Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.
Summary: Itachi is sent to the market for groceries and comes across a small boy who reminds him of Sasuke. Dango, guilt and a deathwish. Dark fic. Spoilers!
For some reason, I seem to fail at editing my documents in the Document Manager section. It never turns out well, which annoys me to no end, so my apologies for wrongly underlined/bold/italic text.
Plot bunny from sinemoras09.
Feedback is highly appreciated!
Dango, guilt and a deathwish
If I can save you by offering up this life
I'll show you how I smile as my body burns up
If we are reborn
And can meet again someday, smiling...
- Gackt - Lost Angels
Being in order of Akatsuki's finances, it is Kakuzu who decides who goes for groceries. Since Akatsuki is a secret organization, Kakuzu wisely tends to choose one over the other. Of course they have missions, which needs them to go out in the open at times and causes the occasional fight, but for shopping, Leader prefers them not to get in trouble.
Kakuzu never sends Hidan to the market, for obvious reasons.
Most often it is Tobi who enthusiastically goes. He is one of the few members who actually buy what is on the grocery list.
Today, only a few members are present, namely Kakuzu, Hidan, Kisame and Itachi. Leader and Konan might be, but one never knows for sure.
Since Kisame is rather scary looking and Hidan is, well, Hidan, Kakuzu sees no other option than to send Itachi. Not that new things are that urgently needed, Kakuzu thinks, holding out for another week would save some money, but the others have been complaining.
Itachi doesn't complain and takes the list without looking at it. He is not particularly fond of markets, since they are crowded and Itachi doesn't like crowded places, but it is nice to go out alone from time to time.
Without his Akatsuki cloak and with onyx eyes he looks like a regular shinobi. This far from Konoha, he has never gotten any suspicious looks, not when he looks like this and when he has his chakra suppressed to a normal level.
It doesn't take him much time to get all the stuff from the list.
The place is crowded and people are yelling. It unnerves him.
He sits down on a bench, a few meters from the market stalls and eats the dango he bought. Even though the weather appears quite unstable and sky is dark, Itachi feels content.
Then a child sits next to him. It is a small boy with black hair and dark eyes, just like him. Like Sasuke. The boy stares. Itachi's eyesight is not what it used to be and he doesn't have the Sharingan, so it is not clear to him if the boy is staring at him or at his dango.
"Dango," the boy says, as if he reads Itachi's thoughts. "I like dango."
The boy doesn't stop staring. "So do I," Itachi says quietly, just to be polite. He takes another piece and eats it.
For a moment, there is silence, but the kid is still there and goes on staring.
Suddenly, Itachi feels a small poke in his side. He flinches.
"Can I have a piece?" the boy asks. His voice is young and squeaky and innocent and it reminds Itachi of Sasuke when he was young.
Sasuke.
There is only one piece left.
Itachi doesn't even think before giving it to him.
Sasuke...
The boy quickly grabs the stick and eats the remaining dango. His small legs, hanging from the bench, are bouncing up and down.
"Thank you," the boy says and he leans towards Itachi, smile wide on his face.
Itachi gives him a smile. "You're welcome," he says, and without consciously wanting to, without thinking about it, without knowing what he's doing – because God he wouldn't have done it otherwise – he lifts his hand and pokes the kid between the eyes.
And then the parents come along and take the kid. Itachi is too dazed to absorb all the information, but he sees smiles and hears 'goodbye' and then the kid is gone. The parents both hold one of his hands. He swings between them. They smile. They all have dark hair and dark eyes. They are a happy family.
What I took away from Sasuke.
Before he realizes it all, half way back to the hideout, Itachi is leaning against a tree, throwing up violently, trying to keep his shoes clean.
The sky is dark and rain pours down, as if mocking how he feels. Rage. A storm that cannot come out.
The soaring pain in his stomach and in his chest doesn't stop. All control is gone. He sags on his knees and his fingers claw at his eyes. He screams and cries until no sound comes out anymore.
The bag with groceries is dirty and wet from lying in the grass. Itachi doesn't even know what's in it anymore.
When he enters the lair, he doesn't know how long he's been gone. He's numb.
"You look like shit, heh."
He ignores, barely hears Hidan's comment, and drops the bag of groceries on the counter in the kitchen. He goes straight to his room and sits on the bed, breathing shakily.
He can't shake the images of his brother. His foolish little brother.
He used to be ANBU and it had been a mission. But he had done worse than just taking lives. He had slaughtered every precious thing that his brother had.
He wished he had taken his own life long ago.
Sasuke... kill me. I long for Death.
But no matter the guilt, no matter the grief, no matter if Sasuke takes his life, no matter if he would let himself be tortured to death, no matter how he begs and pleads on his bare knees, there is no absolution.
During the night, Itachi has to focus on not making a sound. Fortunately, Kisame cannot see the tears rolling down his cheeks, wetting his pillow.
In the morning, there is a bit less life in Itachi's eyes and there are marks from his nails in the palm of his hand. His soul is a little bit more distant, already crossed to somewhere else, but this body of his still remains.
When Kisame informs him that he is ready to leave, Itachi puts on his Akatsuki cloak. Finally. His endurance is almost over.
Sasuke, I am ready.
He's ready to go home.
If I can save you by offering up this life
I'll show you how I smile as my body burns up
If we are reborn
And can meet again someday, smiling...