Refrain

Disclaimer: I don't own the Code Geass Characters so please don't sue me for borrowing them

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A cold wind brushed against the flesh of his arm, pulling at the pitch-black tendrils of loose wavy hair that partially covered his lavender-hued eyes. Behind him the sea lapped at the concrete walls of the dock as if it would deny the stony walls presence. He felt none of it, heard none of it. He could only hear the soft hissing release of the needle as it pierced through flesh, only wanted to feel the cool liquid rushing through his veins and into his system offering him the release he so desperately desired. Lelouch heaved a sigh of relief as he leaned his back against the steel post shutting his eyes as the world around him slipped slowly away.

"Big brother!"

The sweet sound of her voice brought him out of his daydreams in time to see her running towards him, her long curly brown hair bouncing with each step she took. Bright blue eyes so different from his lavender hued ones cried out joyously at him as she approached. Lelouch stood holding out his arms in time to catch her as she ran into him laughing all the while. Her laughter was infectious and he found himself laughing as he held her tightly to him.

"What's got you so excited all of a sudden?" He asked as she pulled back to look up at him.

"Look at what I made!" She held up the ring of bright yellow and pink flowers for him to see her face beaming with pride.

"It's very pretty Nunna-chan!"

"I made it for you brother!" She smiled holding it up for him.

. . . .

Something cold touched his face and Lelouch found himself waking slowly from his dream wary of its short-lived happiness. Had he known that Refrain lasted so short he would have taken more from those stupid men. He hadn't been thinking clearly when he'd stumbled upon the gang, he'd felt a pleasant numbness he'd wanted to end—those men had the means to that end so he'd simply stopped thinking. I hate this. The thought sank into his mind like a thick cloud threatening to overtake him. Slowly he pushed himself up feeling a sense of longing pulse through his body as it ached for the escape Refrain could provide. How foolish he'd been to condemn such a wondrous drug in the beginning. How much better life felt while the drug coursed through his veins, and how much more he needed it once it was all gone.

Lelouch heaved a sigh as he glanced around, only partially surprised to find himself lying in his own bed and not in some random place. Much of the other night he couldn't remember, the dream had felt so real—or was he already dreaming? Waiting for Refrain to wake him from the nightmare. He knew without looking that the moment he step out of bed the world would return to its normal pace. He would still have enemies, friends who were enemies, a sister who sided with those enemies and worst of all . . . he was still utterly and entirely alone.

Suzaku rubbed the sleep from his eyes while checking the once again empty seat in front of him, how many days did that make? Since Nunnally's speech as the new Governor of Area 11 nothing had happened, literally. The Rebels were still hiding, Zero had supposedly disappeared and most suspicious of all Lelouch had stopped attending classes. The boy posing as Lelouch's 'brother' claimed that Lelouch wasn't feeling well but how much of that did Suzaku really trust? A part of him was relieved that nothing had happened recently, it was almost peaceful and he could almost believe that he was just another student. The bell rung and the class slowly emptied, Suzaku was the last to climb to his feet he moved slowly towards the door.

"What's he been doing lately?"

The teacher, a slender woman with long silver hair and deep brown-gold eyes looked at him her eyes took on a dull tone as it normally did whenever they spoke. She was Villetta Nu, former elite Knightmare pilot of the Britannia Army now posing as a teacher in Ashford Academy. Her new assignment was a far cry from the rank she desired so badly but it was one born of nessesity to which she had willingly accepted. The act of guarding Britannia's greatest enemy, even if she was suspected of having failed she still carried her orders out to the letter. As far as Suzaku knew that was the truth but he knew of Lelouch's cunning, his manipulative nature and couldn't help but wonder just how tight the security around his former friend really was at the moment. With the resurgence of Zero, Suzaku had been ordered back to Area 11 to oversee the transition of the new Governor, Nunnally. He'd done so successfully but he still had no idea of who this recent Zero really was—could it be Lelouch?

"He's still in his room, where's he's been since the appointing of the new Governor to Area 11." Villetta replied folding her arms across her chest, "I've seen him leave the room but he's been missing classes and he doesn't attend any of the games he used to. Rolo also mentioned that he never leaves his room for longer than a few minutes a day and that only to eat. Even when he is seen there's not much to report."

"Do you know if he's in his room right now?" Suzaku asked quietly.

"Yes, he should be."

"Thank you then." Suzaku walked out of the classroom without another word. Students still packed the hallways as he made his way through it, some gave way at the sight of him others just watched a mixture of awe and hatred etched into their eyes. He was used to the second and growing immune to the first both of them he blocked out without much pause. The walk to the clubhouse wasn't long but it gave him a lot to think about as he crossed the courtyard. He was only a little surprised to see Shirley stepping out of the clubhouse a frustrated look on her normally cheerful face.

"Hi Shirley—what's wrong?" Suzaku waved a smile spreading across his face despite himself.

Shirley jumped at the sound of his voice then relaxed when she noticed it was him, "Oh, Suzaku hi. It's—," She glanced behind her at the closed door and shook her head, "It's nothing just—nothing." She clinched her fists to her sides and stormed away after yelling the last word leaving Suzaku staring at her as she stormed past.

He watched her leave with a slight twang of guilt in his gut; every time he saw his friends it was with a mixture of guilt and happiness—guilt that he had allowed their memories of the past to be rewritten and happiness that they were still alive. So many things could have gone wrong that day one year ago . . . so many terrible things had gone wrong on that fateful day. He shook his head cooling that familiar anger that threatened to bubble towards the top as he turned and continued on his way.

The door swung open before he could so much as knock, Lelouch stood leaning against the doorway his arms folded across his chest. Suzaku blinked at Lelouch's appearance, already a slender person to begin with Lelouch looked if anything even more thin than usual. His eyes looked swollen and puffy as if he hadn't slept in days the usual nonchalant demeanor that was Lelouch was gone in its place was something else—something Suzaku couldn't quite lay his finger on at the moment. Lelouch wore a wrinkled long sleeve shirt Suzaku had never seen before and a pair of casual dark blue jeans. His usually well groomed if somewhat wild hair was even less tamed than usual covering one side of his face. He looked—a mess to be honest.

"Are you here to lecture me as well, Su-za-ku?"

The way Lelouch spoke his name; one syllable at a time jarred him slightly as he walked up the steps to stand in front of his one time friend. There was a note of condescension in Lelouch's tone that made Suzaku pause for one moment. Was this really his friend standing before him in such an uncaring manner?

"I've already heard from Milly, Rivalz, and Shirley . . . what more could you possibly say to me?" The cold tone was nothing like how he'd expected this to go; Suzaku stared unable to take his eyes off how horrible Lelouch looked at that moment. Lelouch scoffed straightening as he took a step back taking hold of the door as if to close it. Without thinking Suzaku took a step forward following Lelouch in not giving him the chance to close the door as he had so obviously done to the others.

Lelouch shrugged giving way to Suzaku as he closed the door behind them; shoving his hands into his pockets he started walking. Still somewhat in shock, Suzaku hadn't expected such a thing though in all honesty he didn't know what he'd expected to find when he got here. He certainly hadn't expected to see Lelouch looking like—Suzaku looked once more at his friend and held back his urge to sympathize with this man. No, this man did not deserve the friends he had, the life he'd led Suzaku could not sympathize with this man not after all he'd done.

"Why haven't you been coming to class?" Suzaku asked as he followed behind Lelouch.

"What do you care?" Lelouch's voice was hard as he continued on his way.

"Lelouch," He reached out and grabbed hold of Lelouch's shoulder the slight touch told him what the loose fitting shirt did not. Lelouch twisted, knocking his hand from the thin bony shoulder. Suzaku's eyes turned hard, "When was the last time you ate?"

Lelouch scoffed as he turned and kept walking, after a moment Suzaku followed this time because he was more than concerned. He reached Lelouch before he could open the door to his room.

"Lelouch, what the hell's wrong with you?!"

As if Milly, Rivalz and Shirley weren't problem enough, Lelouch was loathed to see the man who had helped take everything away from him standing before him with such a concerned look on his face. Concern? You have the balls to be fucking concerned about me now?! You damned fucking hypocrite! The thought angered him but his body showed none of that—his body didn't feel much of anything anymore, it was blissful—the feeling itself was enough to draw him back. He just didn't care anymore—the rebels, Zero, his life as it was not . . . most of all he didn't care about Nunnally anymore. The feeling was liberating, intoxicating and delightful in so many ways he couldn't stop it. A laugh burst from his lips, an emotionless laugh that rattled to the pit of his chest to where his heart had once been.

"You want to act like you care? Fine, I'll show you what I've been doing." Lelouch pushed the door to his room open and gestured for Suzaku to enter. When he didn't, that look of suspicion once again replacing his concern for a friend—those damned eyes he hated the sight of them, was sick to death of them. Lelouch stepped into his room and turned to see Suzaku standing there, "If you're not going to come in then can't you at least close the damned door, the last thing I need is for Rolo to show up the way he does."

Suzaku stepped inside shutting and locking the door behind him, it seemed he was more concerned than suspicious. Lelouch hid the urge to smile, if he'd been so inclined he could easily kill Suzaku—what would one more death matter? He pushed the thought aside moving towards his dresser, with his back to Suzaku he pulled open one of the top drawers and shuffled through the countless dress socks that littered it. He wasn't sure if the socks were clean or not, he hadn't bothered checking since the last time. Finally his hand wrapped around what he was looking for and a smile spread across his lips as he turned to see Suzaku watching him warily.

Lelouch turned holding up a small syringe gun already loaded and ready to be used. The look on Suzaku's eyes gave him only a slight moment of pause but the tantalizing end to this dream called to him much faster than his one time friend. The cool liquid pulsed through his veins, he no longer even felt the needle as it pushed through skin.