Now that Olivia was settled into a private room upstairs, Alex knew she had prolonged the conversation long enough. Ever since she saw Olivia chained to that cellblock she had been kicking herself for being so oblivious and for not having approached the subject sooner. She knew that Olivia hadn't been completed honest with her about her stay at Sealview but Alex had backed down after Olivia's repeated declarations that nothing had happened. Now Alex's mind was racing.
Alex took a deep breath and purposely stood up from her chair. She walked over to Olivia's bed and nudged Olivia to move over so she could climb in next to her. Lying on her side facing Olivia she folded her arm under her head and looked expectantly at the detective.
Olivia looked down and focused on picking at the blanket in front of her.
"I'd been locked up before, you know" she started slowly. "This was different... I... I thought I knew what to expect. I thought I was prepared..."
Olivia shook her head slowly and then turned her head toward Alex but still without making eye contact.
"Huang prepped me." Olivia continued firmly. "I knew what I was getting myself into. I knew it wasn't going to be easy..."
Not wanting to interrupt, Alex squeezed Olivia's hand to let her know she believed her.
Olivia took a deep breath and looked away again.
"The intake was... awful..." Olivia said her voice dropping to a whisper.
"Tell me." Alex said softly.
Olivia hesitated and then shook her head in response to Alex's request.
Alex adjusted her position and drapped her arm around Olivia's shoulders pulling her in close.
"Tell me." She repeated gently. "You've been carrying this around by yourself for too long, Liv. It's just you and me. I won't repeat what you tell me to anyone but, honey, you've gotta talk about this. It's eating you up inside. ...Tell me."
Olivia drew a shaking breath and struggled to find words.
"It... uh... st-started off pretty standard." she began slowly. "...questions, fingerprinting...."
Olivia paused.
"You can tell me..." Alex encouraged softly.
"They had everyone line up against a wall..." Olivia continued. "...there were two male guards and one female guard..."
"The male guards s-searched the w-women..." Olivia stuttered. "I've searched suspects before... this was... this was..."
"...their-their hands were every-everywhere..." she said in a barely audible whisper.
Alex had to lean in and strain to hear.
"They made us turn around and watched... watched us take our clothes off..." she continued shakily. "They were snickering and laughing... then they... then they made us sh-shower."
Alex closed her eyes as her heart broke for the trembling woman in her arms.
"I st-stepped out... out of the sh-shower and tried... tried to cover myself-f as best I c-could." Olivia said distantly "...a guard... a guard came up behind... behind me... I could f-feel him b-behind me... he-he breathed in my ear... 'm-move along baby' and he.. and he... r-ran his... his hand... up... up the back of my th-thigh..."
Olivia's voice broke then and she began sobbing quietly.
"Oh sweetie..." Alex whispered.
"I got you... I'm right here..." Alex whispered as she moved Olivia's head onto her shoulder and began stroking her hair. "Shhh... you're safe now, sweetheart... I got you..." she repeated. "Just breathe... nice and easy..."
Alex swallowed the lump that was forming in her own throat and quickly wiped away a single tear on her cheek before Olivia could see it.
Alex kissed the top of Olivia's head before re-resting her head on top of Olivia's.
Alex closed her eyes, forced down the urge to stop the conversation right then. The guilt of putting Olivia through this much pain was killing her but the rational side of her knew that Olivia had kept this inside for too long and needed to be able to confide in someone.
Afraid to hear the answer, Alex spoke her next questions somewhat hesitantly. "Olivia?... What happened next?"
Olivia's chin trembled as she held back her sobs.
"It was pretty... pretty evident that the inmates were exchanging sexual favors with the guards for drugs, extra priviledges... pretty much anything" Olivia continued.
"I knew I had to get noticed so I started flirting with the guards..." Olivia's said her voice full of shame.
Alex squeezed her arm. "Hey, you were undercover... playing a character... you did what you had to do..." Alex said gently. "That doesn't mean anything, Liv..."
"For the first two days nothing really happened..." Olivia continued. "I got a lot of stares.... some...", Olivia swallowed hard, "some gr-groping disguised as inmate searches..."
Olivia stopped talking and Alex started rubbing circles on the back of Olivia's hand with her thumb. Alex knew that Olivia and Fin brought Harris into custody on the third day Olivia was undercover.
"What happened on the third day, Liv?..." Alex asked softly.