The End Is Only The Beginning: A New Moon Contest
Title of your entry: I Love Myself
Penname: Kimmydonn
Pairing: Edward/Bella
Summary: Edward says at the end of New Moon that he didn't think Bella would believe him so easily. What if she didn't. What if she saw through him?
Disclaimer: Bold is direct from New Moon. Of course all characters and the scenario are Stephanie Meyers'
http://www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net/u/2245547/The_End_Is_Only_The_Beginning
When he finally looked up, his eyes were different, harder – like the liquid gold had frozen solid.
"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." He spoke the words slowly and precisely, his cold eyes on my face, watching as I absorbed what he was really saying.
There was a pause as I repeated the words in my head a few times, sifting through them for their real intent.
"You... don't... want me?" I tried out the words, confused by the way they sounded, placed in that order.
"No."
I stared back at him for a moment. I weighed each of his words as it seemed he had. "I don't believe you." I believed he didn't want me to go with him, but I didn't believe he was telling me everything.
"Why not?" His voice was still detached. He spoke with the same perfect cadence. "Why do you think I'd want you?"
I continued to look at my own reflection in his eyes. He was too perfect, too still. He was holding himself back. If he were being honest, he would be the way he was before my birthday, open, free. "I have no idea why you want me. It doesn't make any sense. But I knew that before. Why would you, the perfect immortal being, want plain insignificant me? I can't answer your question."
He blinked and his eyes warmed for a minute. For a second I saw the love I remembered. If I hadn't been gazing, transfixed, into them I would have missed it. The hardness returned and he put it into his voice now.
"You're right. You are plain. You are simple. You are dull. I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not. I'm not human; you are. You are fragile. I could break you now, between my fingers." He made a pinching motion.
I shook my head. How dumb did he think I was? "You won't. You could have done that any day before today, if that was what you wanted."
"I won't," he agreed. "But why would I want something so easily taken away from me? Why would I keep you, except as a snack?"
That was what James had said. I knew this tactic. It was what I had done to Charlie. He was trying to hurt me to make me let go. "No. You're lying. You're trying to hurt me. Edward? Why are you trying to hurt me? Why do you want to leave me? Am I in danger?"
His eyes melted again and widened. "This would have been so much easier if I could read your mind," he said in exasperation. "Yes, Bella. You are in danger. You are in danger every day you spend with me and my family. I'm trying to hurt you to make you let go. I'm trying to break you, cleanly. I'm trying to make you safe. I should have known it wouldn't work," he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me.
I put mine around his waist and my cheek to his chest. "So, I passed the test?" I asked snarkily.
He huffed, "Yes. You passed the test." He pulled away from me. "But I'm still going Bella. We all are. The others have already gone. I'm going to meet them. We aren't coming back."
"You aren't," I said and spent a moment reflecting on everything he had said, on what he had tried to do. "Obviously there is nothing I can say or do to change your mind." I made my eyes and tone as hard and detached as his had been. "If there were you wouldn't have told me I was plain, simple, dull." I said each word as an expletive and watched him flinch at them. "You wouldn't have tried to break my heart. You wouldn't be breaking my heart if there was anyway I could convince you to stay."
"You're right." I watched him freeze over again. Now he smiled, but it was only a turn of his mouth. "Don't worry. You're human – your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind. It will be as if I'd never existed."
"Keep your platitudes, Edward," I folded my arms over my chest. "You won't forget, and you can't honestly believe I will, not really. Sure, I might think of you less as the years pass, but I won't forget you, or Alice. How did you convince her to leave without saying goodbye anyway?"
He hung his head. Then he met my eyes again, now they were fiery as well as liquid. "Did I really say you were simple?" He shook his head with a chuckle. "She wanted to say goodbye, but I wanted to make a clean break."
"Well, so much for that," I said icily.
He nodded. "You can't come with us," he said again. "You need to stay here, or go to Jacksonville. You'll be safe from my kind there. I really do want what is best for you, Bella." He reached a hand out for me but I backed away. I was angry now.
"And why do you get to decide what is best for me?" I asked him. "This isn't the 1900s Edward. You don't get to protect the damsel by locking her in a tower. If you don't want to protect me anymore, that's fine. I can understand that. But you don't get to choose my fate. That's what makes it my fate."
I was hurting him now. I could see it. Good. He would have hurt me far far worse if he'd succeeded in making his 'clean break'. I waited. He wasn't meeting my gaze. The sun was starting to set. He still wasn't speaking.
"Goodbye," he said and ran from me.
I stood for a few more minutes, now in confusion. I heard the Volvo pull away. He was gone? He wasn't going to make any other pleas or demands of me, like not to try to find him?
I turned and walked the short way back to the house. Charlie had gotten home while Edward and I were not talking. I had heard the cruiser, but not really acknowledged it. Now it was parked, badly, in front of the driveway, blocking my truck. Charlie was laying on the couch when I came in. "Nice walk?" he asked.
"Um, no, not really," I answered truthfully.
Apparently he wasn't actually listening because he didn't respond to that. I went into the kitchen to make dinner. I saw the note then.
Going for a walk with Edward, up the path. Be back soon, B.
He did a good imitation of my handwriting. I crumpled it and put it in the garbage. I started browning beef in the pan and peeled potatoes. He had been in the house. Suddenly, I had a bad feeling. Making sure the burners weren't turned up too high I climbed the stairs to my room. Nothing looked different, but I had the sensation that something was. My new photo album was on the floor by the bed, just as I'd left it. I opened it.
There on the first page was my caption with no picture. I snapped the album shut and tossed it on my bed. I opened the CD player where I had left the disc he and Alice had made for me. I already knew it wouldn't be there.
I tromped down the stairs. First he broke his word and then he stole from me. Obviously I didn't know Edward Cullen as well as I thought I did. I got back just in time to save the beef from burning. I put the rest of the touches on my comfort food, beef, gravy and mashed potatoes.
"Everything okay, Bells?" Charlie asked when he came to the table.
"Not really, Dad." My voice was snippier than I expected. "The Cullens have decided to leave town. They left, and I found out, today." I felt tears in my eyes and wasn't sure whether they were from sorrow or anger.
"They did?" Charlie asked. He snorted, "Well, I guess you can't peg them all. I was sure I was going to have to pry that boy off you with a crowbar," he muttered putting a forkful in his mouth.
"Yeah, well, apparently it wasn't that hard after all." The tears were leaking from my eyes now and I sniffed wiping them away.
"Don't you worry, Bella. There are lots of nice guys out there. You'll find the one that's right for you." He smiled at me, and I found myself smiling back.
Was it possible Edward wasn't the right one for me? I couldn't accept that. One day he would come back for me or I would find him. We were too tightly bound to one another. We were more than friends, more than boyfriend and girlfriend.
I had to hope he wouldn't let too long go before he came to his senses. After all, I couldn't choose his fate either. I worried though; years could pass him by, but they were still ageing me. I wouldn't let his choice ruin my life. I was stronger than that.
"You're right, Dad." I ate another forkful of dinner.
"I'm going fishing with Billy Black this weekend. I bet Jacob would love it if you came out with me."
I eyed Charlie slyly. "Matchmaker," I muttered.
"What was that, Bells?" he asked, looking around me to the score.
"Nothing, Dad."
After supper I called Alice's cell phone. "Bella, I'm not supposed to talk to you," she said sadly.
"I know Alice. Did Edward actually steal my stuff or just hide it?" I asked her.
She laughed her tinkling laugh. "He hid it. It's under a floorboard in your room. I knew you wouldn't fall for it. He is such a fool, isn't he?"
"Big time. Don't lose this phone, okay. I'll only call if I really really need to."
"Sure. And I'll make sure not to think about your calls," she said with another laugh. "I love you, Bella. Goodbye!"
I knocked on a few of my boards before I found one that rattled slightly. Sure enough, I was able to pry it loose and there were my pictures and CD. I decided to leave the CD there. I was mad enough right now to snap the damn thing, and I didn't want to do that. Instead I took the pictures and put them back into my album. I looked closely at Edward now, as I had the first time I put them in the book.
In the first picture I saw Edward's eyes warm, caring, smiling. Then he became the ice statue that had been making me anxious since. It was all an act. I came to the picture that was folded in half. I started to unfold it. Then I thought better of it and put the picture in with my face up. I was the honest one in this photo. I kissed my finger and put it to my own lips.
I love myself today, not like yesterday. I'm cool, I'm calm, I'm gonna be Okay. I love myself today, not like yesterday. Take another look at me now, cause it's your last look, your last look forever. - because Bif Naked has this one nailed.