This fictional piece is in response to this tvd kink prompt: "Stefan/Matt - it's just a crush"

Go Down Matthew

Sometimes, with this absolutely fucking depressed look on his face, he used to say "hi" to me at football practice. Then he dropped out of school like it was no big deal, like he had done this all before. He looked weary.

It's not like that was the first strange incident. He once pushed me against a wall at a Halloween party, telling me how he was trying to help my sister. She ran away that night, just like mom. I probably won't see either again anytime soon.

This fucking rich kid probably never had to work at a neighborhood bar and grill to make some cash. Doesn't know what work feels like. I would hate him, if I could. I would hate the way Elena wraps herself around him. I would hate his smug, creepy brother who one moment looks like he hates Stefan, and the next moment, looks like he'll kill anyone who dares to look at Stefan the wrong way.

I've been having these dreams lately. Stefan pushes my against the wall, just like at that party. But then it's his lips that push against mine. And then it's his body against me. And its all in his freaky strength that holds me, keeps me from pushing him away, making him acquainted with my fist. In reality, I kiss Caroline harder to forget. I fill my hands with her breast to remember that I like girls, that I love Elena. Caroline gives me something to do with my hopelessness, because she's just like me. Hopeless.

In another dream, it's the wall again and me against it. Except that there is not as much clothing as before. My arms are around him, my hands full of shoulder blades, and muscle and I've never felt so good in my life.

I wake up, harder then I've ever been and I try to recall Elena's face while I wrap my hand around my cock. I try to recall the little sounds Caroline makes when I touch her between the thighs. But all I can think about is that sad look on Stefan's face that he sometimes has when he thinks no one is looking. It's like he's lost so much more than anyone else in the world.

I come all over my hand imagining ways I could make Stefan smile. Just once.