Broken Circles

In the end, Shizuo is not the one who kills Izaya. No, Izaya does that all by himself. The idiot was running away from Shizuo, and was hit by a car.

(-and the streets are bloodstained red and the pale hand is the only intact part of the body left, and there is perhaps a bit of black hair but it's not something easily seen, and Shizuo's shoes are going to be stained for a long time afterwards-)

There should be some measure of happiness for Shizuo, now that Izaya's dead, but there's not. Maybe it's the fact that Shizuo was not the one that killed him, maybe it was that Izaya was smiling to the very end.

(Maybe, a very small and unacknowledged part of him thinks, it's merely because Izaya is dead.)

The only thing that happens after Izaya dies is this: Shizuo doesn't get angry. Not when someone spills things on his shirt, not when someone ignores him, not even when someone is cruel.

No, the only thing that can still make him angry is the memory of Izaya.

(Fur is still disturbing to him. He can't be near knives without breaking something. Anyone who calls him Shizzy, or ends his name with '-chan' ends up in the hospital for long periods of time. And brown eyes that seem to bleed red, those make him scream and scream and scream.)

He's lifeless now, really. There's something missing from what he used to be, as if a piece of him just broke off and faded away. He doesn't respond to much anything. Celty tries to fix this by taking him to old places, reminiscing about the past and trying to make him smile. Simon shoves plate after plate of sushi at him, insisting that it will help.

Shinra, bastard that he is, always brings up Izaya.

(-he does look marvelous in red, you think, when he lies on the street, the light in his eyes fading quickly. And maybe it's just your imagination, but you think your name is the last thing to leave his lips-)

Shinra's had broken bones and has ended up in the hospital more than a few times, but he does it every time he sees Shizuo. Maybe it's a form of love, Celty 'says' to Shizuo. Shizuo, naturally, begins to avoid Shinra.

(sometimes, Izaya once said to you mockingly, you can't help but hate the ones you love~)

In fact, he isolates himself from all of them. He continues to work as Tom's bodyguard, but even then, he does not speak to the other man. Shizuo pulls away, farther and farther, until he's closer to the dead than he is to the living.

(-there isn't a funeral, of course. Izaya would never want that, his sisters insist. and Shizuo kind of agrees, because Izaya is not the type to be buried underground forever. no, Izaya will be ash that will float far across the sky-)

So it's no surprise when Shizuo jumps, really. It's classified as an accident, and the building is forced to add more security to the rails, but really, Shizuo just jumps. He chooses that building because of its location, and as he's hurtling through the air towards where Izaya died, he smiles.

Shizuo smiles as he dies.

(maybe it was hate, maybe it was love.)

So yeah, angsty!Shizaya, cos they're my DRRR OTP. This is dedicated to m'bestie for her birthday~ Also, I haven't read the novels, so I apolgize for any inaccuracies.