A/N: Alright, so I've been having mad writer's block on my story Kim and Jared, and one night while trying to get the words for chapter 4 to come out, this idea came to me. It's totally crazy but I think it's gonna be a lot of fun. So, enjoy and happy Valentines Day!!

Disclaimer: I don't own Billy, Jacob, or Leah. They belong to Stephenie Meyer. And I don't own the Rabbit. That belongs to Jake.

Chapter 1: Don't Buy Cheap

Jake looked down at the thin plastic stick in his hand.

He'd told Leah she was out of her mind when she had suggested he take a trip to the drug store. But finally, after a lot of nagging and teasing on Leah's part, he'd hopped into his Rabbit and drove to Forks.

There had to be some other perfectly logical explanation for the nausea, body soreness-- particularly in the pectoral area-- and mood swings he had been experiencing. Of course there had to be. Nevertheless, he'd grabbed two different boxes-- the cheapest since he was only doing this to appease his beta-- and took them up to the register. The cashier smiled knowingly and asked him a few friendly questions. Jake had formulated an elaborate story on the spot about how they were for his sister, and even gathered a few tips on how to use them-- to pass along to his sister, of course. The young cashier seemed to know what she was talking about. She wished him luck and he thanked her before exiting the store with his purchases.

The house was empty when he returned home. Billy was long asleep by now, as it was well after midnight. Jake had made sure to go to the store when he was sure it would be emptiest.

After a quick scan-over of the directions on the back of the box, Jake dropped his shorts, held one of the sticks over the toilet bowl and aimed for the end furthest from his hand. He didn't give himself a moment to question his sanity. All he could do was remind himself that he couldn't wait to see the look on Leah's face when he showed her that he'd actually done it.

When he was finished, he set the devices on the bathroom counter and went to the kitchen to look for some food while he waited. He'd always been a hungry-type boy, especially after phasing into a wolf for the first time, but it seemed all he wanted to do lately was eat. He found a bag of Doritos and settled onto the couch to watch some television.

Halfway through an infomercial showcasing some sort of super duper mop, he fell asleep and was woken by the sun shining brightly through the blinds. Feeling disoriented, he rubbed his eyes and tried to remember why he was on the couch instead of in his bed. Suddenly he heard the toilet flushing from somewhere down the hall.

"Son?" Billy called, seconds before he wheeled into the living room.

"Yea?" Jacob replied sleepily, switching off the television with the remote control.

"Something you want to tell me?"

Jacob racked his memory for something that might have brought out that kind of question. Maybe he'd left another pile of clothes in front of Billy's door. Jacob was always getting chastised for not keeping the floors as kept-up as possible, as it was hard enough for Billy to get around in his wheelchair without having to overcome the obstacles that were Jacob's shoes and jeans.

When Jacob didn't respond, Billy continued.

"Son, there are a bunch of, er... pregnancy tests sitting on the bathroom counter. Would you care to explain to me why someone was over here testing themselves in our bathroom?"

"Pregnancy tests?"

"Well, I didn't know what they were at first, but there are some boxes in the trash."

Boxes. Pregnancy test boxes. The memory hit Jacob like a rock on the head. He couldn't dare let his father know the real reason they were there though, and coincidentally the reason he had fallen asleep on the couch and not in his bed. He quickly composed himself and blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"They're Leah's."

Billy raised a thick black eyebrow and when Jacob didn't change his story, covered his hands with his face.

"Jake," he groaned, the sound was muffled by his fingers. "Leah Clearwater? Of all the girls on the rez, it had to be Leah Clearwater?" He lowered his palms and looked Jake straight in the eye. "How am I going to explain this?"

Jake cleared his throat and tried to will the blush away from his cheeks. "No dad, no. Not Leah, I mean... not mine. Not because of me," he sputtered in a rush attempt to negate his father's bogus claim. "Look dad, don't worry about it. I'll just throw them away and go tell her whatever, okay? She should be awake by now."

Jake rose up off the couch and started to head toward the bathroom. He stopped mid-stride when he heard Billy snicker.

"What?" Jacob asked, turning to look at his father.

Billy looked up at his son and smirked. "I just wish I could be there when you tell Leah Clearwater she's going to have a baby."

Jake rolled his eyes. Even if she had taken the tests, there was no way Leah would be having a baby unless....

But that wasn't possible. He had taken the tests, not Leah! He flew past his father and stormed into the bathroom, throwing the door against the wall so hard he heard it crack; he didn't care. He rushed over to the sink and stared down at the little white sticks. He picked up a box that had fallen on the floor and read the directions one more time to be sure he remembered correctly. They were easy enough to understand-- straight pink line was negative, small cross was positive.

Jake slowly moved his eyes toward the tests and drew in a sharp breath when he saw all four tests clearly adorned with a bright pink plus sign.

Cheap pieces of shit.

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