Title- Clearing the Air
Author- Victoria
Rating- PG
Summary- Jess can't work up the nerve to go in and see Rory in LWF, TWT. Instead, they run into each other the next morning and have an honest conversation. Lit oneshot.

The banging on his car window dragged him out of a light sleep. He jerked upright, wincing at the crick in his neck that had come of sleeping in the extremely uncomfortable seat of his car. Fully prepared to give them a piece of his mind, he twisted around to see who had woken him. The irritable words died in his throat as he met a pair of painfully familiar blue eyes.

Rory.

Jess got out of the car slowly. "Hey," he said, avoiding her eyes.

"Hi," she replied, and he was relieved to see that she was clearly as nervous and uncomfortable as he was. There was a taut silence, then she burst out, "What are you doing here?"

Jess shrugged. "Been here all night, trying to work up the guts to come talk to you."

"About what?"

"Figured I'd know when I saw you," he mumbled.

Rory nodded as though that actually made sense. Who knew, maybe it did. "And do you?" she asked.

He laughed humorlessly. "Not a clue," he told her.

She joined him in leaning against the car, staring across the gray early-morning campus as the sun came up slowly. Jess glanced at her and her face was unexpectedly unguarded. He could read her confusion and- to his great surprise- her fear, clearly. Was she really that afraid of being around him?

Before he could stop himself, he blurted out, "I almost didn't come to the wedding."

"What?" She didn't understand the relevance of the statement.

"I was... afraid," he admitted. "Of seeing you."

Her blue eyes widened, and she opened her mouth. Then she closed it, speechless. It was one of the very few times he'd seen her so. Steeling himself, and trying to make himself believe that the shrink who'd written Luke's self-help book knew what he was talking about, he said, "It hurts. You know?"

To his surprise, she smiled slightly. It was a sad smile and her eyes were too bright, but it was terrifyingly honest. She was acknowledging his openness with some of her own. "I do know," she said quietly.

"Yeah," Jess said. How else could he reply?

They fell into an odd silence. It wasn't uncomfortable, but there was a feeling of things needing to be said in the air. Maybe five minutes they stood like that, not looking at each other, just watching as Yale slowly came to life in the growing light.

Eventually, Jess could stand it no longer. "You're... doing alright, aren't you?" he asked. "I mean... Yale is good, right?"

She nodded. "Yale is good."

"And you're happy?"

"Yeah. I'm happy."

He ducked his head. "Good."

This time, the silence only lasted a few seconds before she blurted out, "Why do you ask?"

Jess couldn't meet her eyes, but he could feel her waiting for an answer. "It's... I just need to know that I didn't do too much damage. I wanted to make sure that you're doing well."

"Oh." Rory's voice was very small; clearly that wasn't the answer she had been expecting. He could feel her struggling to find something to say, and wished he'd given her something easier to digest. This raw honesty was hurting them both. "What have you been up to?"

That was an easier topic. That, he could deal with. "I'm livin' in New York," he said. "Crappy apartment the size of a matchbox I share with a couple other guys. Lately I've been working as a messenger. Doesn't pay too well, but it's enough to get by on until..." He stopped very suddenly before he could blurt out anything about his writing. That wasn't something he was going to tell anyone about, that way he would be the only one disappointed when it didn't pan out.

But of course, she couldn't let him off that easily. "Until what?" she asked, voice full of innocent curiosity.

"Just some stuff I'm working on," he said. "It's probably nothing."

Rory nodded, and leaned back against the car again. Then, very suddenly, she stamped her foot on the ground in unexpected anger. "I hate this!" she exclaimed. "I hate standing here and seeing you and being so confused! I don't want to be feeling this anymore! It's been a year, I ought to be over you!" Her voice was loud, and it carried.

"I'm sorry," he said, his quiet tone at odds with hers and his heart drumming a violent tattoo against his chest at the feelings she was implying.

She glared at him, but he knew her well enough to realize that the anger wasn't directed at him, it was all for herself. "For what?" she demanded. "It's not your fault! Well... it is, but it's my own fault for not being able to get over you. If I hadn't been so determined to internalize everything and make it look like I was okay, maybe if I'd just gone ahead and been upset while it was still fresh, I could've been fine, but I didn't and I'm not and now you're standing there and I don't know what to think and I don't know what you're thinking and it's all just so..."

"Confusing?" he finished. She nodded. "I know, Rory. I know. I don't have a clue what I'm doing either."

"I miss you, Jess," she said. "I really don't want to, but I do."

Her eyes were so sad and lost that it was all he could to to keep his distance instead of crossing the space between them to comfort her in any way he could. "You know how I feel about you," he said quietly, and heard her soft intake of breath.

"So you meant... what you said?" she asked.

Once again, he couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes. "I hadn't meant to tell you," he said. "I knew that'd be hard on you. But you were just standing there, waiting for me to say something, and it was just... the first thing that came out. It was..." He thought back to what Luke had told him a few days before. "It was selfish. I shouldn't have said it."

Now she looked confused. "So you... didn't mean it?"

Shaking his head, he said, "No, it was true. Still is. I love you." Realizing what he'd said, he ran a hand through his hair in helpless frustration. "And there I am, doing it again! Sorry."

"No, don't apologize for telling me that!" she said forcefully. "That was what was driving us apart at the end- you wouldn't talk to me. You wouldn't tell me what you were feeling, and so then I couldn't tell you what I was feeling, and it just... maybe we'd have worked it out, but then you left, and..."

Jess nodded. "I can't and won't apologize for leaving," he said. "I had to go. But I'm sorry that it hurt you in the process."

Rory gave him a thin, uncertain smile. "Thank you. I think I needed to hear that."

He couldn't come up with anything to say to that, so he just nodded. Silence descended for another endless minute and then she said, "Jess, I have no idea how I feel about you. A part of me thinks I ought to be indifferent to you after all this time."

"And the rest?" He couldn't believe how hard his heart was pounding. The whole conversation had been stressful and he had so much adrenaline shooting through him he was starting to lose feeling in his fingertips, but now, waiting for her to finish her thought, he was actually getting light-headed.

Rory sighed. "The rest of me just wants to be with you."

That did nothing to help his elevated heart rate. Trying hard to keep his expression even, he said, "Come with me."

Her cerulean eyes grew huge, and she opened her mouth, but he held up a hand to stop her. "No, Rory, hear me out. We can be together, just for the summer. We can get jobs, live together, work, just... be together. Then at the end of the summer, you go back to Yale, and I go back to doing whatever, and we see what happens."

For about half a second, he thought she would actually agree to it. But her teeth clamped down on her lower lip and he knew it wasn't going to happen. "I can't," she said, and her tone was absolutely sincere. "I want to, Jess, now that you've said it. But I just..."

He understood. "You can't trust me anymore," he said. Rory didn't respond, but the look on her face was confirmation enough. Jess nodded unhappily. "Okay. I understand. I'm trying to get it together, Rory. If it all works out, I'll be back. I don't expect you to wait for me, but... you know I'll always be out there. When you're ready."

It was the most honest he'd ever been, and he could see in her eyes that she knew that. "Okay," she said quietly. They stared at each other for a moment, then she looked away. "I've got to go." She jerked a thumb over her shoulder.

Jess nodded. "Yeah, I should get going, too."

He was about to get in his car when she cried his name. He turned and unexpectedly found her in his arms, kissing him fiercely. Jess placed a hand on her waist and one against her cheek, briefly reminded of their first kiss before rational thought left him. A few moments (or was it hours?) later, she stepped back, and when she did there were confused tears running down her cheek. He wasn't sure his eyes were completely dry either, not that he would ever admit that.

"Bye, Jess," she said, her voice catching.

"See you later, Rory."

A tiny ghost of a smile crossed her face and then she was gone, walking quickly away from him in the growing light. As he got in his car again and slowly left Yale behind him, Jess nodded to himself. The kiss was a promise. It wasn't a promise that she'd wait, but she knew that he was waiting for her, and it gave him hope that maybe someday she'd come back to him.

This IS just a oneshot. However, I plan on writing a sequel. I don't know when I'll get around to it (too many WIPs!), but it'll be up eventually.