A/N: I have to say, this is for all fanfic writers within the DN community. I love you guys… but c'mon. Really? Really?! Did you ever take our dear character's feelings into consideration with all the crap we put our boys through? The fluff? The over-dramatic love stories? The evil intent? And I reiterate-
REALLY?!
I consider this a shout-out to all you guys… if I missed something (or someone), I apologize, but I'm only human. Lol. And don't worry… I get burned too. In fact, I'm pretty sure I get burned worst of all. XD
Just…
Just read. ^.^
Title: When Fanfic Writers Attack
"Raito-kun, you're being completely ridiculous."
"I am not!" Raito sputtered as he opened the door leading into the café they were planning to eat at, honey-brown eyes narrowed with anger. "Did you read what she had us do in the last chapter?! It was… it was…"
"Gratifyingly delicious?"
Raito gave the older man a deadened glare as dark obsidian-colored eyes managed to sparkle mischievously.
"I swear, if she even thinks about going through with her chocolate pudding plan, I swear-"
"Hey you guys." Raito blinked as he stared at his 'look-alike'; the young man was identical in every way, even in the clothing he wore and the way he stood. The first Raito however grimaced as he noticed a ring of burnt marks wrapped around his clone's left wrist along with the dark crescent-moons buried underneath his eyes. "What?"
The first brunet pointed at the appendage in question, hazel-brown eyes wide with morbid wonder (he knew this was going to destroy his innocence once he found out, but he just had to ask). "What the hell happened to you-"
"WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM?!" Other-Burnt-Wrist-Raito suddenly exploded as he pointed at another L who was smirking in the table behind the second Raito's figure, shoving a large spoonful of ice-cream into his mouth with a leer. "That stupid man decided that handcuffs must equal sex at all times, so whenever I said no he would pull on the stupid chain and drag me to a damn supply closet and have his wicked way with me! I don't know how long I'm going to be able to take this crap; the author is INSANE. And perverted! PERVERTEDLY INSANE, DAMN IT!"
The first L smiled before giving his doppelganger a thumbs-up. "… … … Nice."
"THAT'S NOT NICE!" Both Raito's shrieked, bursts of fiery anger filling up their beings as the man before them didn't even flinch. "You guys don't get it! You're the ones who always get to abuse and abuse and abuse while we're the ones always stuck taking it up the ass! LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY DAMN IT"
"I DON'T!" Shouted a random Raito from the back. "I'm seme!"
"That would be because you're partner is a 12-year-old child," First L stated matter-of-factly, pointing at the mini-him clinging to the third (and quite much older and creepier) Raito's leg. "Is he even developed enough to be able to take it up the a-"
"L!" The first Raito bellowed before shoving the man on the ground, a large vein throbbing on the temple of his forehead. "Stop being such a damn pervert!"
"But Raito, our authoress has characterized me to be this way." L grinned back, slowly lifting himself off the ground and setting himself in a threatening crouch. "I just cannot help myself."
"HE WOULD BE CORRECT!" Another L shouted from a random table on the other side of the room, holding onto a psychotic-looking Raito who was scarred up and… well, kind of scary looking.
"Here, here!" A fifth L smirked as they forced a rather young-looking Raito who couldn't have been more than 10 years old (much like the perverted Raito in the back, this one seemed to have a thing for little boys) onto his lap and pet his hair as the boy struggled to release himself out of his embrace.
"There is nothing wrong with expressing your emotions through physical touches." A regal-looking L stated as he pushed his falling spectacles up from the bridge of his rather narrow nose-
Only to ruin the intellectuality of his pose by groping the teenage-Raito beside him in plain view of everyone and beaming with perverted delight.
The first Raito stomped his foot on the ground and growled loudly, steam practically coming out of his ears. "WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE?! ARE YOU SERIOUSLY JUST GOING TO LET THESE CRAZY MEN AND WOMEN MESS WITH YOUR LIVES THIS WAY?! DON'T YOU HAVE ANY SHAME?!"
Everyone within the restaurant became eerily quiet as they stared at the irate young man glowing with rage.
A dashing 17-year-old Raito leaning against the window just on their left-hand side smirked as he flipped through his black notebook (which had some lettering on the front of it that the first Raito could not read from his vantage point) and plucked out a pen from his back pocket. "And this is coming from the one who adopted three incredibly insane kids and has consensual sex with a proud pervert on a daily basis because…?"
"Shut up. Just because there are a few of us who don't kill people in the name of 'justice' and laugh about becoming 'God' doesn't make you any better than us." The first Raito snapped back, ignoring the furious flush creeping over his cheeks. The fact that said proud pervert was now staring at his ass and drooling had nothing to do with said flush either. "Now that you're done with that, why don't you tell me just what it was you were doing with him the other night Mr. Smarty-Pants?!"
The notebook-holding Raito sweat-dropped as the L beside him raised an eyebrow before tilting his head on the side, eyes appearing duller than the other L's gazes. "Yes, Raito. Why don't you tell them just what it was you were doing. Or better, who was doing yo-"
"This doesn't solve our problem!" A frustrated Raito wearing a lab-coat and stethoscope yelled in the back, scurrying away from a rather frisky L who was already unzipping his pants. "What do we do?!"
"That's a good point," a flamboyantly dressed Raito muttered, ignoring the annoying stare the L next to him was sending in his direction… about 10 centimeters away from his face. "Isn't there anything we can do?"
"I SAY WE SEND A LETTER OF COMPLAINT TO THESE FANFIC AUTHORITARIANS AND GIVE THEM A PIECE OF OUR MINDS!"
"I SAY WE PETITION AGAINST THIS SO-CALLED… FANFIC AND SUE THEM FOR ALL THEY'RE WORTH!"
"I SAY WE BURN THE INTERWEBS AND MAKE MARSHMALLOWS WITH ITS BURNING REMAINS SO THAT THEY HAVE NO WHERE TO POST THEIR PRECIOUS STORIES!"
"I SAY WE STONE THE WRITERS AND PISS ON THEIR COMPUTERS SO THAT THEY CAN'T USE THEM ANYMORE!"
"I SAY WE DO AWAY WITH LxLIGHT YAOI AND MAKE LIGHTxMIKAMI YAOI INSTEAD!"
All the men within the restaurant stared back at the lone man in the back, his trench coat doing little to hide his true identity as his glasses slid down his nose and crashed onto the ground.
"That'll… show them?"
"Mikami, get the fuck out." The first Raito muttered, shaking his exasperatedly as L proceeded to glare at the other man and make threatening gestures to his face. "Ok, so first we have to plan…"
"Plan what, though?!" A Raito decked out in school-uniform blinked as he stood up from his chair and wheeled about another L who was dressed in identical uniform and reaching for his behind as he did so. "What can we do to make them stop?!"
"Oh, don't worry. I have a plan.And with this plan, we shall see the end of fanfiction as we know it!" The first Raito chuckled a bit at first before bursting out into full blown maniacal laughter, causing all the Raito's within the restaurant to burst out in identical laughter as well.
The L's sweat-dropped as they stared at their various lovers/opponents, not sure whether they should back away in fear or not.
"Yeah… but I still think we might have it luckier than some others, you guys," another Raito dressed in a patient jumpsuit made entirely of white rubbed the back of his neck as he finally stifled his laughter.
"Really? And who would that be?" A nonchalant Raito wearing all leather rolled his eyes in disbelief.
Patient Raito didn't even skip a beat, the one word flying out of his mouth more threatening than any other in their vocabulary-
"Doujinshi."
Every Raito and L in the room shuddered.
"Yeah," the first Raito bit his lip as he nodded his head, "those bastards are just fucked."
"You mean kind of like how you were when you first saw L's penis?"
"THAT'S IT, BITCH, I WILL KILL YOU!"
"GRRRAAGGGHHH-!"
"CHICKEN GIZZARDS!"
A young 21-year-old girl with light brown eyes and short cinnamon-brown hair fell off her bed as she flailed about, the blanket she had been wrapped within tangling against her legs as she flew down on the ground.
Taking a few seconds to collect herself she grabbed her glasses and pushed them up against her eyes. "Just a dream… just a dream…"
Smiling in relief she dove back into bed, grabbing her notebook so that she could write down what she could remember.
"I must be going crazy…"
The End…?
End Note: For those who don't get the reference, the first Raito and L to enter the restaurant were indeed Discordant Harmony!Raito and L. All the others… well, you'll just have to use you're your imagination. Because I've seen it all. Yes, I am a bastard. But that's what you guys love about me, isn't it...? Lol. Forget that. Thanks for reading!