

This is after 'Questions in Vermont' when Stephanie, Ranger, and Adam have settled back in Trenton one year later. It's Christmas. Maybe it was the wine I was drinking........

Answers in Trenton

'A Lula Kind of Christmas'

"Babe, why are we coming here?" Ranger asked pulling up to a large white aluminum sided house. The house was outlined in pink twinkling Christmas lights. Pink! The windows had white wreaths with more pink. The bows appeared to be made out of Spandex if that was possible.

"Ranger," Stephanie gave him a dumbfounded expression, "I'm glad to see you're not color blind."

His eyebrow was up at her smart answer, "Babe."

"This is the Rangeman boarding house you bought last year. You know the place you buy 'Cluck in a Bucket' for every Sunday and have it delivered to because Lula isn't cooking? She's having a Christmas party for your tenants and invited us because you are the owner. Don't you want to wish your renters a Merry Christmas?"

"Mommy," Adam said out the back window of the Cayenne, "Aggie's old house looks so pretty."

The rooming house as now named "Lula's Abode to You". She wanted it to sound high class. Ranger stopped at a cement bird bath, there was a Garden Gnome sitting it with a laminated face of Ed McMahon glued to it. A spot light was shining on it and there was a sign 'Merry Christmas, Ed. We Miss You'.

They could hear music and off key singing coming from inside. They recognized Tank's Hummer and a black SUV parked in front of the carport. "Babe, let's go home before anyone spots us. I'm a little nervous."

"It will be fine. Let's go have some holiday cheer," Stephanie pushed her husband to the door and rang the door bell. It played 'Joy to the World'.

The door opened. They were greeted by a spandex wearing elf in the form of Lula standing there with a very short red and green Elf outfit with pointy ears and shoes. Attached to the ends of her red streaked hair braids were bells. "It's Batman! The Batboy is here, too!" She ushered them inside. "Mmmmm, Skinny White Girl, those are some sexy boots! Welcome to Lula's Workshop!"

Tank was at a keyboard in a Santa suite playing what were supposed to be Christmas songs. He was missing a few notes but he didn't seem to care. Ranger didn't know that his best friend played a musical instrument if that was what it was. The song book was color coded for the keys so that helped.

"You have perfect timing. Ted just got here."

Stephanie looked around the room. She saw Bobby with reindeer antlers on his head and a blinking nose. Lester was in a sports coat with a festive ascot tied at his neck playing checkers with an old man. "Ted who?"

"Ted McMahon," pointing at Lester, "Ed's brother. He stopped by because Ed was so well liked here. God rest his soul." Lula said it like it was the truth, but it was Lester.

"Oh, yeah," he waved his hand, "I saw Johnny all the time. He liked to barbecue a lot so I always ate real well at his mansion. We golfed at times, too. He let me drive his golf cart with a wet bar in it. It had all the top shelf stuff."

"Let's have a toast!" The Santa's reindeer came prancing out of the kitchen with mugs of something.

"Batman, these are your renters. Izzie, Clara, Mel, Possum, he sleeps a lot," Lula was introducing the people standing around the keyboard, "and that's Rocky over there with Ted. This is Ranger, he owns this palace and sends us the 'Cluck in a Bucket' on Sundays."

"Hi, Merry Christmas," Ranger said eying up the front door to make a quick exit. He tasted his drink, it was mostly alcohol and he had a feeling the tenants added to it and it wasn't their first drink of the evening.

Lester or Ted held up his mug of highly spiked eggnog, "A toast to the sender of the chicken!"

"TO THE SENDER OF THE CHICKEN!"

Mel told Santa, "Hit it, Santa!"

They began singing "Three cheers for the chicken buyer! Three cheer for the chicken buyer who's with us tonight."

When their hangovers wore off, Ranger was going to kill his friends.

"Lula, the Christmas tree is beautiful," Stephanie called attention to the singing would stop.

There was a large white tree with white lights, pink balls, big red lips, and fuchsia feathers. There were a few shiny glass ornaments of naked men, but Stephanie kept quiet about them.

"I like it, Mommy," Adam smiled with a hot chocolate mustache admiring the pink Christmas tree.

Ranger just stared. It was nothing like the large Christmas tree in their house along the Delaware River. After last year's holiday, his 'Burg girl' wife bought ornaments at the after Christmas sales and stored them for this one. But she and Adam insisted on a second Charlie Brown tree which they cut-out paper snowflakes and made a colored paper garland to wrap it in, that was Adam's first Christmas tree ever. Ranger couldn't argue against it. And they had fun decorating it.

"We sang Christmas carols while we were a decoratin', White Girl. It was all cozy and old fashioned with hot toddies right out of Andy Williams."

Stephanie saw Ranger's eyebrow go up.

"It turned out real nice. My Tankie put Ed on top of the tree."

Ed McMahon was dressed as an angel to top off the tree.

"We got to open presents!" Stephanie's friend yelled all excited. "It's Secret Santa time!"

Tank patted Ranger on the back, "Some party ain't it." His eyes were a little glazed and his Santa hat was slipping off his bald head but he kept pushing it back into to place.

"Yes," Ranger was trying not to laugh. "I didn't know you played."

"It's easy. I follow the colors on the keys. My Baby got it for me."

"Nice gift."

"Here's one for Ted," Lula handed Lester a wrapped package.

Stephanie and Adam were passing out the packages they brought with them. Each boarder received a fleecy lap blanket from their landlord.

Santa with the assistance of his favorite elf called out names. Lula took over the job because Santa was slurring his words.

From his tenants, Ranger got electric socks. From Lula and Tank, Stephanie and Ranger got a Batmobile cookie jar.

"Look, Dad," Adam crawled up in Ranger's lap showing him the set of Matchbox cars.

"I like this one," pointing to the black Porsche.

Lula was twirling around with her pink Pashmina wrap from her friends. Tank, Bobby, and Ted received brushed corduroy shirts made from recycled cotton and sheepskin slippers. It was a sight seeing three big men in fleecy slippers.

Stephanie and Ranger left the party when Adam was yawning and one crocked person wanted to sing more. Everybody toasted Ranger for the turkey dinner Stephanie was having delivered so Lula didn't have to heat up canned soup because 'Cluck in a Bucket' was closed for Christmas. They went out the door at a chorus of 'Merry Christmas Turkey Killer'. Ted told them Ranger killed the bird himself for dinner and everyone believed him because they were so drunk on the spiked eggnog.

"Babe, next year we're busy or out of town for this party," Ranger was shaking his head as the Cayenne pulled away taking one last look at the pink lighted Rangeman boarding house.

Stephanie teased her husband, "Those are really nice electric socks you got, Ranger."

"I'll show you later in bed why I don't need electric socks."

"That's the best kind of Christmas present, Ranger."

"Count on it, Babe."