TAE Bloopers Chapter 1, a maximum ride fanfic

Me: Hi everyone!

Max: Yeah, hi...

Me: For my usual readers, notice anything different?

Max: Is it that I'm not Iggy?

Me: DING DING DING! Correct! But you're technically not one of my usual readers...

Max: -shrugs- I read Iggy Ramblings :D with Matt, remember?

Me: Oh yeah...so this is Matt's (Tgypwya's) Max, and he let me borrow her for a few minutes to write this AN because Iggy is having a sleepover with St Fang of Boredom and Fang :D

Max: And Matt still has Neytiri to keep him company. -looks around- Maybe I could stay here a while...I like it

Me: -eyeroll- You and Iggy? Here? Together? After you pulled that jealousy question? No thanks, you're going back as soon as I write this

Max: -shrugs- Are you jealous of me and Matt??

Me: I AM NOT!!! WE'RE NOT DISCUSSING THIS NOW! I'm just gonna start talking about the fic...

Well, this is basically some of the bloopers that occured while TAE was being made :) There may be some OOCness, but not much. And It's kind of like their making it after their adventure (Excluding FANG), so Max and Fang are together and Total is watching from the sidelines etc. So, I hope you like it! There were a lot of screw ups that the Flock made, hehe :P

Max: And tell her in a review if you think she's jealous. I know Matt is.

Me: Max, we're not jealous. Shut up.

Diclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride or Starwars (Don't ask)

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Soon Iggy, tall and pale, slouched into the kitchen. Eyes closed, he fell onto our beat-up couch with perfect aim. The only times he has trouble being blind is when one of us forgets and moves the furniture or something.

'Hey, Ig, rise and shine," I said.

'Eat me,' he mumbled sleepily.

Director: CUT! Iggy, the line is 'bite me.'

Iggy: Does it really matter?

Max: It does if you want the freaking book to be written.

Iggy: -groans- Fine, fine -gets back to starting position-

'Hey Ig, rise and shine,' I said.

'Kill me,' he mumbled sleepily.

Director: IGGY!

Gazzy: -laughs-

Max: Get it right or so help me…

Iggy: No, I was being serious. If I don't get to say what I want to say, then I'm not going to co-oporate, so kill me.

Max: I'm not going to kill you. I will however force-feed you my cooking. Would you rather I do that?

Iggy: …'Bite me' it is.

Oh yeah – that's another special thing about Angel.

She can read minds

Director: Cut! That's the end of chapter three, people! Take five!

Angel: You shouldn't think those dirty thoughts while we're acting Max. It's very distracting

Max: Uh…what dirty thoughts?

Angel: You know, the ones about Fang wearing his boxers and lying in a field of roses-

Max: Okay who's up for lunch…wait, you didn't record that did you?

Director: …

Max: -glares-

Director: -runs-

Max: -runs after him- YOU LOUSY CREEP! FOCUSSING ON MY PERSONAL LIFE! I OUGHTA TEAR YOU LIMB FROM LIMB AND-

'I want to go pick strawberries today,' Angel said firmly, scooping up a forkful of scrambled eggs. 'They're ripe now.'

'Okay, Angel, I'll go with you,' said the Gasman. Just then he let rip one of his unfortunate-

Iggy: -starts choking for real and falls on the ground unconscious-

Nudge: -holds breath- -runs from the room-

Max: -goes into a coughing fit- Okay, Gaz. That was worse than it was supposed to be…

Gazzy: -cackles loudly-

Max: Fang, what are you doing?

Fang: What does it look like I'm doing? I'm getting payback for that stunt Iggy pulled before we started filming. -is drawing a moustache and glasses on Iggy's face-

Director: Gazzy, try and tone it down a little bit...

-once the smell has been cleared out of the room-

'Okay, Angel, I'll go with you,' said the Gasman. Just then he let rip one of his unfortunate occurrences, and giggled.

'Gas…mask!" Iggy choked-

Max: -bursts into hysterical laughter-

Fang/Nudge/Gazzy/Angel: -laugh too-

Iggy: What's so funny?

Max: I can't…take you…seriously -laughs harder-

Director: As much as I like that look on you, Iggy, it doesn't work. Now, go and wash that moustache/glasses combo off your face so we can end the flipping scene!

Iggy: …

…

FANG!!!

Angel led us to a huge patch of wild strawberries.

She held my hand. 'If you make a cake, I can make strawberry shortcakes,' she said happily.

Gazzy: -says in Darth Vader voice- Max, I am your father!

Max: -looks at Gazzy in confusion- -shrugs- NOOOOOOOO!!!!! -gets down on knees for more of an effect-

Nudge: Since when is Darth Vader Max's father? I thought it was Jeb.

Max: It is, but don't go telling the readers that! -facepalm- Well, J.P, there goes your whole climax for the third book

J.P: NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Iggy: ...NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Gazzy: Why are you saying that?

Iggy: -shrugs- Didn't want to feel left out.

Director: Are we ever going to get this finished?

Max: Doesn't look like it. Can we go now?

Director: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

Flock: -facepalm-

Dizzily, I fell back, the two Erasers pinning me, and with uncomprehending horror I saw three other Erasers stuffing Angel, my baby into a rough sac. She was crying and screaming, and one of them hit her.

Frantically struggling…then Fang, completely out of character considering he was meant to be UNCONCIOUS ran over and opened up the sack. Ari jumped out, showing his sharp teeth.

Fang: ARGH! Don't do that, man!

Ari: Stick to the script then and I won't!

Max: Wait, weren't you just…-points at other Ari-

Angel: -unzips Ari costume to reveal herself inside- -giggles-

Max: Ah…

Director: -throws script into the air- -leaves-

Gazzy: -gets up off floor- YAY! We can do what we want

-New director walks in- (N.D. for short)

N.D.: Alright, let's make dreams happen people!

Flock: Damn…

Yelling as loud as I could, I made fists and punched the chunky bark of the fir tree hard-

Max: SHIT! Ow, ow, ow, ow! Fucking hell that hurt, damnit!

Flock: …

Max: Shit, fuck, crap, I mean, crap, fuck…I'll be in my trailer. -leaves-

Iggy howled and swept his hand across the kitchen counter, catapulting a mug through the air. It hit the wall…

N.D.: Cut! Iggy, you're supposed to hit Fang in the head

Fang: -smirks-

Iggy: Well, you see, I uh…

N.D.: I get it, you can't see, it must be hard for you, but I know that you have better aim than that. Alright, let's try again!

Iggy howled and swept his hand across the kitchen counter, catapulting a mug through the air. It hit the wall again…

N.D.: CUT! Iggy, hit Fang in the head please!

Fang: -is still smirking-

Iggy: -sighs- But if I hit Fang in the head he'll show- never mind

Max: Fang, what are you holding against him?

Fang: Some photo's I took at the after party for this book

Max: We've hardly started! There was no after party!

Fang: Pfft, not that you know of.

Max: Can we just act out the scene please?

Fang: No

Max: -facepalm- -decides to go to more drastic measures- -walks fingers up Fang's chest- For me?

Fang: -hesitates-

Max: -runs hands over chest seductively-

Fang: Fine…

Iggy: -throws mug across the room on purpose- -hits Fang in the head-

N.D.: IGGY!

Iggy: What? You said to hit Fang in the head, so I did!

Fang nodded. God is he ever the strong and silent type.

'Uh-huh,' said Nudge. 'If we get separated somehow – though I don't see how we could, unless maybe one of us gets lost in a cloud or something – do you think that could happen? I haven't ever been inside a cloud. I bet it's creepy. Can you see anything inside a cloud? Or would it be really dark and misty or even mysterious? You know, I think I'm going to fly inside a cloud one day to-

N.D.: CUT!

Nudge: -breathes heaily after long rant-

N.D.: Max, what are you doing?

Max: -is making out with Fang in midair- -turns head- Huh?

Fang: -smiles-

N.D.: -facepalm- Your line, Max!

Max: There's a line?

N.D.: -clenches fist- Take five everyone!

Max and Fang: -shrug- -go back to making out-

The first whitecoat rubbed his hands together with glee. 'You're looking at it.' He leaned forward to unhook her cage door. 'Come on, little thing. You're wanted in lab seven.' Oh yes! Man, when I piss on her brain…

N.D.: CCCUUUUTTTTT!!!!

Angel: -bursts into hysterical laughter-

N.D.: Crawford, stick to the bloody script already! It's section her brain, idiot!

Crawford: But that's what it says. -shows N.D. the script-

N.D.: -frowns in confusion- -face turns red- IGGY! GAZZY!!!!

Iggy and Gazzy: -cackle wildly- -slap highfives-

N.D.: -chases Iggy and Gazzy out of the room- -knocks over a cardboard cage-

-Max and Fang were making out behind the cardboard cage-

Max: Uh…

Fang: -looks around to see the Whitecoat actors staring at them- -goes back to making out with Max-

Crawford: Get a room before I piss on your brains!!!

Max: -shoots him the bird-

The Gasman scowled. 'I can't believe I have to stay home while they go off and save my own sister.'

He kicked a worn red sneaker across the kitchen island and-

BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! -house explodes into ruble-

N.D.: -coughs- Is everyone alright?

Max: -runs in- Report!

Iggy: -comes out from underneath the rubble with Gazzy- Heh…I forgot that I put a bomb in there…

N.D.: The whole house is ruined!!!

Max: -shrugs- They're pyro's, what do you expect?

N.D.: That's it. This is too much. I quit.

Max/Iggy/Gazzy: YES!

D3: Okay, moving on…

Gazzy: Who are you?

D3: I'm director three, AKA, D3

Iggy: So you're some other version of R2D2?

D3: I guess you could say that

Max: C3PO?

D3: What? Are you crazy? Now way! Alright, let's get back to work

Everyone: -sighs-

'Do we have any chlorine?' the Gasman asked Iggy. 'It seems to be kind of explosive, when mixed with other stuff.'

Iggy frowned. 'Like what, your socks? No, we don't have chlorine. No swimming pool. What color is this wire?'

'Hey, there's a tag in here.'

Iggy: A what?

Gazzy: A white tag that says 'pull me.'

D3: …

Iggy: -shrugs- Pull it then

Gazzy: -pulls- -blue stuff squirts all over Iggy's face-

Iggy: FANG!!!

'So, Ella, what do you have to say for yourself?' the lead guy taunted. 'Is there any reason I shouldn't teach you a lesson too?'

'Three guys against one girl. That seems about ev-

Max: -trips on her own feet- -lands in a mud puddle-

Iggy: -dumps feathers on her from above-

Max: -stands up- Iggy, when I get my hands on you…! -takes off into the air after Iggy-

Iggy: -squeals like a girl- -flies off-

Ella: -taps foot impatiently-

D3: I know, I know…

What felt like a year later, the hawks seemed to relax a bit. They were huge, with an almost five-foot wingspan, and looked cold and powerful. On top, their feathers were mostly brown, with russet streaks, and they were streaked white below. Not unlike Nudge's own wings, except hers were so much bigger; twice as big.

Some hawks went back to feeding their noisy offspring, others left in search of food, still others returned with dinner. Another one decided it would be funny to poop on Fang shirt.

Nudge: -giggles-

Fang: -sighs- This was my favourite shirt too

Nudge: They're all the same! Black! What's the difference?

Fang: -shrugs- It was still may favourite shirt…and I made out with Max in it…

Nudge: You make out with Max in all your shirts…

Fang: -shrugs-

'Come on, Mango," Ella called.

D3: CUT! Ella, it's Magnolia not Mango!

Ella: But that's a nicer name…oh, and I'm hungry

D3: -facepalm- Well, the food table is-

Nudge: I think that Mango is a nice name. Could we call Total Mango?

Total: -from the cast seat- You are not calling me Mango

Ella: -giggles- But it suits you, Mango

Nudge: Yeah, Mango

Total: -glares-

D3: Okay, guys, let's try it again!

'Pretty much. I found you some dark clothes.' The Gasman pressed a shirt and pants into Iggy's hand. 'And I've got some too. So you ready to roll?' He hoped Iggy couldn't hear how nervous he was. This was a great plan, they had to do it – but failure would be disastrous.

'Yeah, and Gaz?'

Gazzy frowned upon realising this wasn't part of the script. 'Yeah?'

Iggy: How stupid do you think I am?

Gazzy: Uh...

Iggy: I can tell that these clothes are pink. I may be blind, but I can sense colors, you doofus

Gazzy: Damn…

D3: Hello? Are we going back to the script or not?

Gazzy: Only if Iggy wears the pink outfit

Iggy: -facepalm-

The Gasman tried to smile. He cranked open the hall window as wide as it could go and perched on the ledge. His palms were sweaty and his stomach was all fluttery. But he had no choice – this was for Angel. This was to show people what would happen if they messed with his family.

He swallowed hard and launched himself out into the night air. It was amazing to-

-window slams shut-

Iggy: OW! Dammit, Gazzy!

Gazz: -cracks up- You should watch where you're going, Ig.

D3: -goes to hire someone to fix the window-

Gazzy: No, leave it the way it is! I like it!

Iggy: -cusses-

'I take it that you don't want me to call you parents?' Ella's mom said softly, starting to cut away the neck of my sweatshirt.

'Uh, no. Hello, lab? May I speak to a test tube, please?'

D3: CUT! Max, you're not supposed to say that out loud.

Max: Oh…right…next time you should put that in italics then

D3: -facepalm-

Nudge: Don't worry Director 3-person, it must be hard for Max to act when her mother is right there in the room…whoops, there goes more of book three…

J.P.: -cries-

Max: You should stop upsetting J.P., Nudge, with all of the secrets you're giving away

Nudge: I am sooo sorry. I promise I won't say anything else. Especially not about how Iggy finds his parents too- oops…

J.P.: -cries harder-

Max: -awkwardly comforts him-

Her mom leaned over and examined it more closely. Amazingly, she was trying to act casual, like, oh, okay, you have a wing. No biggie.

I was practically hyperventilating, feeling light-headed and kind of tunnel-visiony.

'Yeah, your wing got hit too," Ella's mum murmured, extending it ever so gently. 'I think the shot nicked a bit of bone. Are you sure that your boyfriend didn't do this to you? Has he been pressuring you?' she asked and even though it wasn't in the script, but I played along.

"Uh, no…Ella's mom...I don't have a boyfriend…"

Dr. M: Then who is that I see you making out with?

Max: Mom, why are we discussing this now?

Dr. M: Because, Max, we need to have this discussion

Max: In the middle of making the book?

Dr. M: Uh...yes...

Ella: Mom, not one of your best ideas

Fang: -clears throat nervously- -covers face with hat-

Iggy: Fang's in trouble

Fang: Shut up Iggy

Iggy: Shut doesn't go up, prices do

Fang: You've been watching too much TV

Iggy: And you've been watching too much Max.

Fang: That's it. -attacks Iggy-

-Fang and Iggy fight on the floor-

Angel: We will be right back after these messages -smiles innocently-

D3: -moans-

Nudge: I wonder how long you're gonna stay…

D3: From what I see, not long…

'It hit the oil, alright. It spun, hit the trees, and did a flip,' the Gasman told him. 'Now it's on it's back, like a big, ugly, dead beetle.'

'Yes!' Iggy punched the air, making their branch sway. 'Signs of life?'

'Uh…Oh…uh…well, they should be alive…right….about….now! Hello? Ray? Troy? ANYONE THERE!?!? Crap…'

Iggy: Uh…

Gazzy: Is anyone alive down there?

Iggy: Crap…did we just kill two of the actors?

D3: Ray? Troy? Gaz, Ig, go see if they're alright!

-Gaz and Ig fly down to the car-

Fang: -from inside the car- Surprise! -dumps blue dye on Iggy-

Iggy: FANG!

Fang: -takes off into the air-

Iggy: You're gonna pay for that Fang!

Fang: What are you going to do, you blue Oompa Loompa!?

D3: -sighs- Now we're going to have to wait a week for that dye to wear off…

Gazzy: No you don't. I can play Iggy!

D3: You want to be blind?

Gazzy: Sure! -covers eyes- -walks into a wall- I'M IGGY!

D3: …yeah, I'm gonna wait till next week…

Me: So yeah, I hope you liked it :)

Max: And don't forget to mention about her and Matt being jealous in the rev-

Me: -covers Max's mouth- Yeah, so tell me what you think. There's still more to come. It was just too much to fit into one chapter...

R&R!?!?!??

-Bell and Max