AN: This takes place immediately after episode 100. No shota content.

'That's a promise.'

Lee's eyes widened, and his breath caught as he stared at his teacher's face. Gai's smile was confident, and there was nothing but warmth and certainty in his gaze. A tear slipped down Lee's cheek, only to be immediately chilled by the night air. He made no move to brush the tear away, too stunned to do anything but stare.

Gai-sensei always kept his promises. Lee held onto that fact as an anchor against the storm of his emotions, pushing stunned disbelief aside. That Gai-sensei could care enough about him to make a promise like that… that anyone could care about him that much… another tear slipped down Lee's cheek, and he launched himself at his teacher. Gai's surprised laughter filled his ears, and Lee buried his face against the slick material of Gai's jumpsuit, shoulders trembling as he sobbed.

Gai gently ruffled his hair, then strong arms closed around Lee's shaking form, holding him close. Lee's breathing hitched and he clung tighter.

Gai gazed down at the top of Lee's head. His dark hair was glossy with reflected moonlight. He could feel Lee's chest hitching against his; feel the dampness of tears soaking through his jumpsuit where Lee's face was pressed against his shoulder. Gai stroked his hair, letting him cry.

After a moment, Lee raised his tearstained face, and Gai looked into his eyes. It was late, he thought. Tomorrow morning, Lee could speak to Tsunade and tell her that he'd made his decision...but tonight, they would go home and rest.

Gai prayed he'd done the right thing, encouraging Lee to get the surgery. If it failed...

No. He could not allow himself to think that way. The surgery would be successful. And even if it wasn't, he and Lee would not be apart for long. Gai always kept his promises.

He smiled. "Let's go, Lee."

Lee nodded through his tears, and wiped a bandaged hand over the back of his face. "Yosh." The single word came out as a choked sob, and he clung to Gai for a moment longer. He didn't want to let go; he felt that he could stay in Gai's embrace forever, lulled by his sensei's steady strength. He knew he couldn't, though, and somehow he found the will to pull away.

Gai tousled his hair again and smiled down at him. Lee's heart swelled, and he knew in that moment that he'd do anything for that smile.

Gai paused. Something had changed in Lee's wide, dark eyes. He was looking up at Gai with adoration and perfect trust...but beneath that was another emotion, one Gai had no name for. "Lee?"

At first, Lee didn't respond. He just kept staring at him, his gaze fixed and steady, his mouth slightly open, like someone in a trance. Though it was difficult to tell in the moonlight, Gai thought he saw a faint flush in his cheeks. Gai leaned down and examined Lee's eyes more closely. "Are you all right?"

Lee's breath caught as Gai leaned in closer, and that unnamed emotion surged in his heart. He could feel the heat of Gai's hand on his shoulder through the thin material of the spandex. The memory of Gai's smile as he made that promise played through Lee's mind over and over again, and his gaze dropped to Gai's lips.

Gai would die for him. Lee had no words to describe how it felt knowing that. Before Gai, he'd gone so many years alone- striving every moment to prove that he was worth something. He'd been met only by laughter and jeers, until Gai believed in him.

Deep within his heart, alongside his fear of dying, was another, deeper fear. That if he wasn't a ninja, Gai-sensei would no longer look at him with that smile. That sadness would linger in Gai's eyes as he looked at him- that Gai would see him as a failure, like everyone else had. And, worse… that Gai would turn away. That he'd see Lee's weakness and no longer want anything to do with him.

But Gai believed in him. Even when he didn't believe in himself, Gai believed in him, and he was willing to put his life on the line for the sake of Lee's dream.

He remembered years of steady encouragement. Smiles, pats on the back, hugs, and well-meant punches. Training sessions that had extended long into the night, after everyone else was asleep. The feeling of awe when Gai had taught him about his rule. He hadn't been able to believe that anyone could be that strong, that determined to improve. He remembered the flutter of pleasure in his heart every time Gai looked at him, and how even the slightest word of praise would make his cheeks heat with a blush.

And, when Gai leaned closer, concern in his eyes, Lee suddenly knew.

It made so much sense. It was there in the disappointment he felt every time Gai let go after hugging him. It was in the pride and admiration he felt every time he watched Gai train. It was the gentleness in broad, work-roughened hands. It was carefully controlled strength, solid confidence, and a smile that warmed him from head to toe.

He was in love with his teacher. Lee's eyes, already enormous, went wide, and his breath came in sharp, ragged bursts.

"Lee?" Alarmed, Gai gripped his student's shoulders. Lee was panting heavily, almost hyperventilating...and there was a wild, panicked look on his face.

Was it fear of the surgery? That must be it, Gai thought...but it had seemed to come over Lee so suddenly. And just moments ago, he'd gotten that strange look in his eyes. "Lee, what's wrong?" he said, his voice low and gentle. His hands left Lee's shoulders and framed his face, palms resting lightly against his cheeks. "Talk to me."

The feel of those calloused hands on his face made Lee's eyes slide closed, and a small whimper escaped his lips. "Gai-sensei, I-"

Panic gripped his heart, choking the words off before he could finish them. Lee struggled, both wanting to lean into Gai's touch and pull away.

How would Gai react, if he told him? The very thought made Lee flinch back.

Gai-sensei was his teacher. More than that, he was an adult. Lee was only thirteen. Gai-sensei was more than twice that. And even more than that, he was everything Lee wasn't. He was handsome and strong and wise and confident and everything that Lee wanted to be, and he knew it was pure foolishness to think that someone as wonderful as Gai would ever take a second look at someone like Lee. Even if he wasn't his student, why would Gai want him like that? He was plain, ugly, even- a worthless, hot-headed dropout. A loser with only taijutsu, and now he didn't even have that.

He didn't want to see rejection in Gai's eyes. He didn't want to see disgust written on his face. He didn't think he could stand it if Gai-sensei looked at him the same way Sakura-san did, like a fly that had buzzed too close but wasn't important enough to bother swatting away.
Suddenly Lee felt very small and insignificant. He'd been so happy over Gai's promise. It'd soothed his fears over the surgery, but he could see now how selfish that had been. He opened his eyes, staring at Gai's worried expression, and fought against the desire to throw himself to his knees and confess everything. "Please take your promise back, Sensei. Please. I know that you said it to give me the strength to go through with the surgery, but I cannot let you do that. If I die, I die. It is not right for you to die too, so please…"

Gai was silent a moment, still cradling Lee's face between his hands as he gazed into those wide eyes. So that's what's troubling him. His heart ached, seeing the desperation in those eyes, but he smiled gently. Lee needed his calm right now; needed something to hold onto.

"I can't take it back, Lee. You know I always keep my promises. And..." He swallowed as a lump rose into his throat, and his hands tightened slightly on Lee's face. A tremor had crept into them. "The reason why I made that promise..." He took a deep breath. "The surgery will succeed. I'm certain of that. But if I lost you...I wouldn't be able to bear the pain. You're more dear to me than anything. I'd rather follow you into death than live without you."

Lee's eyes widened further, and he trembled. For a second, he let himself cling to Gai's words. He let himself believe that Gai meant that how it sounded, because Gai never lied. But the hot, bitter lump in his throat wouldn't go away, even as he tried to pretend that it was possible. Gai cared about him as a student, because Gai was kind and giving and caring and would do anything for those he taught. "I feel the same way, Gai-sensei," Lee whispered, and he hoped that Gai wouldn't hear the deeper truth in those words.

"But there's nothing to be afraid of. Neither one of us is going to die. The surgery is going to succeed and everything will be all right." Gai spoke the words firmly, as if his will alone could make them true.

His hands slipped away from Lee's face. "Let's go home. All right?"

Lee nodded. Gai descended the steps leading from the balcony and walked down the street, Lee following close behind. Gai watched him from the corner of his eye as Lee limped along on his crutch, his shoulders tense, his gaze downcast.

Gai had known his student for quite awhile, now; long enough to know when he was holding something in. Worry nibbled at his heart.

Once they'd entered the apartment they shared, Gai closed the door and turned to face Lee. "Is there anything else on your mind? Anything bothering you?" he asked quietly. After a brief pause, he asked, "Is it...something I said?" It had occurred to him that the things he'd said to Lee earlier might be taken the wrong way. He'd meant every word, of course...but to say that he couldn't live without Lee, that he needed to be with him or die, sounded...well, not like the sort of thing a teacher normally said to his thirteen-year-old student.

Lee glanced at Gai's face, then looked down before the warmth and worried care in Gai's expression could melt his resolve.

He couldn't tell him. Gai would surely turn away from him if he spoke those words, and he'd be alone again. He knew that feeling this way about Gai was wrong. As much as he tried, though, he found it impossible to deny that his feelings were love. It was as different from what he felt towards Sakura as a bonfire compared to a candle's flame. Feeling this way about Gai was wrong, Lee reminded himself. It meant he was dirty, sick- twisted. He was taking Gai's pure and honest affection and twisting it into something perverted. "It is nothing that you said, Gai-sensei," Lee whispered, his eyes fixed on the floor. "Please do not worry about me. I have already placed so much on your shoulders. I could not ask you to bear this as well."

Gai took a step closer and reached out to him...then paused, letting his hand drop to his side. Was Gai the cause of this? Had he made Lee uncomfortable somehow--hurt him somehow? His heart thudded against his ribs. Suddenly, the air was thick with unspoken words, and he didn't understand why. He swallowed, trying to moisten his dry mouth. "It's never a burden to hear about your thoughts and feelings, Lee. Whatever's troubling you, don't keep it locked inside. Please. Even if it's about me, even if it's something that you think will bother me...you can tell me."

Lee's heart twisted in his chest. He drew a shuddering breath, and thin shoulders shook with the movement. "I cannot, Gai-sensei. Please… I cannot lose you."

Gai took a step closer. "What makes you think you're going to lose me, Lee?" he asked, his voice low and gentle. His heart still thundered in his chest, but he kept his expression calm as he spoke. "Nothing you say could ever make me turn away from you. Please believe that."

Lee's eyes squeezed closed, and he trembled. Hearing the warmth and caring in Gai's voice just made it worse. He wanted to believe Gai, but he knew that Gai only said those things because he didn't know. If Gai had any idea what kind of a person he was, he wouldn't look at him with those caring eyes. He wouldn't welcome Lee into his home, into his arms, into his life. "I cannot, Sensei. Please do not make me say it. I do not think that I could bear losing you. Your strength is all that is holding me together," Lee whispered. "I do not think I could live without it."

"Lee..." The ache in the center of Gai's chest deepened. Lee's whole body radiated misery. His shoulders were slumped, shaking, his eyes clamped shut. He was hurting, and he wouldn't let Gai help; wouldn't let him in.

Gai stepped closer, enfolded Lee gently in his arms and held him. "I won't force you to talk about it if you don't want to," he whispered. "Just know that if you ever do...I'm here." His fingers combed gently through Lee's hair. "Nothing could ever push me away from you."

Lee's body tensed, then slowly eased, and he leaned against Gai. He knew that he should be stronger, that he should pull away, but he couldn't deny himself the comfort of Gai's embrace. A small, choked sound escaped Lee's lips, and he buried his face against Gai's chest.

"It's all right. It's all right..." Gai held Lee's head to his shoulder, wondering what Lee could possibly be so afraid to tell him.

He'd thought Lee trusted him. It hurt, the knowledge that Lee didn't trust him with this secret, whatever it was. Maybe later, he thought, after Lee's surgery...maybe then, they could talk about it. But Lee was under enough stress right now. Gai didn't want to push him into something he wasn't ready for. "Is there anything you need?" he asked instead, softly.

Lee shook his head, leaning into the steady support of Gai's body. "I could not ask you for anything else, Gai-sensei. You have already given me so much."

Asking Gai to love him would be too much. Asking Gai to even tolerate him, knowing how he felt, was too much.

"There's nothing I wouldn't give you," Gai replied quietly. He held Lee a moment longer.

What could possibly be on Lee's mind? He thought about the strange look that had come into his student's eyes after Gai made his promise--a look he almost recognized, almost understood, but as hard as he tried, he couldn't grasp that elusive meaning.

After a minute, he pulled back and smiled at Lee. Whatever it was, he would wait and let Lee tell him when he was ready. There'd be plenty of time, he told himself firmly, because the surgery would be successful. This was not their last night together. Absolutely not. "You haven't had any dinner yet, have you? Are you hungry? I'll fix you whatever you want."

This would be so much easier if Gai wasn't so caring, Lee thought. He didn't know how much more he could take of Gai's affection right now without breaking. He needed time to think- to put some distance between himself and the revelation.

He could get past this. He could. He just- needed to not think about it. That's all. Maybe if he just didn't think about it hard enough, everything would go back to normal. And Gai-sensei would still want him, wouldn't send him away.

"I do not have much of an appetite tonight, Gai-sensei." A slight pause, then- "I have not felt much like eating since I was injured." It was true enough, and an excuse that he hoped his teacher would accept.

"You need to keep your strength up. The right nutrition will help your body heal faster. Will you have a little something, at least? Maybe some soup?" A hint of anxiety crept into his voice. Lee had lost too much weight since his injury, and going into the surgery with his body already weakened wouldn't improve his odds. "If you're not feeling well, you can rest now, and I'll bring you some when it's ready." He wanted desperately to do something for Lee. He felt helpless against the pain in those dark eyes. "All right?"

Lee's shoulders slumped slightly, but he nodded. "Yes, Sensei."

Leaning on his crutch for support, he limped into the living room. Pain- which had before been a dull throb, but now bit sharply with every step- radiated through his leg. He'd been standing for too long.

It was hard to focus on the physical pain, though, when his heart was in so much turmoil. Lee slumped on the couch, gaze averted, and listened to the sounds of Gai working in the kitchen.

It'd taken time to grow accustomed to the sounds that came with living with someone else- Gai's footsteps on the wooden hallways, the shower running in the mornings, pots clanking together as he prepared breakfast in the mornings. Small, domestic things. He'd been used to the silence of living alone, and he'd come to find those small sounds as comforting- proof that someone else was there.

Now, they made his stomach twist in knots. Never before had his bond with Gai-sensei seemed so fragile- as if one word to the wrong could destroy everything forever.

As a pot of chicken soup simmered on the stove, Gai watched Lee from the corner of his eye. Lee never once looked his way. He sat silent, his gaze downcast, his shoulders tense...and Gai's heart twisted in his chest. Lee had never acted this way before; had never pulled away from him like this.

It had something to do with the promise, he thought. That was when this behavior had started. Soon after that.

Gai knew he couldn't take it back. The promise to follow Lee into death was not a decision he'd made, but a quiet certainty that he could not survive without Lee in his life. The two of them were linked, their hearts and minds connected in a bond that was difficult to define or categorize, but no less powerful for that. Living without Lee was simply unthinkable. But perhaps, Gai thought, he shouldn't have told Lee that. Obviously it had disturbed him deeply.

When the soup was ready, Gai ladled some into a bowl, carried it to the couch and sat next to Lee. "Here." He held the bowl out. "Careful, it's hot."

"Thank you, Gai-sensei," Lee whispered, and he took the bowl without meeting Gai's eyes. He stirred the spoon through the broth in idle patterns as he tried to focus on anything but his teacher sitting beside him, waiting for it to cool. Before, he'd thought it was impossible to do something as simple as eat, but the scent of the soup was enough to make his stomach grumble. Lee took a cautious bite, then glanced at his teacher. "It is very good. Thank you." His eyes slid away and he focused back on the soup, eating with slow, careful deliberation.

"You're welcome." Gai watched, hands resting on his knees, as Lee ate. His movements were mechanical, and he still wouldn't meet Gai's eyes. Gai's fingers tightened on his knees.

Once Lee had finished the soup, Gai took the bowl from him and washed it out in the kitchen sink. He returned to the living room. Lee hadn't budged from his place on the couch. He'd turned his face away and was looking at the wall.

This was agony. Gai didn't know what to do. He was afraid to touch Lee or say anything for fear of making this worse. And as hard as he tried to suppress it, a little voice in the back of his head kept whispering that this might be their last night together on earth. Were they going to spend it in tense silence, avoiding each other's gazes?

His chest tightened, and his breathing quickened. No. He couldn't accept that.

Gai approached Lee and stood over the couch, looking down at him. He saw Lee tense and flinch back, heard his breath catch in his throat.

A sharp pain lanced through his heart. What had he done or said to make Lee recoil from him like this? Gai had made some terrible mistake; that much was clear.

Slowly, Gai lowered himself to his knees in front of Lee, planted his hands on the floor and bowed his head in a posture of abject humility. "Please," he said, his voice steady and soft. "I don't know what I've done to hurt you, but if there's any way I can make it better--anything at all--please tell me."

Lee's eyes widened, and his breath caught. That Gai would do this- that he'd humble himself like this-

It was wrong. "Sensei, please get up. Please." There was desperation in Lee's voice, and his hands tightened into fists on his lap. His shoulders trembled, and his breath came in sharp, ragged pants. "Please, Gai-sensei. You have done nothing wrong. It is all me. You have done so much for me, and I repay you by… I am a terrible person, Gai-sensei. I know that. I do not deserve this from you, so please… just get up."

Gai stood. "You're not a terrible person. Why would you say such a thing?" Desperate, confused, he reached out and took Lee's face between his hands. "Please, Lee, don't think that about yourself."

And still, Lee wouldn't look at him.

He hadn't wanted to push Lee into telling him, but this was obviously more serious than he'd thought. Whatever was going on, it was ripping Lee up inside...and Gai, too. He couldn't bear it any longer.

Lee had never refused a direct order from him. He hated to resort to this, but he couldn't think of anything else, and his desperation was growing by every moment. He lifted Lee's face and looked straight into his eyes. "Tell me what's going on." He held Lee's gaze firmly with his. "I promise you that no matter what it is, I won't turn away from you. Tell me."

Lee trembled. He wanted to look away from that steady gaze, but he couldn't. Gai's eyes held him in place, as much as the stern tone to his teacher's voice.

Gai-sensei always kept his promises. That thought surfaced in Lee's mind for a moment, then flickered out. "You would not say that if you knew, Gai-sensei. Please…"

Gai's shoulders sagged. He released Lee's face and dropped his gaze, aching inside. He'd failed. He couldn't break through the wall that Lee had set up around his own heart...and he felt, somehow, that Lee was holding back for his sake. That he was bearing this burden alone so as not to trouble Gai.

If only he understood. Nothing was worse than seeing him like this and being unable to offer comfort.

Gai sat next to Lee on the couch, enfolded his student gently in his arms and pulled him close. "If you won't talk to me," he said quietly, "then just let me hold you."

The Genin froze at the contact, body going tense. Gai's arms were strong and steady around him, the weight and warmth familiar. He wanted more than anything to just relax into that touch… and, with a choked breath, he did. His cheek pressed against Gai's chest, and Lee let his eyes slip closed. Just for a moment. He could be like this just for a moment.

Before now, he would've thought it was impossible for something to feel so wonderful and yet so terrible at the same time. He wanted to stay in Gai's arms forever. He knew that his actions were hurting his teacher, though, and beneath the layer of fuzzy contentment from Gai's embrace, shame and guilt welled.

If he told Gai, Gai would leave him. He had no doubts about that.

Something niggled at his mind. The surgery…

He could die.

And if he did…

Gai-sensei would die too.

But… if he told him…

If you told him, he would never hold you like this again, a voice in the back of Lee's mind whispered.

And, as much as that thought hurt… he couldn't be that selfish. Not when Gai had given him so much already- when Gai had given him hope. Affection. Even a home. Lee drew a trembling breath, and gathered all his courage. "Gai-sensei…"

To be continued