Author's note: Ah, SO glad Glee is back! Here is my first ever Rachel piece, and hope you like it :)!
Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me!
Rachel realized something the day Finn broke up with her. Girls like her were just never meant to find true happiness. Sure, they could find something that remotely resembled it, but was it the real deal? Never.
She had spent months admiring Finn from afar, and when he had finally showed interest in her, she had been over the moon. She never went so far as actively pursuing him, since she didn't pursue any boy, but she was completely, and if she was honest, sometimes painfully so.
When he had finally broken up with Quinn after Sectionals and asked her out a week later, she had agreed happily to be his girlfriend. When she went home that night she had jumped on her bed for a solid hour, unable to vocalize her feelings because they were just so intense. Her stomach felt like a constant churn of butterflies, and she felt giddy, sick, nervous, tense in anticipation. Everything on the human spectrum of emotion was something she felt that night.
Their first few dates had been magical. He had taken her to the bowling alley they had gone to before, and they had redone the whole date again, but this time without the knowledge that he was still dating Quinn in the background.
She couldn't pin her finger on it, but he had slowly started to drift away from her after those first two weeks. She noticed him gazing more at Quinn, and she didn't know if it was because of the baby he thought was his, or whether he still had feelings for her. She didn't know, but each time she saw his eyes drift over to watch her, she would smile through gritted teeth, and place her hand in his, just in case he needed the comfort.
She decided to throw her whole self into the relationship, praying that it would save them. She even made those crazy cat calendars to distract him and let him know that she was desperate to spend time with him, as any person you loved would be. And what did he do? Just ignore what she was saying and keep staring at Quinn. She knew that he hadn't realized yet that she realized what he was doing, and she was certainly not going to tell him. All she did was smile even brighter, and make her voice even happier. And when they'd finish, she'd walk away with her smile in place until she got to the girls bathroom and gaze at herself in the mirror, praying that one day she would be good enough to replace Quinn in his eyes.
She even went to his stupid football games, determined to be the best girlfriend she could. She never told him how boring they were and all she gave was her support. As much as she longed to, she never brought any type of activity to the games, focused on solely giving her whole attention to him. But sometimes, when she couldn't help it, she would let her eyes drift over the other couples in the stands. All the ones she saw had the guy holding the girl close to his side, arm cuddled over her shoulder, and even if he wasn't whispering something in her ear, the way he would look at her would make Rachel's heart melt, and wonder if that would ever be her and Finn.
When he told her that he didn't want to be her boyfriend anymore, the angry emotion she'd been holding back since she'd first noticed him distancing himself, overflowed. She didn't know if he was scared about his reputation, she actually really hoped it would be that, and not another girl. She was angry about both, sure, but she could handle him being a shallow, insensitive person, rather than knowing he was in love with someone else. It still stung like hell though, and she hated that he had the power to hurt her.
She thought she had been in love with him for so long and had put an insane amount of effort into their relationship. People had told her to end it with him, recognizing her pain, but she had refused to give in. She was Rachel Berry, she didn't quit. But he did.
When she saw Santana and Brittany drooling over him in Glee, another little snap had been made to her emotions, and she decided to sing them out loud. Refusing to hide from the truth anymore. It felt good. Everyone had joined in with her, aside from Finn, and even though she was still furious at Santana and Brittany, she knew it wasn't them that had broken up her relationship with Finn, but him.
She had felt a little better after the song, finally letting some of those negative emotions emerge.
Then Mr. Schue had started in on how he didn't think they were taking the competition seriously. Please, she was the one who was always reminding everyone of that. And, they were still singing, just not the exact style of song he wanted. And it wasn't all about what he wanted, this was a club, not a whatever-Mr. Schue-says-goes-singing-group.
They had ended rehearsal shortly after thankfully and she went to the music store to start working more seriously on her 'Hello' project.
The more time she spent away from Finn, the less it hurt. She came to realize though, that it didn't hurt because their relationship was over, but the image she had in her mind of him was over. He wasn't the perfect gentleman, attentive, romantic, eager to be with her, as she had thought he was, and as she had been with him (aside from being a gentleman of course). It stung just a little less knowing that. She decided that she had wasted enough time on a certain Finn Hudson, and refused to think about him anymore.
She browsed through the music shelves, trying to think of any song with 'Hello' in the title. She finally came across a Lionel Richie music book, and remembered that he had sung, "Hello." She leafed through the book, and came across the page, looked at the lyrics, and smiled. Then he came.
Their competition, Jesse St. James, head of Vocal Adrenaline, and he had showed interest in her. More than interest actually. He knew about her, her talent, her performances, and had actually complimented her. Sure, it was a bit of a backhanded compliment, but it was actually nice to be complimented honestly once, instead of the lies she heard from other people telling her she was, "Absolutely Fantastic," just so she'd help them.
They had sung together, and something just clicked. As each lyric of the verse was sung, she felt her heart lift more and more, and she felt the butterflies return. He looked in her eyes when she sang, unlike Finn who had constantly looked away. At the end of the song, he had asked her on a date, with no subtle hinting and she had just smiled at him, thinking that maybe, it might just be her time to have someone actually appreciate her.
As they spent more time together, it was easier for Rachel to smile. He listened to her, was attentive, romantic, silly, a drama king, but he was himself. He didn't look at other girls wistfully while he was with her, and slowly at first, she stopped comparing him to Finn. It was only about him, and her.
And then she walked into the Glee Club rehearsal and saw just Artie, Tina, Kurt, and Mercedes glaring back at her. In that moment, she had really felt like breaking down and crying, something she would never do in public. Telling her that she'd have to break up with Jesse because he was their competition, and saying that she didn't care about the club? And the final straw of them trying to force her out of the club if she didn't?
She had done every single thing she could to help Glee. Sure, she knew she was vain at times and was egotistical, but she had tried to curb that. She had tried so hard to be their friends, to try and connect with them, and when she thought that she had finally achieved that, they'd turned around and told her that the club was still more important to them than her friendship, and that she'd have to break up with the guy she loved if she still wanted to be a part of it. They broke her heart knowing that she still wasn't important to them, and telling her that a guy just wanted to be with her to keep an eye on his competition.
She was sick and tired with the drama in Glee Club, and fed up of knowing she didn't belong. No one in this club belonged, and she thought they'd finally overcome that at Sectionals, joining together not as a Club, but as friends. Again, she was wrong. They didn't care about her.
And then the meeting with the "Old Maids Club." She didn't even know they had a club for that, and she was being dragged into it. She was told by them not to break-up with Jesse, but she knew that she'd lose Glee if she didn't.
She went to the only place where she actually found comfort, Jesse. She had asked him point-blank what she meant to him, needing to know whether he was just playing with her, or whether he actually cared for her.
When he told that he was crazy about her, and would never hurt her, she felt the cracks in her heart hurt a little less, and she sank into his arms, resting her head against his chest, hearing the sound of his heartbeat. She told him that their relationship would have to stay secret and he had told her he understood, and then lifting her chin, she had kissed him, telling him through their kiss how much she cared about him.
She felt so safe, comforted in his arms, and knew that as long as she had him, nothing else could bother her. If Glee Club didn't want her friendship, that was their loss, and she was refusing to try anymore. She would still be a part of it, but never as it was before. They would have to earn her friendship now, not that other way around.
The next day, they had performed "Hello Goodbye," by the Beatles. One of her personal favorite songs. She was singing lead alongside with Finn and as usual, they were paired up during the dance, and every touch she had to bestow on him felt her feeling dirty, as though she was betraying Jesse, even though she knew in her head that it was ridiculous.
The song's lyrics resonated in her head, knowing it was the perfect story for her and Finn, but she was saying goodbye this time, even though he wanted to say hello. The happy gazes of everyone around her made her feel so angry and hurt that she was so prepared to sacrifice for them, and they couldn't even accept her. Before the last word had even been sung, she was already moving into her last position for a second, and then off the stage before anyone stopped her.
She didn't care about the Club in that moment, she was sick of doing things for the Club. She wanted to do something for herself for once. She grabbed her bag without changing out of her dress, ran into the parking lot to her car, and drove to Jesse's house. She locked her car and walked up the front stairs of his path and knocked on the door.
It opened within a couple of seconds, "Hey." He smiled down at her, and she jumped into his arms. He laughed and kissed the top of the head. "Everything ok?"
She lifted her head up after a couple of deep breaths, and smiled up at him. "It is now."