--
This is Rachel, this is Puck, these are the opportunities they miss again and again and sometimes, the ones they catch.
--
"Hello Noah," she says with hands folded in her lap like she's fuckin' six years or some shit and he keeps his hands fisted into his pockets, shoulders hunched, eyes averted.
"Yeah, whatever."
She bites her (glossy, sexy as hell) bottom lip and he clenches his jaw.
--
It's sophomore year and Quinn gives birth to a baby girl named Abigail Audrey after seventeen hours of hand crushing and grunting.
Puck goes out to the waiting room to see the entire Glee club
"Wait, so where do babies come from?" Brittany murmurs to Santana and she rolls her eyes while thumbing through Entertainment Weekly before responding with, "Dumb bitch," a smile, and a hand on Brittany's knee.
Kurt's nose wrinkled at the mysterious stains on the chair next to him, Matt's running Artie through the hallways trying to re-enact a scene from Knocked Up, and Finn is nowhere to be found.
Rachel, however, is sitting straight up staring at the door like it's gonna win her a freakin' Grammy or something.
He smiles wide because he has a daughter, a perfect tiny blonde daughter with dark eyes and his nose.
"I'm officially a DILF!"
Kurt goes, "You can say that again," and Mercedes rolls her eyes, but Rachel furrows her brow and says, "That kind of language around your daughter is extremely disturbing Noah."
Later, when everyone else is gone and Puck watches his daughter through the window, Rachel sidles up to him and leans her forehead against the pane.
"She's really beautiful Noah," Rachel says and her breath fogs up the glass.
He snorts, never takes his eye off the little pink bundle when he replies with, "Of course she is. Have you seen me? I'm a fucking stud."
"Language, Noah. And I personally think she looks more like Quinn. Audrey Abigail is an excellent name choice, by the way. Audrey is like Audrey Hepburn, who was one of the greatest actresses of all time even if her vocals were sub-par and Abigail is Jewish, which I know is important to your mother and I really just wanted to say that-"
"Berry?"
She stops mid-sentence, mouth still open, and Puck wills himself not to think dirty thoughts in the presence of his daughter (his own daughter with blonde hair and dark eyes and his nose).
Rachel stares at him with big dark eyes and sometimes she makes him want to light himself on fire but right now he thinks he could burn and not even care. Except, gross it's Rachel Berry, so he doesn't say anything and keeps staring at Audrey.
--
The plate narrowly misses his head and-
"Holy fuck, Berry! Your aim is shit."
She stamps her foot before grabbing the closest coffee mug and he grabs his jacket when the mug shatters at his feet.
"You know what Noah? I'm really sick of your casual attitude about this relationship. It's weeks of you avoiding declaring our relationship as in fact, a relationship and then I have one dinner- no, not even dinner- coffee! I have one coffee with Finn and it's you accusing me of infidelity! That's a little unfair, even for you."
He focuses his gaze on the spot above her head because a) she's a freakin' midget and b) he doesn't give a shit about this relationship, if that's even what they have.
"Well fine then Berry. Have fun getting yourself off with the fucking shower head and moaning my name when I'm gone!"
She's crying at this point and this is where he falters in his step, hesitates as his hand reaches for the doorknob and that hesitation is going to kill him because Rach gently murmurs, "Noah," in a voice so soft that he will not can not turn around or he'll end up apologizing.
She sniffles; he turns around.
--
Jacob Ben Israel is found in the boy's bathroom with his underwear attached to a hook on the back of the door.
His face is covered in grape slushie and he's crying like a baby when they find him. He never names a culprit, just closes his eyes in fear and takes deep, rattling breaths instead of saying anything.
He doesn't hassle Rachel anymore.
"Oh my god, Noah, did you hear what happened to Jacob Ben Israel?"
He opens his locker and subtly wipes the remaining grape slushie off his hands.
"No babe, but you can tell me on the way to class."
He settles his arm around her shoulder and she loves the way it feels.
--
"I'm going to New York, Noah. I would like it if you would come with me, but of course I understand the implications that go along with that invitation are a pretty big commitment, especially for someone like you-"
"Hold up, Berry. What's 'someone like you' mean?"
"I just mean that as someone who's been relatively afraid of commitment until quite recently, you would probably not want to move across the country to support a high maintenance girl like myself as she struggles to reach the top of Broadway and eventually Hollywood."
"First of all, when you talk like your life is already a movie, people hate you. And you aren't so easy to please here in Lima. You made me clean your shower."
"Noah, hygiene is a commonly accepted practice amongst human beings. It's about time you started to accept it."
"Don't act like you don't like me all hot and sweaty."
"Now is not the time to be crass. I'm trying to have a serious conversation about the nature of our relationship."
"Ass? Like where my hands were for the better part of last night?"
"See? This is why I'm afraid to bring you with me. You never even listen to me when I'm talking, Noah! Listening and clear communication is the key to a successful relationship?"
"Oh and where'd you hear that from? Because I know this is your first time doing the girlfriend thing."
"Well, Oprah had Angelina Jolie on the other day and she said that it was very important to talk with your significant other openly and honestly-"
"I'm coming to New York."
"Really?"
"Fuck yes, Berry. We're going to tear that shit up."
"Tear what up exactly?"
"Jesus Christ Rach. I meant New York. We're going to own New York."
"Oh. Well that has always been my intention."
"They do have pools there, right?"
--
(they break up a week before she leaves for New York and he doesn't go after her. At least not right away, and that, that is your problem right there Noah! she says when he knocks on her door after five long days of crying and fighting and one drunk text that said U BICTH and Rachel had cried some more. But I love you, he says. Her breath hitches in her throat and she grips the door harder and he walks in anyways. She doesn't try to stop him. Plus, he adds as an afterthought, no one else is going to put up with the really fucking crazy shit you do anyways. She hits his arm and he doesn't pretend it hurts.)
--
It's sophomore year and in the hallway after the news of his fuck-up is broken, she stares at him and doesn't say a single damn thing for the first time in her entire fucking life probably.
Whatever, he doesn't give a shit.
A month later, she's wearing Team Finn shirts to games and kissing him after and Puck feels like screaming déjà vu so the whole thing will stop.
--
"This isn't a healthy relationship, Rachel," Quinn says, staticky and far off and safe in her marriage to a lawyer in Columbus, "you guys fight and break-up more often than you're calm and you're going to be gone all the time for shows and he's just getting his business going."
In Rachel's head she thinks: You wouldn't understand, with your perfect house, husband and minivan. You're Revolutionary Road and I'm Titanic and everyone knows which one was better.
But Puck reminds her on a daily basis that not everyone else thinks in theater metaphors so Rachel just sighs and murmurs you wouldn't understand before asking about Abigail and baby Danny.
--
Rachel, the girl who never shuts up and has the voice of a star, is very quiet when it comes to orgasms.
The first time, he thought he took too much and didn't give enough, because all she did was turn a pretty shade of pink and mewl and gasp until she was just panting heavily and he'd been expected high F's and loud crescendos.
"That was amazing," she whispers onto his sweaty skin and he breathes a sigh of relief.
"So you love the Puck lovin'?"
"Yes, couldn't you tell?"
"Yeah. Totally."
She smiles on his lips and he doesn't feel bad about lying. Practice makes perfect, and soon he can focus on the mewls and gasps enough to know just where she is on the Noah Puckerman Express, destination ecstasy.
--
It's graduation, and Rachel's dad wants a picture of the two of them. Rachel is Rachel, so she's not about to say no to her photo being taken and Puck just wants it to be party time so he can bust out the bottle of Jack Daniels he has underneath the pile of dirty laundry in the backseat of his truck.
He's too busy fantasizing about the rest of the night to notice that Rachel has neatly tucked herself underneath his arm and is now pressing against his torso, smile number 3.
("It's for more personal situations," she said one night junior year after doing too many shots, "It's more genuine than smile number 2, which is for the numerous paparazzo that will be following me and the endless red carpets I'll walk."
He laughed, called her a crazy fuckin' bitch in a too affectionate tone; she'd smiled and looked down and then left before he could stop her.)
The smile that stretches across his face as Rachel tightens her arms around his waist is genuine. His mom mutters Toda to the sky and Sarah sticks her tongue out at him. Rachel's dads huddle around the camera and exclaim, "Perfection! You two make a lovely couple."
--
"I'm confused. Did you not like my costume?"
And this is the part of her that kills him, because of course he liked her costume. Any dude with a dick (especially one as great as his) would love Rachel in a whipped cream bikini.
"I worship the hell out of you in that whipped cream."
"Then why are you so hesitant to do something about it? This took a lot of work, Noah."
"It's just that, well, umm," this? The emotional, meaningful stuff is the stuff he's no good at and it's getting all caught up and tangled in his throat so he can't answer.
"Noah, 'well' and 'ummm' are not the proper response to my outfit right now."
"Listen, I just think that, you know, 'cuz we just got back together and stuff we should maybe, like, take it slow or something."
"The last time we were dating you said 'Taking it slow is for pussies.'"
Oh shit. He forgot about that. Well he's come this far right?
"Well last time I just wanted to have sex with you 'cuz you were a hot virgin."
He watches as her eyes fill up with tears and thinks 'Fuck' before she launches herself onto him and she's straddling his waist with her legs.
"Oh Noah. The fact that you're so emotionally committed to me this time around is very sexy."
Except now that she's pressed up against his bare torso, covered in only a thin layer of whipped cream that's smeared over both their bodies, he knows he passed the point of no return.
"Well now we have to have sex since you're all crazy for my hot bod and killer moves in bed."
"But what about everything you just said?"
"Listen Rach. I like you a lot. There, I said it and now we can have hot crazy-girl sex up against the wall."
She opens her mouth to protest, which he covers with his own and-
"There's no going back after you've rubbed your nips all over mine ok?"
They don't have sex up against the wall, but they do in the shower and the bed and all in all? He's pretty satisfied.
--
"What's going on with you and Finn?"
The locker slammed closed and she pressed her books tightly to the front of her sweater, not sure how to deal with this boy who made her want things she never wanted with Finn.
"Finn is a perfect gentleman and someone who I care deeply about. Maybe you should try it sometime."
Puck misinterprets her challenge (be better, fight for me, prove that you're better) for happiness and walks down the hallway to talk to Santana.
"Wait," she says after he's left. But he's already turned the corner and there's no way he heard.
--
It's all France's fault.
If the fucking French had just locked their shit down a long ass time ago, then the play would never even exist.
"Oh don't be ridiculous, Noah," Rachel lectures at him when he tells her his theory and he rolls his eyes at her.
The Les Miserables soundtrack has been on a loop in their tiny, shitty apartment for four fucking days and he loves guns and shooting shit as much as the next guy but when every. single. word. is sung it takes away his macho.
"I'm just really fucking sick of these songs, babe. I'll trade sexual favors for Lil Wayne."
"You better get used to these songs. And you already owe me multiple sexual favors for me allowing you to not attend the dinner I had with Kurt and Roman."
"That's cuz Roman's always checking me out. I'm more than just my guns, Berry."
"Well it's very rude. You don't feel like that around my two gay dads do you?"
Someone hits an crazy high note and holds it too long. Puck flinches. Rachel sighs, dreamy look on her face and fuck it's the 'I have really big news' face.
"You aren't knocked up or something right?"
He loves Abbey, really, but his mom'll kill him if he has another kid without marrying Rach first and there's no room in this way too fucking small apartment for a kid.
"Oh god, Noah. I'm sure you're aware of what a pregnancy and baby would do to my career at this point. Also, I'm only 22 and I won't be menopausal for another 25 years probably and I'll have plenty of time to raise children after I already have a well-respected reputation. That being said, I do think we'd have adorable Jewish children."
"Menopause? Ew."
"My point is, Noah, that while I have very important news, it has nothing to do with my menstrual cycle or feminine hygiene."
"Spit it out already."
"I GOT THE PART!"
Her voice is so much louder than he was expecting that he jumps a couple inches off the couch and spills the open beer all over his pants.
"So while I know that Les Miserables is your least favorite musical currently on Broadway, not that I'm surprised because with your taste you'd want either the hard rock from the 80's or repeated references to masturbation and female nudity in Spring Awakening, neither of those two will have your girlfriend starring as Eponine."
"You motherfucking own the Great White Way!"
He picks her up and twirls her around and kisses her hard and there's a thirty second delay before, "You learned the nickname for Broadway?" and she kisses him even harder.
Puck learns that achieving-your-dreams-sex is better than breakup sex by miles and squeaks by makeup sex too.
--
It's junior year and a Wednesday at Glee practice.
"Hey guys, I was thinking we could do Piano Man. Finn and Rachel will take the lead on this one."
The club mutters and grumbles but Mr. Shue just gave the last two leads to Matt and Mercedes in 'Ain't No Mountain High Enough' so they accept this one and will fight a different battle.
("I'm shocked at the lack of leading male ambition in this room," Rachel once said with real disappointment in her voice and Puck remembers pretending not to care that she was looking at him.)
"Actually, Mr. Shue, I'd really like to sing the hell outta that song."
Finn's too surprised to really do anything, just nods vaguely and sits down next to Brittany (yeah, Puck knows, literally the stupidest couple ever) and then it's Puck and Rachel and a stage.
The rest of the club catcalls and hollers, and Quinn glares at him before looking at Rachel because all of his extra effort in glee is usually to impress her.
There's a weird, fleeting thought that Rachel has the second Puck starts singing and the house lights are dimmed and she can't see anything but him.
Whatever it was (it had something to do with the shape of his mouth when it formed the word nine and she can smell his Old Spice and she hasn't caught his eye when she's looking at Finn and he's looking at Quinn for days) she's sure it wasn't important.
"Sing me a song," Noah croons and Rachel thinks she might just want to forever.
--
AN: This entire thing came from me finally seeing Les Miserables (literally the best. musical. ever.) and becoming obsessed with it! Wouldn't Rachel be the best Eponine? But I started this with the Les Mis section and built everything else around it. I kinda wanted a 500 Days Of Summer feel to it so I didn't make it chronological. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed. I will ship Puck/Rachel until I die and I hope I got their dynamic right. Reviews please? Also, anyone have interesting requests? I'm open to taking some for inspiration.