This one's super long. Hope you enjoy it

Joanie's POV

My dad's a fucking idiot was all I could think as we made our way back to the sleeping base after training. I was dressed in a dark green form fitting t-shit and black cargo shorts that went down to right above my knee.

Smith went to play at the court, the Black Hawks right behind him, alone since Beals was gone. Eversmann and I sat at a black plastic table that faced the outside.

"You're mad" He stated the obvious and I fought the urge to roll my eyes.

"Yes. I am" I replied as I watched Smith play ball.

"Joanie-" He started in that voice he always used when he was trying to treat me like I was made of glass. I got up, not wanting to fight with him.

"I'm gonna go play with Smith" I said, backwards walking for a moment, before turning forward and approaching Smith who smiled broadly and tossed me the orange ball.

"Horse?" I asked, dribbling.

"Your on, Joanie" He said as he stepped closer to me and opened his arms for the ball.

"Bring it, Smith" I said with a devious smile as I tossed him the ball.

I whooped as jump around came on and swung my hips slightly and rapped along with it.

Pack It Up, pack it in, let me begin
I came to win, battle me that's a sin
I won't tear the sack up, punk you'd better back up
Try and play the role and the whole crew will act up

Smith laughed and aimed for the net...and missed.

"H" I told him as I took the ball and aimed for the net. It went in and I started jumping...just as the Jump, Jump, Jump part of the song came on.

"Swoosh baby" I teased him and he faked anger and took the ball and threw it at the table Matt was writing at.

Eversmann sat up quick ant pursed his lips.

" 'The fuck Smith" He cursed his best friend and I laughed and ran over to them.

"Well" Smith said, placing his ball on the table, hands still on it.

"Well what?" Eversmann asked, as I came and sat on the edge of the table.

"We going" Smith replied in a "Duh" topne, and tossed Eversmann the ball.

"Why should I tell you" Eversmann teased Smith who's mouth fell open as Matt got up and dribbled the ball. Smith opened his arms and said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world "Because I'm me" I smiled at they're height difference. Freaking Eversmann was a giant.

Eversmann just chuckled at our too cocky friend.

"Yeah. 3'oclock. Down town" He told him information he shouldn't. I didn't care, I told them stuff they shouldn't know all the time.

"Listen Smith, I need you to back me up out there today, Alright, You too, Joanie. Keep it sharp"

Smith just wore that signature cocky smile and nodded.

"Yes sir, Sargent Eversmann" He teased Matt in a hic voice. I laughed and did the salute with him to Matt.

"Of course...Sargent" I smiled at him as sat back down at his chair. I hunched over slightly, punning my arms on each side of me, hands at each side of my legs.

"Ev, Its gonna be nothing man" Smith said as he was being retarded, with the basket ball in his shirt, making him look pregnant. He then hit it out of the shirt and repeated 'nothing' as he walked away. His legs are so white I thought to my self with a mental laugh.

Grimes came in as I was preparing my self for the missing. Hmm, I thought to my self. He finally got away from that office desk. Eversmann gave him his orders and every one gave him advice.

"Somalis cant shoot for shit" Wadell said arrogantly and I looked up and sneered at him for a moment, before returning my attention to lacing my boots.

"Yeah, just watch out for them throwing rocks" Another man said, I didn't care enough to look up this time. Every one laughed, but Kurth cut in.

"All we gotta do is cover the Delta's, choppers cover us, and we'll be fine" Kurth reassured Grimes with a calm voice.

"Look you guys, I know this is my first time as truck leader but, ugh, This isn't our first time out together. This is serious. Were rangers, not some sorry ass JROTC. Were elite. Lets act like it. Cool?" Eversmann gave his speech. Nervous at the beginning but confident, and sounding like a real leader by the end. I beamed at him and gave him a slight lift of my chin. Cool, I said with the rest of the men.

"Any questions" Eversmann added. Everyone was silent and I chewed on my bottom lip.

"Were gonna be okay. Alright, grab you gear, lets move out" He said and I grabbed my gun and ammo and went to stand next to him.

"Don't worry, you'll do fine" I said to him, turning my head to look at him.

"Think so?" He questioned and I gave him a look.

"I hope so" I said, my voice trusting as I walked away from him.

I watched Grimes as he packed his things and men told him not too. I found it stupid they told him not to bring a canteen. I always brought mine, filled to the top.

"Hey Grimes, most important thing to remember is to remember that when everybody else is shooting, shoot in the same direction" Eversmann lectured and I chuckled as Grimes did this weird little pointing thing.

"Follow your instinct. You'll be fine" I told him...it had worked for me. I looked over and saw that Blackburn looked like he was shitting bricks. I walked over then crouched down next to him.

"Blackburn...you okay?" I asked, remembering how nervous I had been my first mission.

"Fine...In a good way. I've been training for this my whole life" He replied as he looked forward, nodding his head.

"Ever shot at anybody before?" I asked, wanting to break down the cocky composure a little bit.

"No, mam" He replied.

I just gave him a a pat on the shoulder then stood up, wishing I could say I hadn't either.

Me, Eversmann and Hoot sat on the hot cement ground, our backs against the base in silence as we waited for the mission.

"You know its kinda funny. Beautiful beach, Beautiful, it would almost be a good place to visit" Eversmann said, breaking the silence. I scoffed, yeah, because a war stricken country is always a fun place to visit, I thought to my self.

"Almost" Hoot drawled out as he took a drag from his cigarette. He handed it to me and I did the same, not handing it over to Matt, He didn't' smoke.

"You don't think we should be here?" Eversmann asked, hands clasped together.

"You know what I think, It dont really matter what I think. Once that first bullet goes past your head, politics and all that other shit just goes right out the window" Hoot said, taking another drag from the cig, his face hard and expressionless. I nodded, that was so true.

Eversmann looked scared and I wanted to grab his hand or touch his face or something to make him feel better. Being the new Sargent had to be hard on him.

"I just wanna do it right today" He said, more to himself then to me or Hoot.

"Just watch your corner, get all you soldiers back here alive" Hood advised, he seemed almost cold. I patted Matt's thigh in reassurance.

The helicopters engines filled the air with their dense whooshing sounds and it made it hard to talk to the person next to you. There was organized chaos as people ran to they're assigned positions. All of chalk four ran to our Black Hawk and squeezed on. It was a tight fit and i got practically smushed into Matt's side.

"Fucking Irene" I heard Durant over the head piece and chuckled. Here we go, I mentally prepared my self, but nothing could of prepared me for what happened next.

"Good luck, soldiers. Be careful. No one gets left behind" It was my dad, and my eyes must have been popping out of my sockets. I felt his gaze focused on me for a minute, but he then walked away. Everyone must have had the same panicked expression as me cause Grimes asked if anything was wrong.

"Nothing...He's just never done that before" Eversmann said, keeping his voice calm.

"FUCK" Grimes exclaimed. Fuck indeed, i thought to my self as I clutched my gun tighter and we took off into the air.

We flew over the beautiful beaches. White sand, dark blue waters...that were completely shark infested. No one went swimming in there unless they were stupid as fuck, or they were suicidal.

Matt looked like he was gonna puke and I wanted to comfort him. But I knew I couldn't. That was a given in our 'relationship'. Absolutely no PDA.

"Two minutes" Elvis warned us and my stomach did flip flops.

The city had a dark cloud of black around it, and I knwe it was signals that we were coming.

"One minute" Eversmann yelled out to us and I bit my lip and nodded.

"Whats that for?" Blackburn yelled over to Nelson.

"Last time I almost bit my tongue off" Nelson replied, before putting the mouth piece in. I cracked up, remembering last time.

We were preparing to drop when open shooting began and the Hawk lurched. Blackburn fell right out of the chopper and I tried to dive and grab him, but I was to late.

"TODD!"I screamed in alarm as he fell through the smog and out of sight. I couldn't believe what had just happened, he...He just fell out!

I quickly grabbed the rope he should have held onto and slid down it, Eversmann right behind me. When my feet touched ground I ran to the eighteen year old and fell at his side.

Blood was gushing from his nose, mouth and ears and as I checked his pulse I closed my eyes. It was slow and faint. Eversmann came down beside me.

"Matt, He's dying" I screamed to him as the wind from the Hawk blew furiously around us, creating a vortex.

"Cover us!" Eversmann yelled as I heard a bullet whiz by. A soldier came over.

"Where's he hit" He asked us, leaning over Blackburns body, looking for bullet wounds.

"He's not. He fell!" Eversmann yelled over the loud engine.

"What?" The soldier asked in disbelief.

"He fell!" I yelled at him. this was no time to be stupid. We needed to get Blackburn out of here.

Gunfire started and I shot up fast and looked around. They shot at us, we can shoot at them. I heard Matt asking someone to get Blackburn out of here, then asking Blackburn if he could hear him. I looked down, he kid was pale and deathly looking.

"I cant get them" Wilconsin yelled to me and Eversmann.

"Fuck" I cursed. This kid was gonna die if we didn't get him out of her now. Matt yelled into his own speaker about having a man down and Steele replied for him to take a breath and calm down. I saw red and grabbed Matt's speaker out of his hands.

"Man down! He'll die!" I yelled into it in anger."Fuck it" Matt cursed as there was no reply and we prepped Blackburn to be moved.

"Matt, It's a long way to the humvies" a soldier said.

"Yeah, we'll get a stretcher in here, get him to the target building" Matt told us and I nodded. That was the only chance we had of saving Blackburns life. We hoisted the kid onto a stretcher and then other soldiers took him away. I shot at a tall skinny who was about to shoot Grimes, who was one of the soldiers carrying Blackburn, I missed, but he ducked behind a wall in fear. Debris and sand flew in my face but I ignored it.

"Let's go!" Smith yelled, I hadn't realized he was there. Matt grabbed my hand and pulled me into an alley way with them, running as fast as our feet would allow.

An explosion went off next to us and sent me flying through the air and onto my back with a hard thud. I scrambled up, it hurt like a bitch, of course it had, but I don't think it had done any serious damage.

"Joanie!" I heard Evermanns panicked voice and ran towards it, catching up to him and Smith in no time.

"You hurt?" Smith yelled in question as he fired his gun.

"No...I'm good" I had to pause to answer because I shot at a group of skinny's on the roof.

Me and Matt took cover behind a small metal, barb wired shack. Bullets plingled off it and I raised up and fired, hitting a man in the chest. Guilt flooded my body for a moment, but was then consumed by the adrenaline. Id feel bad for it later. The men in the Black Hawks began firing the machine guns and the blistering hot shells fell on to me and Matt.

"Fuck" He cursed, writhing in pain and I picked one off his neck.

"Ahh" I cried out as one rolled down my cheek and into my uniform then t-shirt shirt, leaving white hot trails in it's path. I reached down into my clothes and pulled the still hot shell out, tossing it away before it could burn my finger.

"You good?" I asked him and he nodded and sat up on his knees and began shooting. I pulled him back down as a bullet whizzed past his shoulder. We were breathing erratically, almost like we did after sex. His chest fell up, and down, faster then mine as we crouched low to avoid the bullets.

"K2 this is McNight. We have a Kiia, Pilla. Over" It came through our head sets and I closed my eyes, bit my lips together and shook my head. Pilla was dead.

"It's okay, baby. It's okay" Matt told me, rubbing my arm for a moment. No, it was not. I was broken out of my thoughts by the Black Hawk I had just been on plummeting from the sky and towards the ground, spinning out of control. Matt sat up, so stunned to speak and my mouth fell open in horror. The skinnys had shot it out of the sky. We watched it crash to the ground, smoke filling the air around the crash site.

"Holy fuck" I cried out as I went to get up, I wanted to run to the crash site, see if there was any one alive. I felt Eversmann tug me back down to my knees and hold me there, I didn't protest.

"25, this is 64 over" Came over Evermanns radio and he lifted it to his lips to reply" This is 25, over"

"25, chalk 4 is closest to the crash site over" Steele's voice came again. We were closest? We needed to get there.

"64, I cant see the crash site, over" Eversmann replied.

"25, You will find it. Take your chalk on foot to the crash. Secure the area, check for survivors all of the chalks will follow, over" Steel's reply was hard, it was an order. Eversmann flinched as a bullet made a harsh dinging sound against our little shelter.

"25, do you read me, over" Steele sounded impatient.

"Well do it" Eversmann said as he stood up, i followed him and rose up as well. Eversmann yelled for Schmid to get Twombly. All of the men gathered around the metal shack as Eversmann rattled off orders. Twombly and Nelson were to stay here and secure this corner. Me, Schmid, Ford, Yurek and Smith were coming with him.

"Let's go" Eversmann ordered, getting ready to run.

"Well how come I gotta stay back here?" Nelson protested. I wanted to sock him, did he not just hear there was a Black Hawk Down?

" 'Cause your dependable" Eversmann told him, Nelson still didn't look to happy. Eversmann, Schmid, Yurkek, Ford, Smith and I got up and made a run for it. I shot at the roofs and windows, killing or injuring any one in sight.

We made our way stealthy through back streets and I cursed in whispers as it came through Evermanns speaker that the hostiles were just west of us and that there was women and children among them...I dont think I could ever kill a child. Even if it had a gun pointed at my head...

We scaled a brick wall and just as we looked beyond it gun fire started and a missile flew through the air. I pressed my self close to the wall and turned my face away from the direction of the gunfire.

Yurek and Smith threw granaides that landed close to the skinnys then exploded and I aimed for the man in the jeep who was shooting anything in his path. A chopper in the sky got him thought, giving us chance to run to where we needed. There was bullets flying everywhere. From the roofs, and from jeeps with up to ten me packed in them, all shooting at us. I shot the driver of one of the vehicles with all the gun power in his head. The jeep crashed into a wall and exploded, killing the rest of the men inside it as well. I jerked back at what I had just done, how many people I had just killed...but ignored the feelings once again and move on with my chalk. I ran fast with the other men, Eversmann leading ud through the streets. We covered eachother the best we could. Eversmann went behind a pillar, looked out to see if the coast was clear and the ushered us out. Me and Stone ran together, and I turned back fast as I heard his cry of pain.

"Ford?!" I yelled at him, but he got up, holding his bleeding hand with the other okay one, and went back for his weapon. My eyes went wide and I lurched after him.

"No, Dont! Go back!" I heard Eversmann holler at us, I clutched Ford's arm as soon as he had picked up his weapon and pulled him back to his feet and then behind a wall. I shot at the people behind the corner and then sneaked a peak and almost gagged at what I saw. Fords thumb was handing off. Only connected to his hand by a muscle or two. I didn't know what to say to him as he looked at me panicked and in pain, so I turned back around and shot at the people who were trying to kill us for a moment before turning back to mind shifted all over the place for a moment before it focused and I reached into my suit and ripped a long piece of the dark green cotton t-shirt I was wearing underneath. I grabbed his hand.

"I have to cut it off" I told him. He just nodded and gritted his teeth together as I reached down into the holster on my thigh and pulled out my pocket knife. I cut his thumb off. There was barely any thing that connected it so it was a clean cut. He grunted in pain and I apologized to him as I wrapped the open wound tightly in the bandage from my shirt. I then took his thumb and considered putting it in my pocket, thinking that maybe we could sow it back on later, but decided against it. It needed to go on ice, and be in a clean environment. We didn't have that right now. I put it on a cardboard box that was next to us and slipped my knife back in the holster.

I looked up in time to see Matt crossing over to our side of the street, covered by Yurek and Smith, and we began to run again. Ford sucked up all the pain and ran his hardest. We were running from the mobs of Somalians with guns who seemed to be at every corner.

Nobodys POV

Garrison sat at the base, listing to his radio of all the madness happening in the Baakahra Market. He feared for his men...he feared for his daughter. They hadn't heard much from chalk 25, and his palms were becoming sweaty...if Joanie died...No. He couldn't think about that. Not now. He needed to do his job and get everyone home safe.

"What in the hell is the status of Streuker's Humvies?" He asked Harrell, beging to lose his temper.

"Cornell Harrell, eta to base" Harrell said into a radio as he called soldiers to base.

"Eta to base momentarily" A reply came from Streuker. He ran out of the computer room and into the entrance of the sleeping center just as the Humvies pulled up.

Christ in heaven He thought to him self as he looked at the gore in the Humvies. What had he sent them into...What had he sent his baby into?

Joanie's POV

We made our way closer and closer to the chopper, meeting up with other chalks on the way. It was then I notice some one was missing...there had been five of us to begin with...now we had added with six others and we only made ten. Eversmann, Smith, Ford...Where's Yurek. Fuck. Where the hell's Yurek I went over us in my head and then jogged ahead, advancing the other men and coming right next to Eversmann.

"Eversmann, Yurek's gone" I told him. He looked around and dread filled his features.

"Where?" He asked me a question I could not answer.

"I don't know" I replied, head hung low. I should have noticed earlier...fuck.

"We need to make it to the Hawk. We'll come back for him" Eversmann told me and I nodded...he would probably be dead by then, but we had orders.

We turned a couple of streets and at last we were at the Hawk. Soldiers were already hauling out the badly injured and me and Eversmann ran up to them quick. I looked inside the fallen Hawk and gasped as I saw Elvis...pale, eyes closed...dead.

"Oh god..." I murmured to my self. Matt tapped my arm and we jogged forward just as the chopper exploded from a missile being launched at it. It pushed me forward, but not enough to knock me over like the last time and we ran fast for cover as open fire started again.

"26, this is 25" Matt yelled into the radio, he said something about technicals but I couldn't hear fro all the gunfire.

"This is 26, roger that" 26's voice came through the speaker. Matt the told him about setting up a perimeter as I aimed for a man with a machine gun probably twice his size. I didn't miss and he fell to the ground. Matt grabbed my elbow and pulled me back behind the wall as he reported the details of the Hawk crash to Steele and asked for a medivac. There was to much fighting to land the Hawks so we had to secure the perimeter...now.

We ducked behind the ruins of a old brick house as two Sargent's ran to the Hawk. I looked around at all the men huddled around me, and was grateful that we all wern't dead . These skinys were picking us off, fast.

"Hey Wilke, whats the situation in there" Eversmann asked into his radio, talking to Sargent Wilkson.

"Both pilots are dead...25...we cant move these guys. We'll kill them just carrying them" Wilkson reported and I let out a puff of air...they had to be in really bad shape if they couldn't even be moved. Wilkson and another soldier were going to stabilize the survivors on the bird-it was the only way.

"We've got you covered" Eversmann replied.

It was about a half an hour later and we were trying to reach Nelson Twombly.

"I cant reach em" Ford told, his voice apolegetic.

A grenade dropped right by us and send dust and smoke at my face. I curled into a ball for a moment, then uncurled and shot at the man in the window who had thrown it.

"We need to get the fuck out of here!"Schmid yelled, Eversmann agreed and we headed back away from the Hawk, and the devastation near it

We took shelter in an old abanded house. It was hot and I was sweating like a pig. Some of my hair had fallen out of it's bun and was now plastered to the back of my neck.

Ford through the radio-the only radio we had- with force at the wall and I turned to look at him. Had the heat made him lose his marbles? Maybe it was the pain?

"Whats up?" Eversmann asked him, trying to keep the peace.

"They're sending 'em back to camp. The convoys" Ford said his voice sounded betrayed. I felt a wave of hopelessness wash over me and I sunk down on the dirty couch next to Ford.

"Oh, now that makes sence, dont it? We need to exclude the wounded and get the hell back to base" Waddell said, his voice selfish and I stood up, I was still shorter then him but he needed to hear me out.

"We need to wait for them to send another convoy. Do you think the wanted to leave us here? No! They must have had to leave us, Your really starting to piss me off, Wadell. Stop being so selfish and start actin' like you belong here" I told him. I didn't raise my voice, just kept it steady and commanding. He just nodded and shrunk back closer to the wall.

I let out a deep breath and collapsed next to Ford again, taking off my helmet to run my hands through my sweaty hair and gather it back into a bun.

"Mcnight went back to base...He had a good reason" Smith said, looking out the window. It was getting dark I thought to my self with a shiver as I put the helmet back on.

"Alright, listen up. were gonna hold the perimeter and hold the strong point" Eversmann commanded, everyone agreed.

"Conserve your ammo. Only shoot at what you can hit. The convoys gonna come. Were gonna get home" He said, looking at me and giving me a small fake smile. I couldn't force myself to smile back as I pulled my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them.

It was getting later and later and almost all the water in our canteens was gone. I groaned, I was dying of heat stroke. I unbuttoned a couple of buttons on my uniform. It didn't really help, but it was worth a shot. I sat next to mat on the dusty floor and I was tempted to lay my head on his shoulder.

"I'm hot" I said to him, a little whiny I must admit. He just handed me his canteen, half empty. I had dibied mine out hours ago.

"Thanks" I said as I took a sip and gave it back to him. I just nodded and looked over at me.

"You scared?" He asked, scotching a bit closer to me.

"No...yes" I tried to lie to him, but I couldn't. I was scared, I was terrified. What was going to happen when it got dark?

"It'll be okay" He reassured, and I knew he wasn't lying to me. I could tell when he lied to me.

"I hope so" I replied patting his hand that was on the ground next to mine.

"Eversmann come in" Matt's radio went off and he pulled his hand away from mine.

"Roger, who is this?" Matt asked, not reconigizing the voice.

"Sanderson. Do not, I say again do not fire to the east. We are coming to you" I over heard Sanderson on Matt's radio and let out a slightly hysterical breath. Matt told Sanderson that he needed him on the north east corner and to watch out for skinnys, that they were all over the roof tops. Sanderson accepted and they made they're way to us.

"Don't fire to the east" Eversmann advised us.

Then everything seemed to happen so fast after that, everything was a blur in my head. Yurek came running in, followed by Nelson. I was confused yet relieved. How'd they get here?

You could see Twombly running towards us but a skinny shot him from the back, hitting his back and making his hand grenade go off. Twombly panicked and began screeching.

"Twombly!" Smith screamed as he ran out into to open fire. I didn't even think twice, I just ran after him, covering him. I could hear shouts of my name but I didn't listen, I just ran after my best friend and let our a fearful cry as I heard him scream out in pain.

"SMITH!" I screamed, dragging him. He was hit, in his leg. All the sudden I felt a sharp pain near my left breast and bit back a scream and continued to drag Smith back to safety.I felt some one help me with Smith and saw that it was Eversmann. We dragged him back into safety and I shot at the sons of bitches on the roof top, feeling a sick satisfaction as one fell from its pedistal and on to the ground. The shooting had raged up again and me and Eversmann each took an arm of Smith's and put it around out shoulders. My left side was throbbing but I dismissed it. Probably just a cut. Smith needed me then and I couldn't focus on anything but that.

We made out way to the kitchen of the house and Schmid cleared off the table so we could lay Smith down on it. He was bleeding badly and groaning out incoherincies. I held him still the best I could, muttering things like your going to be fine, and don't worry.

"are my balls okay?" He asked through the pain and I let out a teary laugh.

"Yeah, Jamie. They're still there" I told him, stroking his face.

"I need pressure on his wound" Schmid told me and Eversmann. Eversmann held the gushing gun wound.

"I need more men in here!" Shmid ordered as he took of his helmet and his pack. I screamed at the top of my lungs for Twombly and Nelson. Smith was freaking out bad and it took Me, Twombly, Nelson and Yurek to hold him down.

"Smith...Shhhh, Stop it" I kept trying to calm him, to make him stop moving around in pain.

"Hold him still" Schmid ordered as he got out gauze, and told Eversmann to let him get a look at the wound. As soon as Eversmann's hand came off the bullet wound, blood spurted out and on to my face. I closed my mouth and tried not to break down as Smith began screaming his lungs out and I fought him to keep him still.

"I need a medivac now" Schmid ordered. I looked down at Smith's wound and my breathing began to turn to silent sobs. It was the femoral . I let him grab my hand and squeeze til my fingers turned blue. I loved him, He was my best friend.

"They cant risk another bird" Eversmann said, his voice filled with anger.

"Fuck" I screamed. He would die with out a medivac...He was bleeding out too fast.

"Pressure" Schmid instructed Eversmann to push down on the already blood soaked gauze. I put my face next to Smith and dealt with the blood that kept coming out of his wound.

"I love you Smith" I whispered to him and he nodded and then let out another blood curdling scream which made me press my cheek closer to his. I felt his tears, hot and wet on my face. About thirty minutes later Evermann and Schmid were talking privately outside of the kitchen area.

"Y-You remember when we first...Ahhh met" Smith asked me through the pain and I nodded and bit my lips together hard, one hand still clasped with his, and the other clutching around my own abdomen.

"Yeah. You said I had a nice rack" I laughed at the memory which caused the ache in my side to flair violently. He chuckled, it sounded more like sobbing to me then a laugh.

"Thats-Thats cause you do" He stuttered with a smile. My chin began to quiver and I turned my head to see Schmid and Eversmann coming back in, determination on both of they're faces.

"Now listen Jamie. I gotta do something and its gonna hurt, okay? I gotta cause you more pain but I have to do it to help you" I looked at Schmid worried as he told Smith that he had to cause him more pain.

"Morphine" Smith instantly replied. I blame him, I would want to be all drugged up too.

"I cant it'll lower your heart rate to far...Im sorry. Hey, Garrison, why dont you take his hands there" I did as I was told and took Smith's hands in mine, holding them tightly, lacing out fingers together.

"1....2...3" And then It started. Shmid dug his hands into Smith's flesh searching for the artery as Eversmann held it open. Smith wailed and tried to move nut I held him steady. Tears were rolling down my face as he blacked out from the pain.

"I got it I got it" Schmid told Eversmann. He could feel the pulse. I was holding a limp Jamie in may arms as I watched the bloody scene unfold.

"Clamp. I got it...Its tearing..." Eversmann sounded scared and I couldnt watch any more so I lowered my forehead to Smith's and whispered lies to him.

"Hold it" Im so sorry Jamie. Im so sorry. I should have protected you better, covered you better. They got quiet and the tears came faster and faster. He opened his eyes and I closed mine, not being able to look into the brown orbs.

"Fix it?" He asked weakly and I bit my lips to the point that they were bleeding not to cry.

"Yeah, Yeah we got it" Eversmann lied and I was happy he did. Smith didn't need to know things had gone wrong, even though I had a feeling he did. He looked up at me and a faint smile tugged at his lips and it took alot of effort for me to smile back down at him and I kissed his forehead and put mine back against his.

It was an hour later and he was still alive.

"I cant die here man" He barley got out. He sounded so terrified and i barley felt it as he squeezed my hand as tight as he could. I was sweating yet I felt cold and the whole left side of my body was numb, shots of pain came every now and then, and when I moved a certain way.

"Your not gonna die" Schmid lied to him, he then looked at me, and his head cocked to the side.

"Joanie...are you okay?" He asked, his voice was calm but I could hear the worried undercurrent. Evermann's gaze snapped to mine and Smith looked up at me.

"'Im fine" I bit out. The pain was surging.

"Joanie...." Smith whispered as he looked up at me and I just shook my head.

"I'm fine. Promise" I lied through my teeth, but he accepted it and relaxed his neck again. I could feel Eversmann's eyes on me and I didnt turn to look back at him.

"Im sorry" Smith apologized and I looked at him as though he was crazy.

"You dont have anything to be sorry for. You saved Twombly. You did perfect" Eversmann comforted him.

"Your okay Twoms?" He asked, his eyes darting up. Twombly squeezed Smiths shoulder lightly.

"Yeah. Im okay Jamie" He replied and I knew he had to felt terrible.

"You did what we were trained to do, you should be proud of that" Eversmann said, gratifying him. Jamie looked to me and I nodded.

"you did, Jimmy jam, you did" I said to him, my voice cracking as I used the nick name I knew he hated. He was beginning to choke on his own breath.

"Ev. Ev. Do me a favor. You tell my parents that I fought well today. that I fought hard" He begged through stutters and tears collected in his eyes and I knew this was the end.

"Your gonna tell 'em yourself, Kay?" Eversmann replied, looking at me for a moment, then back to Smith who nodded, his lips trembling. He asked for the Humvies and I smiled and told him that they were coming.

"You just gotta hold on for a little bit" Eversmann told him, grabbing his other hand.

"I cant...its nothin. Its nothin" He smiled, and it was almost like he was accepting death. It was something, I wanted to yell. But i didn't. I held in in and squeezed his hand back.

Nothin, he repeated til his eyes went blank and his mouth fell open.

"Jamie? Jamie" I cried as I shook him, he didnt reply and I knew he was gone. Schmid tried to restart his heart with CPR and I backed myself into a corner. This was all my fault...If I just would have covered him better...or grabbed him before he ran out...If I would have been a best friend he would still be alive. Tears started rolling down my cheeks and I pulled my legs up and rocked my self back and forth. Jamie was the first person to talk to me here. Jamie treated me like I wasn't some slut just for a fuck. Jamie introduced me to Matt...Jamie was my best friend. I let out a loud sod and rocked my self faster, ignoring the pain in my side as the emotions overloaded me and I fisted my hair and rocked my self faster and faster, letting out loud crys. I didn't care if they thought I was weak...I was. I was weak. I let him die.

"Joanie, Joanie baby, please look at me" I felt hands on my face and heard Matt's voice trying to soothe me. I Just shook my head, trying to make him let go.

"Let go, Let go, LET GO" I screamed as he grabbed me and hugged me tight to his body. I hit at his back and his chest and anywhere I could to try and make him let go. I gave up and slouched into him sobbing so hard it shook us both. Then my sobs wern't sobs anymore, I was shaking, sezuring and my eyes rolled into the back of my head.

"Joanie? Joanie!" He screamed as I fell limp in his arms and convulsed.

"She's bleeding!" He screamed loudly before I blacked out and dreamt that my best friend wasnt dead.