A/N: I've given it a different title, because it will ultimately end up being a very different story, but this story essentially continues from the first 10-11 chapters of Other Distractions. I think you should read them (or the whole thing) first, but if you don't want to, let me briefly sum them up:

Starts at Breaking Dawn Isle Esme, Edward won't have sex with Bella on their honeymoon, she gets frustrated, they leave early to return to Forks and decide to wait a few weeks for her transformation, she confides to Jacob that nothing happened with Edward, Jacob tells her what Edward told him in the tent about not being able to be with her, Bella forms an elaborate plot to seduce Edward in the meadow to prove them both wrong, it goes awry, she and Edward have a huge fight and she storms off feeling rejected, she goes to Jacob's place, he comforts her, and they somehow end up having passionate sex.

I'm recycling the initial storylines not because I loved the beginning of Other Distractions (as I'm 'Team Jacob' I don't think it gets really good until Chapter 9), but because I'm lazy. Everything that I envision in a great ending to Breaking Dawn revolves around Bella initially sleeping with Jacob. However, I found it difficult to create a relatively plausible situation in which a happily married Bella would cheat on Edward, so I would prefer not to have to do it again.

By the way, I didn't intend for Edward to be physically impotent in Other Distractions, what I was trying to communicate was that Edward was so terrified of hurting Bella while having sex with her that he simply refused to let it get that far, more of an emotional impotence. Kind of what Edward had been doing to her up until their honeymoon anyway.

Okay, enough of my rambling! At any rate, this story picks up in Chapter 11 of Other Distractions, called "Driving." Bella is driving home from La Push after sleeping with Jacob for the first time. I've indicated with a * where I've changed it from the original story.

Driving

I trudged to the Mercedes and started driving toward Forks, though I didn't really want to go home. My mind was racing. I was driving so deep in thought that I wasn't really thinking about where I was going, which gave me a strange sense of déjà vu, reminding me of the previous night. Thankfully, I didn't know where Mike Newton lived. Ha! Despite my overwhelmingly bad state of mind, I had to halfheartedly smile at my lame joke.

I desperately needed to sort my feelings out for myself, before I was questioned by anyone else. I knew I didn't have much time. Charlie, Edward- I had a lot of explaining to do. I wasn't sure if Edward would have joined his family hunting this weekend after what had happened last night. So that meant I could have a couple of days if he left, and if he hadn't……a couple of hours, if that. My mind switched into high gear.

How could I do this to Edward? Temporary insanity brought on by hormonal imbalances as a result of severe sexual frustration seemed to be my only defense. Somehow, I didn't think that it was enough to acquit me in a court of love. I didn't want it to. I thought back to when Edward said that he trusted me, kissed my ring, told me things were different. Yeah, they were different, all right. Instead of me kissing Jacob in what I perceived was a desperate attempt to keep him alive, I went and….did… what I did….completely of my own volition.

But….I thought about our fight. I don't remember ever being so mad at Edward, not even when I didn't know his story; thought that he hated me. At least back then he hadn't lied to me. So….maybe that was my defense. I was pissed at being lied to, deceived, especially over something so important, something I had gotten married at eighteen for. And I was…exacting revenge?

This is ridiculous, I thought to myself. There was an elephant in the room. Well, not an elephant- a werewolf. I had been speaking as though my actions were entirely independent of Jacob; that I slipped because there was something inherently wrong between Edward and me. Yeah, like he's a vampire, and you're a human…that can get in the way of things. It certainly kept us from being as close as I wanted us to be. But just maybe, could I have cheated because I actually wanted to? Because my love for Jacob wasn't going to fade away in an instant when I stood in a white dress and said some words in front of a priest? But Bella, those weren't just any words, they were vows…I corrected myself.

It was starting to get darker outside; I could see some storm clouds rolling in. I allowed myself for a moment to think of the words that Jacob said to me this morning. What you would be missing out on if you gave me up, if you gave up your humanity… what I would like to do with you every day for the rest of my life…and yours. They made me remember, once again, the vision that I had of the two of us together, when we had really kissed that first time. La Push. Sam and the rest of the pack. Billy. Charlie. And…children…..

I had never even thought of having kids before, but if all I had to do to kick it off is what Jacob and I did last night…..well, than I was pretty sure I could handle that. I thought again to Jake's beautiful russet skin; I saw so much of it last night. His beautiful white teeth when he smiled; I saw a lot of that, too. And his hands. And his….agility; he used to be as clumsy as I am. Not anymore. Get your mind out of the gutter, Bella! I forced myself to get back to the issue at hand.

Well, actually, maybe my raging hormones were onto something. I thought about biology for a moment; I had managed to absorb some of the subject despite sitting next to Edward in class junior year. I mean, if sex didn't feel so amazing than people wouldn't reproduce; propagate the species. Maybe this was my body, and my subconscious, desperately trying to tell me that it might want a child someday, pass down my genes, give something amazing back to the world. Someday; not now, but someday. I knew now that with Edward I would have no possibility of that. Not if I became a vampire; not if I stayed human. Ever. I thought about Rosalie; how much she wanted to be human, have a child. She warned me about the life that I wanted to commit to. I thought about her sad eyes, felt more empathy for her more than I ever had before.

I thought about my impending transformation- it was supposed to be next Sunday- just a week and two days away. Last night threw a pretty big wrench into things- or did it? Maybe it didn't have to. Maybe this, as opposed to my actual marriage, was supposed to be my last hurrah; my wild "bachelorette party" before the "big day". For me, being transformed had been my ultimate goal anyway; marriage was just the stipulation. I could explain to Edward that last night I just needed to sow some wild oats, or whatever that expression was. He was always so understanding. I would just tell him that I had made my impulsive and crazy decision, but that I was done with it and was now ready to move on and be with him forever.

Rain started to fall, big drops spattering the windshield. I glanced outside. The storm clouds were quickly blackening the sky; it was starting to look like twilight. Ominous. I glanced at my watch- 10:21 a.m. I flipped on the wipers. The rain was really starting to come down. I took my foot off the accelerator; slowed to a crawl.

But was I ready to move on? Was I really ready? …what you would be missing out on if you gave me up, if you gave up your humanity…. Well, what would I be missing? Well, kids, that was established. What else? Uh, the activity that would lead to having the kids, obviously…. at least for a while. Maybe forever, who knew? I might not ever recover from newborn urges, might not ever be able to experience with Edward what Jake and I experienced last night. My mind drifted back….again….to Jacob and our previous night together. Amazing. And not just physically (although definitely physically!). He made me feel so….desired, so wanted. His heart was wide open- he wasn't afraid to show or tell me exactly how he felt. And with him I felt so…..warm. Safe. Comfortable. Of course, that's what I would be missing out on most if I gave him up- possibly more than Jacob himself. It was the way he made me feel when I was with him.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!! A car horn honked loudly behind me. I looked up; I was parked at what I thought was a red light just on the outskirts of Forks. The light had apparently changed quite a few seconds ago, but I hadn't bothered to accelerate. Damn, I really had to start paying better attention when I drove; I was going to kill someone. *As I glanced through the rearview mirror, I realized that the impatient driver was actually two cars back. The car directly behind me was….Edward's Volvo. It was hard to see him clearly through the rain, but we made the briefest of eye contact before I looked away in sheer panic.

Instantly, I freaked out. I hadn't had enough time to sort out my feelings for myself, much less someone I could really hurt! For the second time that morning, my heart started thumping, and my breathing accelerated and became shallow, as the implications of what I had done stared me in the face. Should I pull over? I wasn't nearly ready to face him. I sped up through the light instead, my hands sweaty on the steering wheel.

As it turned out, driving the few extra miles home only made things worse. Every time I sneaked a peek through the rearview at Edward's stunning reflection, I felt a little guiltier, a little more rotten. The single tear that formed in the corner of my eye when I first saw him had become part of a fresh stream by the time we had reached Charlie's. I pulled the Guardian into the driveway and turned off the ignition, but otherwise made no move to get out of the car. I was crying so hard I could barely speak.

Edward pulled his vehicle up behind mine and got out. He slowly approached the door of my car and crouched down until we were at eye level, already soaking wet. He gestured for me to roll the window down as though he were reenacting the popular Grey Poupon commercial. I hit the automatic window button.

"Hello, Bella," he said, flashing an irresistible grin at his cheesy joke and at me. It didn't quite offset the sad look behind his eyes. His voice gradually became amplified with the downward movement of the window pane. "Alice saw you driving around here. I wanted to see you, talk to you before we left-" His expression immediately changed as my wrecked features came more clearly into view. "Bella? Bella, what's wrong?"

In response to his concern, all I could do was cry harder. I shook my head, unable to say anything.

"If this is about last night, I'm so sorry for everything," he said frantically, reaching his arms into the car to grip my shoulders. "I shouldn't have let you go like that; I shouldn't have lied to you. It was wrong! All I wanted to do was fight for you; tell you how much I wanted you to be with me. But how could I possibly ask that of you? I wouldn't wish this life on anyone. You should be able to stay human, and experience all of your human desires-" He shook his head, his voice cracking.

If only he knew how off-target his assumptions were, and that I had already experienced my human desires. I shook my head again. I owed him the truth. I owed him a detailed explanation. Yet in my panic-stricken state, I managed only one word before my throat closed, precluding further speech. "Jacob-" I choked out. Then the lump in my throat dissolved, and I broke down again, sobbing hysterically.

Edward's eyes narrowed, his cold hands still on my shoulders, rain dripping everywhere. "What did Jacob do?" He asked. It sounded as though it took extreme effort to control the tone in his voice, and the strength in his arms. He gently released his grip.

Edward had it wrong. It wasn't what Jacob had done; it was what I had done. I had to tell him so. But I couldn't. All I could do was shake my head again, salty tears pouring over my cheeks.

Edward's voice rose with anxiety. "What did Jacob do to you, Bella?" he pleaded again. He leaned back out of the Guardian, began pacing, eagerly awaiting my response.

I still couldn't reply. I just kept shaking my head, knowing that there was no way that I could compose myself long enough to contradict him, or to fully answer his question. I buried my head in my hands, willing myself to release my emotions in this controlled time and place. I cried again, letting go, freeing the monsters within, gradually unburdening myself. After a couple of minutes, and several deep breaths, I finally felt prepared to respond, to speak, to take a stand, to take responsibility.

But when I finally looked up, Edward was gone.