Regrets Chapter 1 by believesvueo

"Would someone care to classify A broken heart and some twisted minds So I can find someone to rely on. And run to them full speed ahead…" – Misguided Ghosts by Paramore

Hotch stood in his office watching Emily bring their barely two-month old daughter Emma. Sadness, he felt, because of a decision he made a year ago. A decision he regrets since he uttered those words to Emily. He was a coward and selfish.

"It hurts doesn't it?" It sucks that you can't even hold your daughter, asked his friend, fellow BAU Agent, David Rossi.

Hotch nodded and a feeling of loss overwhelms him.

"You know Hotch, it's not too late."

"It wouldn't be fair to her and to Emma. I let both of them down."

"You're a different man than you were a year ago Hotch. There was so much going on. Go to her, Hotch. Ask for her forgiveness. I know she loves you."

"Emily would never forgive me for walking away from her and our daughter. I blamed her for being in the situation. God, Dave I was so stupid."

"I know Hotch, I was there, remember? I am still the only person who knows the identity of her child's father. Imagine, despite of all the things you did to her and accused her of, the first thing on her mind was to protect you. She loves you so much that she never wanted anyone to lose their respect for you. Crawl, beg, do everything you can to get them back Hotch. You have one beautiful little girl there."

"I don't know Dave."

"Hotch, stop being an ass and be a man. Whatever she throws at you, take it. God knows you deserved it. Do you know how lucky you are to have a woman like Emily to still love you? Imagine, she still was able to remain professional with you despite you breaking her heart. Most women I know would have gone after your balls. You could have easily lost your job but she never said one word. Imagine, the one thing you were so worried about, she saved it again. That makes that twice already? What? You didn't think I know that she quit for you years ago instead of whispering in Strauss' ears? And to think that back then, you also didn't trust her. I don't know what you did in your previous life to deserve a woman like her. But make things right, Aaron."

Rossi left his office to join Emily and the rest of the team, who were arguing on who gets to hold Emma next.

God, how much he wanted so badly to hold their daughter and to feel Emily in his arms again.

He sighed deeply as he thought of that fateful day.

"Hotch. I mean Aaron, can we talk?"

Hotch had been in his office with Rossi discussing the possibility of him moving back in with Haley and Jack. They were able to get Foyet and after all those months of being away from Jack and Haley, in Protective Custody, Hotch wanted to make good of his promises.

But he was a man torn. He and Emily had gotten closer since Foyet stabbed him. She had been the one to give him support and the one that stood by him during those turbulent months.

One night after a hard case, Hotch kissed her and asked her to stay the night. One thing led to another and they were sleeping together every night.

But things all changed once they got Foyet and Jack and Haley returned home.

"What did you want to talk about Prentiss?"

Hotch calling her Prentiss took her off balance. The team had gone home for the night except for David Rossi, whose office is right next door.

"I need to tell you something, Aaron."

"Out with it Prentiss, I need to get home to Jack and Haley."

Hearing that Aaron had gone back to Haley made it even difficult to say what she wanted to say. But he had the right to know, no matter what.

"Aaron, I'm pregnant."

"What?"

"I'm pregnant. It's yours. I took the test and then this morning I went to see a doctor and she confirmed it."

"Prentiss, I can't deal with this. I just got my family back. You said you were on pills. Or did you lie about that? I know you wanted a child but this is entrapment."

"I thought you should know. I thought as the father of this unborn child, you had the right to know. I didn't ask you to be a part of it. I just wanted to tell you. And Hotch, I don't regret this baby but I do regret that you're the father of this baby. How could you accuse me of entrapping you? You were a part of this as much as I was. Don't worry Mr. Hotchner, this baby will never know her father. I will do this without you."

After Emily left his office, Rossi stood by the door and shook his head.

They never discussed about that night again. They worked together as professional as possible. There were times when Hotch would keep her in the precinct to do victimology which irritated the hell out of Emily.

Emily would pretend not to make a big deal out of it when the team was around but once it's just them, she would berate Hotch at the top of her lungs.

"I know that you have a say as to whether I can be on the field or not but don't think you are doing me any favors because this is my baby and my body. Let me do my damn job, Sir."

"Emily, you are pregnant and you should not be out there."

"Sir, I am well aware that I am pregnant but I do know what is best for me and my baby. So just, show your concerns for someone else. Now, I'm going to go out there and join my team. If you have a problem with it, write me up then."

After her first trimester was past, Emily decided to tell the rest of the team she was pregnant. Both Garcia and JJ squealed and told her they will need to take her shopping for maternity clothes. Derek gave her a tight hug and told her they need to talk. Rossi also gave her a hug and whispered, "Hang in there, kiddo." And Reid, awkward as always, gave her a very tight hug. Hotch stayed in his office and watch them gather. He wanted so badly to stand next to Emily and share the good news but he lost that right to be beside her.

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