(To be sung to the tune of "Love Never Dies")

Who knows why he began?
Who knows what made him start?
One day it simply puffed
Out like a little fart

He set it to a score
And never mind the plot
He told us all "Surprise!
A sequel I have wrought!"

We tried to deny it
And tried to protest
He wouldn't let it go
Claimed we were obsessed

Let Phantom lie
Leave it unaltered
Don't touch the canon
It's not yours

Madame's a bitch
Meg's now a hooker
Erik is studly
What the f***?
Everyone wants him
What the f***?

Why wouldn't you just quit
Surrender while ahead?
Come out with something new
You gave us this instead

You used them all at whim
The characters we know
Is everybody drunk
Or is that just Raoul?

One gave us pleasure
Part two gives us pain
If "Love" could only die
The first would still remain

Let Phantom lie
Gustave's annoying
"Beautiful
It's so
Beau-ti-fullll"

Let Phantom lie
God it's so cloying
Erik's still stalking
Ten years on
Christine goes Stockholm

Let Phantom lie
Why'd it continue?
Why keep on beating
This dead horse?

Paint never dries
That's what they'll call it
Wisdom is fleeting
Dreck lives on
Lord, "Bathing Beauty"
Oh, come on…