Author's Note: Because of course this is what you were all waiting for me to update, I have decided to post another miseries-from-Naruto's-past oneshot. This one gets kinda horrible, but the ending is nice. Naruto is very clever in this one, the beginnings of his adrenaline-induced-genius saving his ass once again. Plus, Itachi shows up and this is like, Naruto's first clue that he isn't a bad guy. Anyway, enjoy!

Chapter 1: Hunting Party

Naruto woke up in a sack. Somehow this didn't particularly surprise him. It wasn't that he was accustomed to being in sacks, in fact this was the first time he'd ever been in one. However the last thing he remembered was watching the parents of his three best friend guiding them home from the playground, leaving him all alone, and then turning around to see a woman in ANBU grade armor grinning evilly at him. With a sack.

Of course he'd tried to run away from her, experience had taught him not to stick around when people looked at him that way. That was why she'd felt it prudent to hit him over the head. Of course thanks to her ANBU grade gloves, backed with plates of metal, the blow had knocked him unconscious.

Hence, Naruto woke up in a sack.

The sack was abruptly upended, spilling the scrawny and disoriented six-year-old out onto the hard ground. He immediately scrambled upright, not really daring to stand but making sure he was at least sitting the right way up as he surveyed his surroundings. He was in a dirty, crumbling old room, cracks in every surface and part of the roof and one wall missing. It was dark, as he could see through the large double doors to his right, the actual doors of which appeared to have been torn out. Somewhere around a dozen people, all adults in the same ANBU grade attire that the woman who had taken him was in, stood around him, looking down at him with cold, cruel eyes. The same woman stood nearest him, a young looking thing with flawless pale skin and hair of a dull, off color that was maybe blue-gray, maybe light purple, or perhaps just dust-colored, in a bun that stuck up the tips at the back of her head, like a very small peacock tail. She was still holding the sack, looking down on him with that same sadistic grin.

"That's him, huh Tsubaki- taicho?" asked another woman, this one with short, wild hair and large teeth, her cheeks marked with red fang shapes like Naruto's friend Kiba from school. Around her stood three young men, all with fang markings and equally gruff appearances, a couple of vicious looking dogs at their feet.

"Yep," replied the first woman, apparently Tsubaki, tossing the sack aside. She pulled something from her pocket that Naruto couldn't see.

"He looks pathetic!" laughed someone to Naruto's left. He glanced around to see three people who looked vaguely familiar, though he was sure he'd never seen they themselves before. One was a man with his black hair in a high, spiky ponytail, a scar on his chin and a rather gruff look about him. Beside him was a woman with long blond hair, also in a ponytail but one that hung down her back, with light, hazy blue eyes that stared down at him with mocking disdain. Last was a heavy-set man with swirls on both his cheeks, looking down at Naruto with small, beady eyes set rather deeply into his pudgy face. It took Naruto a moment to realize why they were all familiar, then thought back to his friends Shikamaru and Choji, and a girl in his class he barely spoke to, called Ino. Those three children and these three adults looked eerily similar.

"The Kyuubi brat, really?!" laughed the woman who looked like Ino, her two companions snickering too, "He looks half-dead already, Tsubaki-taicho, are you sure you didn't play with him first?"

"Nah, I found him like that," Tsubaki insisted, "I'm leaving the fun to you rookies!"

Naruto swallowed hard, trying not to panic. He wasn't 100% sure what was going on, but he knew enough to know it was nothing good. He didn't ask questions, nor for help, since he knew neither answers nor assistance would be given. He knew when people called him "Kyuubi brat," they definitely weren't his allies, indeed they probably hated him. That coupled with the blond woman's reference to "playing with him" made him really scared of what was going to happen next. Still, he wasn't about to show it, and for the moment he kept quiet, looking at each person who spoke.

"Now then!" said Tsubaki, looking around at the congregation, "Here's the deal. We're going on a hunt, kiddies, and this here," she kicked at Naruto roughly, "is out prey."

Naruto stared at her in horror. She bent down to his level, still grinning evilly, and he tried to scuttle backwards only to be caught and held by the man behind him, a pale eyed, primly clothed thing with long dark hair and bandages over his forehead who had also bent down to hold Naruto still. Tsubaki gripped his chin, forcing his head to the side as she reached for him. For a moment he caught sight of what it was she'd been holding, a small red plastic rod attached to what looked like a fish hook, before he felt the sharp pain in his right ear. He bit his lip, forcing himself not to cry out as he felt her push the point of the fish hook through his earlobe, piercing his ear and hanging the red tag from his flesh.

"The team or ninja who brings the tag back wins bragging rights," Tsubaki continued, as though she weren't talking about something dangling from the ear of a six-year-old human child, "when the hunt is over and all of you have participated, you'll all be official members of the ANBU."

"We're already official members of the ANBU," droned a voice off to Naruto's left. He and Tsubaki both turned, to see a teenager with long dark hair and deep creases beneath his black eyes. He was by far the youngest one there, in fact Naruto wouldn't have guessed the boy to be much older than himself, and of all of them he looked the least concerned with what was going on.

"We've already been accepted, and initiated," continued the boy, not even looking at Tsubaki but rather off to one side, "we don't need to go through this pointless hazing ritual to become ANBU. We already are."

"Yeah, but you won't be considered real ANBU by the insiders unless you hunt," Tsubaki told him, her tone softening ever so slightly, "plus, you could win bragging rights. Not that you need them, Itachi-kun."

Itachi? That sounded familiar. Naruto wracked his brains, trying to remember any mention of the name. Black hair and eyes . . . of course! The stupid teacher's pet, Sasuke, almost never shut up about his oh so talented "Itachi-nii-san"! He looked the boy over, taking in the person that had been praised as being so talented he could defeat anybody, and cooler than any other relative that could be mentioned by another student. Naruto took a moment to wonder idly if Sasuke knew his precious older brother would be willing to hunt and kill a child his age.

"Anyway," Tsubaki continued, turning her attention back to the congregation, "the hunt will last until sun up. I don't care how you do it, or what you do to the brat. Kill him if you have to, or just want to, just get the tag. Just to be fair, we give the prey a few weapons," she threw a rather light weight weapons pouch at Naruto, "and a ten minute head start."

She turned back to Naruto, the sadistic gleam in her eyes making him shiver as she licked her lips. Naruto didn't dare move. He didn't want to waste his head start, but the idea of pissing her off by starting too early was even less appealing. She grinned down at him.

"I'd run, if I were you brat."

Naruto didn't need telling twice. Jumping to his feet he took off through a gap in the circle, running as fast as his short legs would carry him away from that gang of psychos.

"Alright everybody," said Tsubaki, the moment Naruto rounded a corner and was out of sight, "get ready."

"What about the ten minutes?" Itachi asked, giving Tsubaki an odd look.

Tsubaki shrugged. "Ten minutes, ten seconds, I've never been very good at math." She grinned, showing teeth, then stuck out her arm and brought it down swiftly through the air.

"Let the hunt begin!"