ONE

"Mommy."

CC looked up with a smile on her face as her daughter announced herself in the office. Her small arms were above her head, her hands clasped around the high handle. She looked adorable and delicate in her oversized uniform, and CC was still getting used to the fact that her daughter was old enough to go to school. Susanna's straight, blonde hair was pulled back in a ponytail and her big, blue eyes were wide and expectant. CC returned her attention briefly to the voice in her ear.

"I'll call you back Tim," she said, hanging up. Five years earlier she never would have hung up on an investor. She pushed herself back in her chair and patted her lap, and Susanna grinned, hurrying forward and clambering onto her. They hugged each other, and CC loudly kissed her cheek.

"Daddy's gone to work," she said. CC nodded, glancing at her watch as she held her daughter. He would be rushing but on time, she realised, and relaxed.

"How was your day?" she asked, smoothing out Susanna's uniform dress and fiddling with her hair. Susanna let her for a while, but then turned her head around to look up into her mother's eyes with a stern expression.

"I want to tell you mommy, I'm quitting school."

"Oh really?" CC asked, smirking with good humour. "Why?"

"The other kids said I don't belong there." CC frowned as her daughter's expression faltered and her eyes filled with tears. The excuse was different every time, but this was unexpected.

"Why?" CC asked more gently, her hand resting against Susanna's stomach. Susanna's small fingers fiddled with CC's engagement and wedding rings, and she looked downwards as she answered.

"Because I don't have a nanny and because daddy's a maid." CC pressed her lips together to stop herself from laughing, at the same time as anger began to bubble inside her stomach. She knew having Niles working at the Robinson's the other week had been a bad idea, with the kids in the same school and the mother on the School Board, but it was so much money for one night's work they hadn't turned it down.

"Now sweetheart," CC whispered, pressing her lips to her daughter's smooth cheek. "Daddy's not a maid, remember?"

"I know," Susanna said, sighing. "He's a butler."

"That's right," she said. "And it's a very important, respectable job."

"Opening the door for rich people?"

"Yes," CC said, laughing.

"But he's a servant, right?"

"Yes he is." There was no point lying when CC herself had thought of Niles as a servant for nearly as long as she had known him.

"But you're famous, aren't you?" Susanna asked. "You're rich, that's why I go to the rich school?"

"Your daddy and I thought you would do better at this school," CC said, smoothing her uniform along her lap once more. "But maybe we were wrong. You only just started. Do you know this is the third time you've decided to quit school in a month? Not that we let you."

"Daddy says I don't have to do anything I don't want to do."

"Well that's just daddy spoiling you," CC said, chuckling. "And it doesn't apply to school. Do you think daddy enjoys cleaning up after rude people who think he's beneath them all the time? But he still does it."

"Why?"

"Because when they're nice to him he enjoys it, and it's a job where he gets to see you a lot, and help me with you, so that you don't need a nanny. Wouldn't you prefer it that way?"

"But having a nanny seems fun. Some of them are very pretty and young. Alisha's nanny is from England like daddy! But she's, um, eighteen."

"Oh, isn't Alisha's daddy a lucky man!"

"Huh?" Susanna asked, looking at CC with a confused frown. CC only giggled and hugged her daughter tighter.

"Listen," she said. "You are the most important thing in your mommy and daddy's life and we want to spend as much time with you as we can. You're right, I do have a lot of money, and I share it with you and daddy. We're lucky because it means we don't have to work all the time like some mommies and daddies."

"But you work heaps. You're famous."

"I'm not famous sweetheart," CC said with a whisper. "I just go to work like everyone else."

"Daddy said leaving Max was the best thing you ever did."

"Did he?"

"Yes but he also said not to tell you he said it," Susanna added with a loud giggle, squirming to get off CC's lap. She jumped to the floor and turned around once freed. "Mommy," she said. "Did you have a nanny when you were a little girl?"

"I did," CC said, reaching out to tuck some of Susanna's loose blonde hair behind her ear. "I didn't like it at all. I never saw my daddy."

"What about your mommy?"

"She left when I was little," CC said, whispering. Susanna's eyes went wide. CC sighed. The poor girl did not know her grandparents and never would.

"Where did she go?"

"She went to live in Boston with another man."

"A lover?" CC's cheeks tinged pink as her lips parted in shock.

"Susanna! Where did you hear that word?" How could her five year old possibly understand? Susanna covered her mouth with her two hands and giggled.

"I heard daddy call you it before he kissed you on the couch last night." CC's face felt hot but she could not help a grin, at the memory and at the current expression on her angel's face.

"You were meant to be in bed, little miss."

"I escaped."

"Oh, did you?" CC asked, laughing as she got out of the chair. She reached out to try to capture Susanna and tickle her. Susanna squealed and ran from the room, and CC quickly returned to her chair. She had work to do, she had a sold-out show opening in a fortnight, but first she would make afternoon tea and set Susanna up with some homework in the office, so that they could both get some things done before it was time to heat up dinner.

*

CC still found it hard to believe how beautiful her daughter was. She had been rendered speechless in the hospital, holding this baby that had been inside her for nine months, with Niles' arms around her and his lips kissing down her face. They had both cried at the arrival of their healthy baby girl, and CC had watched her blossom into a real little person with her own devious, somewhat defiant personality. That itself had been an unavoidable consequence of her and Niles reproducing, but Susanna was also calm and rational, bright and funny. It seemed there were good things to have come out of that union after all.

CC watched as she worked diligently on her homework. Sometimes having Susanna's miniature table and chair in the office was a bad thing; CC found herself spending more time staring at her daughter than doing her own work. That was until Susanna would look over at her and give her a stern frown.

"Mommy, go back to work!" she would say.

CC smiled at the memory as she returned her attention to the costuming photographs spread out in front of her for final approval. She was excited about her show opening. The lead had top billing, she had secured the best theatre, and the investors had been throwing money at her ever since she had taken a chance and produced Niles' play.

The press had jumped on board as soon as they realised the producer had married the writer, a real-life butler, and ticket sales, bolstered by publicity, had gone through the roof. The reviews had been mixed, but that had not bothered CC; the show had been the quirky Broadway hit of the season, and she and Niles had one shiny Tony and one shiny Theatre Guild award to prove it. She had not had a flop since.

"Mommy," Susanna said, interrupting her thoughts. "How do you spell your name?"

"You know that," CC replied with a gentle smile. It was two letters, how hard could it be for her daughter- CC hesitated, before pressing her lips together and observing the cheeky grin on Susanna's face. It was a hybrid of hers and Niles' wicked smiles, and it told CC Susanna had something far more complicated than two Cs in mind. "Why?" she asked in a drawl.

"We have to write a story. I want to write your name but I don't know how to spell it."

"Honey, my name's a secret."

"Why?" Susanna asked, putting her pencil down and leaning forward with her chin in her hands. CC's heart melted a little bit more inside her chest at the endearing posture.

"Well," CC said, wondering how to approach this. "You know how mommy's a producer?" Susanna nodded. "CC is my producer-name. It's what people know me as. I don't like using my real name."

"But this is just for school."

"Just write CC."

"But your name is my middle name right? Chastity? I remember that. How do you spell it?"

"Susanna honey," CC said with a sigh. "It's embarrassing."

"Why?" CC shrugged. "Why'd you give it to me as my middle name if it's embarrassing?"

"Because part of a parent's job is passing down to their children their own embarrassing names. You're just lucky it wasn't your first name, like mine is."

"I like it," Susanna said with a grin. "I love my name!"

"When you're older you'll realise why it's your middle name and not your first, but daddy insisted," CC replied, laughing. "Please just call mommy CC, Susie."

"But I've heard daddy call you Cl-"

"Daddy can call me whatever he likes when we're in this house. But when we're in public-"

"Okay," Susanna said, shaking her head and returning to her work. CC picked up a picture of an evening gown and observed the colour, not willing to bury herself too deeply in her work. She had a feeling Susanna was not finished. "Mommy." CC grinned. Did she know her daughter or what?

"Mm?" she hummed, looking over the top of the photo with a raised eyebrow. Susanna giggled.

"Is daddy going to be late tonight?"

"Yes, he's at a party."

"How come we're not going?"

"We're not invited angel."

"How come?"

"We don't get invited to parties when daddy is working at them."

"Why not?"

"Because people are embarrassed to employ your father to work for them and then invite me as a guest."

"Does it embarrass you?"

"No, but it upsets a lot of other people." CC paused, before grinning and looking at Susanna, feeling the need to impart a streak of rebellion in her. "Although, whenever we are in a situation like that we always like to give people a bit to gossip over. The last time, we let ourselves be caught in the kitchen kissing by the other wait staff and caterers. They all saw us." Susanna sucked in a breath with a grin of pure glee on her face.

"Really?" CC nodded. "Did you get in trouble?"

"No, we're married and kissing is okay for married mommies and daddies. But by the time I got back to the party the waiters had spread it around, and everyone knew that I, CC Babcock, had been kissing the butler in the kitchen. Nobody could string a full sentence to me or look me in the eyes for the rest of the night. It was such fun!"

"You're funny mommy," Susanna said, giggling. CC grinned. She never thought of herself as funny in a way that other people understood. Until she met Niles, of course. She was glad their daughter took after them. They were on the same page, and it made her feel so in love, and so proud. She wished Niles was not at work; she wanted to hold him, and ask his opinion on the costumes.

*

The phone woke CC from her sleep, and she stretched out on top of the covers as she reached for the receiver by the large bed. Her other hand sought out the warm body she had come to expect beside her, and when she found nothing more than the cool, crumpled covers she assumed the call was Niles, ringing to let her know he was running late.

"Hello?" she asked, too tired to announce herself properly or with any degree of propriety. She listened to the calm, gentle voice of the woman on the other end of the phone ask her if she was CC Babcock. CC acknowledged her with a confused, "Yeah" and then sat up as the woman continued.

CC felt her heart slow down to a painful thud, thud, thud, and she held her breath as she let the woman finish what she had to say. There was no point interrupting. When she hung up, she took a moment just to breathe, and she looked to the other side of the bed, where, on Niles' bedside table, sat a large portrait of just the two of them, wrapped in each other's arms on the Californian coast. She could only just make it out in the dark.

Fear struck with a painful urgency and CC sprang into action. She got out of her pyjamas in the dark and reached for the first clothes she could find; her around-the-house clothes that were draped over the chair in the corner of their large master bedroom. She pulled on the blue jeans and bulky, cream sweater and ran her fingers through her ash blonde hair. The lamp went on long enough for her to find her handbag and check that her wallet, phone and diary were all inside. The lamp went off as soon as her eyes filled with tears at the sight of her diamond rings, glinting on her hand under the light, the ones Niles had paid for with his own savings, before they loved each other so well.

CC found Susanna in bed, sleeping on her side with her arms wrapped around the large, soft teddy bear she had named Philip. It was such a proper little name for a bear, but then again it was not as though her father's name was Billy Bob. CC and Niles might have been social rebels but they were not so liberal in the naming department, and if Susanna had decided to call her bear Shaniqua it would have stunned them.

CC found the clothes Susanna had changed into for dinner, and with them bunched under one arm she leant over the single bed and shook her daughter awake.

"Mm, mommy?" Susanna asked, groggy as she reached up to rub at her eyes with her fist. "Mommy what is it?"

"Susie, you need to get up and dressed angel," CC said. "We need to go somewhere very fast." It was too late to call a babysitter, and perhaps selfishly CC wanted her baby with her.

Susanna was tired enough to be malleable and she stood in the dark and let CC dress her; something she had refused any help for since she was old enough to tie her own shoelaces. CC dressed her daughter in leggings and a long jumper, and Susanna sat on the bed as she let her mother fit her shoes and socks.

"Where are we going? Is it morning?" she asked, vaguely looking around.

"No sweetie, it's late," CC said. In fact it was not too late. She had barely been dozing an hour. CC handed Philip the bear to Susanna and watched her clutch it. "Quick trip to the bathroom before we go," she said. Susanna did as she was told, and did not argue when CC leant down to pick her up. CC groaned at the extra weight, but drew comfort from the feeling of Susanna's legs around her hips, and one of her arms around her shoulders. The other held Philip between them.

"Mommy," Susanna began as CC manoeuvred them out of their penthouse apartment to the elevator. "Where are we going? What's wrong?"

"Daddy wants to see us," CC whispered, her heart racing as she felt her daughter smile against her neck. She had no idea, and CC could not bear to tell her yet.

*

The emergency room was busy, and despite CC's harassment of staff it was hours before a doctor could see them. The wait was interminable, and CC was glad when Susanna fell asleep across her lap. At least the dead weight of her petite body prevented CC from getting up and demanding to see her husband every ten minutes. Nobody seemed to know where Niles was or what had happened to him. In fact she knew more from the telephone operator than anything the nurses on staff in emergency had been able to tell her.

Finally, a doctor came out calling for her. Niles had important contact information for her in his wallet, just as she had his details with her, in case there was ever a need. They must have found her that way, or through his medical records on file. She thought he had his annual stress tests at this hospital, but she could not remember when the last one was. As the doctor caught her eye and she beckoned him over, she saw a flicker of recognition in his face. He knew who she was, and he probably just realised who his patient was also.

CC left her hand underneath Susanna's head until the last possible moment, easing her to rest on the uncomfortable plastic. Susanna remained asleep and clutching her bear; she was worried about daddy but CC had deliberately kept her in the dark until she had hard facts.

"Ms Babcock?" the doctor asked. CC nodded and shook his hand, and they walked several metres away, but not so far away as to not be able to see her little girl. CC would just die if somebody took the opportunity to snatch Susanna when her back was turned. "You're CC Babcock the producer, aren't you?" he asked. "I have tickets to your new show." CC nodded. She had once delighted in being recognised as a producer in her own right, and she still enjoyed it on some level, but this time her mind was focussed on her husband. Her being a producer was not going to save his life.

"What happened?" she asked. "How is he? Nobody's told us anything."

"I apologise for the delay," he said, offering her a smile. "We think Niles is going to be fine." The relief CC felt would have caused her to faint had the doctor not reached out to grip her elbow. "Are you okay?" he asked. CC nodded, pressing her lips together as tears filled her eyes.

"I was told he had a heart attack," she said.

"His heart looks fine," the doctor promised, to CC's surprise. "It was not a major cardiac event." Her eyes widened and she frowned, confused. "We think it might have been a flare-up of his angina, which I see on his records he's been treated for over the years-"

"He manages it well," CC said, assuring him with a nod. "He's fit."

"The police believe your husband panicked at the chest pain, accelerated instead of braked, and ran his car off the road. It's quite common. The car struck a street light and a parked car. He has a badly bruised face courtesy of the airbag, and a broken leg. He's very lucky."

"Why has it taken this long to tell me that?" CC asked, sucking in a breath. What wasn't the doctor saying?

"He has a head injury and we were waiting for some scan results. It's a serious concussion, Ms Babcock, which we'll be monitoring over the coming days. I believe he'll be unconscious for some time yet, and there will be more tests in the morning, but for now he is stable."

"There's no bleeding into the brain or swelling or anything like that?"

"At this stage there's no evidence of that."

"But you're concerned," CC said with narrowed eyes and a stern face she knew no person dared lie to, no person except her husband anyway. The doctor hesitated before nodding.

"We will take good care of him. You and your daughter can see him." CC nodded and memorised the room details and directions, before shaking the doctor's hand. They would be talking again within the day, of that she was sure. She then returned to the chairs and bundled Susanna into her arms. Destination, elevator.

*

The last time CC spent so much time in a hospital was when she was having Susanna. That had been twenty hours of Hell quickly forgotten thanks to the adorable baby she got as a prize for stamina. Niles had not left her side that day, or the day after that when she was a mess of hormones and doubts and tears. She remembered it as though it had been just a day or two earlier, but Susanna was a little girl, and as CC watched her curled up in an upholstered visitor's chair she had to take the opportunity to thank God that they had not needed to be in a hospital since. Five years was a good run, and before that it had almost been another five years; Niles' first heart attack.

She had been there when it happened. They had been verbally sparring, as usual, and then suddenly he stopped, he didn't fire back. He hit the ground before CC could react. She thought he had just fainted, but when he opened his eyes and clutched at his chest she knew it was more. She had called the ambulance, ridden in it with him and held his hand as he lost consciousness. She thought he had died. She thought he had died before she ever got the chance to tell him that she respected him, that she enjoyed his company, that she did not completely hate him like she publicly led him and everyone else to believe.

Back then she never would have imagined that underneath his own stubborn, proud exterior he felt the same way. In fact he had felt more than she had, or at least he had admitted it to himself a lot earlier than she had. CC had managed to keep herself in denial for years. How could she be in love with a butler? How could she love him? His words were often cruel, he hated her, and yet they had danced, they had kissed, they had laughed together. Her Niles, the King of Mixed Messages.

She had once fantasized about life with Maxwell, but those days seemed so long ago. She could not imagine spending her life beside anyone other than the fit, fifty-three year old man lying in the bed in front of her, strapped to a heart monitor with an oxygen mask over his face and a cast on his leg. He looked so much older than he was. He had given so many years of his life to serving others, to being beaten down and forgotten, to being woken up in the middle of the night for glasses of water or pillow-fluffing.

It had taken so much from his body, but it hadn't dampened his generosity or his spirit. His dark blonde hair was a shade lighter, and his face was lined and weary, but in sleep it softened, he was peaceful, and CC could forget about all the years she had treated him like crap, secretly disrespecting him for putting up with it. He was her beautiful, handsome, loving husband, and she was not ready to say goodbye. They might have known each other for decades, but they had only been together for six years. It was not enough.

CC reached forward to stroke his swollen cheek and allowed herself to smile through gathering tears.

"You'll be okay," she promised in a whisper. Niles remained still, and when she reached for his hand she found it cool and limp.

*

CC did not know what time Susanna crawled onto her lap, but she thought it was nearing morning. CC forced her eyes open to rearrange her whimpering little girl in her lap, and she leant back in the chair as much as she could, stroking Susanna's loose, fair hair. She kissed her cheek and rocked her, making sure Philip was tucked in safely between them.

"What's the matter Susie?" she asked.

"Daddy's sick," she said, whispering as though she did not want Niles to hear. CC nodded and kissed her again. "Is he gonna get better?" CC did not correct her daughter's grammar.

"I hope so," she said. "We'll go home soon."

"I want to stay."

"Oh honey, we at least need to go and get some breakfast, and have a bath. Mommy needs to make some arrangements for work. We can come back. Daddy's not going anywhere."

"Okay. But not right now?"

"We can stay a little longer." CC really wanted to sleep, but she could not let herself relax. She tried to focus more on Susanna's fidgeting than her steady breathing, on Niles' oxygen mask instead of the rhythmic heart monitor.

"Mommy," Susanna said after several minutes. "Can you tell me a story?"

"What sort of story?"

"How did you meet daddy?" CC sighed, smiling as she rested her cheek on top of Susanna's head. She had thought about this story many times, she had thought about all the ways she might one day impress the lessons she had learned on her daughter, but she never would have thought it would be spoken to a five year old in a hospital. How could she ever convey all the times in her life that led to that meeting, that led to that wedding, that led to her loving a man she was never meant to love? How could she say those things in front of him, while a machine counted his heart beats just to reassure her that he was alive?

"Oh honey," she whispered, feeling a surge of nostalgia. "How long do you have?"

"I don't know mommy. You pick." CC squeezed her eyes shut and squeezed her daughter. Thank you Niles, she silently told him. She's ours and I love her.

"How about we start at the beginning," she said. "When I was your age."

"Did you meet daddy when you were my age?"

"No," CC said, laughing. "But it's the start of the story." Susanna heaved a big sigh, as though she knew she would regret her question, but CC knew this was important, and she wanted Susanna to grow up knowing the truth. She did not have secrets from her family, and if it was the only time Susanna ever asked or cared, then CC was going to make the most of it.