No Regrets

Author Lolly4Holly / No Beta all mistakes are mine

Pairings: Nick/Greg – GSR – Cath/Warrick (only minor though)

Rating: T-M , 18+

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI or any of the characters (accept the ones I made up)

Summary: Struggle of relationship's, this story follows Nick/Greg and Griss/Sara in their struggle of their relationship's. This is just a small teaser of what to expect. If enough people like it, I will continue to write it.

The characters are already together at the beginning of this story, it's set right after the lab explosion episode. At the beginning of Season Four.

Prologue:

Greg Sanders stared blankly out of the aeroplane window. Just a few hours ago, Greg had been lying in the arms of the one he loved, but now he was heading home, broken hearted. Greg finally shared those three little words to someone he loved, and they threw it back in his face telling him to get out. Greg had held off his crying until the airport bathroom, but it wasn't enough to suffice the pain and hurt burning through body.

Greg felt as though his heart had been ripped from his chest and pounded into the pavement over and over again by the one he loved, giving him just enough life to go on living out his miserable life without them. He felt completely useless and broken as if he was just drifting through life.

He started to wish he had never said those three words to them. At least then he would still be in their arms, feeling the warmth of their body against his own.

Greg gave out a loud sigh, trying to hold back his tears.

At least for another few hours, in a less public place.

Greg kept shifting his weight around on the seat. He never did well sitting down for long times, least of all on aeroplanes. His legs started to cramp from the seemingly everlasting flight. The flight attendants had stopped serving food and drinks now as they were about to land, but that was announced over twenty minutes ago and Greg was starting to get bored out of his mind.

He had already played checkers with the lady in the chair beside him. She was on her way to meet her grandchildren as she finally got the all clear from her cancer. Greg knew this because she talked non-stop, not that it wasn't refreshing to hear someone else yammering on for a change and it did take his mind off the love of his life.

That is until she asked the dreaded question.

Are you seeing anyone?

Greg stared at her blankly trying to think of what to say, but instead of words, tears were formed. She instantly handed him a tissue, letting him spill out all his problems to her. She tried to comfort him as best she could as she had three very emotional children of her own, she was used to the tears and crying over lost loved ones.

As the plane finally pulled into an empty gate, Greg unbuckled his seat belt, staring out of the window. He was so happy to be back home, he just wished this visit was under better circumstances, rather than running away from a broken heart.

Greg reached up into the overhead storage pulling out his bag along with the kind ladies. She thanked him kindly, giving him a warm smile. Greg stood back allowing the other passengers to walk on ahead of him, he desperately wanted to get off this flight, but despite everything he still had his manners intact.

The other passengers began to shuffle towards the exit, with Greg right behind them. He wanted to shove them out the way to run screaming from the plane, but he decided to remain silent and calm, practically standing still as they were barely moving now.

The old couple in the centre of the plane just managed to pry themselves from their seats, starting to hobble off towards the exit. Greg rolled his eyes watching as they grabbed either side of the staircase banister, slowly inching their way down the steps.

"Have a good day, sir." The bubbly flight attendant smiled to Greg.

"I doubt it." He mumbled, finally reaching the stop of the staircase.

When he finally managed to get off the plane and into the airport terminal, Greg let out a loud sigh of relief to finally be out of the cramped space, but that wasn't all of his problems. He still had to meet with his parents, explaining why he wasn't bringing the love of his life with him and his legs were still cramped up making it very difficult to walk.

Greg dropped heavily into an empty chair, dropping his bag at his feet. He wanted to scream out with anger or even to drop dead right here, thinking that no one would care. The love of his life certainly didn't, he shouted at him telling him to get out and never come back.

Greg dropped his head into his hands sobbing quietly to himself. He couldn't go on living without them. Everything was perfect. Four long years and Greg destroyed it all by saying those three little words.

It wasn't even that serious how he said it.

Greg was just dozing off to sleep after a very heated moment of passion with the one he loved, when the little words just mumbled from his mouth across his lover's neck. As soon as they heard him say that, everything was out the window. They shouted at each other then Nick, yes that's Nick Stokes, practically shoved Greg out of his house, barely giving him a chance to get all of his clothes on.

"Hello, Greg. It's been a while." A familiar voice broke through the silence. Greg glanced up seeing his father stood feet from him. "C'mon son." He gestured opening his arms for a hug.

Greg climbed to his feet, stepping into his father's warm embrace. Daniel Sanders wrapped his arms tightly around his boy, softly soothing him by smoothing his palms up and down his son's back. He could feel Greg's body starting to tremble as he continued to cry onto his father's shoulder.

"It's okay Greg." Dan softly whispered, holding his boys trembling body.

"How is it okay? I love him so much . . . and he hurt me just like that." Greg mumbled, between soft sobs. "How can he just throw me out like a cheap piece of trash?"

"He's a fool, to throw a catch like you away Greggy." Dan said, trying to make his son feel better. His wife was better at these heart to heart situations, but he gave it his best shot.

"Thanks Dad." Greg pulled back, drying his eyes with his hoody sleeve.

"Let's get you home . . . I'll get these for you." Dan picked up Greg's bags for him, leading him out of the airport off towards the car park. Greg followed his father out to the car, watching as he loaded his bag in the trunk then climbed into the driver's seat.

"Greg what's wrong?" Dan asked, before he closed the door. His son was stood outside the car with a glum look on his face.

"What am I gonna do?" Greg sobbed, holding his head in his hands. "I can't live without him..." Dan climbed out of the car to support his son in another warm embrace, trying to calm him down. He knew there was nothing he could say or do that would make everything okay again, but he had to try.

"Maybe this time apart will make him realise what a fool he's been Greg. You think I didn't see the way he looked at you at that dinner we all went to."

"But he just threw me out, telling me to go to hell because I said I love him." Greg sobbed in his defence. "The look in his eyes, I thought he was gonna hurt me..."

"He better not." Dan shouted angrily.

"He's already split my heart in two . . . I feel dead inside dad. I love him, even though he did that to me..."

"I know Greg. C'mon, let's get you home. Your mothers better at these talks." He chuckled, finally seeing a smile on his sons face.

"Just please tell me she's not planning for grandkids still."

"Can't promise you, you know how much she wants them." Dan smiled helping his son into the passenger seat. "This will all work out Greg, it may take a while, but you won't always feel like this."

"Thanks for trying dad. You're right, mom is better at these talks." He chuckled, dropping into the car. Dan closed the door once his son was in, secretly hating Nick for doing this to his son. Dan Sanders had to watch his son be crushed so many times by the people all around him. He was starting to get sick of his son being treated liked a doormat.

The journey back home was painfully silent. Greg picked at a loose thread on his sleeve, wondering if Nick was even regretting his decision to throw him out.

Greg had been regretting saying 'I love you' since he said it, but the big question that still pressed on Greg's mind was...

Is he so far in the closet that he actually believes he's not gay by having sex with me?

Nick and Greg's relationship wasn't just about sex, they comforted each other and they were also best friends. Since the lab explosion, Nick seemed to be so much more caring towards him. He even took care of Greg, changing his bandages and rubbing cream over his skin grafts across his back. Nick then allowed him to completely move into his place, instead of just sleeping over after they fooled around.

They never once discussed their relationship or exchanged the big 'I love you,' until Greg did and he was thrown out after four amazing years together, like a disposable wash rag.

Greg wanted to hate him. He tried desperately to hate him for what he did, but in some ways he almost felt sorry for him. He was so far in the dark he couldn't see the light of their relationship and how much fun they've had together.

"Here we are." Dan Sanders smiled, pulling up outside the house. "You're mothers redecorated your room again." Greg absently nodded, not really listening to what he was saying.

As Greg's eyes darted to the pool house he remembered the afternoon he and Nick had spent in there, just relaxing in each other's arms for hours on end.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to come here.

Greg grumbled then saw his mother in the doorway. She looked as though she had been crying already, her makeup was slightly smudged and her eyelids were all puffy.

Jean Sanders ran down the steps to greet her son, throwing her arms around his shoulders. Without even thinking about it, Greg started to cry again. He had never cried so hard in his life and it was all Nick Stokes fault.

Sara Sidle sat by her phone, tapping her nails anxiously on the desk. It had been over thirteen hours since their big blow out at the restaurant, about why they couldn't have a relationship together. Sara desperately wanted someone to be with, and that someone just happened to be her supervisor Gilbert Grissom.

Gil seemed to be afraid of commitment, or maybe it was just a fear of losing his job. Sara glanced up at the clock.

14 hours...

Well I'm not calling first.

She grumbled climbing to her feet. It was the early workings of a relationship, but Sara felt as though they had gotten really close over the past couple of weeks. Then suddenly Grissom sees an anthropologist he used to know and he suddenly wants nothing to do with Sara again.

Sara pulled open her fridge, grabbing the last beer on the shelf. She had already drank the rest of the six pack, waiting for Grissom to call her back, but it seemed as though she was going to have to make the first move . . . again.

Sara lay back on her sofa staring up at the ceiling. She started to think about all her previous relationships she ever had and how she went wrong with them.

Larry something in Highschool broke up with her because she was too butch, then Damian something in her freshman year of college, broke up with her for the same reason.

Maybe that's Grissom's problem with me.

I'm too butch for him too.

Sara shook her head. That couldn't be the reason. Catherine has been wiggling her tosh and chest in front of Grissom for years and he never even took any notice of her. He seemed to take notice in Sara though, only when people weren't looking or when he had a tough day at work.

Sara rolled onto her side looking at the phone sat on the table. If she called to ask to have some time off, it wouldn't make her appear too needy. She just wanted a few days off to shop, or at least that's what she'd tell him.

Sara hated to shop. It was right at the top of his of things she hated. Right up there with dresses and domestic violence.

She also hated the hard parts of dating.

How do people do this?

She groaned then reached for the phone, deciding to go along with her plan. As she was just about to dial his number, her phone instantly started to ring in her hand. Sara looked down at the caller ID seeing 'Gil Grissom' blinking across her screen with each ring.

Sara held her phone tightly in her hand, thinking whether to answer it or not. In a matter of seconds it didn't matter because the call was already forwarded to voice mail. Sara decided to screen it to listen to what he had to say.

"Hi Sara, it's me Grissom...Gil Grissom." He awkwardly corrected, making your girlfriend call you by your surname was awkward enough at work. "You're probably sitting at home hating me right now."

Yep.

"But if you'd just let me explain." He continued. "I'm not ashamed to be with you Sara . . . please Sara pick up if your there."

I'm not.

She grumbled feeling pathetic.

"Okay well you're probably sitting there pretending you're not home so you can listen to what I have to say..."

Am not.

"So here goes." Grissom paused, taking in a few choppy breaths. "I love you Sara Sidle."

Nick Stokes lay on his bed, clutching a pillow that still smelled of Greg close to his face. He had been breathing in the scents for the last two hours, soaking his tears of regret into the fabric.

Why did I just let him go?

Nick kept pondering the question, over and over again in his. The big blow out he had with Greg was constantly swirling around his mind. He couldn't believe some of the things he said to Greg.

Did he really damn him to hell? Did he really call him a stupid faggot? And did he literally throw Greg right out of his door, without giving him time to pack?

Yes.

Nick dropped his head back into the cushion, hating himself for doing that to the one person he had grown very fond of over the past four years that they had been together.

It wasn't even like they were in a real relationship. Nick always called it 'friends with benefits,' instead of talking through feelings and helping each other score dates; they got each other off in the shower, bed, sofa or even the kitchen.

Wherever and whenever the mood set in.

All he wants is for me to be his boyfriend.

Nick considered the thought a moment. It wouldn't be so bad to have Greg as his proper boyfriend. That's basically what they had been doing already, but when he heard those three little words escape from Greg's mouth, seemingly harmless at the time, Nick's gaskets just blew. He didn't know what he was doing or how to control himself. He said some very harsh things to Greg then threw him right out of his life, telling him to burn in hell in the process.

Nick's sob's increased as he clutched the pillow closer. The scent of Greg still lingered on the fabric, sending slight tingles through Nick's body with each whiff.

Maybe I am in love with him.

There was no way his family would ever allow it, or accept him, let alone his friends and colleagues at work. They would think he was disgusting or insane for falling for a man, especially Greg, whom he'd often cracked jokes about to Warrick about being a 'dateless loser.'

That dateless loser is in love with me.

Nick rolled off the pillow, trying to get all thoughts of Greg out of his mind. He knew it was completely useless. He had been escaping his sexuality for years, a tactic that never proved successful.

Eddie Charlton in Highschool was living proof of that. The first guy he ever kissed under the warm spray of the locker room showers. It would have been more romantic if Coach Wilder hadn't caught them in the act of jerking each other off.

Coach Wilder promised them he'd never tell their parents, he just didn't want them to do it anymore. He told them it was a phase young people go through to discover their sexuality and they would eventually grow out of it.

Eddie did, he's married with three kids, but Nick was still struggling. He wished he was married with kids, maybe even a family pet, but the chances of that happening were highly unlikely since he craved the same sex, instead of the opposite like he was meant to.

If his family knew what he had been doing the past four years with Greg then with Eddie, Matthew Daxis in college, along with a few others that shall remain nameless. His family would literally damn him to hell. His mother might even have a heart attack or disown him and forbid him to ever return to his childhood home. His brother and sisters are die hard god supporters, preaching his words constantly, telling their youngest sibling the right way to live life.

I'm doomed.

Even if Nick explained to them that his body was craving the same sex, they'd try to get him to a gay rehab centre, something they had done for Nick's cousin Neil; after he came out to his parents they offered him two choices, gay rehab or they would kick him out. Neil opted for the rehab as he was only seventeen at the time.

Nick didn't want to lose his family, but he didn't want to become cold and distant like Neil had since marrying his wife and having a few kids.

I don't want to lose Greg either.

Nick took another whiff of the pillow, realising he had already lost Greg. He threw him out because he said 'I love you,' the only three words that were ever banned from any of his relationships with guys. Women it was okay, but with men, the second they said those three little words, Nick kicked them straight out, never to see them again.

Greg was different though, instead of running out the house to find someone else to screw to take his mind off them, Nick was craving to have Greg back in his arms. He wished he could start the day over again, instead of throwing Greg out he could have talked to him, possibly even said those words back to him.

Deep down Nick knew he was different; gay as most people would call him. All Nick was sure of was that he missed Greg the moment he threw him out. He didn't know if it was love, he had never experienced love before, so he had no idea what it felt like.

This sucks!

Nick groaned, the one person he talked to about everything and he was gone. There was no way he could talk to Warrick about this either. No one could find out he was gay. Nick couldn't imagine the looks he'd get from the officers or even the lab techs he works with on a daily basis.

He already knew how Greg would look at him. Those gorgeous brown eyes and the sweetest smile Nick had ever seen that could literally melt your heart.

Nick reached for his bedside cabinet, pulling out a photo of him and Greg on the sun beds at the Sanders house in California. Nick smiled brushing his finger over Greg's face.

No matter how bad he wanted him, there was no way Nick would ever fully commit to being with Greg in a gay relationship. Nick was a ladies' man after all, he had to uphold that rep at work and living with Greg in a proper committed relationship wouldn't make that possible. He feared the news would get back to his family, then he really would be damned to hell.

Possible Story 'No Regrets' Please Review if you want me to continue :D

This is about the struggle of two couples relationship's GSR and Nick/Greg

~Holly

Check my profile page for the download link for my first book 'Modern Murder' Links should be at the top of the page for E-book & paper book shortly.