The Most Incredible, Awesome, Kick-Ass, Foolproof Date Plan Ever

(And how it was ruined by my two cockblocking, fags of best friends)

By Gilbert Beilschmidt.

Step 1: Ask Elizaveta out. (She better say yes because everyone and their mother knows she just broke up with Roderich and it she says no well… go to plan B and hope that I can find some chloroform somewhere.)

Sample situation. Improvisation is allowed:

Gilbert (me): Hey Elizaveta.

Elizaveta (her): "Oh Gilbert! How good to see you."

Me: Not as good as it is to see you. (She should blush here) So doing anything this weekend.

Her: Besides planning to burn every picture of Roderich I have? No.

Me: Perfect! I'll pick you up at two then? (Make sure to specify a time. Too many times have I been told I'll get a call and never get one.)

Her: Where are we going?

Me: It's a surprise. (I supply one wink here and watch her swoon. DO NOT TELL ANYONE THE SURPRISE. Last time I let slip I was trying to take her to the movies Antonio and Francis sat behind us the entire time and flicked popcorn at my head.)

Her: Oh how romantic. I can't wait! (She could either kiss my cheek (She's done it to Roddy, she'll do it to me), or run off like a girl, giggling. Both would be most satisfactory.)

End step one.

Step 2: Pick romantic-yet causal place for date. (Not too fancy or else she'll get frightened away and I know you gotta reel 'em in nice and slow). Amusement Park.

(Blindfold Elizaveta. Wait, scratch that, just have her close her eyes - although the blindfold may give certain ideas, I'm not sure that Elizaveta wants those ideas (yet). Drive down to the park, get out of car and led her over to the entrance. *Note* make sure to place my own hands over her eyes at one point.)

Me: (Be sure to remove hands) Surprise!

Elizaveta (her still): Oh Gilbert! This is wonderful! I am so surprised and grateful! Roderich, that bastard of an ex-boyfriend, never took me anywhere!

Me: Well what are we waiting for? (Remember to grab her hand) Let's go! (and for the love of god don't say Let's a-go! Too much Mario with Lovino is really getting to me)

Prance, no, SAUNTER (prancing is gay) with Elizaveta down to the entrance and move on to Step 3 immediately after entering the park. I'm doing great, she's practically eating out of my hand!

Step 3: Show her an awesome time. Be unusually nice to her like. ex: buy her stuff and compliment her hair. (Make her realize what she's been missing out on by dating that prick for two years) Awesome time(s) can include:

Roller Coaster: Odds are Elizaveta is scared and will cling to me.

Cotton Candy: Girls love candy. Elizaveta loves me (maybe hasn't realized it) so eating candy with me would equal double-love.

Water Ride: Wet girl, need I say more? (Pray she wears white and that cute pink bra I saw her with once while she was changing in the girl locker room. Revealed where the peephole was when I accidentally shouted (FRANCIS GRABBED MY ASS, OKAY?), but got to see half-naked girls.)

Haunted House: She'll say no initially, but with a little friendly taunting, she'll do it. She'll need a hand to hold and I'll be ready for her.

See list C for entire list of possible activities.

Step 4: Take her on Ferris wheel ride and kiss her at top.

(Self-explanatory)

Step 5: See where things go from there.

(Bring protection)

-

Gilbert thought this was going to be a great idea. Elizaveta would have to fall for him! Only an idiot (prick, faux-aristocratic bastard) would not be wiled by his stunning good-looking and biting yet oddly quirky charms.

Thought being the crucial word here.

Author's Note

A present for zulentha on lj~ More... later