A/N: Here's a new-year's day update; I'm sorry that I haven't had time for anything else.

Flay: The Fray

Fray: (Noun) A fight, battle, or skirmish. (Verb) To cause strain on (something); upset, decompose. Mirialia thinks back on her friendship with Flay Allster.

"Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice:
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came"

~ How to Save a Life, The Fray

I was friends with Flay. She was only fifteen years old, and while she could be spoiled (she was the daughter of the Vice Foreign Minister of the Atlantic Federation), she could be kind as well. I was a year older than her, and I thought that as she grew up, she'd become a bit more selfless, a bit more mature.

I saw her change when we were on the Archangel. It was subtle; at first I hardly noticed. But the little things add up when I look back on them. I don't think she ever reconciled her mind with the fact Kira was a Coordinator. The things she said were heartless at times, but she'd always qualify them after one of us pointed out her mistake. But now I think it wasn't a mistake— the only reason she didn't admit the truth was that she wanted us to stay with her.

I saw Flay's true face for the first time when Lacus Clyne came onboard. She refused to compromise that time, and I began to doubt that I knew her. She wouldn't go near Lacus. Lacus had never done anything to her, she'd never even seen her, but Flay wouldn't even give Lacus food. And then, Lacus appeared in the very room we were in. Lacus said she wasn't different, and I hoped Flay would listen. But she didn't. She spoke without thinking, refused to even touch Lacus, refused to even acknowledge that the girl was human.

Flay seemed like a monster in that second, but it was nothing compared to what happened later. Flay was willing to kill Lacus.

She was only fifteen, I tried to remind myself. But somehow, that just made it worse. She had become so bitter, so twisted. Even worse was how she treated Kira after her father died. She blamed him for everything that had happened. It didn't matter that Kira was Sai's friend, that Kira was my friend. The only thing that mattered to her was her pain.

I thought that she'd just been under too much stress. It seemed to be the case, because after a while, she stopped acting that way. She was…affectionate to Kira. She ignored Sai instead.

It puzzled me, even at the time. I knew Kira had liked her, but I also knew she had never even noticed him. When I found out she and Kira had started dating, I was shocked. It seemed cruel, what she was doing to Sai, and looking back on it, I see she was just trying to manipulate Kira's emotions. That strikes me as even worse than if she actually had wanted to break up with Sai. She still claimed to love Sai, but failed to act like it at all.

And then, while we were on earth, Cagalli entered the picture. It was…odd how quickly she and Kira seemed to become friends. Flay immediately was jealous, going to more extreme lengths than ever to gain Kira's companionship. I couldn't quite understand it. She had gone from ignoring Kira to obsessing over him.

When we were at Orb, Kira broke up with her. I think it was Cagalli that made him realize how… unnatural Flay was acting. Her jealousy revealed her true self to him.

While we were at Orb, I got to see my parents again. I was so grateful…and for a moment, I sort of understood exactly what was twisting Flay. It was impossible to imagine my life without them. For her, who had lost her last parent… it was like she had lost her last tie to reality.

And then, we left Orb. Kira went out to fight, like he always did. But this time, he didn't come back.

And neither did Tolle.

I…couldn't get their signals. I felt so lost, so alone. Sai helped. I think he understood, sort of, what I was going through. He always was so level headed. He always was the calm voice of reason helping Flay…and she wouldn't see it. Even when Kira stole her from Sai, he didn't hate Kira forever.

And then, I saw him for the first time. Dearka Elsman. His very presence frightened me, even through my shock. I saw him as a threat.

Several days floated by. All I could do was sit on the bed and stare at all that was left of Tolle— the meager belongings he had left on the ship.

Sai tried to take me to the doctor. Flay waylaid him. Sai told me to wait.

But there was no doctor in the room, only Elsman.

Every sense was heightened by adrenaline and fear. I know he spoke, but I don't know what he said. All I knew was that this man, if he even was a man, had murdered my Tolle.

I grabbed the knife and lunged at him.

Sai was there in an instant, holding me back, his arms warm and comforting as I shouted, raged. "Tolle's gone, and he's never coming back. So what is this guy even doing here?!?"

Somehow, the sadness in his purple eyes broke through my shock. Thinking about it, I see they were like Kira's.

Flay leveled the gun at him.

"All Coordinators…deserve to die!"

It happened too fast—all I knew is that no matter what he might have done, he didn't deserve to die like this. I knew, somehow— now that I was seeing it from a third-person perspective— that he didn't deserve to die there, as a prisoner of war.

"What are you doing?"

How was I supposed to know?

"Why did you stop me?"

I just knew…Kira…and Tolle…they wouldn't have wanted this. Tolle had been the first to stand up for Kira, when we found out he was a Coordinator. He didn't want them all to die.

"You tried to kill him too!"

And they would have hated me for it.

"You hate him too!"

No…not him. I hated being alone. I hated that Tolle was gone.

"That Coordinator who killed Tolle!"

Tolle, Kira…they weren't coming back. Would it really make them happy to have me kill for them? They always…had just wanted the war to end, for us to be safe.

"What is this? You're the same! You and I are the same!"

No…never. I'd never be like that. To do what she had done—manipulated others' emotions, shunned us, focused only on herself—if I did that, I would no longer be the girl that Tolle had loved.

"No…You're wrong…I'm not…I'm not!"

I refused. At the time, I denied it completely. Now I see how close I came. If it weren't for Flay, I would have thrown my life away in a quest for revenge. I would have thrown myself into the war.

I would have become inhuman.

It wasn't long after that that we arrived at the Earth Alliance Base at Alaska. Tensions were high…and then, Flay was transferred.

Kira came back. He saved us, from the "honorable" death that had been assigned to us. I was so happy…but now, we were outcasts.

It wasn't long after we went to Orb that it was attacked. A soldier from ZAFT, one of the very ones we had been fighting, saved us, as did Elsman.

It only emphasized how wrong Flay had been.

I didn't think of her for a while, too busy with duties on the Archangel. And then, in the middle of a battle, she came back into our lives. She had been captured in the battle at Alaska by ZAFT, by Coordinators, and for some reason, she was still alive. She was begging us to help her, to save her.

But our forces were damaged, and we had to retreat. The Earth Forces, Natarle Badgiruel, in fact, took her in.

I hoped that she would survive the war. I found out later that she was in a sort of "lifeboat" from the Dominion, and was shot down.

So now, I stand and look at the marker in Orb, a memorial for all those who died, civilian and soldier, Coordinator and Natural alike.

I lost a friend, but I don't think that I lost her when she died. She had been torn from me long before then, by prejudice and hatred and loneliness. I wonder if, had I realized it sooner, I could have helped her.

Because I know that she helped me face myself, and what I could have become, I wonder if I might have been able to save her life had I been a better friend. Could I have saved her, if I told her she was wrong? If I had seen the truth earlier, could I have prevented her from making the mistakes she made?

I wish I had known how to save Flay's life, but to this day, I still don't.