Mistakes

Silence. I know he is here, just beyond my reach. I hope he never finds me standing in this small spot. For the longest time I wanted to see him, with all his beauty, with all his cruelty. He had me trapped within a book.

It had been absolutely careless of me to tell him I was leaving; I was so in love with the horrible beast he was. I couldn't leave without telling him goodbye, nor could I stay and kill him while he still existed as Tom Riddle. Once I see him as Voldemort again it will be easier to kill him. By that time he will have committed murder a thousand times over, tortured and maimed my friends. Back then I knew that with Harry and Ron by my side I could face that monster. Right then I couldn't face my beloved.

It was a cloudy afternoon when I made my first mistake.

"I'm leaving,"I said, not being able to meet his eyes. This was my first mistake.

"No, you are not. Don't be silly." His deep voice responded.

Looking straight into the depths of those grey eyes I repeated, "I'm too few said my heart, fis?, f""'"ar too few said my heart, fis?, f

Knowing the determination in my face, he let go of my curls and stroked my face.

"No."

I couldn't handle seeing his face fill with pain. I turned my back on him, that was my second mistake.

With a broken voice, several feet behind me, I barely heard his desperate, "Why?!"

Not answering I kept walking. Never once did I think of grabbing my wand. I was leaving my love. I had deluded myself into believing he wasn't the monster I knew him to be.

How thoughtless were my actions. The next thing I heard was a Crucio. Prolonged torture did not break me, the fact that it was him doing the torture did. After days when madness would've been a blessing over the never-ending pain, I admitted I was leaving because I was from the future.

After that admission I can only remember pain, he drove me to the edge of madness. Only then did he realize I'd never reveal a thing. He wasn't willing to break my spirit not even to know the future. Whoever said he was incapable of love, never met the person I knew.

For several weeks after that incident he healed my wounds. Never once did he apologize. As soon as I had enough strength I'd leave. He knew me far too well. The day when I could finally sit up again I tore open my left thigh looking for the coin hidden there. It was gone. He had removed it. Good thing it only worked for me.

When he returned and found the wound in my thigh he went ballistic. He reinforced the room with spells and broke my wand. It broke my heart to see my dear friend broken. My wand had saved me countless times.

"You will never leave my side, is that clear?" he said looking at me with blood red eyes.

Never before had I seen his eyes turn that color. Was I somehow speeding his transformation into that wretched monster? There was no way of knowing for sure, no book stated the time of his transformation. I wanted him to become that monster so the man I loved would exist no more, but then again that was a lie.

"Stop crying little one. I'll restore your wand as soon as I figure a way to get you to stay here,"he said wiping my tears and kissing my forehead. Having said this, he left.

For months I knew nothing of him. The cupboards in the kitchen would fill with food and sometimes when I woke up I found new dresses in the closet. He loved the way I looked in flowing skirts.

One day I woke and he was there, looking at me with his deep grey eyes. "I've missed you. Come here." He said opening his arms.

I had missed him, so slowly I went to where he was sitting and sat in his lap, leaning my head on his shoulder and listening to his heart. How many times had I done this?, far too few said my heart, far too many screamed my mind. That was my third mistake.

He grabbed my chin and slowly guided my mouth to his. I loved his kisses. They were so strong, dominating, but unbelievable soft at the same time. There was something off about the taste of his mouth. I tried to ignore it and relish in the feeling of him alone. Suddenly there was pain mingled, it was dripping into my throat. I was the one who was dripping! He was turning me into a substance that fell to an open book. That is how I got into the book. That kiss was my fourth mistake.

He hoped to lock me in this book. He had created an exact replica of Hogwarts here, from the forest to the high towers, even the armors and paintings were all here. He had taken special care of those places which were dear to us. At first I tried everything to get out, but nothing worked. So I went to the place I always looked for answers, the library.

To my surprise he had increased the size and enriched the content of books in all subjects, specially the dark arts. In there I found soft couches and a self filling stash of quills, ink and parchment to take notes. This is where I spent most of my days, looking for a way out. I never found one.

One particularly bright day I was reading Hogwarts a History just to pass the evening when he spoke, "I see you enjoy this little spot I fixed for you. I knew you would."

Hearing his voice I tried to turn to see his face. I was so happy to see him.

"Don't turn little one. Tell me, have you enjoyed your time here?" He said in the same voice I so loved.

Being unable to stand not seeing his face I turned and looked. Long gone was my sweet boy, here stood the monster who hunted my dreams. Slowly I stood up and looked long and hard into those pools of red. I had lied to myself all along; the man I loved had not disappeared with his good looks. He was still there. The worst part was that I could still see him.

"Hello, Voldemort. How long have I been trapped here?" I said, increasing the distance between us with every word.

"Don't call me that, Hermione. What? Why the surprised face? Did you seriously think I'd never find out who you are? Jane is a good name, but your first name suits you better."

At these words I turned and ran, but I didn't get too far.

"You little Mudblood, you knew I would fall! Never did you warn me, when I have taken such good care of you. Crucio!" he said, his voice hoarse with wrath.

It's horrible to be tortured, but the worst part was that even though I could hear myself screaming and my body felt like burning liquid iron was dropped on every ounce of skin I possessed, it didn't matter. I had created a small little place in my mind for such occasions.

Long after this, with sweat all over my body and trembling limbs I stood up, only to find him watching me. With a flick of his wand I was clean, dressed in one of his favorite dresses. He opened his arms for me to sit in his lap.

I looked at him, and turned my back. He didn't stop me. When I reached the library entrance, he said, "You are 14 years old."

I continued walking, without looking back. This meant I had been trapped here for more than 50 years! He had just returned to his body. More important was the fact that the time was approaching when Ron would lose his sanity and Harry would lose Ginny. Time was running out. My memories were proof enough that I wouldn't be able to leave this place before that happened. I went to my room and cried for my friends, my foolishness and for the man I still loved.

After this, he would come to the castle and look for me. I had developed a maze in the forest, a thousand new staircases and countless new rooms. It took him time, but he always found me. On one such day, while we were having a cup of tea, he said, "Potter is close to losing, that Weasley girl is dead. I've heard and interesting rumor from Draco, is it true you dated the Weasley boy? I'm intrigued what did you see in that dumb brat?"

"It is none of your business," I said watching his facial expression closely. When his eyes turned a darker shade of red I continued speaking. "He was brave and honest. Those were fun times."

"Then I'll have to kill your brave redhead. I cannot have my beloved liking of another man, now can I?" He said with a smirk on his face.

As I stand in this small spot behind a wall painting I know Ron is dead. His voice is too cheerful. I know Harry is still alive. I hope he is. He has to be. Voldemort is walking just a few halls from here I know it. He enjoys letting me know where he is when he searches for me. I simply know it. Slowly his steps get closer till I know he is standing just in-front of the portrait I'm in.

"Be a good girl and turn yourself in. I have a little surprise for you," he said in a warm voice.

Whatever his surprise I didn't want to see it, but I knew I'd see it anyways. He slowly moved the portrait behind which I hid.

"Such a Griffindor thing to do, how long have you been living behind a portrait?" He said.

Looking at him I almost lost the strength to do what I must. My Tom was back with grey eyes and wavy dark hair. I couldn't help smiling.

"I knew you'd like it." He said leaning down to kiss me.

Just as our lips met I opened my left hand with a knife, the symbols below our feet started getting brighter with every drop. Tom had closed his eyes to kiss me, a couple of drops more, and he would notice the brightness.

"What have you done! This is madness. You might not survive such a trip." His frantic voice whispered.

"It's the only exit I found. Before I leave know that I love you, but next time we meet I'll kill you. Bye Tom."

With that I found myself in a beautiful room with a huge bed with black satin sheets, a black book was on the floor. Tom was unconscious a couple of feet from me. I felt too dizzy and tired, but none of it mattered. Grabbing some floo powder I stepped into the fire place and said "Leaky Cauldron".

Once there, I stumbled into muggle London. Taking a bus I arrived at Grimauld Place # 12. If Harry hadn't been found he had to be here. Entering I stumbled with the umbrella. As I stood up I felt a wand pressed to my back.

"Harry! It's me Hermione! When you fought Voldemort in first year I helped you figure out which basin contained the right potion, we rode on Buckbeak to save Sirius…" before I could continue a pair of strong arms encircled me.

"Oh Hermione! Where have you been? We looked everywhere for you. It's been two bloody years! Ron is… Ron is gone." Saying this, he fell on his knees and started sobbing.

"Don't worry everything is going to be alright, we'll figure a way out of this one."

Just as I said this a letter appeared and hovered just at my eye level.

Taking hold of it without letting Harry go I read it and blanched.

The letter fell to the floor and it read:

My dearest Hermione,

I'll find you soon. Never doubt I will.

Yours,

T. R.

P.S. You are clever, but so am I.