A/N: Oh Goodness…
WHY YOU SO ANGRY LIGHT… … …S? Lol.
This should not have been as much fun as it was. BUT IT WAS. AND IT WAS FANTASTIC. C:
It's been awhile since I've been in the crack realm so let me know what you guys think. Honestly I snorted a good portion of this fic but HEY WHAT DO YOU KNOW I'M GUILTY OF ABOUT 99.9% OF THIS SHIZZNID. XD
This would only be better if this were in comic style. Or RL. Or BOTH. My imagination, it runs with me you see. ^.^
ENJOY MY FAN-BIATCHES. MAMA WISHES YOU A FINE JOURNEY AND SAFE RETURN. BAM. Thank you btw to those who contributed to this clusterfuck. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. YOU ARE AWESOME AND MAMA LOVES YOU MOST OF ALL.
Title: When Fanfic Writers Attack
Part II – You See Me Trollin'…?
"They can't have used every character archetype in existence. It's just not possible."
"Are you sure about that?"
"Pfft… Ok, I'll bite. Clowns?"
"There's a link for that."
"Animals?"
"There's a link for that one too."
"Poker players?"
"Link."
"Farmers?"
"There's actually a couple of links for that one."
"Scientific experiments gone wrong? That one isn't even probable!"
"That one's actually getting pretty popular. Link for that one too."
"High school musicals?"
"Triple link. Damn and that one is even more improbable than the farmers one."
"How about male pregnancy? C'mon, that's not even possible, there's no way people have actually stooped to that level and written abou-"
"There's a few links for that. And art. And possible cos-play action. Wow, that one's actually the mother-load of link-age."
"WHAT THE FUCK?" Raito threw his bag of potato chips at his duplicate sitting behind the blue laptop, his face as red as a ripe tomato. The younger Light, who was bedazzled in bangles and scarves, blinked scrumptiously at the RAGE (all caps necessary) practically dancing in front of him. "HOW THE FUCK IS ANY OF THIS EVEN CLOSE TO CANON?"
"Maybe it's fanon…?"
"WHAT THE HELL IS A FANON?"
"Fanon would be a fan's version of characteristics within said television show/movie/anime/cartoon/what have you (whether they pertain to a particular character or circumstances/events) that happen within said medium which are never really specified within the show but become widely accepted within the show's fan-community through either an adaption of said medium or what is assumed to be the only possible interpretation from the source available."
Raito, who now had a mini-version of himself staring just as incredulously at his mirror-image as himself, was flabbergasted. "How the hell do you even know this?"
"TV Tropes."
"…"
"…"
"… What the hell is a TV TROPES?"
*Seven Hours Later*
"Oh my fucking Kira, who the hell would even have the time to do this shit? It's perfectly organized! And the links… GOD DAMN IT THE LINKS!"
"I think my brain just exploded."
"Either that or the fourth wall has just been broken indefinitely."
"THEY HAVE THEIR OWN LANGUAGE? PWN? FTW? BRB LOLING 4EVA? TRUFAX? WHY DO MY EYES FEEL AS IF THEY ARE MELTING?" This Light, who looked normal enough, began trying to gouge his eyes out, the not-knowing obviously leading to his undoing.
"In the words of several fan-girls and boys across the world... fuck yeah we do."
"How the hell do we fight something like this…?"
"DOES ANYBODY HAVE A DECODER RING DAMN IT? I NEED TO DECIPHER THESE COMMENTS AND THE CODE, IT CAN'T BE BROKEN!"
"Well obviously we can't take out a large fandom in one fell-swoop." The most logical Raito so far pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose, his personal bubble incredibly larger than the others around him. Grabbing another Wet One from his pocket, Glasses-Raito cleared his throat in anticipation. "We'll just have to take them on one by one."
"Like kill them?" Unsurprisingly, this exclamation contained far more glee than was socially acceptable. The scars all over this Light's face probably didn't make the statement sound any better either.
"It's a known fact," another Light, dressed in evening wear… *ladies* evening wear, wisely cut in "that for every fan-girl and fan-boy killed, two more take their place in the fandom circle."
"Oh my God, we are in Hell aren't we? We are in Hell and there is NO WAY TO ESCAPE."
"No, no, no, no! All of you are missing the point completely!" A smooth feminine tenor broke through the chaotic fodder, auburn colored hair shining as brightly as her… his… its eyes. "We need to get these authors to quit toying with our emotions and what's the best way to get someone to give up on their ambitions!"
"Offering large portions of money?"
"Threatening their lively-hood?"
"Killing them all?"
"Punching their cats until they cry…?"
"Taking their potato chips… AND EATING THEM!"
"IT MUST BE MORSE CODE DAMN IT! Does anybody fucking know Morse Code?"
"TROLLING YOU DUMBASSES!"
Several Light's and Raito's stared at the he-she now screaming, her/his eyes gleaming with vicious competiveness. "Ok, how about this. Do any of you know what a flame is…?"
Brown eyes slowly began to clear of their confusion, several light-bulbs dinging metaphorically all at once.
"I still can't understand this shit! Doesn't anybody speak Weeabo?"
"Wee-a-what?"
"I think I just face-palmed."
"I FUCKING GIVE UP!"
(OMG I CANT BELIEVE YOU JUST RAPED MY EYES!) 7/24 ch 5
HOW DARE YOU WRITE SUCH GARBAGE! AS IF WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TRASH IN THE DEATH NOTE COMMUNITY YOU HAVE TO ADD MORE JUST TO SPITE THE FEW TRUE FANS THAT ARE LEFT?
AND SLASH? YOU DARE WRITE SLASH? YAOI? BUTT-SEX?
When are people going to stop reading into ridiculous subtext that is NOT THERE!
Light and L are straighter than a yard stick made of unbendable steel! FUCK YOU AND I HOPE YOU DIE OF AIDS YOU FUCKING BITCH! THAT'S ALL YOU PEOPLE FUCKING DESERVE.
… … FUCK!
"How does that look?" The Raito's murmured collectively, staring down at the computer screen until their eyes seemed to practically bleed from the lack of blinking.
"What the Hell are you all doing?"
L bit his lip as three Raitos, one of them heavily pregnant with what could have been a child (L was leaning more towards a tumor… oh God please let that be a tumor), the second embellished with tattoos (and when L said tattoos HE MEANT TATTOOS) and piercings on every part of his visible body (which underneath those short shorts and tiny vest was VERY, VERY MUCH) and his own Raito, who was glaring at him as if he had purposefully walked in the room at the most inconvenient time possible.
Which considering what his "boyfriend" had been plotting these past several weeks, it may have very well been.
"Nothing…"
"Right." L wondered if this was really worth the headache he was sure to gain as a result. "Raito-kun is doing nothing…"
"AIDS?" L almost smacked himself in the face as the tall figure (much taller than him anyway. Honestly couldn't fan-girls brush up on their knowledge of height and figure out just how tall he was?) that was in appearance his near clone if not for the frayed edges of his pants and shirt. And did he mention how dirty his doppelganger was? BECAUSE HE WAS. "Why Raito-kun, I did not realize that AIDS was even within the equation. Should I be worried?"
"FOR THE LAST EFFING TIME I AM NOT A DIRTY SLUT YOU JACKASS! WHAT KINKY SHIT ANYBODY HAS ME DO IS BETWEEN ME, MY PARTNER, MY AUTHOR AND THE THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE THAT READ ME DO SAID KINKY SHIT DAMN IT!"
"I do not recall saying such a thing," another L spoke up, this one furry in ALL the wrong places "but if the shoe fits…"
"I knew we should have picked a better hiding spot." Light, who was now sporting pointed ears, very distinct eyebrows and held a slight greenish-tinge in his complexion, mechanically stated. "My logic served me correctly whereas all of your efforts were in vain."
"What are you doing Raito-kun?" The first L sighed dramatically, knowing he was going to wish he had never asked.
"We were just trying to free ourselves from the oppressive authority that is fanfic authors. But don't mind us! REALLY." Raito, who was holding onto his own laptop, attempted to deflect the incredulous stare from his… companion.
Obviously he failed.
"Raito-kun you are writing an atrociously bad fic… about us. Why is that… I can't even…"
"There goes the fourth wall. Again."
"Fourth what?"
"Listen, this is a systematic breakdown of everything that is holding us down! I am sick of being treated like a second-class citizen with no free will of their own, played with at someone else's convenience! I DON'T WANT TO KEEP BEING FORCED TO WEAR RIDICULOUS CLOTHING AND SHOVED INTO TEAR-INDUCING CONVOLUTED PLOTS THAT MAKE NO SENSE AND DESTROY EVERY SHRED OF INTEGRITY I HOLD DEAR!"
"Raito-kun, you are a psychopathic villain within a Japanese graphic novel about supernatural murders that deal with the philosophical devolution of man and the morality behind the idea of murder 'for the good of mankind'." L scratched his head, hair practically frothing at the contact. "Since when have you had integrity?"
"Does reality even exist anymore at this point?" The Light dressed in a bear suit mumbled quietly, once again ignored.
"I'M SICK OF BEING UKE DAMN IT!"
"And writing horrible stories will somehow accomplish this? Sending innocent people who have worked tirelessly on your characterization disingenuous, bordering on scathing reviews makes you feel better?" L suppressed a grin. "Surprise, surprise, Light-kun fails at trolling. Epically."
"Besides…" L smirked as he slid behind the glowering artist, dark eyes now gaining a perverse quality to them. "Raito-kun seems to forget the one thing to his advantage in this situation."
"And what is that?"
"Orgasms Raito-kun. Lots… and lots… of orgasms."
"…"
"…"
"…"
"…"
"… Just get me the hell out of here and do what you're written to do damn it."
"CAN DO!"
The other Lights' and Ls' blinked as the two artists quite literally disappeared from sight.
One however, just couldn't help but ask…
"Can anybody please explain to me what a kinkmeme is?"
Several sweat-drops, nose-bleeds and google searches later, the question was unanimously decided to never be mentioned ever again.