Chapter 1 I Am A Sick SOB Edward's POV

There are so many questions I ask myself constantly. How did my life turn out this way?

Why do I enjoy it so much? Most importantly; how is it that after years of living this way, I'm still a free man?

I may look decent and normal on the outside, what the fuck is normal anyway?

But inside, I am irreversibly screwed up.

I've managed to keep this part of my life a secret from everyone, my family, my friends, my neighbors; everyone thinks I'm just Edward Cullen, an average, normal, 18 year old high school graduate, on the road to medical school. Shows how much they know huh?

It's not that I don't intend on becoming a doctor, in favor of this other life, its just that I prefer my subjects to have a little bit more spirit to them, if you get my drift.

I can stop whenever I want; I am not addicted to this shit.

Yeah, keep telling yourself that Cullen.

My sick story began, pretty much the same way as any other kid's. I thought I had loving, attentive parents, up until I turned ten years old, and they'd leave me alone in the house. Carlisle would be at his hospital, fucking all the nurses and interns he could get his hands on, and later come home and beat the shit out of me, because I was the only one to give him crap about what he was doing.

Esme would be at pot smoking parties disguised as charity fundraisers. You'd think someone would eventually catch on to what was happening, but Mr. Fuck and Mrs. Stoned put up the perfect disguise of a loving family.

But what really started screwing me up, was when I met one of Carlisle's coworkers. Laurent.

The sick bastard saw me at the office one day and apparently decided he'd had to much 'alone time', and chose to violate me.

"You won't tell anyone" he said in his stupid Jamaican accent. "No one will believe you if you do, its you're word against mine" he said smugly.

Sure, I should have taken refuge in my siblings; unity, or some shit like that, but I chose not to; although they went through pretty much the same situations as me.

They got off easy though, since they were old enough, Emmett 'decided' to go live with his college buddy Sam, and Alice got a scholarship to study fashion in Paris; lucky bastards. Instead, I'd go off by myself to the forest close by my house, stare out and see nothing.

I found I could make it seem as though my life didn't suck like it did. My cell phone rang, snapping me out of my state of mind.

I checked the screen, Esme.

"Hey mom," I greeted her normally.

I hated pretending that everything was fine between us, that nothing was missing. Shit, I may have stopped my double life if they actually gave a damn, any of them; but they didn't, so what the fuck right?

"Hello Edward, how are you? It's been a while since you've come to visit us," she said pleasantly.

"I know mom, I've been busy with school though."

She huffed, and I imagined her shaking her head. "I knew it was a mistake to let you have your own place. You hardly come to visit your folks anymore…"

I sighed. "Mom, I was eighteen when I decided to move out, and I did it for school you know that." among my other extra curricular activities

"There's still no way to get you to come home is there?" she said in a joking tone.

I gritted my teeth.

I know it seems like a harsh reaction on my part, but I just don't like it when my parents try to be manipulative. I had way too much of that crap when I was a kid, and I wasn't going to stand for it as a fucking adult. "No mom, afraid not," I told her.

"Oh well… at least come to visit me and you're father. And you could see your brother and sister too; they came down about a week ago, and are asking about you."

"They can call," I told her in a disinterested tone.

I know I'm sounding like an asshole right now, but I've heard this kind of persuasion before; I wouldn't give into it before, and I won't give into it now.

"Mother, I have to go, I have a project that I need to get done," I said evasively.

"Alright honey, I won't keep you, I love you."

I hesitated before I replied "I love you too mom"

"Bye Edward."

"Bye," I said and hung up.

God, I'm seriously in need of therapy, I thought, as I threw myself on my bed.

I shook those pussy thoughts out of my head, and focused on what I had to do.

The stress of talking with my mother was still weighing heavily on me, and I needed an outlet, my outlet.

My cell phone rang again, and I pinched the bridge of my nose at the thought of another conversation with Esme.

So, what do you think? do i keep it up? let me know :)

AN- Thanks to my Betas for this story, Exilededdie, Robicorn, and Birobird93 for helping me with this. You're awesome!