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Happiness, for you we walk on a knife edge. To the eyes you are a flickering light, to the feet, thin ice that cracks; and so may no one touch you who loves you. ~Eugenio Montale

Shiver.

You stare out at a gray world with flat mud-brown eyes; dull and lifeless. Shards of shattered crystal dance in the sky, you watch them, your gaze follows as they lazily drift to the ground.

And I can see the tremors rolling down your body, shaking you to your very core. I see the uneven pattern raised on your skin. I see how your hands are clenched, the knuckles white.

You seem to be waiting for something…someone… What is that, which you think will come? Loved ones, hated ones. You know they won't come—I can feel that. There is fear, there is grief, helplessness, and there is even a breath of hope, but above all there is quiet resentment.

Subtle. Inward. Accepted. And as cold as the ice forming on the thin pane of glass, separating you from the diamonds falling from the clouds.

For everyone around you.

Including me.

And this alone tells me that my presence here has had an affect on you, as I knew that it would. After all, you've changed. You can hardly recall the bliss that you felt in the warm turning of the year, with a child, her hair like white-gold, her eyes the color of grass…much like yours used to be…

Where is that sanguinity now, Master? There is no trace of it in your face, in your thoughts.

It's long since frozen, a cold, hard, lump of silver ice that grows with each passing season. The summers have no power to melt it, or even soften that icy prison that surrounds your heart. It only grows.

And yet….beyond all of this….behind that face, those lifeless eyes, the pale skin, there is a strange and hateful, fearful, wish that maybe, maybe this will all end, all change.

You are a fool.

I will warn you of this, only because I can see the cracks running all over your mind threatening to break it.

...So I say this for your benefit.

Don't misunderstand.

Don't be foolish enough to keep any hope that someone will save you; that anyone can save you. Think of those you know, and tell me which of them would want to save you?

Your father abandoned you. Your friends abandoned you. Those you loved most in this world have been stolen from you: their lives, mortal lives…fragile as a flickering candle flame, blown about by the winds of change; ruled by fate…cursed by destiny.

Who does that leave you with? I smile, grin wolfishly, and run a hand through your hair. It flows like satin, white silk, like water over my fingers. You know that the only being in this world that is there for you is me. You know it right through, you know it in your mind, you know it in your heart, you know it in your soul.

Oh how you hate that.

It hardens the ice even more, as you try to protect yourself from me—as impossible as you know it is.

You look away, your eyes trapped beyond the glass, avert your gaze, ignore me. Pretend that I'm not here. And yet you know that I am the only one here. Because I can feel you, a small white bird, so fragile, with broken wings. Your mind is so close to mine, like an open book to my eyes.

I feel what you feel.

Worthless. Useless. Weak. Pathetic. No one needs you. No one cares about you. You're nothing more than a child. …Those words fill your head, spinning around and around, bombarding your soul with disquiet, with fear and dejection.

They come with my voice.

Your breath fogs the window, hides you suddenly from the world. And the tremors start again. I run a finger down your arm, feel the raised flesh beneath my skin.

Shiver.

Your very heart trembles. Your soul cries out for salvation, even as you pull yourself away from life, from warmth. You shut yourself out from the world. You smother the pain you feel, the pain of happiness. You draw closer to me.

Your eyes are dull, lifeless, full of ice and cold. They meet mine, connect, you see that we are bound and that I am here indefinitely. Together Forever. But just as quickly you look away, rejecting what you know, and you are again lost and alone and seeking warmth where you will find none. You resent me.

And yet your hand seeks out mine, clutches to my arm, viselike. I feel your fear…and it surprises me, because it is fear of my absence. The fingers press into my wrist, they're cold. Shudder, pull away, ignore, and cling to me as though I am your lifeline.

Because you see that you are drowning, freezing to death in a cold icy world, and I am the only one, the only one, who will save you.

You see this, and it makes you sick, makes your heart break, it makes you want to cry, and yet your tears have long since frozen inside of you.

You're cracking like ice on a vast ocean, splitting apart from all that you were and are and what you would have been. Everything you know is shattered. The ice grows in you. You're walking the edge of a knife, teetering, wondering what it would be like to just tip the rest of the way, wondering what it would feel like to let go, but I won't let you fall.

A shattered Master will do me no good.

So I wrap my arms around your shoulders, breath life into you, and I offer to you what you already know: that I can save you. I can make this pain leave. Protection, an escape from this ice-ridden Hell.

I frighten you. You flinch; try to jerk away, but I hold you steady. My words are not lies, not this time.

But understand that the only way to escape, to recover from this icy place you've lost yourself to, is to embrace it. Eradicate the painful things, the soft things, and harden until nothing, nothing in this world, can harm you ever again.

You close your eyes, bow your head, but I feel it in your soul… Acceptance. You lean your shoulder against me, your grip on my wrist tightens, though you fear and resent all that I am, I am your only support, the one thing holding you up from collapse.

And you know it.

And then you return to the world outside. Brown eyes, cold, frozen, lifeless, search through the glass for something…someone...that will never come.

My gaze follows yours, outside, watch the ice form on the windows, watch the blanket of bitter cold lay itself on the ground, watch the world become white, an empty canvas. See the shards of crystal dance on the air.

Shiver.

And let yourself freeze.

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