Author's Note- Of all the Rewritten Scenes (the ones I have planned so far, anyway), this is probably my favorite. I do think that it requires a bit of justification, however. Some people might say that Rory is OOC in this, and that she's too blind to understand all this. However, I am of the opinion that Rory understands herself very well. She knows precisely what's going on inside her head and her heart. It's just her effect on the people around her that she doesn't get. She doesn't see how she influences everyone else. And that is why she does all the idiotic things she does in her love life. Therefore...
The Real Paul Anka
"Hey, we're hitting that bar that we're not gonna call 'Cedar Bar Redux.' You coming?" Chris asks.
Jess hesitates, glancing across the room to where a certain brunette is sitting, pulling on him like a lodestone. "Yeah, maybe..." He shrugs. "Uh, you guys go on ahead. I'll catch up." This is his chance, he knows it. She's finally here for him.
As his friends depart, he crosses the room and pulls a stool up next to her. A small smile flits across his face as he recognizes the slim volume she's reading. "You know, you don't have to read it again," he tells her, though secretly he's more pleased than he can say that she's rereading The Subsect.
"I know I don't," she replies, grinning at him. God, he's changed so much but not at all! She misses this, she won't deny it. She misses him. That's something she came to terms with a long time ago, this feeling that his ghost is always with her. Trying to run from it led her into idiocy, so now she's just accepted his eternal presence and learned to live with it. But she already knows that after this visit, she's going to miss him that much more.
"There are so many things I would change in it," he informs her.
"Like what?" she asks. There's nothing she can think of that could possibly make this novel any more perfect, just because of the simple fact that it's his.
He smirks. "I'd... keep the back cover. Everything else goes!" He makes a sweeping gesture with his hand to indicate a blank slate for his book.
"You know why I love your book?" Rory says. "It's not a ripoff. It doesn't remind me of anything. It's just you." Like a little undiluted piece of Jess Mariano's soul in her hands. Somehow she feels that was more than she ever got from him when they were dating.
Jess gives her an honest smile, and it takes her breath away a little. He's beautiful when he smiles. "High praise, Miss Yale Editor!"
She didn't tell him about that. That means he heard it from Luke. And knowing Luke's hesitance to mention either of them to the other, he won't have given up the information voluntarily. That means Jess has to have asked about her. The thought gives her a warm glow. But she brushes off the implied compliment. "Yeah, well, I don't get to write as much as I would like. I'm mostly assigning and motivating, hand-holding and re-writing..." She shrugs.
He can see the excited spark in her eyes, though, despite her words. "Yeah, and you love every minute of it. Come on, tell me you don't." Here she is. Here is his Rory, back at last. The light in her eyes that was so dim the last time they met is back in full force.
"I do," Rory tells him. "I do love it. It's exciting."
"You look happier than when I saw you last," Jess ventures.
She nods. "I am."
Jess leans a little closer. "So... everything's fixed?" And he's not just asking about Yale and her mother. He hopes she picks up on that. He hopes she knows how much he still cares for her.
"Yeah, everything's fixed." The question is loaded and she knows it. She knows what- or rather, who- he's really asking about, but she can't stop herself from giving an answer that isn't quite true. She wonders why she can't bring herself to let him know about Logan. No she doesn't. She knows why. She doesn't want him to know. She can't bring herself to close the door.
"I'm glad you're here," he tells her, leaning forward a little more.
She leans in too, even as her rational mind is screaming at her to keep her distance. He's magnetic to her, and she can't keep away. She never could, and she never will. "Me too," she tells him quietly. And god help her, she means it.
There is a breathless second when their eyes meet and Rory's heart accelerates to five times its normal rate and dear god does he look good! Then his lips cover hers and it's so familiar and so right that she can't help but respond to his kiss. She knows in that instant what she's suspected all along- that nothing, no one, will ever compare to this. But it's too much. It's more emotion than her fractured heart can take, and she has to break away from him before she bursts into tears.
"What?"
His voice, low and sexy after their kiss, is almost enough for her to hurl reason out the window. So she pulls away, standing up sharply and putting a safe distance between them.
"I'm sorry," she stutters.
Jess stares at her, trying to pull his addled thoughts back together. He doesn't understand why she's pulling away. "About what?" he asks, trying not to show that he's having a hard time breathing around his pounding heart.
"Uh, about coming here like this. I just got the flyer, and, I don't know, I just wanted to see your place, but then - this. It's not fair to you, I'm such a jerk." She's babbling now, throwing out nonsense. She already knows what covers she's going to use, and she already hates herself for it, but she also knows she won't be able to stop.
"I don't know what you're talking about," he insists, watching how she won't meet his eyes and how her hands twist nervously into her pockets.
She stares over his shoulder. If she looks in his eyes, she's never going to look away. "God, I couldn't even cheat on him the way he cheated on me." And there it is. There's that lie that she'll never be able to take back. Jess will never forgive her for this. Maybe, just maybe, if she finally hurts him badly enough to drive them permanently apart, she'll be able to forget.
"Who? Who cheated on yo--" At first, he's furious, hating that anyone would betray her and hurt her that way. Then the realization of the situation hits. "That guy?" She nods, and he covers his face with his hand, mostly to disguise the pain he's sure must be clear in his features. He's such an idiot. He had his chance with her, and he blew it. He should know that by now. "You're still with him." It's not a question.
"Yeah." And it's an admission of shame, not the proud declaration a relationship should be. Logan is her excuse and she damn well knows it, but she's in too deep and she can't stop it now.
"I thought everything was fixed," he accuses.
She shrugs. "Everything but him." And it's truer than she wants to admit.
Jess stares at her, and he sees now that, though her light is back, there's still something wrong with her. He doesn't understand what or why but there's a fracture. She's not the same Rory she was. Before, she was an angel that barely trod the earth. Now, she's more... real. She's fallible. For the first time, Jess doesn't see her as an ideal, an unattainable paragon. He looks at her and realizes that she's just a person. A person that he couldn't help but love, but a person nonetheless. And she's a person who, right now, is tearing his heart from his chest and stomping all over it. "I hate this," he hisses.
"You should, I'm sorry," she says, sympathizing more than he can possibly know.
"You came here alone, to Philadelphia!"
Time to make the lie believable. "He was out of town," she mumbles. And she hates herself just a little more.
"I don't deserve this, Rory." He tries to harden his heart to her, to close off the part of him (that largest part) that loves her, but despite it all he can't.
"No, you don't! You don't deserve it! I just- I'm in love with him. Despite all the bad he's done, I can't help it. I'm in love with him." Honestly, it's true. She is in love with Logan. She doesn't love him- he's not the kind of person she can truly love- but he brings her that rush of excitement and infatuation that she associates with being in love. It's not enough, but that's okay. Being in love with someone you also love just ends up hurting.
He feels himself shut down. "Love, huh?"
That's wrong, she doesn't love Logan. But she's not sure if Jess would understand the distinction, so she doesn't bother to correct him. "Yeah."
"I guess I'll call Matthew's poet and have him explain love to me," he says. "Poets know all about it, right?"
"Supposed to," Rory concurs. He thinks he's being very calm, she can see that. But she can also see that he's breaking. He's shattering right in front of her and she doesn't know how to stop it. So she does the only thing she was ever good at with him: she bolts. "Well, I guess I'd better go."
"Okay," Jess replies. It's time to let her go. Now if only he could really believe that this was the end...
Rory hesitates, then shakes her head. "I'm so, so sorry I came here." It was just supposed to be her that got hurt if it came to this; she can't stand the naked pain on his face. It's too much.
He shrugs. "I'm not. It is what it is: you, me." It has a ring of finality to it, and he can see her flinch as he says it. He wonders at that, but can't bring himself to fully think it out because it would give him hope and hope hurts. "Where'd you park?"
"Oh, I'm right outside." The normality of the question has thrown her. She walks quickly to the door.
If it makes you feel better, you can tell him we did something. The words are right on his tongue, he's about to say them. Then he decides that he doesn't want to give her that. He wants something for himself, he wants an honest answer, more than he wants to make her feel better. He won't give her an excuse to absolve herself of this, but he will give himself a chance to understand what the hell this whole night has meant.
"Rory, um, before you go... can I just ask you something?" She nods, and he rushes on, "What does that guy have that makes you give him a second chance?"
What makes you give him a second chance and not me? is what he's really asking, and they both know it. Rory is about to give him a throwaway answer, something that sounds good but really is meaningless, when she realizes that he'll see right through that. He knows her too well not to.
"It's not what he has," Rory replies honestly, dropping her fingers from the door handle. "It's what he doesn't have."
"Cryptic," Jess replies, a little angrily. Will they ever learn to be straight with each other? "What, exactly, doesn't he have?"
She sighs. "The ability to hurt me. I mean, really hurt me. Cheating on me, that was bad, but... no matter what he does, I can still breathe." That still sounds cryptic to her, and she wants- needs- to give Jess something after hurting him the way she clearly has. So she goes on to reveal more than she meant to. "It's just... he's not someone I can give my whole heart to, you see? I can be in love with him without depending on him for... well, I don't know. But he's safe." And then it slips out, the thing she only acknowledges in the dark of the night, when she's alone and feeling empty: "It's not like I have a whole heart to give him anymore."
"What?" Her words don't make sense, but there's something very important there and he's desperate to understand.
Rory can feel her face flushing. This isn't how this was supposed to go. She was meant to give him enough to soothe the pain of her rejection and leave. But here she is, very nearly baring her soul. Jess always had this effect on her. "I lost the biggest part of myself once, and I don't know how to get it back," she tells him quietly, not meeting his eyes because if she does, he'll see just exactly what she means, and now she doesn't want him to. It's true, though. Logan is safe. He won't be able to break her heart, and that's good, because if her heart got broken again, there wouldn't be any of it left for her.
Maybe it's how she avoids his gaze, or maybe it's just the quietness of her tone that tips him off, but Jess instinctively knows that she's talking about him. His anger fades away as he finally understands that he wasn't the only one who walked away from their relationship in pieces. He takes a few hesitant steps toward her, halving the distance between them. "Rory... did I really hurt you that badly?"
And now it's too late to hide anything. She's opened up the can and all the worms are spilling out all over. "I loved you," she whispers. "So, so much. God help me, I think I still do. And you ran away and you broke my heart and I never put it back together."
At last, she looks up at him and her blue eyes are sparkling with tears and Jess hates himself. "Oh Rory," he says quietly.
She wipes angrily at her eyes, ashamed of how much she's revealed. "I just don't know how to open myself up like that again. Second best is better than what it will feel like when it falls apart."
Dammit, now he feels a little like crying. This whole time, she's been feeling the same things. She's been going through the same pain he has. And then the realization hits- he's never once fought for her. When she was with Dean, he just sat back and teased at the crack between them and waited for her to come to him. When their relationship was starting to crumble, he just sat back and let it. When he finally came back to her, he gave a pathetic attempt and then left. Twice. He's never fought for the thing that matters most to him. That changes today.
"Rory, I'm here now," Jess says quietly. "I'm here and I'm not leaving until you want me to."
She stares at him with those wide baby blues, with tears spilling down her face. "I--"
"Please," he says, hating how he sounds like he's begging but knowing that this could be his last chance and he'll hate himself more if he lets her go without a fight. "Please, Rory, don't do this. Don't walk out on you and me."
His expression shows how terrified he is, and it wakes up a part of her that she thought was dead and gone. Rory wants nothing more than to finally put the past behind her and move towards a future that makes sense, but she doesn't know how. "I'm scared," she says quietly.
"I know," he assures her. "Me too. But being without you any longer scares me more. I love you." He's only said those three words one time, and they still scare him after all these years, but he's never said anything more true.
It's the 'I love you' that does it. They were words that she thought he'd left behind years before, at least when it came to her. But he says them so easily, with such conviction, that it leaves her breathless. All the fractured pieces of her heart rattling around inside her come back together and once again it's too much. She runs across the distance between them and throws her arms around him, burying her face in the crook of his neck and sobbing.
Jess catches her up in his arms, holding her tight as she cries. She whispers "I'm so sorry" over and over and his heart is going a mile a minute because he has no idea what any of this really means and the uncertainty is killing him. He holds onto her, as much to use her as an anchor as to comfort her.
After her crying quiets, she continues to stand there in his arms, holding tightly to him, scared he'll melt away if she lets go. For now, though, he's beautifully solid with his arms around her and his familiar smell surrounding her and even as terrifying as this is, she feels like she's come home. Whatever else happens between them, she knows it's too late to walk away.
Finally, she pulls back a little, though she doesn't let go of him. Jess is amazed to see the tiniest hint of a smile playing at the corners of her mouth. "I love you," she says quietly. He revels in the feeling of hearing those words from her. Softly, he brushes a tearstain from her cheek with his thumb.
"Still scared?" he asks quietly.
"More than you can imagine," she responds, "But I don't think I can leave now."
Jess feels his heart jump and his stomach bottoms out. "Same here," he says, and he's not sure which statement he's agreeing with. Maybe (probably) both. She nods, and that little smile grows. She leans in and presses a heartbreakingly tender kiss to his lips. He pulls her up against him again and feeling the emotional distance between them melting away.
Something occurs to him then, and regretfully he ends the kiss. "What about the blonde guy?" he asks.
Rory bites her lip. Logan. She had forgotten that. Jess always had a way of making her forget that the rest of the world existed, and he doesn't appear to have lost the talent. She remembers the first time they got together, and how he refused to make a move before he had broken up with Shane. "I... guess I have a phone call to make," she says, reaching for her cell phone. He nods. "Would you, um, mind not listening? It might get kind of... unpleasant."
"Yeah, I've got some stuff in the back room that needs to be done. I'll be right back there." He jerks his thumb in the general direction of the storeroom and retreats.
As soon as Jess has disappeared from sight, leaving her feeling bereft, she dials. One ring, two, five... at last, Logan picks up. "Hey, Ace!"
"Logan, this is hard for me to say, but we need to break up."
"What?!"
Rory sighs. Despite everything she feels for Jess, there is something there with Logan, and she is sad, in a twisted way, that they are over. "I'm sorry, but I can't be with you anymore."
"This is about the bridesmaids, isn't it!" he accuses. "You haven't forgiven me!"
"That's part of it," she tells him, "But I can't be with you when I'm still in love with someone else."
"Who? That Dean guy you were with before?" Logan demands angrily.
The idea is laughable. "No!" she exclaims. "Not Dean. That whole thing was a horrible mistake and you know it."
Logan is silent for a long time, then he says, "It's Jack, isn't it? The book guy? I knew it! I knew there was something going on with you and him! How long?"
"His name is Jess," Rory says angrily.
"Not what I asked. How long have you been screwing around on me?"
"Oh for the love of-- I have always been faithful to you, Logan!" Until tonight, anyway. "You can't say the same! I just never got over Jess and I just can't pretend that you fill the hole anymore. You were a good boyfriend, and I think you should try it again. Just not with me. Do you understand?"
"Yeah, I understand perfectly," he snarls, and hangs up.
Rory sighs. She feels a prick of tears at the corner of her eyes, but she swallows hard and pushes them away. Jess emerges from the back room a few moments later and, seeing the distress on her face, he crosses to her and hugs her. "You okay?"
"Yeah. It's just... that makes it more real, you know? This is really happening." He nods, and she steps out of his embrace, though she doesn't relinquish his hand which somehow found its way into hers. "So... what now?"
Jess thinks about that for a moment. "Now, we work on getting it right this time." Remembering something his uncle said, he grins. "I'm all in."
It stuns her yet again as she fully realizes that he's been missing her just as much as she has him. But knowing that she's not alone in her feelings makes it so much easier to toss away her fear, and she kisses him softly. "Me too," she whispers against his lips. Whatever this is, they're in it together, and this time she's not going to be afraid to let him in. He already has her heart, so it's time to make sure he knows it.
Even as dizzyingly nerve-wracking as this is, as they become wrapped up in each other, neither of them wants to let go.
A/N2- Remember, once these are all posted, two will get sequels. Your review is your vote for the ones you want to see continued!