I don't own anything...no harm meant....just playing around with some fun characters
My name is Bella Swan, and today is my daughter's third birthday. I can't believe she's 3 already...it seems like just yesterday I was taking her home from the hospital. I know all parents say that, but that doesn't make it any less true.
It's just after midnight and I sit down at my desk to write a letter. The letter is to the same person I write a letter to every year on my daughter's birthday...her father.
I've lost track of just how many letter's I've written him over the years. It's got to be nearing 400 soon. Jeez, when you think of it that way, I seem like some crazed stalker-but in reality-I'm just trying to give what my daughter needs and wants.
Sure Emmy has me, my parent's and my friends that care and love her, but no one can replace your father. I would know...my own father died when I was 10, and no one, no matter what can ever take his place.
My mother and father divorced when I was three, and my mother remarried not too long after. Phil, is great, and I love him, but he will never take Charlie's place in my heart. Just like I know no man could ever take the place of Emmy's father.
Most women in my situation might hate the man that knocked them up and never heard from them again-but I don't. If I'm being completely honest...I still love him. I'm more worried that he hates me and Emmy.
After all the letters I've written him, I've never once heard back. No phone calls, no e-mails, no letters...no visits. Nothing.
There can be only two reasons why I've never heard from him. I thought about it over and over again, and these can be the only possibilities. First, He has received my letters and has chosen to ignore them...for whatever reason-I don't like to think about that. Second, which is my hope-that his grandfather Aro is responsible for blocking all attempts I've tried to contact him.
Edward Mason, Emmy's farther, the love of my life, was basically raised by his grandfather, Aro. Edward's parents both died when he was 7 years old- and Aro become his guardian. His mother's sister was supposed to become his guardian if anything happened to his parent's, but apparently his grandfather begged to look after Edward. At the time of hearing this, I thought-What a nice man...he misses his son so much he wants to raise their son. Little did I know that Aro is the cruelest person known to man.
Edward and I met while we were both on vacation in England. I, being my usual clumsy self tripped over thin air and landed on Edward's lap while on the train. We spent the next month traveling around the country together. We were happy and in love...and 22. Anything was possible in our eyes. Even though we didn't live in the same part of the country back home, we knew we would make it work-that was until we actually went back home.
My calls went unanswered and he never called me. When I found out I was pregnant a month later I traveled to Chicago to the address Edward gave me back in England-but soon found out I was NOT welcome in the Mason family.
Aro answered the door and told me that Edward never wanted to see or speak to me again. Aro guessed I was there to tell Edward I was carrying his baby and called me a liar and a gold-digger. I proceeded to tell Aro that I didn't believe him-so he hit me where it really counted.
He told me if I truly loved Edward and would leave him alone. Medical school is difficult enough-Edward would never be able to achieve his dreams of becoming a world class surgeon like his father. Aro saw it in my eyes that I would never do anything to stand in the way of Edward's dream.
Aro handed me a half a million dollar check and told me to leave and never come back. He made it perfectly clear just how powerful his family is-he said was that he has connections. I didn't want to find out what that meant-so I tucked my tail between my legs and left-but I never stopped writing.
I never wanted to stand in the way of Edward achieving him dream of becoming a doctor-I knew deep down in my bones that he would want to know about his daughter. All during my pregnancy I wrote in a journal-but rather that starting with Dear Diary, I began with Dear Edward. I wrote down everything and anything. I may have only had Edward in my life for a month, but I knew he'd want to know everything about how I was feeling and what was happening. I pasted sonogram pictures in and pictures my friends took of my growing belly. In all I filled 4 marble notebooks, that I fully intend on giving to Edward if I ever see him again. Perhaps if he reads them, he'll know just how badly I missed him and needed him and loved him....LOVE him.
***
"Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! It's my birthdayyy!" Emmy sang as she ran into my bedroom. As soon as she flung herself onto the bed I tackled her and began to sing 'Happy Birthday' in my best voice-which isn't that great-but for a three year old it would do.
"When is my party Mommy?" Emmy bounced up and down on my bed. "Where is my present? What did you get me?" Emmy continued her destruction of my mattress while her big green eyes darted around the room in search of her present.
"The party is at lunch time, and your present is....." I made a face as if I forgot to buy her anything...she looked slightly nervous, but she knew I was a sucker and loved buying her things.
"Your present is on the kitchen table waiting to be unwrapped by you." Before I could say anymore Emmy flung herself from the bed and bounded down the stairs.
I quickly followed after her-the last thing I needed was for her to fall down the stairs and wind up in the hospital.
"Can I open my present now Mommy?" I was surprised she was actually asking rather than just ripping into it. She picked up the giant box on the kitchen table and gave it rattle. It didn't make the sound she was hoping for. She gave me a puzzled look. "You can open it doodle bug."
Emmy didn't waste another second before she tore the paper off the box. Inside held a picture of Disney World. Emmy has been bugging me about going ever since she saw the commercials that play over and over again on the children channels. I haven't been since I was little and actually can't wait to go either.
I had made reservations for 4...I fully intend on bringing my two best friends and Emmy's honorary aunts with us.
The next thing I knew I was falling down backwards with Emmy's arms wrapped around my neck squeezing the life out of me. Emmy was squealing with delight that we were finally going to Disney World.
"When are we going Mommy?" Emmy finally pulled herself off of me and allowed me to right myself.
"We are going in two weeks. ANNNDDDDD Alice and Rosalie are coming with us." Emmy smiled and nodded her head, but I could tell that she had something on her mind. She might only be three years old, but she has a bit of an old soul like me.
"What you thinking about doodle bug?" I could sense that she wanted to say something but wasn't sure if she should.
"Lily went to Disney with her mommy and daddy last summer." She whispered quickly.
"I know, Lily's mommy told me they had so much fun and got to meet all the Princesses."
This isn't the first time that Emmy had questions about where her daddy was, and I always tried to be honest with her, well as honest as I can be with a little girl.
"I wish I had a daddy too." Emmy's eye filled with tears and it broke my heart. This was the only thing I couldn't give her and the one thing she truly wanted.
"Emmy, you do have a daddy."
I never thought it was fair to tell her she didn't have one when she does. I've showed her pictures of Edward and told her everything I knew about him. The only thing I couldn't bring myself to do is promise her that one day she's meet him.
"Do you think daddy misses me?"
"I'll tell you what I think. I think that if your daddy knew where to find us that he'd come in a heart beat. I try everyday to find him, but this is a big planet and there are a lot of people." Emmy snuggled into my lap and I told her just how much she looks like Edward. "You and your daddy have the most beautiful green eyes in the whole world. You have daddy's eyes and daddy's smile. You're the most beautiful little girl in the whole world, you're going to be a little heart breaker when you're older."
Emmy sat quietly in my lap a little longer before she asked to see a picture of her daddy.
I fixed her a bowl of cereal and went into my bedroom to retrieve a picture for her.
I chose one where you could see his eyes and smile best…so she could look at it and remind herself just how much she looks like her daddy.
"Mommy is daddy a doctor?" She knows he is, but this is her way of wanting me to tell her stories.
"Your daddy is a great doctor and he helps sick people everyday."
"Does he give people shots?" Her eyes widened and I couldn't help but chuckle.
"I'm sure he has to, but I bet he doesn't like it, since it hurts."
Emmy finished her breakfast and looked at the picture I gave her.
"Mommy do you miss daddy?" Emmy looked up from the picture to me. Her eyes were sad looking and I could bare her to me sad on her birthday.
"I love daddy so much and I miss him everyday. Sometimes things happen that you can't control."
I picked Emmy up and brought her to her room. "I named you after your daddy's favorite aunt- Esme. Esme Elizabeth Mason Swan. Mason is daddy's last name and Swan is mine. Elizabeth was daddy's mommy's name and he loved her very much. So I named YOU after two people that your daddy loves."
Emmy's wide smile returned and I wanted it to remain that way.
"Well, missy we have a party to get ready for and a birthday to celebrate. Let's get dressed and go get our nails done."
Emmy ran into her closet and pulled out a pink polo dress. We each had the same dress and I could tell that she wanted to be the same today.
Most of the things in my closet had been picked out by my best friends Alice and Rosalie. They knew more about fashion then me. I enjoyed wearing the clothing that they picked out, but not so much the shopping for it all. I did however LOVE shopping with Emmy. Everything she tried on was so adorable that I couldn't resist indulging.
When I was growing up my parents didn't have too much money, so I grew up seeing the value of a dollar. Money was tighter when my father passed away-but my mother always made sure to save so we could go on a vacation every summer.
When Aro handed me the check for an insane amount of money I saw red. He obviously came from money and had a serious amount. He believed that money could get you whatever you wanted-but not for me.
I kept the check on my desk to remind me to keep my head on my shoulders. I never had any intention of keeping it-I just needed to see it to remind me to keep fighting for Edward. So I wrote.
I wrote letter after letter to Edward.
And I wrote a book, which turned into a series of books. I never in my wildest dream ever thought my little book would turn into what it has become. Who ever thought the world would love a story about a vampire that strives to be good and make up for all the bad things he did in his life. I guess it doesn't hurt that there's a love story in the mix, but the series hasn't reached that point yet.
"Okay Emmy. Let's get our nails and toes done, then we can go do whatever you'd like to do."
"I want to go to the park."
With the success of my books also came financial success-I never dreamed of having a lot of money-but I can say one thing…it doesn't hurt. It can't buy you love or health-but it can give you a nice place to live in a beautiful city.
When Emmy was two we moved into our current home on the Upper East Side. I can't say that I really fit in with the other mothers around, but it's safe neighborhood and close to central park. My mother nearly had a heart attack when she came to see our new place.
My books were highly successful-and I fell in love with this townhouse as soon as I stepped inside. It was ridiculously expensive, but I figured it was worth it. I wanted Emmy to grow up in a nice home and since we lived in New York City, that meant shelling out the money. I've never once regretted buying it. We had plenty of space for when my mother and Phil visited. Emmy had a playroom, which tended to keep the mess centralized there.
The greatest thing about our place is the garden off the dining room. Emmy and I spend countless hours outside in our garden planting and creating the prefect space. And today it would serve as Emmy's birthday spot.
Since it was just a few three year old, Alice and Rose, I bought a little paddle pool for the children to play in.
***
"Emmy, Alice and Rosalie are at the house right now setting everything up for the party, so we should head home soon to get ready for your friends to come over" Emmy took my hand and we headed back to the house.
Alice and Rosalie wanted to decorate for the princess party Emmy wanted to have. I was relived when they offered, one less thing to worry about.
When we arrived I couldn't believe how great the place looked.
"Wow!" I gasped when I saw what the girls did to the garden. "Emmy, you better pick out what you want to wear for the party, your friends will be here very soon."
Emmy nodded her head and scampered to her room.
'I can't believe how amazing it looks out here." I gushed to Alice and Rosalie.
I met my two best friends when we were all in college together. We all attended NYU, which is when we fell in love with NYC. They were there for me when everything happened with Edward and have been amazing Aunts to Emmy.
I've been there for them through heart break as well. We've lived together in a small one bedroom in Manhattan, while we were in college. We've been through everything together and are more like sisters than anything else.
Alice lived with Emmy and me not too son after we moved into this place. Alice had been dating Tyler and were actually living together, when she found him in bed with someone else.
"Are you saying you're surprised?" Rosalie lightly growled. She was currently on a ladder hanging tea lights up.
"That isn't what I meant. I was expecting a disgustingly pink sight when I got home-but now I realize that was would have happened if I was in charge of decorating."
"Thank god we were in charge then." Alice chirped in. She was busy blowing up the paddle pool, which was nearly completely inflated.
"Oh Bella I forgot to mention that my step brother is coming into town this afternoon. I hope you don't mind I gave him your address." Rosalie looked a little guilty and I couldn't understand why.
"So, we finally get to meet this infamous brother of yours Rose. Why isn't we haven't met him before?" Alice had always been a little peeved that we hadn't met Rose's step brother.
"He travels a lot and lives in a different part of the country, and we've never been very close. I usually only see him at Christmas."
"Rose, why would I care that you told your brother to come here? I've been waiting to meet him for years." I told Rosalie-she just shrugged your shoulders.
"Your so cautious with men being around Emmy, that I didn't want to step on your toes." Rosalie confessed, which took me by surprise.
"What? What on earth are you talking about? I just don't want to date and get Emmy's hopes up." I told my friends.
"I know, but I wasn't sure. What if you fall hopelessly in love with my brother?" Rosalie said half serious half mocking.
"Well I'm sure I'm going to love your brother, but not in the way you're implying." I laughed, which caused Alice and Rose to look a little too seriously.
"Bella, are you ever going to try dating again? It's been nearly four years since…you know. Aren't you going insane?" Alice asked a little embarrassed.
"I don't have time to date and I think Emmy is too young to understand if I started dating someone. She asked about her father today and I may have confessed that I love him and am trying to find him for her." I couldn't help but pray everyday that Edward finally found us.
"Are you still writing those letters?" Rosalie asked concerned. Rosalie might be a hard ass, but I think she wanted me to find Edward more than anyone else.
"Yes, but I only write on Emmy's birthday. I stated it last night and will finish it later on and mail it tomorrow."
My friends just nodded their heads and returned to finishing up the final details. I went inside to start the bucket brigade to fill up the pool with warm water.
Alice looked like she was about to say something when the doorbell rang.
"And so it begins…" I called up to Emmy and went to open the door.
The three of us could handle 8 three year olds right?