A.N: Ever since Edward's return she'd been uncertain, no, scared, of the future that awaited her. What if her love for him is no longer enough?

When I approached the border of La Push I slowed my truck down to a crawl before finally stopping completely at the side of the road just before entering the reservation.

I sat there, silently, for a long moment, absently staring ahead of me, wondering if this was truly the right choice.

I could still turn back at this point.

Edward would forgive me, I knew, for what I had told him yesterday evening.

They would not be leaving Forks until next weekend and I could still join them, or convince them to stay longer.

I knew they would, if I asked them to.

I stepped out of my truck and looked behind me. Could I really do this? Could I really leave him behind as he had once left me? I gazed in the direction I had come from, searching the road, the trees and the sky for some sort of answer, but there was nothing and I sighed, turning back to my truck.

Once more I was seated in my truck, this time contemplating the opposite direction. Could I really do this? Would it really be this simple? Or would it break me, as it had broken me before?

When I broke up with Edward I had been unwavering, unyielding. I had not allowed myself to doubt or reconsider.

Ever since he had come back we had easily returned to the same path we had been on before, but this time I was far less willing to just let myself go along with the fairy tale. This time I was far less certain it would lead to a happy ending. After the heartbreak my love for him had led me to the first time I was far more hesitant to fully commit myself to Edward once more. Whenever we were together it was oh so easy to let his presence soothe me and drown out all my former pain and all my current doubts but a part of me still rebelled against the fate that awaited me if I stayed with him.

It was funny, in a non-humorous sort of way, that the change that I had once longed for just so that I could be with him forever had now become something that I feared.

I had already lost Edward once and it tore me apart but did I really want to loose everything and everyone else instead? Not only would I loose myself, in a way, but it would also mean that I would have to give up Charlie, Renée, Angela and everyone else who didn't know about vampires.

It would also mean the end of my friendship with Jake. He had always supported me so far, even if my actions hurt him but turning into one of his sworn enemies? I don't think he would be able to forgive me for crossing that line.

At one time I really would have given everything up just to be with Edward but he had left me then, with nothing. Or so I had believed at the time. But now I realised it hadn't been left with nothing at all; I had still had Charlie, Jacob and everyone else. I had still had my humanity; my ability to cry, to dream, to eat, to stumble, fall, bleed, and be human. And while I hadn't enjoyed any of those things at the time now they seemed too precious to me to give up.

I started up the truck again. I could do this. The hardest part was already over, wasn't it? I had already broken both of our hearts when I had told him that my love for him was no longer enough.

When my truck slowed to a stop again it was in front of my best friend's house.

tbc