The Morning After

L's PoV

I am sitting on the floor of my room, with my back to the bed, I have no desire to remind myself of what I did last night, no desire to see the naked teenager chained to the bed or the red marks across his body. I think I am in a state of shock; horrified by the long repressed side of my nature which was revealed last night.

Simply watching Light undress caused something deep inside me to snap, I remember clearly pouncing on him and throwing him onto the bed, chaining him to the headboard and kissing him roughly.

As I sit on the floor I try to think it through rationally, my thoughts muddled and confused, yesterday I was L, the innocent reclusive detective, with absolutely no sexual experience, so where hell had that come from? How had I known what I was doing? Because I certainly had known what I was doing to my young captive, I remember being perfectly aware that I was hurting him, that what I was doing was wrong, but I couldn't make myself stop, I didn't want to.

I let my mind wonder back to that moment, remembering the feeling, remembering the pleasure, I try to remember his reactions, it is hard to do, I had been so caught up in my own enjoyment, and I remember little else clearly. But I seem to remember that he looked to be enjoying it, not that I had bothered to ask permission, or even paused for him to object. I had pinned him down with all the skills of an experienced rapist, a rapist? Is that what I am? I suppose it must be. I ought to arrest myself right now, I am not above the law, not serious laws, there are things I can get away with of course, for the greater good, like tying up Misa Amane for weeks, or bugging Lights room, but rape is different, I don't think I can ever trust myself again.

I can hear Light stir, beginning to wake up. Suddenly it dawns on me that I have just committed a violent crime against my one Kira suspect, as this terrible realisation strikes me I sink lower into the floor, sobbing pitifully to myself, unable to move.

Hearing Light whimpering in pain I silently crawl under the bed hugging my knees to my chest and crying noiselessly into my jeans, after a while Light falls silent, so I slowly peer over the top of the bed. I can see that the teen is unconscious, has Light passed out again due to the pain? Looking at the his body I can see how badly I have hurt him, but as much as I hate myself right now, I can't help the burning desire to kiss the teenager, I stand up and head into the small en suite bathroom to run some warm water over clean towels, I fetch a first aid kit from the cupboard and return to where Light lays.

First I remove the cuffs, and clean the blood from Light's wrists where the metal has cut into his skin, I kiss each wound before I bandage it, moving down the boy's body as tears roll down my face. I put plasters and bandages over all the horrible red marks spoiling Lights perfect skin. Having done all I can to try and help him, I place a couple of painkillers on the bedside table with a glass of water, and retreat under the bed, tears still streaking down my cheeks.

"L?" I hear him call my name "L?" he calls again "I know you are there, please come out."

I emerge from under my hiding place. Cautiously peeking at him from the foot of the bed as he studies the shadows beneath my red eyes, and the tracks the tears have left on my cheeks.

"L? Are you ok?" he questions,
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" I burst into tears again; amazed that he should be concerned for me.
"L, what's wrong?" he tries to move towards me now, ignoring the pain I can see written across his face, he crawls down the bed and wraps his arms around me.
"Aren't you angry Light-Kun?" I ask, puzzled and slightly exited by his arms around me.
"What? No, L, how could I be?" Light looks into my eyes, and I can see that he honestly doesn't hate me.
"I don't understand? I hurt you, I, I'm a monster" I press, convinced that the boy must be in denial.
"No you're not, Please don't be upset" he is pleading with me now, but I'm sure he can't mean it.
"I will hand myself in, I should be arrested" I continue
"No! Please L, you can't, I won't let you" is he actually begging me now?
"But it's not safe, there is something wrong with me, I should be locked up, what if I do it again?" I try to reason with him, surely that should convince him that I am a horrible person.
"I wouldn't mind" Light mumbles, his cheeks flushed red. I feel the shock spread across my face, and I know that I am blushing too.
"Light-Kun? What are you saying? I raped you" I whisper the last three words, my world crumbling around me as I speak aloud the words that have tortured me all morning.
"Is it really rape if the other person wants it ?" he replies, smiling now as he wraps his arms around me tighter, pulling me into an embrace and pressing his lips to mine, he kisses me softly and whispers that he loves me.

Please review!! I really want to know what you think of my writing.....

:D