A/N: It's hard to believe that something started over four years ago is finally finished but so it is.

Thank you to everyone who has read and reviewed and born with us through all the long gaps, and my thanks especially to my co-writer. Becks has been a pleasure to write with and to bounce idea's off, she's made it fun, provided inspiration and is simply a great friend. Let's do this again soon.

Chapter Fifty– Day Forty One continued

"Home sweet home," Wheeler announces as I let him hand me out of our vehicle.

It is home. I do not feel as isolated as I did the last time we returned from Russia, but that has not changed. I belong here now. "Da,"

I begin trying to loosen up the muscles that have gotten stiff during our journey and Wheeler is immediately full of concern. "You ok? Not cramping up are you?"

"Nyet, I feel fine. No different than any other time we have spent hours sitting in the Geo Cruiser." I am careful to keep my voice free of irritation, but while I appreciate having him care… I am ok now and he needs to start recognising that.

He suggests that we go for a walk after we have put our things away and let the others know we are home, and I agree, a walk is just what I need to work the kinks out… though if he suggests a massage when we get back to our cabin, I will not be arguing with him.

The others take more of an interest in this trip than they did when we went for Boris' funeral… I think they are trying to make up for leaving us alone for so long, but I am finding it something of a trial. Fortunately, Wheeler takes on most of the burden of conversation and is just as eager as I am to start our exercise.

We finally make our escape and it feels so good to be outdoors in the sun, with the sea gently lapping at the beach and the wind gently blowing over us… I could do this forever. When my Yankee makes to turn back, I suggest we go on for a while, I am not feeling so tired today. The cloud that has been over me for so long is definitely lifting.

All the same, I am not sorry when we get to an area where the grass is thick enough to make a comfortable seat to look out over the sand and water, and Wheeler suddenly sits down on the comfortable greenery. He tugs my hand and I make myself comfortable between his legs, leaning back to rest against his chest while he rests his arms on his knees, like a protective barrier around me.

It feels like we are a couple sitting here, talking and laughing over nothing, just happy in each other's company, it's so easy to lose track of time. It is amazing how much we have both changed… and yet we are the same people we always were, we have just learnt how to get on, how to relax around each other and how much we need each other. At least, I have learnt that I need him, I would be completely lost without him in fact and that scares me more than a little.

I hope more than anything that things can stay like this for a while. It is comfortable and safe. Trying to be more than we are right now is what kept us from being friends for so long, we knew there was a connection between us and everything just kept going wrong. I do not want to go back to that.

I will not deny, at least to myself, that for a time I thought a more intimate relationship was what I needed to keep him with me, but it is better to be on this sort of footing forever than to risk losing him over teenage desires.

Wheeler disturbs my reverie by producing a small box from his pocket and holding it in front of me… for a brief second my imagination gets the best of me but I quickly push those thoughts aside, and try to control the tenseness in my voice as I ask him what it is.

"Just a little something I got you."

"What is the occasion?"

"No occasion. It's a 'just because' gift."

That reassures me that this is nothing more than him being sweet, something he has become very good at. I turn my head to smile up at him. "Those are my favourite kind."

"I thought maybe that after going back to Russia, you were going to need a little something to cheer you up. Fortunately the trip home was a good one and you don't really need cheered up…you know what, maybe I should just keep this for another time." He makes as if to put it away.

"Nyet! Give it to me!" I pull a face and grab his arm, knowing he is teasing me but playing along.

He lets me push him down onto the ground but I still cannot reach the box, and then suddenly he is the one on top and I cry out indignantly, "Wheeler!"

I am not annoyed though and he knows it, so he just keeps teasing me… well I guess I cannot win this way so I will have to play dirty. I stop trying to reach for my present and lie still looking up at him, schooling my features into an innocent, slightly hurt look that I know he will not be able to resist… It works.

"Aww damn it!" I try not to laugh as he moves us back into the comfortable sitting position we had adopted and finally gives me the box. "Here."

By this time I have guessed what it is, well not specifically, I mean that I know it will be a charm for my bracelet but it still manages to surprise me. The little heart inside is engraved with two words.

BEST
FRIEND

"Oh Wheeler! Another charm!" That does not exactly convey what I am feeling but he does not seem to notice.

As I look more closely I realise that it is actually in two halves, the heart is split from top to bottom and half of each word is on each charm. I have seen them before and understand why they are given, and cannot help thinking how appropriate it is for us. We are the best of friends, and only truly whole when we are together, and that will always be true… however the rest of our relationship pans out.

I lift out the first half and glance back at my Yankee to ask "Do you have something to put your half on or shall I keep it until we can get a chain?"

He looks surprised, "Uh…wow…I wasn't expecting that you'd give me the other half."

"Is that not what you are supposed to do with these things?" I had thought that that was his intention and I can't help but worry, does he not feel that way after all? Or perhaps he feels like I am trapping him in some way, after all he has said in the last few weeks this cannot be too much of a commitment surely, it is only friendship… or can it?

Wheeler stumbles over his excuses, though I suppose he is trying to reassure me, "Yeah, yeah…that's what you're supposed to do…it's just…I don't think it's very often that a guy gives a girl a gift like this…usually it's two girls and the other girl would have a matching bracelet."

"Like I said, I can keep it until you get a chain for it." Why am I bothering? It is just a thing stupid little girls do I can see it in his eyes. I wonder that he got it for me, but then he meant it to have meaning for me, not him. Well I will not let him see how disappointed I am, though I think my response comes out a little bit sulky anyway, "…or if it will make you feel less masculine wearing it, I will just keep both."

"Nope, I don't have a problem wearing jewelry…obviously," He is talking about his Planeteer ring but that is not the same thing at all. "A bracelet…yeah, I wouldn't wear that but, here…I have something…"

He brings out his confirmation medal on the chain around his neck. I have seen it before of course but I had forgotten about it. "I just wasn't expecting you'd give me half…but it really means a lot to me that you want to."

I smile at him because I think that he has finally got why I wanted him to have the other half, him and no one else. But I am still playing it down a little, "Well, it means a lot to me that you gave this to me too."

He puts his half on his confirmation chain and reaffirms the gift, "You're my best friend Babe. I'd do anything for you."

And have… "I know, Yankee," I realise that I have started to cry and pause to wipe my tears away, trying to calm the lump in my throat as well, I hope he can see how important he is to me because the words won't come and what I do manage to get out still seems inadequate. "You have been such a good friend to me. The best that I could have asked for."

I finish fastening the charm to my bracelet and hold my wrist up so that our two halves meet, and try again. "There, now it is official and I feel very fortunate."

"I'm glad…I just…I wanted you to know. And I know there are times when I make you mad, but at least with that charm, you'll always have a reminder."

"Not that I need reminding, I always know." I say sincerely and stretch up to kiss his cheek.

Wheeler gives me a hug in response and kisses my head. "Good."

The only time I have ever really doubted him since that day in Thailand when he drew the dragon away from me, is when he threatened to send me away to a clinic, and now that I am thinking more clearly I understand that even then he was trying to save me. It still scares me a little that he would risk so much for me, but I know now that I would do the same for him… Best Friend. How many people who share that title really think about its meaning? How many are called on to prove it? And how many are as lucky as I am in the person they choose? I rest my hand on his and relax into his warmth, enjoying the peaceful scenery and the chance to share it with my Best Friend.

Wheeler has not said anything for a while so I lean my head back on his shoulder. "You are awfully quiet Yankee… are you feeling ok?"

"Yeah, fine," He chuckles. "Just thinkin'."

"Do not hurt yourself!" I tease, smiling up at him. "What are you thinking about?"

He hugs me to him. "Just tryin' to sort some things out. I'll tell you all about it later, let's just watch the sun set."

"Ok." Should I be worried? How often does he really think about things… not often, and it sets off alarm bells in the back of my mind. Nyet! I do not want to second-guess him. The sunset is beautiful, it is a perfect evening and I just want to enjoy it with him.

The sun disappears from view before Wheeler speaks again. "We should be heading back before it gets too dark, plus I'm getting hungry. You?"

"Da, I can go for something." He seems pleased by my response so I get up and offer him my hand to help him up too. He accepts, but I notice that he does not put any weight on it.

When he is standing before me, he leans down and presses a kiss to my forehead. "Thanks for the lift."

"Anytime." I reply, and lean into him as he tucks his arm around me for our walk back to the huts.

The others have already eaten and vacated the kitchen when we get there, but they thoughtfully left us something to re-heat. My stomach does not protest at all, but then after what I ate at my Grandmother's, I did not really think it would. I am well… I know that I am technically still in danger of a relapse, but I do not think that is likely, so for now, I am well and that is what matters.

Neither of us are in the mood to watch television, so after dinner Wheeler and I head straight for my room and an early night. After spending just one night on my own, I am looking forward to being able to cuddle with him. I think that until we are curled up together, I will not really believe that nothing has changed and I need that.

I found out fairly early on that my Yankee is impatient about being kept waiting, and as neither of us wanted to be apart back then, it gradually became more normal for us to share the bathroom… after showering and changing of course. But there is much that can be done around each other, though Wheeler is always done before me.

He is waiting for me in bed tonight, as usual, and he immediately notices the slight change I have made. "You're not wearing a sweatshirt."

"Da." I reply proudly, making myself comfortable next to him. "The last few nights, I have been getting hot in the middle of the night. I thought I would try to sleep without it tonight."

Except last night of course, and I am not going to mention last night, as far as I am concerned right now, it did not happen. Right now, sleeping on my own is an impossibility.

"Cool. You know, if you get too hot, you can just throw my arm off and push me away." He tells me, tucking his arm comfortably over my waist.

I turn over to look at him. "I think I will be fine. Without the sweatshirt, I may need your warmth more."

"Ok." We lay there in a comfortable silence until he speaks again. "So you're feeling better then?"

"Da…I think I may finally be getting back to normal. I am really noticing a difference since we set up that diet and exercise routine. I am not as cold, my appetite is returning, I am not as nauseous, my muscles do not feel as tense…and I owe it all to you. Thank you."

I raise my head to briefly kiss his cheek, but he turns his and catches my lips instead. It is still brief really, but neither of us rush to pull away. "You're welcome."

I can feel myself blushing as I lay back down… we do not usually do anything so… intimate, when we are in my bed.

"I'm glad you're feeling better Babe. I knew you could get through this."

Does he need reassuring? Maybe he is thinking about last night after all. "I could not have done it without you Jason. I know I pushed you away at first, but I really am grateful that you have been here for me and never gave up on me. I know I did not make things easy…I know I scared you. I scared myself. But that is all in the past now. Only good days from now on."

"That's what I wanted to hear." He tells me and we once more lapse into silence.

Just when I am beginning to relax enough to drift off to sleep, he says. "No aches, no nightmares since we found out that Skumm didn't…violate you…Soon, you won't need me anymore…So…where does that leave us?"

Oh no. "Us?"

I know what he means and I know that he knows that. A part of me has been dreading this conversation and I am hoping he will take my feigning ignorance as a hint… no such luck… he nods and waits for me to say something. "I…this whole time, you have been the best friend to me that I could have hoped for. You are my best friend! I do not know what I would have done without you. I do not even want to think about the possibilities."

"Me neither."

Then let this conversation end now… please Yankee? I beg silently, keeping my face carefully expressionless. This is not the time to consider the future, especially a future together, there are still so many things I am unsure about.

Again he does not get the message. "I know you're getting better, and I'm glad…but..."

He shakes his head and though I do not want to ask I cannot help myself, I cannot just leave it like this, "But?"

"I just want you to know how much you mean to me. What your friendship means to me. I never thought I'd ever get this close to you...and I certainly wish the circumstances were different. I think we can both agree that things are much different between us now than they were before."

Things are different between us, yes, but we ourselves are not so different. My condition made us behave differently but he has already shown that he is one step away from slipping back into his immature behaviour and as for me, I am only just learning to be myself again. Even if we understand each other better now, there are still a thousand misunderstandings just waiting to happen… we do not see things the same way.

I can feel my insides tightening up and doing summersaults at the same time. My brain is working double time to think of a way out, how far will he push it? I need to be very careful what I say and I know my voice is strained as I agree, "Da,"

He shakes his head again and pushes on. "You keep thanking me and saying you couldn't have gotten through this without me, but the truth is, I should be thanking you too."

"For what?" I know I should not be nervous, but I cannot tell what he is thinking.

"For helping me heal...and no, not from my knife wound or the whale wounds. From the pain of my own losses. Helping you made it easier to accept the fact that I couldn't help James. It made me realize he didn't want help. You did. You let me help. And I know you feel guilty about not being able to save Boris...but that's not on you...like James, Boris didn't want help. There's nothing you could have done differently. I realize that about James now and I hope someday, you'll be able to accept that you did everything you could for Boris."

I know he does not mean to hurt me but it does, he might be ready to face these things but I am not. "Wheeler please… can we discuss this later?"

"Yeah. Sure." He agrees and I feel a moment's relief, but it is short lived. "That's all I wanted to say really. I just wanted you to know. I'd like it if we could get all of the feelings these last few weeks have stirred up out in the open...so there's no...confusion."

"I like where we are now." I say cautiously. Perhaps if I open up just a little bit he will understand why he needs to back off. "I like the closeness we have developed over the last few weeks… why cannot we just leave things be? I need the stability Jason, it is going to be a long time before I am not at least partially vulnerable to the effects of Bliss, I need to know you will be there."

"Of course I'll be there!" He exclaims. "I want to be more to you, not less."

I shake my head. "I am not ready for what I think you are suggesting. I need to be myself again for a while before I make any big decisions. I need things to get back to normal, and that includes things between us."

"Just friends..." He does not sound happy and I wish that I could tell him how much more he really means to me.

We are still so young, it would be wrong to make a commitment, even if it were not for the Bliss. I cannot trust my own feelings right now, my need of him as a friend is so mixed up with my desire for him… it would be so easy to just give in and become his girlfriend but I could end up hurting us both far worse in the long run if I am mistaken about how I feel.

"Please understand Wheeler." I know that is slightly unfair of me because I have not really explained the overwhelming fear that is in my heart, but I cannot.

"I get it. I do. It doesn't make it any easier, but I understand where you're coming from. I uh…I'm sorry if you feel like I'm pressuring you. I didn't mean to put you on the spot. I just wanted you to know what the last month and a half has meant to me."

"It is ok…I just do not want things to change between us." I tell him.

"But they have changed… what you mean is, you just want things to go back to the way they were before?" That is not what I said. He almost sounds as if he only helped me to get what he wanted, even if what he wanted was me. I know that is not the case but it is obvious that I must make a decision because he is not going to let this go, and clearly there is only one decision I can make at this point.

"Da…and nyet. I am sorry if I led you to believe that anything more would come of this. I just…" I try to explain more, pushing myself to reveal a little of what I am feeling. "A relationship would change everything far more than my illness did… if it did not work between us it could ruin everything. I could not handle losing your friendship. I am still too weak, not so much physically anymore, but mentally. It would push me over the edge for sure."

I mean it, I would fall apart completely if I lost him from my life, the withdrawal would return and there would be nothing to stop me turning back to some form of addiction. Losing control of myself again terrifies me.

"I don't want that to happen." His voice sounds flat as lifeless and I wonder if I have already destroyed what we have built up. He sits up and begins to get out of bed, clearly serious as he continues "Maybe I should go back to my own room now."

It is all I can do to keep my voice steady. "Why?"

He does not sound angry, just sad. "You don't need me anymore Linka. This needs to end eventually if we are going to try and get back to normal…it'll be easier if we get used to going back to the way things used to be…if that's the way you want them to be."

Is it not the way I want it to be but it is the way it has to be, for now. "You are right."

He gets up and walks towards the door and my heart sinks... what have I done? "Wheeler…"

Pausing to look back at me Wheeler looks tense and for a moment I think he will come back and hold on to me and I want to beg him to do just that. He is stronger than me. "I gotta go Babe. I've been selfish."

"I do still need you..." He does understand that doesn't he? Despite my attempt not to show how much this is hurting me my voice is barely above a whisper.

"I know, but you're well enough to get through the nights, and you know I'm always gonna be here for you any time you need to talk, and I'll keep working out with you as we build up your stamina, but at night, I need to sleep alone. I'm starting to become co-dependant on you."

He turns away and leaves and there is nothing more I can say. He cannot want me to be with him just because I am afraid, but I am so close to giving in for that very reason. I do not want to hurt him more than I already have though...

Summoning my last ounce of courage, I let him go.

Once I am alone, I get out of bed and retrieve his sweatshirt from my chair where I left it, pulling it on before crawling back into bed. I am already shaking with tears and I feel far colder than I did back in Russia. I will not sleep well tonight, or I think, for a long time to come.

My Yankee was correct though, it had to end. Neither of us will thrive if our relationship is built on co-dependence.

The End

A/N: I hope you enjoyed this final chapter, I know the ending might not be exactly what you were expecting but we did say at the beginning that we wanted it to fit in with the series. Maybe you can help me convince Becks that we need to write the sequel! ;)

And don't forget, to get the full effect of the story, you HAVE TO read Wheeler's side of the story in Becks7's Co-dependents Chapter 50! Let us know what you think!