Title: Just Love Him Dead

Rating: M for random situation sex

Disclaimer: Owning Naruto is on my birthday list. Show me love Kishimoto!

Description: A look into a love-hate relationship between our favorite boys!

Author's Note: This is a series of oneshots inspired by the song Love Me Dead. I could not fit these together in a single story, so these are just oneshots compiled together. They can be stand alone or a whole story. Whatever floats your boat. This first oneshot is about Sasuke and Naruto's "method" of mourning.

Playlist: Love Me Dead by Ludo

~~~~Enbu no akumu…

Her body is my coffin…

Naruto fidgeted with his tie for what seemed like the zillionth time. He was anxious and just plain bored out of his mind. But nonetheless, he was still forced to stand in the back of the funeral home, "Paying respects to Sakura and her family," according to Sasuke.

"Naruto," whispered Sasuke, "stop fidgeting."

Naruto dropped his hands from his tie. "I can't help it," he told Sasuke. "I'm bored!"

Sasuke just sighed and pulled Naruto away from the main room and into the refreshment room. He shoved a cup of coffee in his boyfriend's hands.

"Here," said Sasuke, obviously very grumpy, "occupy yourself."

Naruto took a sip, making a face at the surprised warmth of the liquid. He set his cup down and began whining.

"But Sasuke," he complained, "I'm SO bored!"

Sasuke took a sip of his own cup, "Shut up Naruto. We have to pay respects to Sakura's family."

Naruto made a face. "But WHY? Her grandpa was so old and senile, he thought he was Jesus, the Anti-Christ, and the guy who wrote the Sound of Music! In one sentence!" (1)

Sasuke sighed, "Just because he thought Sakura was Wilt Chamberlain doesn't mean she didn't love him."

Almost as a stroke of irony, Sakura walked into the refreshment room. She grabbed a spare box of Kleenex, shaking her head. "I can't believe how boring this is. Seriously, Pop-pop didn't even know my name. He called me Richard Nixon once!"

She left the room leaving a speechless Sasuke and Naruto.

"See! Told ya this was boring!" cried out Naruto.

Sasuke just shook his head. "Alright fine, this is boring. I admit it. But we still must be respectful."

Then Sasuke changed his tone. "If you survive this," he inched closer to Naruto, "I'll make sure we have a mind-blowing night."

Naruto moved into Sasuke's arms, wrapping his hands around his boyfriend's waist inside his jacket. "That sounds like a promising offer, Uchiha."

"Trust me," said Sasuke with a seductive smirk, "it's a guaranteed promise." Sasuke kissed the tip of his boyfriend's nose, while sneaking a grab of his crotch. Sasuke was shocked to feel it growing hard.

"Oh already excited for tonight I see?" he joked.

Naruto just smiled, "For you, I'm ready for anything."

"Well in that case," Sasuke rubbed his hands along Naruto's sides, "can you even wait that long?"

Naruto was confused. "What do you mean, should we go home now?"

Sasuke laughed. "I think you might not make it. I know I won't because I'm just so ready to pounce on you."

Naruto shook his head. "We are not having sex in a funeral home."

Sasuke smirked and then dragged Naruto by the arm out of the refreshment room. "Don't make a fuss," he warned.

"Um, Sasuke, uh no!" fought Naruto as he was dragged away from the main room. Sasuke pulled him around the hallways, searching for the right place.
Naruto forced himself out of his grasp.

"Sasuke, I know we have had sex in every place imaginable, but I have to draw the line at a funeral home!"

Sasuke ignored him and opened a door. After peering inside, he pulled Naruto into the room and locked the door behind him.

"Didn't you hear what I said?" asked Naruto.

Sasuke just smiled. "But this seems like such a right place!"

Naruto stopped to realize where he was. They were standing in the showroom for the funeral home. Around them, displays of coffins stood open. Finally Naruto realized Sasuke's intentions.

"In a casket?!"

Sasuke shrugged his shoulders. "Can't think of a better place."

Naruto began tweaking out. "Sasuke, we can't have sex in a casket! How freaking creepy is that! They bury people in these things! And this is just totally indec-"

He was cut off by Sasuke's tongue being shoved into his mouth. Naruto moaned into the sloppy and heated kiss. Finally Sasuke pulled away and began molesting his neck, sucking and teasing the sensitive areas with feather-light kisses. Naruto moved into his advances, enjoying the pleasure until he stopped and pulled away.

"No, we can't! This is a funeral home! That's just too creepy!" he told Sasuke.

Sasuke just stared at Naruto, thinking. Then he picked up Naruto and threw him in an open casket. He climbed in after him and sat on top of his boyfriend.

"Just feel the plushy interior. No action takes place in these, what a waste of silk," Sasuke continued his ministrations to Naruto's neck.

"These are created for a reason! And that reason is not for fucking!" Naruto argued, trying to push Sasuke away from him.

"Ah Naruto, so stubborn when you clearly want this," Sasuke cupped Naruto's hard crotch, causing him to cry out. "I suppose I am forced to show you what you want."

With that Sasuke slowly took off his jacket and threw it on the floor. Underneath that he slowly unbuttoned his dress shirt, revealing skin he knew Naruto was eager to touch. Once he sat in only his pants, he laid down on top of Naruto, kissing him deeply and removing his boyfriend's clothes also. Soon enough, Naruto was completely naked with his proud erection press against Sasuke's stomach.

"Sasuke I am so not comfortable with this," Naruto stated firmly to his boyfriend and his boyfriend's roaming hands.

"How are you not comfortable, this is silk lining!" Sasuke continued to roam his mouth around Naruto's neck.

"That's not what I mean!" Naruto tried to move away from Sasuke's mouth yet found himself too enticed by his touches. His body, already used to Sasuke's hands, seemed to magically move towards their touch. Naruto could not help but pant and moan as Sasuke kissed all over his neck, as one hand slightly rubbed over his stomach, as the other hand cupped his ass, and as a finger slowly pushed its way into Naruto's body.

"Sasuke I told you not here!" Naruto tried to move away again but Sasuke held him down.

"Well, you don't have a choice," he replied, giving one of his infamous Uchiha smirks. He reached into his pocket to take out a travel sized bottle of lubricant and whipped his pants off. He kneeled about Naruto to give him a view of what was to come.

"Nothing I haven't seen before," Naruto said to be a jerk.

"But nothing you have ever experienced," Sasuke assured him. His coated his fingers liberally with the lube and stuck one in. Naruto was not quite prepared and gripped onto the side of the coffin for support. Naruto's legs automatically lifted and came to rest with the edges of the coffin under his knees and his feet dangling over the sides. This gave Sasuke move room to work as he pushed his finger in and out of Naruto.

"See Naruto, your ass is just twitching for me. How could you not be excited?" Sasuke commented, pushing the finger into Naruto.

"Your ass would be twitching too if it had a finger inside of it," Naruto shot back. In retaliation for the remark, Sasuke stuck another finger in Naruto without warning. Naruto cried out at the intrusion while flailing his arms around the interior of the coffin. Finally Naruto re-gripped the edges, giving up into Sasuke's advances.

Sasuke smirked with victory while continuing his finger exploration. As he probed, his other hand squeezed lube onto itself and coated Sasuke's erection in preparation for the activity to follow.

"Ready Naruto?" Sasuke asked.

Naruto gave an angry face, which Sasuke found absolutely adorable. "Do I have a choice?" he asked angrily.

Sasuke smirked and shook his head. He led his erection to the Naruto's entrance and without much difficultly, slid into Naruto's tightness. Sasuke threw his head back at the wondrous feeling of being completely surrounded by his boyfriend. Slowly giving a few practice thrusts, he looked down at Naruto for his approval.

"Can we get this over with?" Naruto asked impatiently. Sasuke slowly slid almost completely out of Naruto and then really fast pushed back into him. Not expecting the sudden movement, Naruto found himself moaning for Sasuke to repeat the action, which Sasuke granted. Naruto continued to grip the sides of the coffin while arching into Sasuke's every thrust.

Sasuke found himself a steady pace but soon grew tired of it. For a coffin it was so surprisingly cozy so why not make this sex session extra memorable? He pulled out of Naruto and turned him over so he was facing his back. Sasuke laid his head down upon Naruto's sweaty back as he once again slid into his boyfriend. Then he lifted his head up and grabbed Naruto's hips. Using his hips, Sasuke gained new found momentum to grind into Naruto at an alarmingly fast paced.

Naruto now held the edges of the coffin for dear life. Sasuke had never gained this speed before! Anymore and Naruto was sure their connection would catch fire. But all the worrying ceased when that spot that made Naruto feel ecstasy was hit. Naruto moaned and begged for more as Sasuke continued to strike that spot and send electricity throughout Naruto's body.

Too caught up in the moment Sasuke did not realize the strength of his thrusts was rocking the coffin dramatically. Instead he focused on his and Naruto's pleasure until he could feel Naruto twitch beneath him. Following the twitching, hot liquid shot from Naruto's body onto the coffin beneath the pair.

Sasuke, wanting his own release, sped up again until the coffin rocked dangerously. Finally Sasuke could feel his edge and threw his entire weight into one thrust. He came into Naruto violently, but at the same time, the legs supporting the coffin gave way and crashed to the floor. The whole coffin fell along with it and the couple found themselves in a tangle rolling out of the broken display coffin.

Sasuke just laid on the floor, trying to regain his breath while Naruto shot up in a panic. "Holy shit, oh crap, we just broke the coffin! Shit we are going to get sued! We are going to get arrested for lewd acts, oh crap I can't go to jail!"

"Naruto calm down," said Sasuke calmly. He stood up and got dressed. After dressing, he threw Naruto's clothes at him casually. "Get dress, if we sneak out of here, nobody will know."

Naruto nodded and shakily redressed. Not caring about his appearance, Naruto threw on his clothes and the two silently left the room. They were almost free out the main entrance when Sakura stopped them.

"Hey guys, thanks for coming, it really means a lot for my mom," she said, putting a hand on Naruto's shoulder. "And I'm sure Pop-pop would be really grateful you came. He always did really like the two of you."

Naruto gave a nervous laugh. "Eh, yes, well he was an interesting fellow, glad to be here for him. And your mom," Naruto said quickly.

Sakura lowered her eyes. "Wait a minute, Naruto why are you shaking? What are you two up to?" she asked with suspension.

Sasuke cleared his throat. "Well Sakura, we really must be going, our condolences to your family." With that, he rushed Naruto out the building.

Sakura just stared then realization struck. "Holy shit, a FUNERAL HOME?!" she cried out the door.

1-So my friend used to work in a retirement home's front desk and one of the residents once told her this statement. True story.

I'm not sure when the next one of these will be posted. I already have it started but I have yet to finish it. Thanks for reading!

-Dante