It had occured to me that I hadn't seen any of these lovely little giggle-fests in the FFVII section, so I took it upon myself to make one. If the reception is good, I will be doing others for all three ShinRa Corp lines: SOLDIER, TURK, and AVALANCHE.

And just so you know, the reason there have been no updates is because my computer crashed and I have been unable to recover the data from it.

Thank you for your purchase from ShinRa Corp's SOLDIER line. Your Angeal Hewley has been built specifically for you and your needs. The following guide is intended to help you become accustomed to your new SOLDIER and to care for him properly so that he has a long, happy life. We hope you enjoy your purchase!

Your product- model specs

Your Angeal should have arrived properly crated, dressed in the ShinRa Corp. SOLDIER uniform. A change of everyday clothing and sleepwear should have been shrink-wrapped and packaged with him, along with accessories specific to model types and/or special editions. Thoroughly examine your unit to make sure the following are present:

-1 Angeal Hewley model SOLDIER

-1 SOLDIER uniform (weapon included on Warrior and Renegade types] to include one pair regulation pants (black or blue), one pair regulation boots, one pair regulation undergarments, one pair socks, one regulation sleeveless knit shirt (purple or black), one regulation SOLDIER belt and harness (black or brown), and one pair regulation gloves (black).

-1 change civilian clothing, to include one shirt, one pair jeans, one pair novelty boxers, one short jacket, one pair socks, and one pair tennis shoes.

-1 change sleepwear, to include one pair pajama bottoms and one sleep shirt

-This manual

-1 SOLDIER 1st Class grade maintenance kit

-1 shower kit

-1 bedroll and mess kit (on Warrior or Renegade type)

-1 rolled up magazine or newspaper (on Mentor type)

To determine if your SOLDIER model is an ANGEAL, use the following checklist. If any of the non-type-specific features are missing, contact ShinRa Corp's Customer Service Department at once.

-The Angeal Hewley model SOLDIER is 6'7" tall and very heavily muscled. (The Renegade model may be slightly underweight)

-His skin is tanned- darker on his face and arms than on the rest of his body. (The Renegade model may have some discoloration)

-His hair is black and cut at a mid-way point between his jaw and shoulder. (The Renegade type may have some grey]

-Your Angeal should have neatly trimmed facial hair, also black. (The Renegade model may have some grey)

-Blue eyes, faintly glowing

-Straight white teeth

- Large, callused hands

-A random collection of scars, mostly small ones. (There may be larger scars on the Renegade type)

-Wings (These should only be initially present in the Ascended type. If your unit is not as Ascended and has any number of wings present, contact ShinRa Corp immediately.)

-Wide-legged, casual stance (Tense posture is typical of the Renegade type. The Warrior type may prefer to crouch.)

Behavior

The Angeal model is a friendly individual, but not given to easy socializing. Do not expect him to be at home or particularly comfortable with situations involving large groups of people in an uncontrolled environment. Over time he can be taught to tolerate such situations, but this is the best that can be expected. To prevent unnecessary stress on your unit, do not force him into attending parties, dances, or going to malls with you.

Angeal is naturally inclined to being protective and helpful. He likes to be useful and to be given goals that challenge him. Be warned: failing to reach a goal can throw your Angeal unit into a funk, which can develop into depression if left unchecked.

The Angeal unit is very fond of animals. He handles all animals well, but he will favor dogs. If you intend to leave him alone for long periods of time, it might be prudent to purchase a puppy for him, or to take him to a local shelter to rescue an unwanted dog; you can be sure he will lavish attention on it and train it into a friendly, well-behaved animal.

While Angeal is perfectly capable of functioning on his own, he will work faster and with more attention to detail if provided with some kind of outside stimulus, preferably of the intelligent variety. This can be found the form of another SOLDIER model (please see Interactions with other Models) or in a human being. Even children will do, and as this unit likes children, he will perform very well in a household that has children. Note: the Angeal model, like all SOLDIER models, is not designed to work with itself. Purchasing two identical models, regardless of type, with the intent of having them work together is a quick way to do irreparable damage to both units.

Types of Unit

Mentor- this unit is designed for teaching situations, ideally where he can interact with a single student at a time and serve as a confidant as well as a teacher. He is the most tolerant of the types and among the neatest, but may shirk his given duties in favor of spending more time with his mentee. He will form relationships quickly and relies on them more than the other types will.

Renegade- this unit is suited to the life of a younger owner, one who will provide the unit with a wide and varied selection of activities and tasks to engage him. He is extremely opinionated and likes to argue- and he will be good at it. The Renegade loves to travel and to try new things. It is best to indulge him, at least now and then, to ensure contentment.

Warrior- this unit was originally designed for battlefields and police work. He is not well-suited to family situations or a party life, though is introduced to a household with children early on in the children's lives, he will become a loyal protector to them. The Warrior is not recommended for users who live in areas in which sudden, loud noises or flashes of light are common.

Ascended- this unit was released in an extremely limited run and combines the greatest features of the other four types. He is the only type who will actively seek a romantic relationship without first being encouraged to do so, and will not necessarily look to his owner for such a relationship. The Ascended is very sensitive to hurt and sadness in the world around him, and will react in a manner that seems almost exaggerated to the outside observer if forced into a situation where he comes into direct contact with either. Because of this, he is also the mot susceptible to depression. This unit must have a companion for the majority of its waking hours to avoid his falling into a condition so severe he must be sent in for repair. Due to his appearance, he is not recommended for users who intend to taken their Angeal unit to public places on a regular basis.

Typical- this unit has no specific special abilities or requirements, and is best for the first-time owner. He is loyal, friendly, and an all-around pleasing unit and will adapt to whatever home he is placed in.

Uses

All of the SOLDIER models are designed to be multi-purpose, but the Angeal model is by far the most versatile of them. He functions best in situations that give him cause to teach, protect, guard, dispense advice, or care for others. He makes an excellent baby-sitter, as he is extremely patient, and is sure to teach the children in his care as much as he is able to in the given time. As a bodyguard, he is loyal to a fault and willing to give his life in defense of his master. Be warned: the Angeal unit has strong personal beliefs about human behavior and, if let to believe that his master is not in keeping with these beliefs, he may change sides in a bad situation. Be sure to discuss these beliefs if you intend to use him for personal protection.

Angeal is at his best performance in tight situations, no matter if they are in a fight, in the office, or in a kitchen, and is an all-around jack-of-all-trades. He comes pre-trained with a basic knowledge of kitchen skills and will be at home in any space with a stove and a sink. He can work wonders with leftovers, provided he is left to work in peace.

Do NOT use the Angeal unit as a sex toy. He makes an excellent lover, but will only perform if allowed to build a bond with his partner. Forcing him into pleasing you or people you know can cause emotional and physical damage that is not reparable.

Do NOT leave your Angeal with other people. His loyalty lies with those who adhere to a code of morals, and abandoning him, for whatever reason and for whatever length of time, goes against those perceived morals. It is very likely that such behavior on your part will result in his refusal to leave his new companion's side.

Do NOT use your Angeal unit as a mercenary or assassin. He will respond to such orders badly, responses varying from emotional hurt to anger. Note: the Warrior type is designed for battlefield combat and/or police work. While he is suited for bodyguard work, he is no more a hired killer than the other types.

Daily Care

In order to function properly, your Angeal unit requires daily care. Some of this care can be carried out by the unit himself, but you must see to some parts.

Feeding- in order to function properly, your Angeal unit must consume at least two full meals a day. Three meals are preferred, but the unit can function on two. If left to feed himself, he may begin carrying small edibles with him. He is a large unit, and requires a lot of energy to run. Failure to feed him can result in damage, physical strain, and possible death for your unit. Most Angeal units have a distinct fondness for apples. Note: in times of necessity, the Angeal unit can function on very little food, but only for periods no longer than a week at a time. If needed, ration packs can be purchased from ShinRa Corp to replace food prepared by you or your unit.

Liquids- in addition to food, the Angeal unit requires as much fluid daily as you do. He is partial to coffee and tea, which should not be counted towards his daily total. Neither should any alcohol he consumes. Note: All SOLDIER units are designed to be extremely resistant to the effects of alcohol. Your unit should not need any prompting to fulfill this need. Note: while advanced, this unit's systems are not designed to process untreated water in place of water from your home faucet. Repeated consumption of such water can lead to illness and/or permanent damage.

Hygiene- unless you like your housemates to be dirty and to smell, your Angeal unit will require showering or bathing every few days, and will need to brush his teeth at least twice a day. The unit should not require any encouraging to take care of this need unless he is particularly dirty (due to a recent activity or unavoidable event), although both the Warrior and Renegade types have a higher tolerance for grime and may need to be threatened with a bar of soap before cleaning themselves. All units come equipped with a shower kit, which contains a toothbrush and tube of toothpaste (sufficient toothpaste for two months), a razor and shaving cream (sufficient shaving cream and spare blades for two months), shampoo and soap (sufficient for two months), deodorant, a comb and hairbrush, and miscellaneous other items. Except in very rare cases, any brand of hygienic product is acceptable after the unit has finished the products provided in the shower kit.

Speech function- the Angeal unit is given to long periods of silence. If not used regularly, his voice box will begin to fail and he may lose the ability to speak. While this is reparable, it is far better to speak to your unit daily, even if for only a few minutes, to make sure his voice is functioning properly. If given the right subject, Angeal is capable of carrying on lengthy conversations with you or those around him. Note: silence does not denote a problem in the Angeal unit. Ask him if there is a problem before taking any measures to treat him.

Social interaction- all types of Angeal except the Renegade type will rapidly deteriorate if they are not allowed contact with others. This can mean as little as allowing your unit to spend time with a child or fairly intelligent pet, such as a dog or cat, or as much as playing a game of chess or making diner with him. The Mentor type requires the most interaction, but each individual model has distinct needs and will make these needs known when asked.

Physical exercise- All SOLDIER models are very fit. While they are designed to retain their physical appearance outside the laboratory environment they were raised in, if not allowed enough exercise, your Angeal unit will get out of shape and will become depressed. Not all units- particularly the Mentor- have a natural drive to seek ways to exercise, so some prompting may be needed. Angeals make good jogging partners and like to lift weights. If neither of these options is easily accessed, it is advisable to provide your unit with hand weights, heavy-duty resistance tubing, and/or a virtual exercise program such as Wii Fit. Note: the Warrior type will seek out ways to exercise if not given them at the get go, and has been known to fix poles in doorways for chin-ups.

Sleep- the Angeal model requires a minimum of 30 hours of sleep per week. Ideally, he should get 50-60 hours per week, at intervals of 8 hours per night. Being a SOLDIER model, he is capable of functioning on much less, but will rapidly become irritable and hard to manage if he is not getting sufficient rest time. If, after an extended period of time in which he is unable to get the necessary amount of sleep, your unit is presented with a chance to catch up on his sleep, he may sleep for 18-24 hours at a stretch. Warrior and Renegade types come with a regulation bedroll, but other sleeping arrangements must be made for the other types. Bedrolls and cots are available from ShinRa Corp.

Interaction with other units

The Angeal model is a social model and will get along with any other unit he is introduced under normal circumstances. Below is a partial list of current ShinRa models and how the Angeal should respond to them. Note: this is by no means a complete or 100% accurate guide. The life your Angeal has been living, the situation in which the two units meet, the emotional and physical status of the unit, and the level of social interaction your unit has been enjoying will all factor into the encounter. Prepare accordingly.

SOLDIER models

General Sephiroth- Angeal gets along well with this model under most circumstances. He is, however, prone to trying to teach the Sephiroth his own views of the world, which Sephiroth tends to tune out. If introduced to each other early on, they have been known to form romantic relationships. A Sephiroth unit is a good choice for a companion for your Angeal unit, whether for a romantic companion or simply a housemate.

Genesis Rhapsodos- This unit will NOT respond well to a Renegade type Angeal unit. Do not expose them to each other for more than a few minutes unless you wish for an epic battle to break out. Voluntarily placing your Angeal into such a situation voids his warranty. With other types, the Angeal unit should get along with the Genesis unit, provided they are in good moods. If placed together soon after coming into your care, they may become very close friends. Note: the Ascended type of Angeal will make any Genesis unit extremely uncomfortable.

Zack Fair- Do not expose your Angeal unit to a Zack unit if you do not intend to allow them plenty of face time in the future. These units have a tendency to bond with each other almost instantly, regardless of model type, or the unit's condition. If your Angeal unit is seriously depressed, a Zack unit will shake him out of it within days of being introduced to him. Be warned, however: Zack units can take up a lot of an Angeal unit's time, as they tend to require mentoring and supervision. In some cases, older Angeal units may choose to take a Zack unit as a lover instead of as a pupil, or may combine the two relationships. No matter the relationship, the two units will get along well. Note: Zack units will usually obey orders given by the Angeal unit, but have a tendency to argue the point with the Renegade type.

Angeal Hewley- Do NOT expose your Angeal unit to another unit. EVER.

Cloud Strife- Renegade and Warrior type Angeals do not get along very well with most types of Cloud. Ascended, Mentor, and Typical Angeals will view most Clouds as a child in need of protection and education, or will decide that he is a project better suited to a Zack unit. If you also have or know a Zack unit, the Cloud unit may wind up as a part of the group unit. Your Angeal will respond badly to any potential romantic advances on the part of the Cloud unit, so do not encourage such behavior. In most cases, however, Angeals get along fairly well with Clouds.

TURK models

Reno- Reno units will be drawn to your Angeal unit unless he is not taking proper care of himself. Their reasons will always be based in lust, although many Reno units have formed perfectly functional friendly or romantic relationships with Angeal units. If you believe your Angeal unit will benefit from the occasional booty call, Reno is the model for you. If there is also a Zack unit present, however, your Angeal unit may wind up the odd one out- Reno units often become fast friends with Zack units. Note: An Ascended Angeal will scare the living daylights out of a Reno.

Tseng- Angeal and Tseng units will initially view each other with casual interest, as both units are accustomed to being in control and will wish to size the other up. Assuming each unit meets the approval of the other, these models often form professional and friendly relationships with one another. It is not advised to introduce them to the same home at the same time, as they have very different ideas of how one ought to live. If such a situation arises, expect to have your kitchen rearranged every few days. Angeals very rarely sleep with Tsengs, but it has been known to happen, especially with the addition of a Reno. If your Angeal is Ascended, however, the Tseng unit may not wait to get the bedroom door closed.

Rude- No matter the model type, Angeals and Rudes get along in a manner one would expect between coworkers. If they live in the same neighborhood, attend the same gym, or share a home, they often become workout partners. If your Angeal refuses to exercise and has reached a point where he is woefully out of shape, the introduction of a Rude is usually all he will need to get back into the game.

Elena- Elena units do not like Angeals. Angeal units do not like Elenas. The reason is as of yet unknown, but most Angeal units will only tolerate the presence of an Elena if she is with another TURK model.

Vincent Valentine- Most Angeals will respond to a Vincent unit in the same way as they might respond to a Rude unit. If your Angeal is a Renegade, he and the Vincent will have more in common and may develop a friendship. If he is Ascended, however, keep him away from Chaos type Vincents. They will do battle, and it will end messily. On the rare chance that Angeal and Vincent's relationship becomes deeper than friendship, it is advised to keep other units that might try to approach the Angeal unit, as Vincent units are notoriously jealous and very protective of their lovers.

AVALANCHE models

Tifa Lockheart- Tifa units hold many of the same beliefs that Angeal units do, so they tend to get along very well. Mother type Tifas, however, have a tendency to smother Angeals in an attempt to give them the nurturing they believe Angeal units need. Angeals will respond to this by becoming surly, anti-social, and by spending as much time as possible alone. Leaving these two units in the same space for too long may result in the Angeal unit fleeing the scene. Mentor type Angeals may develop romantic feelings for Tifa units, though the others are unlikely to.

Aerith Gainsborough- The Aerith unit is the Angeal unit's ideal woman in temperament and form. Any type of either unit will get along well with each other, and are very likely to become romantically involved. Placed together, these two units form a perfect baby-sitting team. If a Zack unit is present, however, the Angeal unit will nearly always back off to let the Zack unit approach the Aerith unit first. Regardless of the relationships between the three units, however, when placed together these units always get along perfectly.

Yuffie Kisaragi- All types of Angeal are naturally protective of Yuffie units. Most types of Yuffie will allow him to do so, but the Rebel or Thief type will object loudly and persistently. The Angeal unit will respond to this in one of two ways: he will find an appropriately deep body of water to dunk the Yuffie in, or he will remove her from the premises and guard against her return. Barring this, however, Yuffies treat Angeals as valuable friends.

Barret Wallace- Angeal units will respond to Barrett units in much the same way as he would to a Rude unit. They will not, however, become gym buddies. Do not place both a Father type Barret and a Mentor type Angeal in a situation in which they have only a single child/unit to direct their attention at; they will vie for the right to spend time with the individual in question.

Cid Highwind- If your Cid unit smokes, do not expect your Angeal unit to get along well with him. Without the smoke, however, Cids and Angeals get along very well. In the absence of romantic or sexual relationships with other units, your Angeal may turn to the Cid unit for pleasure. They do not form romantic bonds except under very rare circumstances. Warning: if left together in a garage or a shop, they may begin to tinker with anything mechanical they can get their hands on. Cids also encourage alcohol consumption in Angeals.

Marlene Wallace- Warrior and Renegade Angeal types do not usually get along well with Marlenes. The other three types, however, will respond very well to her. Given a chance, your Angeal will take Marlene as his own and will protect her against all attempts to remove her from his custody. NEVER put a Marlene in the middle of a Barret and an Angeal unit. They will fight, she will cry, and nobody will leave happy. Note: Marlene units are very fond of Ascended Angeals, and will do everything they can to pet his wings.

Denzel Lockheart- Most types of Denzel will view your Angeal as an invading presence bent on making him do things he does not want to. He is more likely to respond to Angeal in a positive manner if your Angeal unit is a Renegade or Warrior type, as these types embody traits Denzels admire.

Maintenance and Troubleshooting

The maintenance kit included with your Angeal Hewley unit contains Mako injections, SOLDIER grade medication, a basic first aid kit, tranquilizers, and a standard ShinRa Corp SOLDIER repair kit with instructions. Do NOT, under any circumstances, attempt to carry out repairs more complicated than those outlined in the repair kit itself. Doing so voids the warranty on your Angeal unit and risks permanently crippling either yourself or your unit. When in doubt, call the ShinRa Corp Customer Services line and describe the problem in detail.

Mako injections will need to be administered to your unit on a regular schedule. You may either work out a set schedule with him, or rely on him to inform you when he needs another one. Mako injections will be provided to you free of charge for the first five years after you have purchased the unit, and can be bought in from ShinRa Corp after that for a minimal fee. Mako is crucial to your SOLDIER's systems. Denying him his regular shots can result in your unit breaking down and permanently off-lining himself.

My Angeal slept through the alarm and he won't wake up when I shake him. Is this serious?

Chances are, your unit has not been getting enough sleep and has fallen into a deep sleep to make up for it. If he appears to be resting normally, leave him alone. He will wake on his own. If your unit was recently in a fight, he may be suffering the effects of an internal injury. Use the Internal Diagnostic tool in your maintenance kit to determine the extent of the injury and treat it as needed. If your unit is running a fever, has been lethargic or disinterested, has been off his food, does not seem to be breathing properly, has an upset stomach, is experiencing frequent night terrors, is sweating excessively, or simply looks sick, it is likely he has picked up a bug somewhere. Let him sleep for now, and treat him when he wakes up. If he sleeps for more than 18 hours straight, administer a Mako injection and treat him the moment he wakes. If the Mako injection fails to rouse him, run an Internal Diagnostic and call the Customer Service Emergency Line at once.

My Angeal practically lives in the kitchen/garage/office/garden. He isn't interested in other activities. What should I do?

Congratulations! Your Angeal unit has developed his skills to a career level. You might want to let him take over the work in his preferred area of the house, or, if this is not possible, look into finding him a place where he can exercise his skills properly. A part-time job is a good place to start. Do NOT deny him his favorite place in the house. It will only make him more determined to do what he wants and he will find very inventive ways to get what he wants.

I came home today and my Angeal has wings!

If this has indeed happened, make sure your Angeal has two white wings, both on the left side of his body. One should be smaller than the other. If the wings are different, call ShinRa Corp immediately. If the wings match this description, you must take immediate action. The appearance of wings in any Angeal type other than Ascended indicates that a serious upset has occurred. Your Angeal has been exposed to a situation that has made him angry, frightened, or saddened to the point where he can determine no other way to protect himself than by assuming a monstrous form. While you may see this winged form as beautiful, it is dangerous. In it, your Angeal is emotionally unstable, quick to anger, and wildly defensive. Talk to him and try to find out what has upset him. If he is not responding, try bribing him into conversation with an apple or a favorite drink. The wings will go away on their own, if he has calmed down and feels safe enough.

I can't keep him away from the neighbor's unit. Every time I turn around, he's headed for the back fence/gate/wall to visit him/her.

Your Angeal has bonded with this other unit. It is likely that, if he keeps trying to keep you from noticing his leaving, that he is sleeping with or in love with the unit next door. Confront him as soon as you can and discuss the situation, then get a hold of the neighbor and have a talk with all four of you present. There is nothing wrong with units forming romantic or sexual relationships unless it is problematic for you and the other owner. Do NOT, under any circumstances, forcefully break the two units up. It can cause serious damage to both units and their behavior may become angry and violent.

My unit's eyes are glowing very brightly, and he won't get up. He looks sick, but swears that he isn't. What do I do?

If his eyes are glowing brighter than normal, check for the following signs: vertigo and/or vomiting (particularly when/if he tries to stand up), severe chills, blurred or fading vision, tremors, loss of motor skills, sudden fever, fully dilated pupils, and/or a faint luminosity of his veins. If he is displaying any of these symptoms, your unit is experiencing Mako poisoning. This only occurs when Mako shots are administered too closely together. This can happen by accident, or when units seeking betterment report a need for another shot when they are not due for one. If your unit is still coherent, put him to bed and make sure he takes in at least his minimum liquid requirement. He will recover on his own, given time and rest. If your unit is incoherent or not responding to you at all, contact ShinRa Corp immediately.

There are several other ShinRa Corp units in the neighborhood and I let my Angeal socialize with them. Lately he is getting harder and harder to bring home, or he brings all of them over to the house and I can't get rid of them without calling their owners. What's going on?

Your Angeal and his companions have formed a group unit, which is a state of being somewhere between a wolf pack and a close-knit group of friends. It is not a good idea to try and break a group unit up, as the bonds formed between them are often linked to crucial physical functions. Members of a group unit function with the wellbeing of the group in mind, and will drop individual tasks if another member of the group is in need of some kind of help. Get your neighbors together and discuss how you wish to go about dealing with your units. They can still live apart, and will still go about their own duties so long as their status as a group is unthreatened. If it is impossible to allow the group unit to stay together, all units will have to be returned to ShinRa Corp to be separated. Note: Separating the members of a group unit can cause damage to the personality of the unit. This is only a last resort.

My Angeal keeps bringing in small animals and local children, and I keep having to get rid of them. He gets extremely upset when I do. What's going on?

Your unit has gone broody. The quickest fix for this condition is to find him a pet you can stand and let him raise it. If a pet is out of the question, find him somewhere that he can spend large amounts of time with young animals or children. If this is not possible, you might want to find him a young unit, such as the AVALANCHE Marlene model or the SOLDIER Cloud model, to care for. Leaving your broody unit without something to care for is a good way to send him into a depression, which can eventually kill him.

He's always lying around the house, doing nothing, and he's starting to smell funny.

The Angeal unit is prone to becoming unmotivated. In cases where this has occurred, he will abandon his usual chores and activities to mope about doing nothing. You can usually encourage him into getting up and moving again, but sometimes bribes are necessary. If he begins to avoid interacting with you or other units at all, he may have become depressed, and other measures may need to be taken. Never try to force your unit into behaving normally; he is bigger than you, and may be in an emotionally delicate state.

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