Take 2, a left 4 dead fanfic

A/N: If you don't catch the gist of things after the first four or five 'blips', there's an explanation at the bottom. It's probably not necessary, but it's just in case.

Cautiously, Nick pushed the red door open with his magnum, taking a peek around before waving to his teammates. "We made it."

Shortly after the 'all-clear', Ellis poked his own head out over Nick's shoulder, watching out for zombies. "Oh, hey," he chirped, nudging Nick forward to open up the doorway to the rest of the crew. "Weather's pretty damn good, too." Grinning, he glanced through the group, beaming at each of them in turn. "We made it! The bridge!"

In reply, Coach punched the air and cheered. "Hell yeah, boys! We are HOME FREE!" After his nice outburst, he froze. For a moment, he simply stared curiously at the radio, resting on a bloodied corpse. "Uh," he stuttered, hesitating a moment in anticipation of some sort of response from the box. "Someone wanna pick up that radio?"

Oblivious to the lack of sound, Ellis bounced over to the radio and snatched it up, pressing the 'communicate' button and inquiring, "Hello? Anyone there?" It took some time for him to realize that no one was talking back. He blinked, then turned the device around and popped the back open.

Frowning, he turned to face the camera, waving the empty device at it. "No batteries!"

-blip-

"Hey," Coach called. He stared at the radio, resting on a bloodied corpse. Currently, the device was crackling with the conversation of two pilots. "Someone wanna pick up that radio?"

Ellis bounced over to the radio and snatched it up, pressing the 'communicate' button and inquiring, "Hello? Anyone there?"

"H-hello?" replied one of the voices. "Survivors? Where are you?"

"We're on the east–"

-blip-

"We're on the west side of the bridge."

"Are you immune?"

"I feel pretty fine, yeah."

"Have you encountered the infected?"

"Well, hell yeah we fought zombies!"

"Alright," the pilot said, albeit more reluctantly. "Red 80, are you equipped for carriers?"

"Yeah, I can carry carriers," the second voice replied, giggling. "Aw, man, that's comedy GOLD right the–"

-blip-

"Yeah, I can take carriers," the second voice replied, abruptly cutting off.

"Alright then, Bridge," the first voice continued. "You have fifteen–"

-blip-

"Alright then, Bridge," the first voice continued. "You have ten–"

-blip-

"Alright then, Bridge," the first voice continued, aggravated. "If you aren't on the other side in five minutes, we are leaving you there. Just lower the bridge and run across."

"Alright, alright!" Ellis grinned, even though smiles didn't travel via radio. "We'll be there!"

"I sure hope so," the pilot sighed. "God be with you."

"You too." The radio disconnected with a click that drowned under the rush of fighter jets overhead. Explosions followed a mere heartbeat afterwards. Still beaming, Ellis turned back to his teammates.

"...Well?" Rochelle inquired.

"He says we gotta lower the bridge, watch out for zombies, and they leave in five minutes," the mechanic explained. "Oh, an' he said 'God be with ya'."

Nick frowned. "I'm an atheist."

-blip-

"He says we gotta lower the bridge, watch out for zombies, and they leave in five minutes," the mechanic explained. "Oh, an' he wishes us good luck."

"Alright then," Coach said, watching as Ellis moved towards the circuit board. "Let's get the hell outta here."

"Wait a sec," Nick interrupted, halting the expedition. "Before we run across this bridge to the people who've been dropping bombs on us, anyone wanna talk about a Plan B?"

Ellis grinned, a little too cheerfully for the situation. "Nope!"

Narrowing his eyes, Nick sidled over to his teammate and swiftly shoved the Southern chatterbox over the edge. After a few long seconds of screaming, he was rewarded with a satisfying 'splash'.

-blip-

"Wait a sec," Nick interrupted, halting the expedition. "Before we run across this bridge to the people who've been dropping bombs on us, anyone wanna talk about a Plan B?"

Ellis frowned, now standing a significant distance away from the railings. A drop of water slid off the brim of his cap. "I don't."

"Alright then," Nick said through gritted teeth. "Let's go."

Coach, who had taken the spot by the circuit board, flipped the switch.

Four pairs of eyes turned expectantly towards the bridge. The stretch of road remained dormant, mocking them. Determined, Coach flicked the switch up and down, to no avail.

-blip-

Coach, who had taken the spot by the circuit board, flipped the switch.

Four pairs of eyes turned expectantly towards the bridge. The gears cranked obnoxiously, lowing the road with the suspense of a thriller novel. After a painstakingly-long length of time, the bridge finally reached street-level.

And then it snapped.

The survivors could do nothing but stare in horror as the entire bridge, their road to safety, tumbled into the river, sending up a tsunami-like wave that loomed over them for a drawn-out, heart-stopping moment.

"HOLY SHI–"

-blip-

Four pairs of eyes turned expectantly towards the bridge. The gears cranked obnoxiously, lowering the road with the suspense of a thriller novel. After a painstakingly-long length of time, the bridge finally reached street-level. With a resounding 'thump', the bridge came to a peaceful stop.

All four survivors let out a loud sigh of relief.

-blip-

With a resounding 'thump', the bridge came to a peaceful stop.

Soundlessly, the group lined up against the left side of the bridge. Nick reached into his belt, took out a bottle, and swallowed a deep swig. Ellis stared curiously.

"Hey, where'd you get booze?"

Nick shrugged. "Molotov."

"Issat even safe?"

Rolling his eyes, the gambler took another gulp.

Ellis gazed longingly at the deep red bottle. "...You mind sharin?"

In reply, Nick gave him a cold stare, then turned his eyes pensively to the river below.

-blip-

Soundlessly, the group lined up against the left side of the bridge. Nick stared ahead, looking dead serious even through the hangover that made him wince in time with his heartbeat, leading to one permanent scowl. Ellis stared nervously over the railing at the churning river, shivering. Rochelle kept her eyes on the gate, bracing herself to run once it opened. Coach switched from watching Ellis and Nick, whom he was standing between as a mediator.

The gate swung open without warning, rotating inwards and slapping the line-leader, Rochelle, into the water without a second thought. Her teammates simply watched, blank expressions on their faces.

"Hey Ellis," Nick finally piped up. "Why don't you jump in and get her?"

-blip-

The gate swung open without warning, rotating outwards and opening the way to the escapees. Without a moment's hesitation, they filed through the gate, keeping on the grate next to the open blue. Rochelle, still leading, gunned down the first wave of zombies while Ellis hung directly behind her, keeping his ax at the ready as a backup.

"Hey," the mechanic exclaimed, a goofy grin plastered on his face. "This is goin' pretty good!"

At that point, a Karma-Charger took it upon himself to barrel straight through the group, dragging the poor Southerner into the drink on a suicide run.

-blip-

"Hey," the mechanic said, smiling. "This ain't goin' half bad!"

At that point, a Charger decided to barrel straight towards the group. Anticipating this move, Ellis swiftly moved out of the way, pushing Rochelle along with him and letting Nick and Coach each take a step back. The one-armed beast ran right off the bridge, smacking into the water with a good 'splash'.

The mechanic stopped to punch the air in celebration, letting his teammates run ahead of him. "Hell yeah!" he whooped. "How d'ya like me now?"

A nearby Hunter decided to take over the duty of the Karma-Charger, showing Ellis exactly how much he was liked now. With one guttural shriek as a warning, the Hunter leapt forward, threw his weight at his target's back, and sent the both of them into the waves.

-blip-

Ellis said nothing, following behind Rochelle like an obedient guard-dog.

Not missing a beat, the mechanic ducked to avoid the Hunter, who sailed over his head with a surprised yelp, belly-flopping down to the river.

Grinning, Ellis sprung back to his feet and resumed the team rush. "Aw, man!" he said. "This is just like this one time Keith an' I–"

He didn't react fast enough to avoid the police baton, the weapon-of-choice for the team gambler.

-blip-

Ellis sprung back to his feet and resumed the team rush, opting to keep his mouth shut this time.

With an echoing roar, the common infected residing on the bridge raced towards the group, riled by the loud lowering of the bridge.

"Up the ramp!" Rochelle yelled over the noises of a hundred infected.

Nodding, the group followed her up a chunk of pavement, leading to a platform above the cacophony of the bridge's low street. There, a little too high for the average zombie-brain to contemplate, they took a short break.

"So far, so good," Ellis said, absently wiping blood off his trusty crowbar.

Coach gave a disapproving stare. "Don't say that. You'll jinx it."

Ellis simply laughed, jogging across the platform and making the controlled slide down a rock and onto the back of a truck. "I don't believe in that kind 'a bullsh–."

The moment his feet hit the truck's surface, a pink tongue, swollen and slick from rabies-drool, silently curled around the poor Southerner's chest. He has just enough time to finish his explicative with a weak, high-pitched "–it?" before he was yanked off the truck and through a conveniently-located hole in the bridge.

-blip-

Ellis said nothing, eyes determinedly focused on the road ahead. The sight of the normally jovial southerner trying to hard to be serious was hilarious; it was all Nick could do not to laugh.

The group quickly filed down onto the truck below, allowing Ellis to take a moment and snipe off the nearby Smoker. All together, they hopped off the truck and to the pavement below.

Once more, the sound of feet touching the ground inspired the infected to take action, and it wasn't just the scattered commons just waking up from a nap.

"Oh, boy," Rochelle said. "Please tell me the ominous music is all in my head."

"Get in that truck!" Coach shouted, taking control of the situation and pointing towards an open-backed semi-truck. "The small area'll slow it down!"

Unwilling to object, they all piled into the truck, crouched down in the back, and huddled close while the monstrosity stomped forward, its footsteps shaking the very ground beneath their feet.

However, after a time, it simply stopped. The ground stopped moving, the roaring turned to soft growls, and each and every survivor could hear his or her heart pounding.

After what felt like hours, the Tank finally moved again, though the pounding wasn't quite so frantic. Jaws dropped, the survivors watched as the beast padded over to the door, picked up a car, and wedged it into the open back of the truck, sealing them within.

It took a few moments for the realization to set in, but once it did, Nick was the first to speak:

"I vote," he said, voice echoing in the empty truck, "we eat Coach first."

-blip-

"Oh, boy," Rochelle said. "Please tell me the ominous music is all in my head."

"Quick!" Ellis yelled, taking charge of the situation. "Let's run up an' surprise 'im! We can get a couple good shots in an' take the thing down!"

Too tired to object, the team jogged down the street together, jumping cars and shooting out the few zombies still around. Eventually, the pounding of the Tank's footsteps overshadowed those of the survivors.

When they finally saw it, hulking as big as the cars on the road, the first instinct was to shoot and take cover. Unfortunately, the only thing to take cover behind was a car.

Nick, having had an experience similar to this, dove to the safety of the nearby scaffolding before turning to shout out a warning. "It can punch the cars!"

The three stooges had just turned to stare at him when their hastily-chosen cover flipped into the air, crushing the whole group beneath steel, glass, and pine-scent.

Nick had just a moment to apply palm to face before the Karma-Charger, now dripping wet, took his cue.

-blip-

"Oh, boy," Rochelle said. "Please tell me the ominous music is all in my head."

Everyone turned to Nick, who had taken the reprieve from the seemingly-unrelenting horde to take another sip from his hastily-acquired booze. Upon noticing that all eyes were on him, he merely shrugged.

"Screw it," he said with a dismissive wave. "Let's just run."

Willing to try anything, Nick led the way through the dozens of crashed cars, hardly blinking as the rumbling in the ground grew stronger and stronger. The group doggedly charged towards their enemy head-first, then proceeded to run like hell.

Swallowing their fears, the survivors made a B-line for the tanker truck. Even as the Tank charged at them as fast as its stumpy little legs could carry it, Nick was up the ladder and reaching to yank Rochelle up next. Before the beast could reach them, all four had scrambled up the ladder.

Ellis was the one who paused to stick his tongue out it. "Ha ha! Whaddya gonna do now?"

The Tank, obviously sick of things and wanting to get back to his wife and kids, stormed over to the truck. In one movement, surprisingly fluid considering his beefy stature, he leapt forward and crushed the edge of the truck with a grip so tough the metal bent into a handle beneath his fingers.

"Run!" Nick shouted over his shoulders, noticing that Ellis was about to do that 'paralyzed with fear' thing that killed so many horror-movie protagonists. "You goddamn hick! RUN!"

Snapping out of it, the mechanic shook away the moment's panic and sprinted after his team. The Tank's roaring efforts to heave itself onto the truck overshadowed the pound of four pairs of footsteps on the metal truck. One by one, the survivors hopped off the truck and onto the elevated pavement, with Ellis being the last up.

"Almost there!" Rochelle announced. The prospect was so exciting, not even Nick made a 'stating the obvious' quip.

Coach did, however, give her a sharp glare. "Girl, don't jinx it now!"

Reacting to the lone woman's optimism, an ear-splitting roar shook the bridge from ahead. Coach cringed, but recalled that there had been a single pipe bomb back in the safe room. Exactly what they needed. "Someone wanna toss that pipe bomb?"

A moment of confused hesitation followed:

"What pipe bomb?"

"I thought you had it."

"You pricks don't leave me in charge of the gun bag anymore."

-blip-

"Throwin' a pipe bomb!" Rochelle called out. The tube flipped through the air, emitting a characteristic beep beep beep that entranced all the zombies in the area. As one lumpy mass, they scrambled after the device while their prey took the opportunity to run by.

As they rounded the bend and passed a table, Nick looked around, a familiar growling filling the air. Figuring that the magnum wouldn't cut it in a quick draw (unless he got a goddamn lucky head-shot), he made a swift detour for a nearby table.

As he slowed to a skidding stop by the table, he heard a tell-tale shriek from behind. Desperate, the gambler slammed his hand on the table and closed his hand around empty space.

He blinked slowly, staring at the empty space where he'd hoped to find a painful blunt object. "Sunuva bi–"

-blip-

As he slowed to a skidding stop by the table, he heard a tell-tale shriek from behind. Desperate, the gambler slammed his hand on the table and closed his hand around a lone, wimpy pistol.

He blinked slowly, staring at the weak piece of crap that wouldn't even protect him from a carrot. "Sunuva BI–"

-blip-

As he slowed to a skidding stop by the table, he heard a tell-tale shriek from behind. Desperate, the gambler slammed his hand on the table and closed his hand around a humourous ceramic beard.

He blinked slowly, staring into the grinning face of the one-and-only Gnome Chompski. "SUNUVA BI–"

-blip-

As he slowed to a skidding stop by the table, he heard a tell-tale shriek from behind. Desperate, the gambler slammed his hand on the table and closed his hand around the handle of a police baton.

Relying on quick wit and instinct, Nick did a quick pivot and swept the baton in an uppercut-like arc, smacking his hoodie-wearing attacker in the chin and sending him flying with a whimper.

"Nick!"

Hearing his name, the gambler sprinted forward, trying to ignore the mass of footsteps behind him and instead focus on catching up with his team. Over their heads, the deafening sound of helicopter blades at full speed drowned out even the horde.

It did not, however, mask the sound of the approaching Tank.

"Run like hell!" Rochelle screamed.

And run like hell they did, sprinting full-speed towards the landing pad. The helicopter made its landing, hovering just inches above the ground, ready to flee. It was so close, the survivors could feel the wind brushing their hair. (In fact, Ellis nearly lost his hat to it.)

Determined to make it now that they'd gone this far, the group hopped down onto a truck and then to the lower ground.

"All-right!" Rochelle cheered. "We got this!"

Shortly after, Karma-Charger managed to catch up with the times and burst from the crowd to realize the one situation in which a woman would not want to be swept off her feet by a muscular man.

Coach stopped to throw his hands into the air in exasperation. "WHAT did I tell y'all about jinxin' it? WHAT?"

-blip-

"Okay!" Rochelle yelled. "Keep goin', boys!"

"What do you think I'm doing?!" Nick snapped, racing ahead of her.

Of the four, the conman managed to climb into the helicopter's cargo-hatch first. Right on his heels was Rochelle, shortly followed by Coach, who took the moment of drama to perform a rather kickin' belly-slide into the back of the cargo hold. Ellis would have been up mere moments after, but that would be dull.

Instead, the Tank (who was the track-and-field captain of his high school, believe it or not) stormed ahead and promptly knocked Ellis upside the head so hard that, somewhere in Kentucky, two guys named Keith and Dave suddenly grabbed their heads and yelled "OW!" Needless to say, the poor mechanic splashed into the water and promptly dissolved, because swimming is overrated.

While Coach and Rochelle stared after their lost teammate (and Nick turned to scream for the pilot to drive like he wasn't a goddamn kindergartner), the Tank gave a joyous whoop and turned to give his pal Jockey a congratulatory knuckle-touch.

Unfortunately, size differences made things a bit uneven: the Tank's knuckle was about the size of the entire Jockey and 'touch' was the little guy's equivalent of 'painful fist-to-face communication'. The Jockey flew back, rolled over the bridge, fell down the third floor of Liberty Mall, and tumbled off Mercy Hospital.

-blip-

The conman managed to climb into the helicopter's cargo-hatch first. Right on his heels was Rochelle, shortly followed by Coach, who took the moment of drama to perform a rather kickin' belly-slide into the back of the cargo hold. Not even a second later, Ellis followed, dive-rolling into the helicopter just in time to avoid the Tank's mighty punch.

And so the group happily rode off into the sunset with a pilot who, after intense questioning, told them that he was definitely not a goddamn zombie and he didn't plan on becoming one halfway across the river.

End scene.

-fzzt fzzt, click-

Epilogue:

-blip-

"YEEEEAH!" Coach cheered, punching the air.

More shocked than delighted, Rochelle rubbed her eyes and took another look, trying to confirm the sight. "How the hell is that even possible?"

"Who cares?" Ellis had the second biggest grin, only bested by Coach. "Best. Rescue. EVER! Goddamn, I bet Keith ain't ever seen this!"

"Alright, alright," Nick said, taking deep breaths to calm himself. "I think I can accept being rescued in a giant piece of sweetened cocoa, just tell me the pilot isn't a gummy bear."

A/N: Explanation: It's like a movie; each 'blip' is where the scene went wrong, someone yelled cut, and they had to redo it. (Hence all the copy-pasting I got to do whenever they screwed up. Laziness prevails.)

Also, the epilogue is like boopers only that one is the only one that didn't suck and 'bloopers' sounds dumb when it's not plural.

Anyway, hope it was understandable enough for a couple good laughs. :3