Spirit Never Free

By Serena

A/N: Thank you all so much for your comments. :) I'm so thrilled you like it so far. I wasn't sure how many would go for the AU, but your enthusiasm has encouraged me to continue.

QUICK announcement: The sci-fi/fantasy novel I've been working on for several months has been edited (by me and two other people) and completed. I'm at the moment writing up queries to send to agents, so wish me luck! :)

NOW, there are a few things I'd like to say: I don't feel that they delved deeply enough into Jake's frustration with his being paralyzed. I know they were short on time to do that, and they did show it in several spots, but I'm going to expand on that. Also I'm going to expand the relationship between Jake and Tom, and how upset Jake was to lose his brother.

This story is going to be darker than the movie, I think. But essentially, it's the same: Jake goes on a journey and starts a new life. Here, his journey is going to be more of an internal struggle to find something worth fighting for and to deal with his pain.

I'm dedicating this story to my superb beta Mira-Jade. :) This has now been edited by her. Thank you, dear! You're the best. :)

Disc: If I owned Avatar, I'd be watching it now.

FIVE YEARS, FIVE MONTHS AGO

"Jake, I'm telling you - it's incredible. Dr. Augustine - she's the one running the thing - has sent me so many vids and pictures of the most amazing flora and fauna," Tom gushed over the intercom.

Jake rubbed his eyes with a hand and shook his head, staring at the intercom. "Tom, you know I've never been into all that science stuff. That's up your alley."

"But it's not just science - it's a whole other planet, Jake!" Tom protested. His voice sounded a little scratchy, but it could've been just the com signal. "It's dangerous, I've heard, but it's absolutely spectacular. It's like nothing you've ever seen or even dreamed of."

"Uh-huh." Jake's eyes darkened, and he instinctively clenched his hand. Any mention of dreams set him off in a bad mood. None of his dreams were good, and they hadn't been for years. The only things he ever dreamed about were the battles he'd been in. He had relieved his worst nightmare too many times to count, almost to the point where sleep was more tiring than remaining awake. The worst thing about this nightmare was that it was real - it had really happened. In its wake, he could not even count the times he had woken up, gasping for breathing as he realized his legs didn't work anymore.

"I'm shipping out pretty soon - around six months. It'll take almost six years to get there in cryostasis."

Six years asleep? "Sounds great," Jake replied dryly. "How long you gonna be out there?"

"Oh, I don't know yet. Two, maybe three year mission. It depends, though."

"On what?" Although he hadn't seen his brother in a while, Jake still didn't care for the thought of his twin brother, not to mention only remaining relative, leaving - especially going off the planet. An uncomfortable flutter darted through his stomach, tightening it slightly.

"On the natives of the planet. That's the point of the Avatar program," Tom said. "We're training to communicate with the native species on Pandora - the Na'vi. Dr. Augustine set up a school when she first got there, but she's told me that the relations have gotten pretty bad, almost to the point where the Na'vi don't even want to talk to us anymore."

"So, let me get this straight," Jake said. "You're gonna go to a planet millions of miles away to deal with a bunch of blue aliens that don't even want to talk to you."

"Yep, pretty much," Tom replied with a short laugh. "But it's a lot more than that."

"I'm sure," Jake said, a small smile on his face. He paused. "You be careful out there, all right?"

"You're telling me to be careful?" Tom demanded, a note of dark amusement in his voice. "That's got to be the most ironic thing I've ever heard."

Jake snorted. "All right, fine. But if you get your ass kicked by those blue aliens, don't come crying to me."

"Deal," Tom said, chuckling again. He paused, and more seriously added: "Jake, I know I'm talking to a wall when I'm saying this, but just... don't do anything reckless when I'm gone, okay?"

Jake felt a familiar, bitter smile adorn his lips. "Not much the U.S. can do with a half-working marine."

"Jake..." Tom sighed. "Your life isn't over. You should count yourself lucky."

"Right," Jake muttered. He'd seen more than his share of teammates bleeding and dying. But when he'd first learned that he'd never walk again, a darker part of him almost wanted to join his friends. That thought alone made his chest sting. He didn't know what he would've done without Tom. "Listen, Tom, you'll do great."

"Thanks. Hey, I'm shipping out pretty soon, but I'd like to stop by before I leave. It'll be a while before I see you again."

Neither he nor Jake wanted to point out that it might be the last time they ever saw each other. But they both knew what it meant. Anything could happen. After all, it was an entirely different planet with a species of vicious aliens.

Despite the fact that Jake hadn't really kept up good communication with his twin brother, he didn't like the thought of Tom being so far away for so long. Jake would be the only one left after Tom shipped out. Jake felt an uncomfortable twist in his stomach and said: "Yeah, that'd be great."

"All right, then." Tom sounded both relieved and pleased at Jake's acceptance. "I'll see what I can do. I'll call you before I come down."

"Sounds good." After Tom hung up, Jake rubbed his eyes and checked the clock. 12:23. He had a part-time job in the morning, since Vet's benefits were crap. Figuring he'd at least try to get an hour or two of sleep in before work, he rolled over to his bed, heaved himself in, and stared up at the ceiling. Eventually, he succumbed to exhaustion, but his nightmares returned as always, and he woke up gasping to the screams and gunfire of the battles he'd been in.

When he fell back into another fit of restless sleep, it wasn't long before he was submersed in nightmares once more. It was always the same. He was rushing up into the building, gun blazing directly ahead. He roared orders to his troops as he continued shooting. He got the distinct feeling that something was off, but he couldn't place it. By the time he turned to run with his troops, it was too late.

Jake's eyes flew open. Impulsively, he bolted upright and tore the covers off his legs. He let out a ragged breath as he stared down at his immobile lower half.

It wasn't a nightmare. It was real.

The first peaceful dreams Jake experienced were those he had in cryo. In these he was always alive. And he was always flying.

He could see the lush jungle below, and the incredible blue sky above. The warm wind rushed by him, and his heart pounded with adrenaline. In the distance, he heard a shrill cry, unlike anything he'd ever heard. But oddly enough, it was so familiar, so second nature. Everything was so clear... so real. More real than anything he'd ever felt.

He glanced to his side and saw someone flying beside him. But unlike everything else, he couldn't see who it was. He narrowed his eyes, straining to see. But he couldn't. The figure was blurry.

Who was it?

Jake's eyes fluttered open, and he blinked several times, adjusting to the dim light of his nightstand clock. For a moment, he thought he was still in cryo, but then he remembered. The cool grey ceiling stared back at him. He'd made it to Pandora. With a sigh, he pushed himself upright with his arms and leaned forward, taking in deep breaths. That dream, like the ones he'd had in cryo, felt so real.

He shook his head and snorted. It wasn't real. It was just a dream. And you always had to wake up. Every time he looked down at his legs, he was reminded of that.

After a quick shower, he grabbed a protein bar from the mess hall and wheeled himself into the bio lab. He looked around and saw Norm and Grace talking with one of the scientists - Max, his name was. Jake had met him briefly yesterday. He was a nice guy - a heck of a lot nicer than Grace, for certain. When Max saw him, he smiled and nodded. Jake nodded in return with a small smile and rolled up to the group.

"Hey, you made it," Norm said cheerfully. "Good. We're almost ready to go."

Jake nodded again and shot a look to Grace. She looked a little less tired and cranky than yesterday, but she still eyed him as though he were the stupidest person alive. He'd dealt with a lot of people with superiority complexes, but Tom had never treated Jake as though he were dumb. And the fact that Grace clearly wasn't respecting Tom's death increased Jake's dislike of her.

Grace started around the room and pointed to one of several pods in the lab. "This'll be your pod, Norm," she said, patting it.

"All right!" Norm grinned and eagerly hopped inside.

Moving forward, Grace moved to the next pod in line. "Sully, this is yours." She stepped up beside the pod and started tapping on the control screen. Jake figured since Norm had already entered his pod, he might as well, too. The pod was filled with squishy, plastic filling that would cushion him. Poking it, he grinned despite himself. Tom would've loved this.

"This is cool."

Grace glanced over her shoulder and raised an eyebrow. "What are you, five?"

Jake brushed off her remark and shrugged. "At heart, maybe." He threw her a disarming grin, but she just rolled her eyes and turned back to the screen.

"So, how many hours have you logged?" she asked him.

"Zip."

She whirled around. "Tell me you're joking."

"I would, but I think you're pissed off enough as it is." The corners of his mouth twitching into a lopsided grin, he grabbed the front of the pod for stability, steeled himself, and pulled himself up and into the pod. He heard Norm chirping: "Let's go!" and then he heard the sound of the pods revving up online. Glancing down, he started to pull his legs in, when Grace moved to help him. Feeling a flash of irritation, he put out a hand and said shortly: "No, I got this."

She threw up her hands in defeat and returned to her work. He pulled one leg in first, then the other, letting out a small, angry sigh. He didn't need anyone's help - especially hers.

"So you just figured you'd come out here to the most hostile environment known to man with no training of any kind to just... what, see how it went?"

Jake grinned broadly. "Maybe I was tired of doctors telling me what I couldn't do," he challenged, gazing back at her.

She glanced back at him with a surprised expression. Good. He was showing her he wouldn't be bossed around - not by her or anybody else. He didn't even answer to her anymore - Quaritch had made sure of that.

"All right," Grace said, as Max and the other lab techs started up the brain interfaces. "Keep your hands in, head down." She pushed Jake's head back into the pod support and placed the wire brace over his body. "Now, relax and let your mind go blank. Shouldn't be hard for you." She shot him a dry smile.

Jake didn't feel like picking a fight with her right now, as his whole mind was about to be transferred to another alien body, so he just grinned back. Then, she closed the pod completely, leaving him with very dim light. It reminded him of being in cryo, only this space was even smaller. He looked around, listening to the constant hum of the pod. But then, the sound grew louder, and he put his head back where it belong and let out a deep sigh, closing his eyes.

Tom, wherever you are, this is for you.

The last thing he knew, he felt a wave of dizziness come over him. Then, everything went black.

The first thing he saw when he opened his eyes were his hands. And they were blue.

TBC...

All right, I decided I'm going to have some more flashbacks throughout the story of Jake and Tom to show their relationship better. After all, we don't know that much about Jake's life before Pandora, or how he felt about his brother.

Grace is a little meaner here than in the movie, but she's that way for a reason. :) Trust me.

Let me know what you think! :)

- Serena