Hey hey! Wat goes on fictioneers and fictionistas?

It's the next installment of All's Well That Ends In Pants. I won't take up too much of your time… with any tomfoolery here. I'll just let you get to reading.

Please read enjoy and review thank you.

Chapter 3

Freddie awoke the next morning and reached to check his phone to see what time it was. Seeing that it was six in the morning he figured it was time to start the day. He stretched. He abruptly stopped mid stretch. Something was different. He checked his phone once more. Something felt different. He felt his arms, he felt his legs, he patted his chest, his eyes widened. He ran to the bathroom to check in the mirror.

There's no way that this could have happened. It just wasn't natural. He looked at his face, and turned his head to both sides. This was absolutely unreal. He walked to the full length mirror, which hung behind the bathroom door. He yanked his shirt off and surveyed his torso. He turned his body sideways in an attempt to check his back.

His eyes widened once again. "No… way." He whispered in astonishment.

He went through the entire check again. Arm, arm, leg, leg, face, right cheek, left cheek, chest, back.

He was, completely, bruise free. Not even a minor scratch. He stretched again. Nothing was sore. There was no pain. He rushed to back to room. He sat down on his bed and pulled his laptop out of his backpack. He opened it started it looked at the desktop for a while and then shut it back down. A smile made its way to his face. "HAHAAAA!" Freddie exclaimed while jumping off of his bed and raising his hands in some sort of victory dance.

Suddenly Freddie's door burst open, cutting his victory dance short. He turned around and stared at his mother. She looked terrified; as if her worst fears had come to life. "Freddie! What was that noise! Are you hurt!"

Freddie had to stifle a laugh at the novelty of this situation. He finally didn't have to lie. "No mom. I'm alright."

"Are you certain, Freddie? I heard you scream."

He chuckled again. When he wasn't actually hurt his mother's tendency to over-worry was kind of endearing, "Yeah mom, I'm sure." He chuckled once more and figured that he had to give a reason for the noise. Else she'd never leave his room, "I was just excited… to… uhh…" He was never good with lies, "get the day started! Yeah, you know… learning… and all." He punctuated his horrible lie with a smile and silently prayed that his mother would drop the issue.

Thankfully, his prayers seemed to be heard, "Ok, if you're sure you're alright." His mother turned to leave, "Just start getting dressed and I'll have breakfast ready before you leave for school."

"Ok mom."

His mother closed the door and he went to pull out some clothes. He gave his situation some thought.

For as long as he'd known Sam she'd always managed to leave her mark. Be it anything as minute as a scratch or a bruise; or as lingering as sore muscles and achy joints. And if she wasn't leaving his mark on his person, then she would be leaving it on his personal property. If you could name any random act of vandalism, he had suffered it at the hands of none other than the blonde demon herself. Scratches to the screen of his: Cell phone (phones), Laptop (laptops), Watch (watches). Tears to his: Shirts, pants, homework, book bag, laptop carrying case, books, and one awful incident involving his underwear and a Texas wedgie.

He headed to the linen closet and grabbed a couple of towels and went to take a shower.

It amazed him how clear he was thinking right now. He didn't have to analyze any of the previous day's events. He didn't have to figure out what he was supposed to say and not say. He was, at least for the moment, free. Free to just… be. He had no idea that Carly's 'punishment' would work out this well for him.

Freddie finished his shower, toweled off, and got dressed. He sauntered up to the kitchen and ate his mother's awful, healthy, breakfast; which he had to admit, didn't taste as bad as it normally does. He finished his breakfast and ran back to his room to get his backpack. He returned, bid his mother a farewell with a kiss on the cheek, and went across the hall to catch his ride to school.

He entered the apartment without knocking; idly wondering when the last time he knocked was. He set his book bag beside the door and noticed Spencer in the kitchen on a ladder.

"Hey Spence… what's uhh… what's goin' on here?"

"Hey Freddie-o, I'm installing a ceiling fan. I've got to do another butter sculpture and I figured that instead of freezing out the entire apartment I could get this fan and just cool off this area."

"But wouldn't you need more than just one ceiling fan? I mean, one fan can't possibly keep the area cold enough to keep butter from melting."

"Correct sir but this isn't just any ole, run of the mill, ceiling fan."

"It isn't?"

"NO! This is a specially modified ceiling fan. With the flip of this switch on the side of the fan, the fan blades spin at twenty times the speed of a normal fan."

"Twenty times?"

"Yeah"

"And you don't see any possible way that this could go bad?"

"You're right Freddie. So I'll tell ya what. How about you list off your, petty, fears and concerns."

"Ok… well how is your fan mount going to handle the stress of a ceiling fan spinning twenty times faster than it's supposed to?"

Spencer released a condescending chortle, "I laugh at your silly query. I've also developed a special mount for the fan. It will attach to one of the beams and, thus, be more stable."

"Ok… but what about the vortex that you'll create when you actually turn it on?"

"Beg your pardon."

"Yeah, I mean the tiny tornado in your apartment will hardly create a safe work environment. Not to mention your sister and her two friends who happen to frequent this apartment."

"O…k… well I'll-"

"And what about making sure that you don't calibrate the fan to spin the wrong way? You could end up sucking all of the air out of the room."

"Well there's that but-"

"And the wood on those blades can't possibly stand up to the force created by spinning that fast."

"Listen Freddie, I've got it all under control. I've created a containment tube of plexiglass that lowers from the ceiling to encase the fan and the butter sculpture thus keeping the debris out and keeping the gale force winds in. And in the, unlikely, event that I screw up and the direction of the fan is the wrong way: One, it will not affect any area outside of the tube, and two, I've created a remote that allows me to change the direction of the fan without me having to get anywhere near it. And I've got these steel bars that'll reinforce the blades so that they don't break."

"Alright-"

"Yeah alright, now run along I've got work to do."

Freddie raised his hands in surrender and watched Spencer ascend the ladder once again. Suddenly a thought occurred to him, "Wouldn't gale force winds, pressing down and swirling around a mound of moldable butter, distort the sculpture?"

Spencer descended the ladder, "I'm gonna go lie down." He said with a defeated tone.

Carly bounded down the stairs with her bag on her shoulder. "Hey, Freddie," she looked to her brother, "Hey, Spencer… what's wrong?"

"No calls!" Spencer shouted as he stalked past her and into his room.

"What's his deal?" She looked over at Freddie.

Freddie chuckled and gestured towards the fan which sat on the island next to a pile of seemingly random construction materials.

Carly looked questioningly at the pile of junk, "He seemed all gung-ho about it last night."

Freddie shrugged, not really anxious to let Carly know that he was the one that discouraged her brother.

Freddie walked to the couch and sat down.

"Ok. Ready to go?"

Freddie's face contorted in confusion, "Go? What about Sam?"

"She texted me earlier today and told me that she wouldn't be riding with us. Said she had something to do before school." Carly couldn't hide her worried expression.

Freddie was slightly unsettled as well. Sam hadn't missed riding to school with them since Carly had gotten her driver's license. Though, Freddie assumed that it had more to do with getting a breakfast smoothie; at Freddie's expense, than actually needing a stable ride to school. Either way, it was unheard of for Sam to not ride with them. It was almost sort of an unspoken tradition with the three of them.

Freddie shook his head. No point in worrying about it right now, "Well, then we'll just see her there," he said as he placed a hand on Carly's shoulder, "We should get going."

Carly nodded and took her keys out of her bag and they headed to her car. The ride was unbearably uneventful and they decided to forgo their stop at the Groovy Smoothie. Carly parked and they walked to their lockers making a bit of small talk.

They made their way to their lockers. Eventually Sam joined them.

"Hey, Sam. Where were you this morning?" Carly asked.

"I had to replenish my stash of Fatcakes."

"Why not just get Freddie to do it like you normally do?"

Freddie poked his head out of his locker, "Please don't drag me into this. Thank you."

Carly chuckled and shook her head, "Fine, fine… but Sam, why didn't you just tell me that you had to get more Fatcakes instead of making it sound like some sort of government secret?"

Sam shrugged, as the bell rung for first period, "I'll catch you guys at lunch?"

"Sure." Carly answered.

"Yeah." Freddie replied.

Carly left for her class and Freddie found himself alone again. He was still reveling in the fact that, for once, all of his possessions; as well as his body, were still intact. Sure this morning had been a bit boring but it wasn't anything he couldn't handle. Besides, soon enough she'd be around and things would liven up. They always did when she was around.

He made his way to his first period class.

English was never his favorite subject but he tended to think he did alright. However, today he was fidgety. He couldn't seem to sit still. He did everything from tapping his pencil on his desk to twirling his pencil around his fingers. That didn't stop his fidgeting as he started tapping his foot on: the floor, his book bag, the desk leg, even his other foot. He, unwittingly, started humming. This did not go unnoticed.

"Who's doing that humming!" Freddie had never been good at escaping from trouble. His guilt was plastered across his face. "Fredward Benson, since it's you, I'll let you off with a warning, but please try to refrain from interrupting my class again."

"Sounds to me like you're the one interrupting." Freddie grumbled.

"Did you say something Mr. Benson?"

Freddie's eyes widened. He didn't even realize that he had said it. "No sir." Freddie watched as the teacher grumbled and turned back around to the dry-erase board.

What was that! He wasn't even all that peeved that the teacher told him to be quiet. It was the middle of class, after all. Plus, he didn't have the nicest singing voice. Whatever. He'd just have to keep closer tabs on what he thinks and says. It wouldn't do to get detention.

Freddie had three classes before lunch. Much to his chagrin, they all went very much the same as English class. He spent his Spanish class counting the dots on the ceiling and got into a, louder than desired argument, about what a gerund was. In his Pre Calculus class, he wound up requesting to leave the classroom four different times. When confronted by the janitor on his third trip he rudely told him to 'find some business of his own' while he went into the bathroom to stare at himself in the mirror. In his computer technology class, he spent a majority of the time playing games on the internet. Luckily he wasn't discovered. He wasn't sure if he'd have an answer that would keep him out of detention.

When the bell rang for lunch, there was no one more relieved than Freddie. Maybe I'm hungry. That's gotta be it. That's why I'm so irritable today. I mean, I didn't eat breakfast today. And it was all Sam's fault. What was she really doing anyway? I'd just replaced her stash two weeks ago so there was no way she was out already. What is she up to. Do I really wanna know? Of course I do. I'll get to the bottom of this because I'm not skipping breakfast again. That almost got me detention three times today.

He saw the girls waiting for him by his locker. His eyes narrowed when he spotted Sam.

Carly spotted him first, "Hey Freddie ready to-"

"Ok Puckett, what's the deal?"

"What are you talkin' about?"

"You know exactly what I'm talkin' about. I know that you weren't replacing you stash of Fatcakes."

"And just how would you know that you little-" They heard a gasp from Carly and immediately stopped their arguing.

They slowly looked over towards the brunette to see that her eyes were wide with, either, fear or rage. Freddie decided that it was rage. Sam decided that it was a bit of both. They stood there in some sort of deadlock; though none of the three could figure out what, exactly, they were deadlocked on. Someone had to do something.

Sam decided that she would take the initiative, "Well Carls, where are we goin for lunch?"

Carly wearily came out of her stupor, "I was-umm, thinking that we could go to Inside Out Burger."

"Cool," Sam answered, "Mama's hungry."

Freddie reviewed the happenings of the previous moment and his entire day and thought it best that he just stomach the school's lunch, "Umm, I'm gonna stay here for lunch, I've got some work that I've got to do."

"Ok"

"Later. Let's go Carly."

Freddie watched as his two friends walked off towards the parking lot. As he watched his only hope at real food grow smaller in the distance, He pondered the happening of today. He had more energy than he was used to having. Even worse, it seemed to have manifested itself as some sort of aggression. Being unused to this aggression, he had been letting it slip all day. However, the thing that upset him the most, was the fact that Sam seemed to be just fine. She seemed to have suffered no ill effect from this sudden change to their chemistry. Here he was, flipping out over the tiniest things, and she was just as… as… as Sam as ever.

He found that this irritated him more than anything. He threw a couple of books into his locker and slammed it shut. He took a calming breath and step away from his locker.

He suddenly felt his shoulder collide with some unknown force. He turned around to face his attacker. His other shoulder was quickly shoved and he was turned in a circle now facing the backs of his attackers.

He saw the guy turn and look over his shoulder, "Watch it, freak!" His cronies cackled as the continued down the hall.

"Why don't you watch it you-"

"What was that, nerd?"

Freddie's eyes widened. Had he been speaking out loud? This wasn't good. Hopefully the guy would just let it die, take his preliminary victory, and move along.

"Hey, freak! I'm talkin to you!" Hope never was his strong suit. "If ya got somethin' to say about me, maybe you'd like to say it to my face."

Freddie sighed. There was only one way this could go.

XXXXXXXXX

Sam and Carly were returning from lunch.

"So why should I prefer cutting to stabbing? Or should I prefer stabbing to cutting?"

"Well that depends."

"On what."

"Well with cutting your main aim is to keep distance, while with stabbing you have to really get in there and-"

"Carly! Sam!" They were ambushed by some random girl in the hallway. Sam decided to call her Shifty.

"Why so urgent?" Carly asked, a bit taken aback.

"Did you hear about what happened to Freddie?" Shifty asked with rapt excitement.

"Oh, my God! What happened?" exclaimed Carly.

Sam watched, a bit more attentive than earlier, as Shifty began her explanation, "Well I wasn't there, but sources say he got into it with Tommy 'Neptune' Higgins."

Sam never knew how Thomas Higgins had received the nickname Neptune, but figured that it was, altogether, unimportant.

"How did that happen?" Carly asked as Sam chose to remain silent.

"I don't know but no one has seen him since."

"Did you check the nurse's office?" Sam uttered with a chuckle.

"Sam." Carly chided, "Did you check the nurse's office." Carly asked, more sincerely.

"Not there." Shifty uttered with a shrug.

The bell rang and Shifty scurried off to class.

"Sam, what are we gonna do?"

Sam shrugged, "Go to class?"

"Go to class? Are you serious?"

"Well what else are we supposed to do?"

"How about we find and help our friend?"

"Ok, well, where do you suppose we start looking?"

Carly shrugged, looked back and forth for few seconds, and then shrugged again, resigned to her fate of remaining shrouded in confusion for the rest of the day.

"Right, so how about we go to class, regroup, and find him later?"

"You're surprisingly level headed today," her eyes narrowed, "you didn't have anything to do with this, did you?"

"I promise," Sam said, placing her right hand over her heart, "I had absolutely nothing to do with this."

"Ok well I'll see you after school."

With those words they went their separate ways. Sam made her way down the hall when she passed the doors that led to the gym. Curiosity got the best of her and she made a detour.

She walked into the gym and stood in its entrance, next to the bleachers. The gym was alive with, pre-class, chatter. She scrunched up her face contemplatively. Then she shrugged and turned to leave when she heard a noise coming from the bleachers. She turned and looked and saw a figure which seemed to sitting propped up against the back wall. Curiosity, once again, took hold and Sam ventured to see who was sitting there.

Upon seeing who it was she figured she should have known. "What are you doin' here?"

"I was tryin' to catch a nap,"

Sam smirked, "From what I hear you were trying not to catch a savage beating."

"That too." He smirked in kind and stood to his feet to stretch.

"Seriously, dude, why are you here? Carly almost lost it."

"Well I've been having some… challenges. And I may or may not have gotten myself into a bit of trouble."

"Dude you know they retract these bleachers for gym class right?"

"Not without these," He reached into his book bag and took out a set of odd looking keys,

"What are those?"

"These are the keys they use on the key switches. Without these, the basketball goals won't come down and the bleachers won't go in."

"But the goals were down when I came in here."

"I let them down before I hid out back here."

"Very good work, Fredward. That's actually kinda cool."

"Glad to have your approval." Freddie remarked. sarcastically.

"So what made you get into it with Tommy 'Chicken of the Sea' Higgins?"

Freddie chuckled, "I don't really know. I've been kind of edgy and energetic all day." Sam nodded, "How do you do it?"

"What do ya mean?"

"How are you staying so cool through all of this? You seem exactly the same. Meanwhile, I'm on the verge of detentions, double detentions, and fights…" Freddie sighed and shook his head, "You're a lot better at this than I am."

"Well that's only natural, I've done this before… remember?" Freddie nodded, "Plus, I'm better at everything than you are."

"You better watch it before the Carly monster steals your hams."

"Don't joke about that, dude!" She punched him in the shoulder, "That's serious!"

"Ok, ok, calm down," Freddie responded rubbing the sore spot on his arm, "Besides, it's not like she's here."

"Yeah, just think of what would happen if she'd seen that."

If she had seen that…

but she hadn't…

Carly was nowhere to be found. They were safe, and Freddie had begun forming an idea that would help him, and by proxy, Sam as well. But it would take some time to solidify.

"Freddie? Freddie!"

He was jilted from his thoughts, "Sorry, spaced out there for a moment."

"Of course you spaced out. Nerds are always more comfortable in space."

"It's a common expression; I can't believe you'd turn it into a joke."

"Whatever Fred-rag, just be glad that I didn't turn your existence into a joke. You've done a pretty good job of that already."

"Would it kill you to treat me as a human being?"

"Yes Freddork, yes. It would kill me. I'd shrivel up and die if I couldn't insult you and the rest of the dorks of the world." They made their way out from under the bleachers.

"I'll add that to the list along with, silver, garlic, and water."

"And I'll go ahead and add that to the list."

"And what list would that be?" Freddie threw the bleacher keys on one of the seats and the two headed for the doors of the gymnasium.

"That list of stupid things you say. The rest of the list includes every other thing you've ever said!"

And with that, they continued arguing until they were out of the gymnasium. They seemed to be savoring it, knowing that this one would have to last for a while. So they traded barbs, insults, jibes and jabs until Sam had reached her class.

"Dork!"

"Demon!"

And with that Sam made her way to class to sit in what would be the last five minutes.

Freddie did the same and then carried on throughout the day as if nothing had happened. He sat through his classes, a lot less edgy. He took his notes and did his work while being a lot less energetic. And he listened to the teachers, while being a lot less snappy.

The day moved forward without incident, save for walking into class 40 minutes late. He was able to make up a story, easy enough, about being in the library and losing track of time and falling asleep because of an all nighter he'd pulled the night before. Not feeling like paying attention for the last five minutes of class he turned his thoughts to his plan.

He wasn't sure about how his plan would go. He was even less sure about how these six months would go. But he could rest assured in one thing.

He hadn't felt this good all day.

Thank you guys for reading. Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. .

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Well that wraps it up for me,
Until Next time
Deuces
KL21