Okay, this is a bit of a "You've Got Mail" story for Jane and Lisbon. Once the idea occurred to me, I found it completely impossible to resist the urge to immediately sit down and write it. I was, as my Dad always used to put it in the stories he told us when we were kids, 'overcome with temptation'! (And for those kindly reading and reviewing Red Tags, I will still continue writing for that as the inspiration strikes.)

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters or even this idea, since Nora Ephron got there first (though I'm sure we all think about this quite a bit, since we all spend so much time interacting with people we've never met on the internet!)

Sharing Secret Selves

Lisbon was sitting comfortably on her bed, leaning back against her pillows, her legs stretched out in front of her and her laptop on her lap. She was typing with quick intensity.

"The thing is, I love being alone (most of the time). People seem to think that there is something a little odd about a person who enjoys their solitude, but for me it's quite simply a relief. I never had any peace and quiet when I was growing up, and I had a lot of responsibility from a young age, so the moment I was able to free myself from the obligation of having to care for other people, I took the gap and never looked back. Perhaps I am psychologically damaged – and selfish – but I do love the freedom to just be by myself and consult no-one's preferences but my own. At first I was almost pathetically relieved to be on my own, but now I'm so set in my ways that I almost can't imagine sharing my life with anyone again. The very idea seems foreign and fantastical. Is it strange that I find the idea that someone might come along and sweep me off my feet rather dreadful?"

She hit the send button, and then moved the laptop over onto the middle of the bed so that she could get up. Experience told her that Shadow's reply would take about 15 minutes to come through, so she went downstairs to try and find something edible. She had left work rather late that evening and hadn't had the energy to stop for groceries, so the cupboard was rather bare. After a busy, stressful week like the one she had just had, the pickings were always a little slim. She briefly considered the few not terribly appetising looking leftovers in her fridge before pitching them into the garbage. In the end she found she had some bread in her freezer (not exactly what she'd been looking for, but better than nothing), so she made herself some toast and tea and decided that would have to do.

Clutching her spoils, she hurried back upstairs to see if Shadow's reply had come through. A familiar little thrill of pleasure went through her when she saw that a mail had appeared in her inbox. Hurriedly setting down her food and jumping back into her bed, she pulled her laptop back onto her lap and opened Shadow's message.

"Not at all. I know exactly what you mean. It takes a lot of effort to get your life going along so smoothly that it essentially runs itself, freeing you up to just relax and 'be' sometimes. It's boring always having to rehash the same thought processes all the time – what to eat, what to wear, what to do with your free time, etc. When you're on your own, you can effectively stop worrying about those things – eat whatever's in the fridge (and only buy exactly what you like), wear whatever's on the top of the pile of clean laundry, sleep or read or stare at the ceiling whenever you don't have to work. It leaves the mind free to think about interesting things. Other people are admittedly very diverting distractions, but they are hard work, especially when you're in a romantic relationship. It's perfectly reasonable not to want to trade in something that works for you for something that could potentially be a massive disaster.

"I had a very solitary childhood. It was just my dad and me, and we moved all the time, so I got used to keeping my feelings and confidences to myself. That's why writing to you is so strange and new for me. Confiding in another person is not something I've ever done willingly or easily, though I did try when I was married (not terribly successfully, but I think she gave me points for the effort). In the end, though, I was a failure as a husband, so I too value the safety of my solitude. Not that I'm saying that you are playing it safe necessarily, but I certainly am. I know what I'm good at and what I'm not, and having people depend on me is really not my strong suit. I let people down. Consider yourself warned."

Lisbon found that a really sad summation for a man to make of his life. She was surprised that he had told her that he had been married once. They didn't normally divulge any personal details about themselves, despite the intimate nature of their correspondence. Neither wanted to ruin what they had by changing the rules that they had instinctively set up when they first started to write to each other. Both were pathologically cautious about anonymous internet relationships, but neither had been able to resist the pull that they had felt for each other.

It had started a few weeks earlier, when Lisbon had been offering her opinion on a message board that had caught her fancy. She quite often surfed the net in the evenings, looking up things that interested her and getting into lively discussions with total strangers about anything that amused or intrigued her. The anonymity of it appealed to her. She found it very freeing.

She had been on one such board when she had first received a private message from Shadow, saying how much he was enjoying reading her comments, and then launching into one of the wittiest, most entertaining letters she had read in a long while.

Her natural instinct was to distrust, even though everything about the letter appealed to her. This guy could be anyone from anywhere – a woman pretending to be a man for a joke, a precocious teenage boy looking for a thrill, a psycho stalker, Red John even. But Lisbon found herself drawn to him, charmed by him, somehow prepared to believe he was just a smart, funny guy who liked her. She wrote back, and that, as they say, was that.

How they had slipped so quickly and easily from light, witty letters about current events and the state of the nation to telling each other deeply personal things that neither had ever revealed to another human being was still a bit of a mystery to Lisbon. She had never known it could be so liberating to share her innermost thoughts with someone; to trust them with the real Lisbon whom she normally kept safely hidden under many layers of Kevlar-strength protection. Part of her still thought she was crazy to be so open with an anonymous internet contact, but she was completely addicted, both to her new friend and to her own ability to talk to him about herself. She spent every free moment she had writing to him. He hadn't let her down yet.

00000

Jane waited apprehensively for Orion's reply. He had revealed a little more than he had intended to in his last message, and had had a panicky desire to snatch it back the moment after he sent it. Now he sat and wondered if Orion would be put off by the knowledge that he had been married. She probably thought he was divorced, and he wasn't going to disabuse her of the notion. Would she think less of him? Pull away? It's not like this was in any way a romantic relationship, though, so there was no reason for her to be deterred by his failures as a husband. She'd said herself that she wasn't looking for that kind of relationship from anyone, least of all him.

They were just confidants. Mail correspondents. Long distance friends. She liked him because they could talk to each other. If he'd crossed a little unspoken line in mentioning a personal detail about himself, it was because it was inevitable. Although they had both been extremely careful not to mention their professions or family members or anything that could be used as an identifier, the more they talked and confided in each other, the harder it became not to reference those things.

Jane's fixed stare at the screen was finally broken by a little 'ping' that announced the arrival of Orion's response. Jane opened it, a trifle nervously.

"Confiding in someone is not something that I've ever pictured myself doing, but with you it's as easy as falling off a log. I trust you, even though it's crazy to trust someone I've never even met and it goes against everything that normally makes me me! And right now, I'm perfectly happy with my new-found foolishness.

So, yes, I love our correspondence, and would greatly miss it if it were to end, but life is full of disappointing endings. It is perhaps a little dramatic to chalk every ending up to your own failure as a man, don't you think? Endings are inevitable, built into the structure of the universe. While I admire your capacity to take responsibility for your own failings, there is no need to be maudlin about it! I'm considering starting a self-help group called Martyrs Anonymous. Perhaps you'd like to join?

So, you consider people to be diverting distractions, do you? I'm not altogether sure if I do. I find people rather draining, by and large. I'm not sure I really want to be distracted from the peaceful familiarity of my own thoughts. I know some people thrive on constantly trying to read other people's body language and pry into their thoughts, but I'm happy to let sleeping dogs lie. I much prefer it if everyone just minds their own business. I suppose I'm just not as interested in other people as perhaps I should be – though I still maintain that a morbid curiosity about every detail of other people's lives is even more unhealthy!"

Jane gave a big smile. He should have known by now that Orion wouldn't let him get away with being 'maudlin', as she so amusingly put it. She had a teasing streak a mile wide, and didn't suffer foolishness gladly.

Should he tell her that he was one of those people with an unhealthily morbid curiosity? The idea seemed to offend her somewhat. Clearly there was someone in her life who was always trying to pry into her business and she didn't like it. He rather sympathised with the offender. Who wouldn't want to pry into her life? He was just unbelievably lucky that he was getting this unexpected glimpse into her hitherto secret world. He didn't want to blow it, but since she had told him that she trusted him, he decided that he had no option but to be truthful.

"Oh, you'd be amazed at how completely I can avoid taking responsibility for things. It's a topic my boss never gets tired of discussing! But, yes, I do tend to go overboard about things sometimes – too little responsibility in some areas and maybe too much in others. I am not an especially well-balanced individual, but at least I'm not boring! And, yes, I would love to join Martyrs Anonymous – may I co-host it with you?

"I'm afraid I find people rather fascinating. The surprising sameness of us all, mixed in with the equally surprising uniqueness we each have, is a rather irresistible puzzle to me. I always want to take people apart and see what makes them tick. And yes, other people find that a very annoying habit! With you, though, I'm having just as much fun telling you about myself as finding out about you, which is honestly a first for me. I know, I know, men are supposed to love talking about themselves, and that is mostly true (not just of men, either), but people like you and I, we're a whole different kettle of fish. Lots of secrets.

"I get the impression you also have someone in your life who is much too nosey for your taste and is always trying to find out what makes you tick. I assume it's a man? Spare a little pity for the poor guy, oh cruel woman! Do you have any idea how fascinating you are? I don't know what you look like, but I'm willing to bet that you're a potent package, and any man would be a fool not to want to know more about you. Especially since you don't willingly give anything away for free. You're making him work for it, and shouldn't hold it against him when he does. Have a heart."

00000

Lisbon grinned when she read that. She really didn't think Jane would appreciate those sentiments being applied to him! Though Shadow did often remind her a lot of Jane. She hoped this wasn't an indication that she had a 'type' and that her type bore an uncanny resemblance to Jane. That would be a very upsetting discovery indeed. She banished the thought hurriedly. She was just being paranoid – Jane had that effect on her. Anyway, she couldn't picture Jane ever being so open and honest about himself as Shadow always was.

She glanced at her bedside clock and realised that it was already past midnight. She really had to go to bed. Reluctantly she sent Shadow a message to say goodnight, then she turned out her light and, curling herself happily around the knowledge that Shadow thought she was a potent package, fell quickly asleep.

00000

Jane was always sorry when Orion signed out for the night. He would happily carry on messaging her until he had to go to work the next day. After all, he could always catch up on his sleep at the office. But he supposed that Orion actually worked during the day, and therefore needed to sleep at night. On the plus side, she seemed to have a similar schedule to his, so she was always available to talk to whenever he had any downtime.

He shut down his computer and decided to try to sleep. Orion had put him in a very good mood, so with a bit of luck he might have pleasant dreams again tonight. He'd been having a pretty good run lately, though he had noticed that all the dreams he could remember seemed to have been about Lisbon. Or at any rate, an Orion who looked just like Lisbon. Or maybe a Lisbon who talked and thought just like Orion. Confusing. However, he was so glad that he was having pleasant dreams that he refused to worry about the implications of his subconscious mind confoundingly merging Orion and Lisbon together into one potent package.

TBC